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Mundane life questions - 12/5/2008 8:27:58 AM   
DisenchantedLife


Posts: 193
Status: offline 		Hello good folks of collarme.

My original idea was to go to my father and ask him these questions, but the more I thought about it, the more I thought it inappropriate.  I'd ask the few friends I have around here, but I doubt they'd really be able to answer.  That and I'm not that close with anyone.

So, I look at my Dad who goes non stop.  Literally.  Non fricken stop.  He gets up at 4 am and runs a few miles, goes to the gym and then heads to work.  After work he goes to business dinners, works some more, than sleeps for a few hours and starts it all over again.  I just recently went to England for this birthday party and I looked.  He doesnt seem any the worse for wear.  Granted he's 60 and looking a bit older, but he looks like he's holding up pretty well. 

I want to know how he does it.  Damnit.  I feel like I'm fricken falling apart.  I'm 29 so he's got a GOOD number of years on me. So, he should be more tired and more falling apart.  He's not.  I know I have a few health issues, but dern it, doesnt everyone?  Shouldnt my Dad have health issues too?  Compared to the "worlds" health issues, mine are minor. 

I'm asking because its dragging me down, affecting my life, and really irratating the hell out of me.  Granted I often resign myself, but still - in the back of my head its driving me bonkers.  Ok...... so I have scoliosis, arthritis, and bulging discs in my back.  I need some MRI's on my neck and my full back too.  The chiropracter said that basically my spine doesnt work right and that its fusedish in my lower back.  Something like that.   Basically I'm 5 feet tall and I think I'm he-man.  Like I can help carry a couch that weighs more than me, but I ripped a muscle in my neck in the process.  Through the chiropracter I've finally gained much more movement in my neck.  I can turn my head side to side pretty easily now.  When I was a kid, like 10, I threw my back out pretty bad.  No medical treatment or anything, just years of dealing with the pain.  Granted its not as bad as it was, but walking, lifting, standing, sitting, and almost anything for long periods of time can have me wanting to punch the walls.  I also randomly have sciatic nerve problems.

I got back from London Monday night after a hellish 16 hour traveling day.  I am so fucking wiped out.  My hips hurt, my knees hurt, my ankles hurt, my back sporadically hurts.  I feel like I have dead weight sitting in my mid section.  I'm absolutetly worn out.  Walking wears me out.  I could barely carry my lil um up the stairs today.  Two contributing factors are the fact that I didnt take it easy in London whereas I should of had "my" vacation and the other is I have a toddler that never stops moving.    Instead of vacationing when I had a baby sitter over in London and taking it easy - i stayed out till 4 am and partied with my family.  It was great, but well. 

I'm also probably depressed because I realize I hate my life.  Love my um's, but hate my life.  This place is fricken desolate.  When we flew from dullus back to home it was basically "good bye civilization hello desolation".  I'm also not really doing anything productive with my life.  All I am, is a Mom and while its the best/hardest job in the world, I'm starting to realize its not enough.  But to do anything else with my life I have to finish college, but I can barely muster up the energy to chase my toddler around and I fall asleep promptly every night when I put my older um to bed.  I slept frm 9 pm till 7 am, being woken every few hours by the little um, but over all a good night sleep and yet I'm still exshausted today.

I'm also told I dont eat healthy and last year, my busy as hell father took the time to call me and tell me to eat right and I look sickly.  So i DID.  I even went from like 102 lbs to 112.  Took months and a lot of work, but I did it. Yet I dont feel any better.  I drink a lot of soda for energy, smoke cigerattes - but other than that.  Nada.  Granted I played waaaaaaay too hard as a teenager.  I'm not sure if that is what is catching up with me?  When I was 15 - i'd go for a whole week with out sleeping or eating, crash for 2 days and than repeat.  For months.  I'm rough on myself, I admit.  Always have been.  In our family, are motto is to be tough.  No sniveling babies.  So I was.   But damnit if I realize i am not tough.  I can be and I can be very capable, but..... 

I was on chronic pain management for awhile.  Which was lovely.  No pain, i could go as hard as I wanted, nothing slowed me down.  I did all I needed to do and in the evenings I even had enough energy to have some time to myself.  I dont want to go back on that path.  I want to do it myself.  I want to mind over matter this shit, but I cant muster up the energy to mind over matter it. 

My last truth is going to be acknowledging the fact that I have been falling apart for over year, but refusing to allow it happen.  I refuse to crash.  I know that I entertained the idea of getting back with my ex mostly because it seemed like a way to stop my drowning in all of this.  Maybe not much help, but more than I have.  Granted thats gone out the window because he's still a douche bag, but I know if I was doing well, I'd of never entertained it in the first place. 

I need help, but there isnt any help around, so I have to muster up and get it together so I can continue doing it by myself.  I just don't know how.  Any suggestions on how to get it together?

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I'm pretty sure I've turned into a bitter bitch with a huge shovel. One of these days I'm going to exchange the shovel for a hoe
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RE: Mundane life questions - 12/5/2008 8:41:56 AM   
Rule


Posts: 10479
Joined: 12/5/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DisenchantedLife
Any suggestions on how to get it together?

Limit your diet to plain, normal bacteria yoghurt (three or four litres, if necessary move to The Netherlands) and plain vitamin C. You may try some wheat bread. Occasionally eat some meat and green vegetables (no fruits). You may also try potatoes. Once a week a multivitamin tablet. Do not eat anything else. Do not drink soda. Drink either yoghurt or water.
 
As for your father he is able to do what he does because the composition of his mind is other than that of normal people. Eagles can fly; those without wings cannot.
 
 

< Message edited by Rule -- 12/5/2008 8:43:52 AM >

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RE: Mundane life questions - 12/5/2008 8:45:42 AM   
Arpig


Posts: 9930
Joined: 1/3/2006
From: Increasingly further from reality
Status: offline 		See a doctor about the pain issues

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RE: Mundane life questions - 12/5/2008 8:46:17 AM   
DisenchantedLife


Posts: 193
Status: offline 		LOL "if necessary move to The Netherlands"  Thats too funny.  Yeah I wish.  I unfortunetly can not move right now.  = (

Does it need to be plain?  Drink yogurt?  I often eat meat and vegetables.  And where do I get plain vitamin C?  AND how long till your diet works?




_____________________________

I'm pretty sure I've turned into a bitter bitch with a huge shovel. One of these days I'm going to exchange the shovel for a hoe

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RE: Mundane life questions - 12/5/2008 8:49:51 AM   
SilverMark


Posts: 3457
Joined: 5/9/2007
Status: offline 		Get some exercise....if all you can do is walk...then WALK!....make a schedule for it, keep it. Y ou will be amazed how energy begets energy!...I sleep maybe 6 hours a night, in the gym EARLY....and have more energy at 49 then I did at 29....it is amazing what it can do for you. Get a schedule of things for yourself to do and make yourself feel more useful to you. Be better to yourself and it will reward you 10 fold! Feed yourself! expand your life a bit, there are so many things to do if you look for them.


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RE: Mundane life questions - 12/5/2008 8:53:13 AM   
Rule


Posts: 10479
Joined: 12/5/2005
Status: offline 		There are two types of yoghurt: tasteless stuff that is just about the only to be gotten abroad, and edible yoghurt that is available in The Netherlands. Three or four litres ought to be sufficient for the day.
 
As for vitamin C, there must be shops near you that sell such tablets. Avoid anything with fruit in it.
 
You may want to reduce your intake of meat and vegetables a bit.
 
Diet ought to give relief within two weeks.

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RE: Mundane life questions - 12/5/2008 9:01:39 AM   
utterlybutterfli


Posts: 49
Joined: 6/16/2006
Status: offline 		Granted its not as bad as it was, but walking, lifting, standing, sitting, and almost anything for long periods of time can have me wanting to punch the walls.  I also randomly have sciatic nerve problems.
Go to the doctor about the pain.

I'm also probably depressed because I realize I hate my life.  Love my um's, but hate my life.  This place is fricken desolate.
I think you you should probably mention this to the doctor as well, or see a therapist. I have been here - its not very nice. But you don't have to feel like this. Feeling like this is a choice.

but I can barely muster up the energy to chase my toddler around and I fall asleep promptly every night when I put my older um to bed.  I slept frm 9 pm till 7 am, being woken every few hours by the little um, but over all a good night sleep and yet I'm still exshausted today.
Thats not at all unnatural if you are depressed. I know it sounds counter - productive (?) but some gentle exercise will help. It sounds like far too much sleep to me.

I drink a lot of soda for energy, smoke cigerattes - but other than that.  Nada.
Surely you realise these don't do anything but sap you of energy and health in the long run?

Granted I played waaaaaaay too hard as a teenager.  I'm not sure if that is what is catching up with me?
No. It isn't. Take it from someone else who did.

I know that I entertained the idea of getting back with my ex mostly because it seemed like a way to stop my drowning in all of this.  Maybe not much help, but more than I have.  Granted thats gone out the window because he's still a douche bag, but I know if I was doing well, I'd of never entertained it in the first place.
I've been there too. Like Cigarettes and Soda, you might think they are helping you feel better in the very short term. Just don't do it.

Any suggestions on how to get it together?
Get some proper professional help. Stop indulging in self pity. Stop ingesting posion. Aim for a healthy diet and light exercise. Try and do small constructive things for yourself every day. Count your blessings.

I'm sorry if this has been a bit blunt, but I know so very well how it feels to feel this way and for your own sake, and your UMs you've got to start taking positive action. I really really hope you feel better soon.






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RE: Mundane life questions - 12/5/2008 9:12:27 AM   
DomKen


Posts: 19457
Joined: 7/4/2004
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DisenchantedLife
Does it need to be plain?  Drink yogurt?  I often eat meat and vegetables.  And where do I get plain vitamin C?  AND how long till your diet works?

That diet is phenomenally stupendously bad for anyone. You cannot live on cultured milk and nothing but.

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RE: Mundane life questions - 12/5/2008 9:29:26 AM   
pahunkboy


Posts: 33061
Joined: 2/26/2006
From: Central Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		dude,  you have chonic pain.

it has nothing to do with locale.

find what works for you.   you must try.    I had years of 20 hours a day in bed. I thought it was my only mode for my entire life.   I could not see a brighter day.

research your ailments online.  read everything you can on the topic.    DONT automatically think the DR is right.

also- subscribe to the local newspaper.   they list events- and then go to them.

as to friends, find fellow pain sufferers.

as to depression,  thats normal.  no one gets happy over lossing health.

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RE: Mundane life questions - 12/5/2008 10:06:16 AM   
DisenchantedLife


Posts: 193
Status: offline 		Thank you everyone.  No worries on being blunt.  The diet does seem wierd to me, but LOL I am at my wits end.

Go to the doctor about the pain.
I went to the doctor about the pain, they put me on hydrocodone 10's.  Its great short term, but long term it just doesnt work out.

I think you you should probably mention this to the doctor as well, or see a therapist. I have been here - its not very nice. But you don't have to feel like this. Feeling like this is a choice.
I agree its a choice, but one I cant seem to shake.  Sporadically maybe.  My therapist doesnt know what to make of me, I think.  Nor does she know where to start with me.  She says "dont date anyone and I think you have ptsd"

Thats not at all unnatural if you are depressed. I know it sounds counter - productive (?) but some gentle exercise will help. It sounds like far too much sleep to me.
I do exercise, non stop it seems.  Though my father says I am not exercising, but working.  I need continuous exercise, not walk - stop pick up - put down - repeat.  Where am I going to find the time?  I can see my toddler sitting quietly.  hehehe.  On top of that he's already been kicked out of one day care for severe emotional distress and screamed bloody murder until I was able to get back to him.  He's still pretty little.  My brother says part of the problem is I am not like most parents whereas I follow my um's around instead of making them follow me around.  I put them before myself.  Probably too much.

Surely you realise these don't do anything but sap you of energy and health in the long run?
Yes I agree, but the long run has to wait, while I get through today?  I have so much to do, besides being a Mom.  The house to clean, the daily life crap, 5 animals to take care of, etc etc etc.  This is the first time since I got back from England that I've sat down to relax anddddd I still have huge bags of clothes to sort, put away etc.  I'm supposed to go to Disney on Sat and that is such an ugly thought. 

No. It isn't. Take it from someone else who did.
Thanks, I was worried there was no cure for that.

Get some proper professional help. Stop indulging in self pity. Stop ingesting posion. Aim for a healthy diet and light exercise. Try and do small constructive things for yourself every day. Count your blessings.
I've tried the professional help route.  It worked short term.  You're right on the self pity and I appreciate you pointing it out.  I'll have to manage some real exercise, but I dont think my diet is too bad.  Other than the soda of course.


_____________________________

I'm pretty sure I've turned into a bitter bitch with a huge shovel. One of these days I'm going to exchange the shovel for a hoe

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RE: Mundane life questions - 12/5/2008 10:47:15 AM   
Rule


Posts: 10479
Joined: 12/5/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DomKen
That diet is phenomenally stupendously bad for anyone. You cannot live on cultured milk and nothing but.
I have, for 18 to 24 years. What I am worried about is that the yoghurt over there may be other than what I consume. If so, she had better move to over here.
 
And the food in England is a killer. It is better to not eat than to eat in England.

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RE: Mundane life questions - 12/5/2008 11:03:23 AM   
DisenchantedLife


Posts: 193
Status: offline 		Locale as in where I live?  Hell yes thats part of my depression.  I'm a city girl and international girl.  I've been to more countries than I can count on 2 hands, was born overseas and am now fucking stuck in florida.  I lived, grew up in cities my whole life and now I have cows for neighbors.  Which can be quaint for awhile, but the lack of life around here, I hate.


I did the whole "go out and do things" for awhile.  Which helped, but when I stopped with the pain medication my energy sunk and so did our outings.  And no, I'm not finding ppl who are in pain.  No offense, but I dont want it to define me.  Its not who I am.  Its a current issue in my life that I am going to best and over come.  I managed to go 12 years living in pain, to where I was so used to it, it barely bothered me.  And when it did, i just got through it.  I can do it.  I can do anything, damn it.

Depression, I agree is normal.  Plus I've battled it off and on over the years.  My mother thinks I have low estrogen, which my doctor thought I was nuts, but I have test coming up for it soon.  Other than that, it was a hellish year emotionally.  But thats over, sooooooooooo. 

Im going to try the drinking water, exercising thing.  Maybe that'll help.

_____________________________

I'm pretty sure I've turned into a bitter bitch with a huge shovel. One of these days I'm going to exchange the shovel for a hoe

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RE: Mundane life questions - 12/5/2008 11:05:57 AM   
DisenchantedLife


Posts: 193
Status: offline 		And the food in England is a killer. It is better to not eat than to eat in England.

LOL.  Awww it wasnt so bad and my father eats it non stop and seems to be fit as a fiddle.  Even though, I did start noticing feeling worse over there.  Friend of mine that lives up in Northants said that England is littered with germs and not to be suprised finding myself with the flue when I go home.   My youngest UM has some ugly cough that makes him spit up on me, i often cant stop sneezing for the life of me.

but i'm not in england.  Wish I was.

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I'm pretty sure I've turned into a bitter bitch with a huge shovel. One of these days I'm going to exchange the shovel for a hoe

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RE: Mundane life questions - 12/5/2008 11:54:24 AM   
utterlybutterfli


Posts: 49
Joined: 6/16/2006
Status: offline 		And the food in England is a killer. It is better to not eat than to eat in England.

Please. You have no idea what you are talking about. How could someone who lives on yoghurt comment on decent food for anyone?
Besides, I stayed in the Dylan Hotel in Amsterdam this summer and asked the concierge to recommend a decent Dutch restaurant and he couldn't think of one. Suggested a thai place instead.

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RE: Mundane life questions - 12/5/2008 12:02:04 PM   
myotherself


Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DisenchantedLife

And the food in England is a killer. It is better to not eat than to eat in England.

LOL.  Awww it wasnt so bad and my father eats it non stop and seems to be fit as a fiddle.  Even though, I did start noticing feeling worse over there.  Friend of mine that lives up in Northants said that England is littered with germs and not to be suprised finding myself with the flue when I go home.   My youngest UM has some ugly cough that makes him spit up on me, i often cant stop sneezing for the life of me.

but i'm not in england.  Wish I was.


Newsflash - the whole WORLD is littered with germs. England has no more and no less than any other first-world country.  You just aren't used to the strains we have over here, just as we wouldn't be as tolerant to strains you have over there.

And your father is as fit as a fiddle because clearly he has a great diet.  I am fit because my diet is also good, and I live in England.  I don't drink soda, I don't smoke.  I eat fresh fruit and veg and I'm careful about the rest of my diet.  It's not difficult if you make the effort.


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RE: Mundane life questions - 12/5/2008 4:35:53 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		It doesn't matter that you slept from 9PM till 7AM. It isn't good quality sleep because you're waking up every couple of hours. What is basically wrong with you is that you don't get to sleep through without interruptions.

You said a toddler. Why is this um still waking up every couple of hours? Allergies are extremely common. Babies don't use pillows so when they get stuffed up their heads aren't above their bodies allowing sinuses to drain. Put a couple of blocks under the front of the crib/toddler bed. Put a couple under the front feet of yours also.

If it's that you taught this child that every time they wake up they cannot resettle themselves but need you to do it, then time to undo that teaching.

A child of that age should not be waking up every few hours. Fix that, then you'll sleep better, then you'll feel better.

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RE: Mundane life questions - 12/6/2008 4:48:40 AM   
DisenchantedLife


Posts: 193
Status: offline 		I have a great diet, thanks!  Always well stocked in veggies and fruits, we eat little pasta, barely any fast food, rarely do I eat sweets.  Mostly when I eat, since I dislike eating and its a chore for me - I try and make the most of it.  For instance on a sandwhich instead of lettuce I put fresh spinach leaves and I leave out the mayo.  I find no point in eating junk.

I think my father is fit as a fiddle because he's the definition of a health nut.  He's also very active.  He was a proffessor, a diver, has a black belt in karate, and managed to win a weigh lifting contest with a broken collarbone.  He's insane.  Now he's considering getting another Masters degree, aside from the PHD he has in something or other.  He'd also like to retire and go to med school.  At his party the ppl that worked with him did mention they thought he was an alien.  Point is, he's been taking superb care of himself for as long as I can remember.   

With my little um - he doesnt always wake up every few hours at night.  I havent the foggiest why he's doing this.  Might be the readjustment to the time zone.  That and he's really conjested/coughing.  Oooh and because he's absolutetly spoiled.  (and he is just barely a toddler) But I've decided lately that I give to them to my detriment.   My father thinks I should stick my um in a playpen and while I dont agree with that, I think there needs to be more give for me.  I need to learn that it is okay if I am not always interacting, teaching, playing, and doing something superbly awesome with my um's.  It is okay to do nothing.  It won't stunt their growth.  (atleats my mother says so) Another reason why this all drives me bonkers.  I want to be doing things that expand their minds all the time and when I dont, I feel like a bad. 

Anywho just another one of my own issues, but I content myself with the fact that we all have issues.

_____________________________

I'm pretty sure I've turned into a bitter bitch with a huge shovel. One of these days I'm going to exchange the shovel for a hoe

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RE: Mundane life questions - 12/6/2008 5:10:25 AM   
CatdeMedici


Posts: 2257
Joined: 10/20/2008
Status: offline 		I am going to say he approaches his life thus:
 
1. everyday he finds a reason to celebrate
 
2. keeps the negative to a minimum
 
3. handles diversity head on and when its resolved--moves on
 
4. doesnt keep regurgitating past mistakes
 
5 daily keeps his mind and psyche active
 
6 finds pure joy in the routine of life.
 
7 knows that worry shortens life spans
 
 
Try it, you'll like it.

_____________________________

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"Let's see-whips, dips, chains, chips, yep sounds like a party to Me!"

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RE: Mundane life questions - 12/6/2008 8:32:45 AM   
Musicmystery


Posts: 30259
Joined: 3/14/2005
Status: offline 		You've answered your own question.

You smoke, eat and drink crap, don't exercise, and feel shitty.

Your dad greets the day with exercise and a healthy diet and has energy to burn.

It ain't rocket science. People just try to make it so.

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RE: Mundane life questions - 12/6/2008 8:47:11 AM   
xxblushesxx


Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SilverMark

Get some exercise....if all you can do is walk...then WALK!....make a schedule for it, keep it. Y ou will be amazed how energy begets energy!...I sleep maybe 6 hours a night, in the gym EARLY....and have more energy at 49 then I did at 29....it is amazing what it can do for you. Get a schedule of things for yourself to do and make yourself feel more useful to you. Be better to yourself and it will reward you 10 fold! Feed yourself! expand your life a bit, there are so many things to do if you look for them.


Seconded.

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