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I Don't Know what People are Looking For - 12/8/2008 3:44:09 PM

blutrayler

Posts: 1
Joined: 3/27/2004
Status: offline

Time for a minor rant. I have seen many dominas complain on this site about males who send them one-line messages, or use vulgarity, etc. I am selective about whom I approach on this site, and when I do I write a sincere introduction, providing enough information to make hopefully a positive impression, and I also send a photo . Yet it seems that I am getting almost no responses back. Just what are people looking for on here? Ok, stepping off my submissive soapbox now.

Post #: 1

RE: I Don't Know what People are Looking For - 12/8/2008 3:46:12 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

Probably whatever it is they say they are in their profile, or not looking at all.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to blutrayler)

Post #: 2

RE: I Don't Know what People are Looking For - 12/8/2008 3:47:21 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

Well let's see..you don't have a picture posted and your profile doesn't really say anything. It doesn't say what and/or who you are seeking or really anything about yourself except a few descriptive words that really don't mean anything.

Try working on your profile and you may find you get a few more responses.

Good luck.

(in reply to blutrayler)

Post #: 3

RE: I Don't Know what People are Looking For - 12/8/2008 3:49:22 PM

MissIsis

Posts: 473
Joined: 1/1/2005
Status: offline

I almost always try to respond back when I get a nice email from someone. Mostly, I am not interested because I am not looking. I am here mostly for the forums. I have to answer your question with a question of my own. What does it matter what they are looking for. If they don't respond, you know they are simply not interested. If they do respond, & tell you they are not interested, why would it matter to you. All you really need to know is they are not interested & then you can move on.

(in reply to blutrayler)

Post #: 4

RE: I Don't Know what People are Looking For - 12/8/2008 3:53:12 PM

dickkitty

Posts: 14
Joined: 6/19/2007
Status: offline

Also you have to figure the amount of messages women get.

say they have 20 other messages in there inbox and are talking to a couple people regularly would be easy to get lost or just not read at all.

some even auto throw you to the bulk mail if your not in there area the right age ect.

and theres probably 50:1 ratio on male to females.

and lets not forget people impersonating women they are most likely not going to be interested in men and won't be interested in a regular introduction.

factor all that in and your odds aren't good be glad you get the messages that you get and if you want more send out more messages and hope you get lucky.

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 5

RE: I Don't Know what People are Looking For - 12/8/2008 4:14:36 PM

pahunkboy

Posts: 33061
Joined: 2/26/2006
From: Central Pennsylvania
Status: offline

In so far as communicating, it has to be mutual... I could type to the parrot if I wanted to type for the fun of it.....

;-0

(in reply to dickkitty)

Post #: 6

RE: I Don't Know what People are Looking For - 12/8/2008 4:18:46 PM

atropa7

Posts: 72
Joined: 10/8/2006
From: Michigan
Status: offline

Different women are looking for different things. Carefully reading a profile and responding specifically to it, or somehow mentioning something you may share in common will show that you've taken the time to read a profile can help. And, fill out your profile, interests, what you're looking for, etc. Most of all, thinking that all women are looking for one thing, and if you are that one thing, that will solve your problems is wrong-headed. Abandon that idea.

_____________________________

Intent doesn't matter to me. Politeness is not a right, it's a privilege that you need to give to get.

Topping from the bottom since 2002! Ignore: I use it early and often for preservation of sanity.

(in reply to blutrayler)

Post #: 7

RE: I Don't Know what People are Looking For - 12/8/2008 4:26:52 PM

MsLadySue

Posts: 2254
Joined: 12/18/2004
Status: offline

Posting your forum rant to your journal does not help your chances at all. When I get mail, I check out the boy's profile and reading a negative journal entry is likely to prevent me from responding favourably, if at all.

_____________________________

In order for you to insult me, I would first have to value your opinion.
I love it when someone insults me. That means I don't have to be nice anymore.

(in reply to blutrayler)

Post #: 8

RE: I Don't Know what People are Looking For - 12/8/2008 5:56:41 PM

tweedydaddy

Posts: 673
Joined: 9/1/2008
Status: offline

You don't feel it's at all egotistical to assume they are writing about you?
How vain.

(in reply to blutrayler)

Post #: 9

RE: I Don't Know what People are Looking For - 12/8/2008 8:17:00 PM

MmeGigs

Posts: 706
Joined: 1/26/2008
Status: offline

I don't respond to many emails I get from fellows here. There are a lot of one-liners, but a depressingly large number of the emails I get are boilerplate.

"Dear Mistress - I read your profile. I am (insert vital statistics and physical description here). I enjoy (insert list of vanilla interests here). I am looking for (insert list of kinks here). Please respond if you are interested."

Even giving them the benefit of the doubt and assuming that they don't send a copy of this to every woman they contact, they could be sending these emails to anyone. There's rarely anything in them that addresses anything I said in my profile. They don't ask any questions or say anything that indicates that they really want to get to know me.

I always respond to fellows who write me an email that shows that they've got an interest in me specifically, even if just to let them know that I'm not who they're looking for. Unfortunately, I don't get many emails like that.

(in reply to blutrayler)

Post #: 10

RE: I Don't Know what People are Looking For - 12/8/2008 8:18:41 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

People frequently check profiles first before deciding whether to respond or not. Yours unfortunately gives no sense of who you are as a person. Do you hike? Or play cutthroat poker? Are you passionate about your cooking or gardening? Malleable says to me that you aren't a fully formed person, that you'll give up your gardening even though it's the thing you love the most if she tells you to.

Most of us, top and bottom, want to be with people who have passions in life and can speak about them, and want to engage in them. Talk about what you are passionate about, in nonsexual, nonkink activities.

Dommes don't want toys to put in the closet when they're done playing. They want real people. Present yourself like that and don't approach them from the standpoint of them doing things to you. Nobody wants to be an interchangeable warm body to fulfill someone else's fetish.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to tweedydaddy)

Post #: 11

RE: I Don't Know what People are Looking For - 12/8/2008 8:34:49 PM

came4U

Posts: 3572
Joined: 1/23/2007
From: London, Ontario
Status: offline

Sounds as if you send a form letter type e-mail..or mass message and do not personalize it to gear it towards the addressee.

I tend to prefer short, quick upfront messages and nothing long-winded in entirety. Nor am I in need of a picture upfront.

Whining doesn't help either.

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 12

RE: I Don't Know what People are Looking For - 12/8/2008 9:30:06 PM

Termyn8or

Posts: 18681
Joined: 11/12/2005
Status: offline

Sometimes they don't even know what they want. If we reduce it to just kink, we are making it like looking for some hos down on Prospect (Ave. Cleveland).

Different people are different, do you want to dance to some Mowtown, or would you rather cuddle in a love seat with the bass from Gin And Juice vibrating your whole body ?

Would you rather read Cosmopolitan or AFP ? Do you want HBO or Animal Planet ? Would you rather discuss issues that affect the world in which we live, or the color of your nail polish ?

All of these things could never be enumerated, but they are what matters most. At least in a relationship. Nobody, well very few, spend 24/7 in the bedroom, on the rack or whatever. Really if that is all there is in life for you I would not want you even if you are a model and have all the money in the world.

When you get home from do you first let the dog out, or take your shoes off ? What do you consider a "load" of dirty dishes ? How worn do the tires have to get on my car(s) before you refuse to drive in them ?

The fact is, most people don't have a clue what they're looking for, and therefore are unlikely to find it.

T

(in reply to came4U)

Post #: 13

RE: I Don't Know what People are Looking For - 12/8/2008 9:45:49 PM

stella41b

Posts: 4258
Joined: 10/16/2007
From: SW London (UK)
Status: offline

Three things you need to get across in any contact with a domme:

1. What it is about their profile and about them which captured your attention and why you are making contact with them. Ask them about them, as everyone's favourite topic of conversation is about themselves, their lives, their thoughts, feelings, opinions, dreams, hopes and expectations.

2. Who you are as a person, and enough information for them to be able to picture you standing there right beside them as they read your message having a concept of what it feels like being in your company.

3. What you have to offer them and what you can bring to the relationship.. WITHOUT mentioning your interests, kinks or physical anatomy. Keep this information back, keep them guessing, generate more contact by allow them to ask you questions.

The key to finding a domme or anyone else is empowerment - you have to give them the power and ability to decide, you have to make it possible for them to decide they want to do or share something with you. Avoid giving them the whole concept of the relationship and what you want from it in one go, for that negates completely the statement that you are submissive.

Contacting a domme is a bit like feeding ducks at the local pond. You don't just toss in a whole loaf of bread. You tear off little pieces and offer them bit by bit.

_____________________________

CM's Resident Lyricist
also Facebook
http://stella.baker.tripod.com/
50NZpoints
Q2
Simply Q

(in reply to blutrayler)

Post #: 14

RE: I Don't Know what People are Looking For - 12/8/2008 11:31:08 PM

Rule

Posts: 10479
Joined: 12/5/2005
Status: offline

You are 53, have no photo up, appear to have no life and to be sitting reading newspapers or watching sports all day. Do not you have a profession? You say that you are studious, but omit to say what you have studied.

Why are the women in your location not noticing you? Go live, do something, learn something. Look for a domme where you live, not on the internet, but out on the streets.

(in reply to blutrayler)

Post #: 15

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