Handouts, Hugs, and A Swift Kick In The Ass

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Handouts, Hugs, and A Swift Kick In The Ass - 12/4/2008 10:46:06 PM

TheHeretic

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        'Tis the season for giving, with many suggestions (some more self-serving and self-righteous than others) for what we ought to be doing to help our fellow man.

         How do we make the determinations though, of what is the best way to provide that help? We are compassionate, caring beings, and there are some among us who need our support and love. They should get it. We are also beings prone to laziness and greed (sloth and avarice, for the lit fans).  They need an entirely different sort of help.

         It's not always easy to tell them apart. Take the simplest form of charity going;  Scruffy guy with a cardboard sign on the median. A beggar. Is that sign true, or is he perfectly happy making $10 an hour to stand around all day, supplementing his food stamps and trumped up disabilty? No way to know for sure.

     I have a few guidelines that have developed over the years; Sitters aren't automatically disqualified, but it helps to look sick. Standers in the summer sun will almost always get a bottle of water instead of change. Impulse gets the final say. I once handed an angry young guy $50 and told him "Don't," but I have no idea what that was all about. I suspect there were the prayers of an old woman who loved him involved somehow. I have had my hand in the coin tray, and changed my mind for no discernible reason.

      Is it even possible to draw hard rules, or lines on paper, of who deserves to be lifted and set to safety, who needs a boost, and who needs a hard kick in the ass to get them moving?  How do we avoid enabling the worst among us? People are unique, and I want what I'm able to do to see good use. Donating to local organizations where I know someone seems a good solution. Even then, some of those organizations are complete scams as well, even if amazing people work there.

      How can we possibly expect a distant and bureaucratic (and inherently inefficient) gov't to determine how to do more good than harm?

      How do we separate the 'can'ts' from the 'won'ts?'

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RE: Handouts, Hugs, and A Swift Kick In The Ass - 12/4/2008 11:14:38 PM

MmmPi

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Everything would be so much easier if only there were a litmus test for every question in life.

I personally just go with my gut. The season doesn't make me want to give more or less. I'll occasionally donate to charities, hand a disheveled wino a buck, or help someone rummage for cans. But it's never with much consideration beyond the emotional response.

I don't think you'll ever be able to tell if you're enabling or uplifting. However, for me it's on the same lines as "i'd rather see 10 guilty people go free than 1 innocent person in jail" - I really feel somewhere along the lines i've genuinely helped some people when i was able to and even if i've thrown away time and money to worthless causes, it doesn't matter much. What's more disheartening than anything are the people who don't empathize with the downtrodden and never venture to help anyone. but that's just my opinion.

I'm interested in what prompted this post. Bad experience with a fellow in a santa hat & a bell?

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RE: Handouts, Hugs, and A Swift Kick In The Ass - 12/5/2008 5:08:13 AM

MmeGigs

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quote:

ORIGINAL: TheHeretic
How do we separate the 'can'ts' from the 'won'ts?'

We can't. There's no way that I can tell by looking at someone whether they're deserving or undeserving. Personally, I don't worry about it. I'm sure that a good deal of the money that I spend on goods and services ends up in the pockets of people more undeserving and unsavory than any faux-beggar I'm likely to come across.

My donations to organizations go to the local United Way and the food shelf. I make sure I've got change during the holidays and throw some in every Salvation Army kettle I see. We don't have people begging on the street here, but on a couple of occasions I've had the opportunity to help a stranger out personally with a couple bucks or something they needed. I didn't consider whether or not they deserved to be helped. They've got all kinds of people judging them. My disapproval isn't going to make a difference in their lives. My compassion might.

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RE: Handouts, Hugs, and A Swift Kick In The Ass - 12/5/2008 7:04:52 AM

TheHeretic

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        "Local United Way" is a contradiction in terms, Gigs. The practices and policies of that organization keep my hand in my pocket every time.

       To those living in the enclaves of wealth and privilege, it might be easy to dismiss where the money is going, but where I am, 20% poverty is the norm. There are certain corners and traffic islands where I am surprised if someone isn't standing there "spangeing."



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RE: Handouts, Hugs, and A Swift Kick In The Ass - 12/5/2008 6:04:25 PM

Vendaval

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I am not one to give money to people in front of a grocery store. However, I will pick up some food that they can carry easily like sandwiches, water and some fruit. Cash might be given in small amounts to family members and close friends and I never give more than I can forget about. Not worth worrying about loans. As for non-profits and charitable organizations I check out their rep first and decide how much to donate.

Ask questions, do some research and be open-minded but keep a dose of skepticism at the same time. My advice on the subject.

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RE: Handouts, Hugs, and A Swift Kick In The Ass - 12/5/2008 7:09:30 PM

scarlettjinx

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I usually only donate money to charities helping animals, because I think they do the most good. As for humans, I donate to angel tree and toys for tots and the coats for kids programs, but I will only do so for small children (4 and under) because I sometimes worry that as they get older they will see the charity as an excuse to not better themselves (Other people work so I don't have to.), Unless it is one of the programs that helps the children of deployed soldiers. I will do whatever I can for them.
When I lived in Fort Worth, I worked in an area that had a dense homeless population, and there were several people I would do stuff for (a pack of cigarettes for the guy that searched for half smoked butts, a sandwich and a cup of coffee for the guy that slept in front of the shelter and let us know if anyone tried to break in for dogs.) but I never gave to someone who asked. I don't know, I suppose when my grandma told me to never expect a handout, it stuck with me and it bugs me when people assume I have enough to give to everyone. But in my defense, a lot of the homeless that have hit me up have been pretty rude. (yo. gimme five dollars, I'm a katrina refugee)

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RE: Handouts, Hugs, and A Swift Kick In The Ass - 12/6/2008 12:30:02 AM

tweedydaddy

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A beggar is the world's way of asking if you still have a heart.
I've never said no, let me tell you why;
When I was twenty one and really full of myself I was at work in a shop in Liverpool when I heard a commotion by the table where we kept our tea things, it was an old tramp who had been seeing if there was any tea left.
I reacted very badly and was throwing the bum out.
A hand fastened around my shoulder, and please bear in mind that I was built like a tank, this hand cut off the blood, it belonged to one of the meanest, hardest men I've ever known, a guy I worked with and had a healthy respect for, he practically picked me up by the ears and spoke really quietly.
I recall each word, and they still shame me.
"This is a hard world Lad, and you may find that things don't always go well for you. One day, you may find yourself on your fucking knees asking some one to help you, - and when you do, I hope you meet a heartless cunt like you."
I still turn red when I think about it.
There must have been a thousand times since that day, when for one reason or another where I have had reason to hope another man had some good will in him.
Cars have broken down, deals have gone wrong, bad luck can happen anywhere.
I've never failed to be stunned by how kind people are, and how an arrogant encounter with the lowest of the low made me appreciate it.
It's not a myth, it could be some form of psychological projection, but I find that you give it out, - you get it back, in my case a hundred times.

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RE: Handouts, Hugs, and A Swift Kick In The Ass - 12/6/2008 6:07:00 AM

MmeGigs

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quote:

ORIGINAL: TheHeretic
"Local United Way" is a contradiction in terms, Gigs. The practices and policies of that organization keep my hand in my pocket every time.

I know what our local United Way does, and that the vast majority of the money they raise goes into local programs. The people who are running it here really care about our community and do a great job pulling community resources together. I know the local organizations that get funding and other assistance through them. I don't like all of them, but I like most of them. I'm happy to give money to the United Way.

I don't live in an enclave of wealth and privilege, I live in a medium sized midwestern town. We don't have a lot of poverty, but we do have a lot of working poor. I've seen a few beggars over the years, but it's just not something that's really done around here. We're not used to begging and don't know how to react to it. We don't have any corners or intersections that are consistently busy. A beggar's take around here would be pretty pitiful.

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RE: Handouts, Hugs, and A Swift Kick In The Ass - 12/6/2008 6:14:31 AM

Roselaure

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That touched me td, thank you. I select charities carefully, but I almost always give when presented with a specific person in need right in front of me.

I was driving home from work one day, geting off the highway and there was a homeless man sitting at the top of the off-ramp. He was there often, I'd driven right past him before, maybe felt a pang or two for him, but got over it and went on with my life. On that day, it was chilly and rainy. A young man had stopped and pulled off the thick hooded sweatshirt he was wearing and given to him and was sitting on the side of the road taking off what appeared to be a pair of really nice shoes. I was ashamed. I couldn't be bothered, and here this man was literally giving him the shirt off his back and the shoes off his feet. Everyone needs a "Damascus Road" moment, and that was mine.

What it comes down to for me is this. If I don't give because I am worried about being scammed and neglect to help someone who is really in need, that's on me. If I help people as I find them and get scammed sometimes, that's on them.

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RE: Handouts, Hugs, and A Swift Kick In The Ass - 12/6/2008 6:19:49 AM

sirsholly

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quote:

Origional:TweetyDaddy
the lowest of the low

perhaps a "good soul in a low place" might be a better term?

Hug.

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RE: Handouts, Hugs, and A Swift Kick In The Ass - 12/6/2008 6:44:38 AM

Owner59

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I wish there was a group who could tell us which charities were worthy "donation to money used for poor"wise.

The ratio of money given to and actually spent on the charitie`s mission.

Some charities take 15-20,even 50 % or more of the money for "overhead",ie take the money for themselves.

Added,if anyone sees men or women in uniform while in your travels,buy them diner or lunch.

They`re a good bet,worthyness wise.

< Message edited by Owner59 -- 12/6/2008 7:03:33 AM >

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RE: Handouts, Hugs, and A Swift Kick In The Ass - 12/6/2008 10:45:45 AM

calamitysandra

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Organized charities, I research before I give.
Mostly I give to Doctors Without Borders, and I buy gifts from the Heifer Projekt if I am looking for something to give to a person who already has everything.
Locally, I make donations of clothes and toys to the orphanage in the city, especially all of the stuff my kids have outgrown and that is still good. I also take part in a program that provides Christmas presents for the children there.
I give cases of petfood to the local animal shelter from time to time.
All of those, I know where my money, or stuff, goes, because I did my homework on the projects.

If confronted with a beggar, I will almost always give them at least a buck or two, even if I have no way of knowing what will be don wit the money, it simply feels like the right thing to do to me.
I see no point in worrying that I might have given something to a "undeserving" person, I figure, that the part that really helps somebody in need is worth taking the "risk".

The only time I will not give, if the begger is using a small child. For some time now we have had a problem here with Roma and Sinti families renting their children out to beg, and I will not encourage that. However, I will go and give the child something to eat and drink, and talk to him/her while it eats.

< Message edited by calamitysandra -- 12/6/2008 10:48:38 AM >

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RE: Handouts, Hugs, and A Swift Kick In The Ass - 12/6/2008 10:49:05 AM

snappykappy

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there is a national listing of organizations which use the funds and how much
u might have to google it to find it out because i did that to find out who was
good or bad and did what with their money

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RE: Handouts, Hugs, and A Swift Kick In The Ass - 12/6/2008 10:50:25 AM

snappykappy

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http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&q=how+to+find+out+what+charities+give+to+organizations&btnG=Google+Search&aq=f&oq=

this is the link to do some reasearch of the good versus the bad charities

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