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DDdesires -> Fetishes (12/5/2008 10:16:05 PM)

I'm curious - once you start talking with someone, at what point do you discuss any fetishes you might have with the other person?  Especially if you have an uncommon fetish?  Thank you!



utopicus -> RE: Fetishes (12/5/2008 10:24:02 PM)

It's a matter of comfort for both parties, I believe. Some people whom we've just met seem to be more closer than lifetime friends, so we feel at large when discussing sensitive matters. You could probably try and get a feeling as to how much intimacy could be brought into a discussion before attempting anything.



califsue -> RE: Fetishes (12/5/2008 10:30:08 PM)

Personally for me it would be when I felt comfortable and felt that a level of trust
had been reached so that the uncommon fetish would not be used to harm you in any way.
The other way might be if you are not comfortable about sharing the fetish is to write an
erotic story and possibly share the story and get their reaction from them about it.



DomDG -> RE: Fetishes (12/5/2008 11:22:48 PM)

Well, I tend to wait till I feel a connection starting.  The first meeting is over coffee, some of those have lasted hours, some not so long.  Sometimes the fetish discussion has happened before the meeting, sometimes it's after.  There are people in our local group who I have no problem talking about turn ons with and there are others with whom I barely converse.

With that said, I think it is completely and entirely important to be very transparent once those fetishes are being discussed.  The hard part is actually telling someone you have a fetish that is on their 'icky' list.  But even more important once the relationship is going keep talking about them.  It is so hard to tell your SO that something may have changed.  Perhaps you find yourself liking something that used to be on the ick list, or you find you no longer like one that was a mainstay for you! 





NihilusZero -> RE: Fetishes (12/5/2008 11:24:38 PM)

Precisely 83 hours, 44 minutes and 6 seconds into your net conversation time.

(There are conversion tables to factor in "cyber talk" time into actual aural interaction time).



CalifChick -> RE: Fetishes (12/5/2008 11:28:43 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: DomDG
The hard part is actually telling someone you have a fetish that is on their 'icky' list.  But even more important once the relationship is going keep talking about them. 



Hi D!  *waves at a local*  

The hard part is seeing the look on their face when you DO tell them, and they can't hide their gut reaction.


Cali



NihilusZero -> RE: Fetishes (12/5/2008 11:33:13 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick
and they can't hide their gut reaction.

Well, if you had used the conversion tables properly....



DarkSteven -> RE: Fetishes (12/6/2008 4:24:38 AM)

My biggest fetish is spanking.  I don't discuss it - when the time comes for me to make a move, I simply kiss her and introduce a few light spanks and see the reaction.  If I discussed it with her, she wouldn't know if I'm talking about gentle love pats or a paddling that ranks an 8 on the Richter scale.



littlewonder -> RE: Fetishes (12/6/2008 6:51:52 AM)

There is no specific point. I let the conversation flow naturally. We talk, get to know each other, one conversation leads to another, blah blah blah....

I find that if two people connect then it just happens as you talk.



DDdesires -> RE: Fetishes (12/6/2008 7:11:15 AM)

Thanks, utopicus!  Good advice...it is about comfort level for me.  I appreciate you taking the time to answer!



DDdesires -> RE: Fetishes (12/6/2008 7:12:32 AM)

I love the story idea, califsue!  I think I will try that!  Thank you.



DDdesires -> RE: Fetishes (12/6/2008 7:16:37 AM)

Thank you, DomDG, for taking the time to reply.  Most people don't understand the fetish nor how important it is.  I agree that if it is on the "ick" list, it is that much more difficult to even approach.  :-(  Again, thank you for the reply!



DDdesires -> RE: Fetishes (12/6/2008 7:18:00 AM)

Cute!  (answer to Nihilus, not CalifChick)



DDdesires -> RE: Fetishes (12/6/2008 7:19:35 AM)

Precisely, CalifChick! 



DDdesires -> RE: Fetishes (12/6/2008 7:21:48 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: NihilusZero

Precisely 83 hours, 44 minutes and 6 seconds into your net conversation time.

(There are conversion tables to factor in "cyber talk" time into actual aural interaction time).



Cute![:D]



DDdesires -> RE: Fetishes (12/6/2008 7:25:05 AM)

Thanks, DarkSteven!  Just diving in head first seems to work for many...I'm not quite there, but I'm working on it.  [;)]



DDdesires -> RE: Fetishes (12/6/2008 7:27:55 AM)

littlewonder, thank you for taking the time to reply.  I'm not the most patient person, but it seems to the consensus that I should let the conversation evolve on its own and wait and see. 



CallaFirestormBW -> RE: Fetishes (12/6/2008 7:29:35 AM)

I'm pretty casual. It depends on where I met the person that I'm talking to, though there's no real set time.

Sample conversation with co-worker:

Co-worker, at start of summer season: "Hey, you have a tattoo. Did that hurt?"
Me: "Actually, I have two, and three more planned. It -did- hurt, especially where the wing goes over the bone, there... but it wasn't too bad. Of course, I -like- pain and blood, so it didn't freak me out.
Co-worker: Wow, I could never do that.

-end of conversation-

Sample conversation wit prospective bottom:

Bottom: "So... what are you into?"
Me: "All kinds of things, but most of them involved blood and pain. *chuckles* A little piercing, a little cutting, a little fire...
Bottom: "Wow, I don't really get into the whole 'blood' thing."
Me: "That's ok. My Darling doesn't get into blood either. *chuckles*

-And still another bottom gravitates to my Darling's side of the castle-

The thing is, if a person is going to freak out about one's fetishes, they're going to freak out about them -- time doesn't usually change that much. What time -can- do, for someone who is encouraging a romantic bent, is put a person in a position where they've invested themselves in the relationship, and decide that they'll "suffer" the person's fetish because they're romantically involved... however, should the shimmer ever fade from that romance, if the person wasn't really into the things one is asking of hir, xhe's liable to begin to really -resent- what xhe's being asked to do.

I'd rather get the conversation out of the way early, and spend my energy on people who share my interests.... that way, everyone's having fun, so even if nothing else other than enjoying the play comes out of it, there's no resentment about being 'manipulated' into doing something someone wasn't into. JMTC.



CallaFirestormBW -> RE: Fetishes (12/6/2008 7:31:13 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: NihilusZero

Precisely 83 hours, 44 minutes and 6 seconds into your net conversation time.

(There are conversion tables to factor in "cyber talk" time into actual aural interaction time).



Wow, I didn't get that memo, Nihilus! Where were you when I was getting my "how to" info?! *smooches*



SunNMoon -> RE: Fetishes (12/6/2008 7:32:35 AM)

I personally bring it up during the get to know each other phase; along with what are you looking for in a relationship, do you smoke type of questions. I have a few odd kinks myself so I try to get them out there early on. So they can decide if this is a not their type of thing. I also tend to talk to guys that have real fetish (or it’s boarding on it), it just comes up early. I want to know ahead of time what I’m possibly in.



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