RE: Some good rules for an online submissive?

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RE: Some good rules for an online submissive? - 12/20/2008 2:54:10 AM

Aszhrae

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It would seem that after a while, members post so often that eventually they started once from the beginning. Since they have their master, their sire, their mistresses, their dominants, they have become the sub or the slave they have always wanted to be, maybe they forget. They have everything they have ever wanted and perhaps you are right, they just stop caring. Why should they care, really, except you have people that are new to the lifestyle and asking for aid. Instead they are met by people that either don't care, don't have the time, have nothing better to do than to judge others, criticize others, demean, degrade, even humiliate. Why? For no other reason than merely having something to do or to post.
Girl really does hope for my self, that girl never stops caring about others. Become so callous as to tell someone, girl could care less what they think, believe or even want within this lifestyle. Girl really could not live with herself if ever girl became like that.
Before coming to CM, girl spent a lot of time online searching for another mistress, figuring the day would come that girl would have to leave. Girl was hoping to do it when she was ready. Unfortunately it has not worked that way and the clock is ticking.
Since girl is in the same boat as the OP, and its not very likely girl will get any help here, since so many really don't give a damn and feel much more secure in criticizing than actually being helpful. One might think there is just an underlying current of elitism. What do you matter? They are just words. Not like there is anyone on the side that they will ever meet or perhaps want to.
This is something you need to consider OP before submitting your self to someone online. They might not be who you think you are.
Suggestion: since multi-billion dollar corporations make multi-million dollar deals using video conferencing. Might girl suggest the OP use video conferencing, or full audio/cam while getting to know, do the same. Get to know the individual at the other end for long than a month before you are start submitting to their will. You do have time, they have time, if they really want you they will stick around. If not it wasn't meant to be. Take your time, build trust, gain respect, if nothing happens, at least you will step away having learned something about your self and the other person and quite possibly thank your self for not having submitted to the will of another. Take it slow, be cautious, be sure, think things through (unlike me because girl gets emotional most of the time), you will know when it is the right time.
If the purpose of online submission is for the purpose of online smexing, as long as bot parties involved agree that it is nothing more than harmless interaction. If that is what floats your boat. Go right ahead.
Thats all girl has to say in reply.

< Message edited by Aszhrae -- 12/20/2008 2:56:26 AM >

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RE: Some good rules for an online submissive? - 12/20/2008 5:01:25 AM

oceanwynds

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Aszhre,
i have seen a common practice found in this lifestyle that can also be found also in all types of lifestyles; there is only one legit way to do things. Heck i have even seen this demonistrated in families. Sometimes people get caught in habit and cannot see there is other ways. This will always be a reality and doesn't matter where you will run into it. There is another reality as well, there are people who do not wear truism blinders, and can go outside the box. In my life, i tend to focus on the people who are in the later catagory, since my personal belief is we can't change a person's belief. Life has many naysayers, doesn't matter where you go, they are there.

On these boards there are a variety of people with variety of answers. Some will not give credit to a relationship on line, or a switch, or any other component that does not go with what they believe. That is their belief. I think if you ask a question, you should be mature enough to be able to gather the words that work for you. I do know 'shoulds' is an evasive word and doesn't work. We do not live in an utopia.

Personally with the OP's question, i was thrown because i been trying to get in my thick head, Sir controls. Sir does what pleases him. Perhaps just the way OP's presented his question confused me, I don't know. Some on-line relationships work, some don't. Reality is some real time relationships work and some don't. Imagine that!

I have never experienced an on-line Ds or romantic relationship, but i have experienced great friends and a few, not on here:), who i have even held magickal rituals with on line. That does exist. I have been part of prayer groups on line, they work as well. So i can see a possibility of it working, but it isn't for me.

Finally, i feel we make life what we want too, and attract to us what we are. If you hold bitterness in your heart and distain for people in general, or a specific group, that has to come to your reality on a consistent basis.

bright blessings
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RE: Some good rules for an online submissive? - 12/20/2008 5:05:31 AM

slavejali

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I agree with whoever said about writing a journal - if you really want to get to know this girl that might be a really great way.

Fun things Master did with me when we were online

He'd tell me I had 15minutes to get to work and he would call me there in exactly 15 minutes (I love time schedules)...guess that isnt a rule tho..umm

We would hire the same movie and play it at the same time while we were on the phone....damn thats not a rule either.

He got me to make lots of stuff like cuffs and floggers etc....nope not a rule either.

I'll think harder about the rules aspect and post again later.

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RE: Some good rules for an online submissive? - 12/20/2008 12:45:41 PM

Maxwell67

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FR-
I see may people here completely ridiculing the concept of an online D/s relationship. This tells me two things about those people, either they have never tried it and so they are talking about something they have absolutely no experience with or they have tried it and failed, so now they are using the 'sour grapes' tactic to soothe their bruised egos. I say simply this: Any collar is only as good as the relationship it represents, either online or RT. One is no better or worse than the other, they are simply different. I can adapt to new circumstances and make them work for me. If you cannot adapt to the new medium of the virtual world, that is your misfortune, not mine. Just because you cannot does not mean it can't be done. I have both a RT live-in slave and two more part-time online slaves and in all cases they are rewarding relationships. They are different, of course, but that does not make them invalid.

As to the creation of rules for those online, try to keep in mind that rules ought to serve a purpose. Arbitrary rules will never stick well. Make your rules slowly and build them as submission deepens and you see the need. Do not confuse them with rituals, which are a different but equally valuable thing (and often far more fun). Rules and protocols should reinforce discipline. That is they should help to create and maintain an atmosphere conducive to both learning and obedience without impinging on others doing the same. Good luck to you and yours.

< Message edited by Maxwell67 -- 12/20/2008 1:03:34 PM >

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RE: Some good rules for an online submissive? - 12/20/2008 2:54:47 PM

Madame4a

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if you can't figure it out.. you might want to rethink your position

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RE: Some good rules for an online submissive? - 12/20/2008 3:22:47 PM

CatdeMedici

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Rule Number One for online submission:

1. move to real as quickly as it is deemed possible
1.5 say bye bye

Online IMHO is a crock, pffft yes Mistress I did it, oohh Mistress watch Me do XXX

puhleez, I'd rather chat with the Ghana team.

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RE: Some good rules for an online submissive? - 12/20/2008 3:33:00 PM

sunshinemiss

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Hello folks,
There was a time in my life when online was the only thing available to me because of logistics. It truly is the only thing available to some people due to constraints and reality that some folks don't necessarily know. The ability to submit on line and follow rules of someone depends on the people's honesty. Let's face it, a lot of these relationships are based on communication and integrity. It is possible to do that. It is not the same, but sometimes it is the only game in town.

As for rules, when I was online with a man, I had a bedtime, time to get up, what I would eat, how to eat, how much water to drink, what to wear to bed, something I wore every day, when to interact with him, ways to touch my body, etc. We talked and I would check in with him. I felt I could trust him because he never once told me to cam or to send him pix. We talked on the phone at times, were on line daily.

It is possible. It is not the same, but it is possible. I would recommend that for the woman, she not send pix or anything that could come back and bite her in the ass (in a not good way).

Good luck.
sunshine

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RE: Some good rules for an online submissive? - 12/21/2008 10:11:26 AM

Jacen

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To the few people who suggested anything at all useful: Thank you. You can ignore the rest of the post.

I see I've hit another one of those odd community trigger points, and I must say I'm rather disapointed in the quality of the responses, here. Perhaps I was not fully clear that I am very much aware of the fact that my particular online play is, in fact, a game. Thus, I was looking for fun suggestions, not advice on OMG, I want to marry my online sub or, OMG, my online BDSM relationship leaves me feeling hollow or OMG, I fail at life. I do, however, thank you for taking the time to be rather judgemental and preachy over actually helpful.

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RE: Some good rules for an online submissive? - 12/21/2008 11:14:29 AM

lthrgrl

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Jacen,
My first D/s experience started online and progessed to real time. As far as rules, I have none to suggest. I was given tasks to complete and then report back on...I had fun with it. RT is not always an option...my first experience was with someone overseas.

I say if you are both having a good time with it and no one is getting hurt, then do it!

As far as the validity of an online relationship, it is not the same. They in no way compare to a real time relationship or play. And it is easy for the person to "break the rules"....but for this girl it was fun to actually follow thru.

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RE: Some good rules for an online submissive? - 12/21/2008 11:19:43 AM

NihilusZero

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

If online can't be real then there is no such thing as a mental aspect to bdsm and it is merely physical.

Now most who do online suck but that isn't because of the medium, it is because of those exercising it.

It's nice to see a logical dissenting view in contrast to an easily trotted out notion that most people accept for little reason other than it's widely (presumably) accepted.

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RE: Some good rules for an online submissive? - 12/21/2008 11:23:05 AM

NihilusZero

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Madame4a

if you can't figure it out.. you might want to rethink your position

You know...I normally try to shy away from being overly critical of requests such as those brought up in this thread...but it does seem to appear that, essentially, the OP would be 'controlling' her by proxy, if we all are the source of the regulations.

Perhaps there is a fine line between just needing some imaginative inspiration and being actually incompatibly equipped to complement your partner.

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RE: Some good rules for an online submissive? - 12/21/2008 12:04:21 PM

SassySarijane

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~Fast Reply~

It just seems to me that the best people to make the rules and tasks in a relationship on or offline are those in the relationship. They are the ones who communicate and discover the likes, dislikes and turn ons of the other and can best use that knowledge as inspiration for rules and tasks.

OP: What do you like? What does she like? That's where your best inspiration is. Another good form of inspiration is in reading fiction and non fiction stories with bdsm in them. About all we can really do here is say well my master has me do this or I like to have my sub do that and you can use that to form your own version or something similar that YOU like and works best for you. No one can tell you what rules and tasks you should have. It's ultimately up to you and your sub.

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