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Thank all of you - 12/3/2008 7:37:35 AM   
Irishknight


Posts: 2016
Joined: 9/30/2007
Status: offline 		A couple of months ago, I posted about a friend of mine who had stage 4 colon cancer.  I was unsure how to approach him without upsetting him and his family.

Many of you had good advice, some of which I already knew but refused to acknowledge.  Strange how we'll listen to someone else say exactly what we are thinking and give it more credibility than we give it from ourselves in times of stress.

Anyway, he lost his battle a few weeks ago.  I sent him flowers and a card to the hospital just to let himknow that he was still dear to my heart and that my thoughts were with him.  He got them and his family told me that it brought a smile to his face.  That night, he passed on. 

For a couple of weeks before that, I kept in touch with his wife, gave her someone to vent to and to lean on, and waited until she said it was alright to contact him.  When I arrived for his memorial, she threw her arms around me and thanked me for everything.  I spnt time with his parents for the first time in 20 years and shared memories and photographs with them.

All of that pales next to the knowledge that I was able to put a smile on his face in his last hours.  Thank all of you who gave me someone to lean on.
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RE: Thank all of you - 12/3/2008 7:39:22 AM   
mc1234


Posts: 683
Joined: 10/4/2008
Status: offline 		I'm very sorry for your loss.  Your post was beautiful - a wonderful reminder of what life and character is all about, I think.  

(in reply to Irishknight)
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RE: Thank all of you - 12/3/2008 7:41:38 AM   
Rule


Posts: 10479
Joined: 12/5/2005
Status: offline 		Okay.
 
(I maybe recall that thread.)

(in reply to Irishknight)
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RE: Thank all of you - 12/3/2008 7:45:09 AM   
BlackPhx


Posts: 3432
Joined: 11/8/2006
Status: offline 		Irish I am sorry to hear that he has passed, but know that he is no longer in pain and knew until the last that you cared. Please, take it from someone who has been on the loss side, right now everyone is rushing to offer her aid, advice and comfort, many not knowing exactly what to say, but trying. In a few more weeks, the tide will trickle off and a couple of weeks after that it may be only one or two who still even call her. Please, at that time step up and be there for her. Offer her your sunshine smile, share memories of him and above all else, ease her out of the house and back into the world. When we grieve we tend to closet ourselves away as if we do not deserve to be happy after a loss. Dry her tears and offer the shoulder where you can, and remind her of the joys she had with him, not the bittersweet end.

Bless you for being there for them both.

poenkitten

(in reply to Irishknight)
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RE: Thank all of you - 12/3/2008 7:50:11 AM   
Irishknight


Posts: 2016
Joined: 9/30/2007
Status: offline 		Good advice, Poen.  She is moving back to our home town to be closer to her ums.  That also puts her a lot closer than she was.  She is now only 2 1/2 hours away as opposed to 9. 
We have already made plans for her to bring her ums up to go horseback riding and picnicing. 

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RE: Thank all of you - 12/3/2008 7:54:35 AM   
Marc2b


Posts: 6660
Joined: 8/7/2006
Status: offline 		My condolences on your loss.

Remember this – the atoms the make up our bodies were born in the fiery crucible of the big bang.  Since then they have floated in space as nebula, condensed into stars, exploded outward again, formed our own planet, passing from one living thing to another during the long cycle of life and death before coming together into that unique creation that is each and everyone of us. 

With our passing those atoms will once again return to the earth to become new life and in time, to pass into space again to form new stars, new planets and new life.

In short, each and every one of us has always been a part of creation – and we always will be.  

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Do you know what the most awesome thing about being an Atheist is? You're not required to hate anybody!

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RE: Thank all of you - 12/3/2008 8:32:33 AM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		*hugs IK*  

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RE: Thank all of you - 12/3/2008 11:31:02 AM   
SilverMark


Posts: 3457
Joined: 5/9/2007
Status: offline 		You did the right thing for your friend and now you are doing the right thing for those he loved....a friend could ask for no more than that.
You are a stand up guy IK.
Mark

(in reply to GreedyTop)
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RE: Thank all of you - 12/3/2008 3:50:47 PM   
Vendaval


Posts: 10297
Joined: 1/15/2005
Status: offline 		You are most welcome.  And I applaud your continued efforts to spend time with his family members such as the horseback riding.

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(in reply to Irishknight)
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RE: Thank all of you - 12/3/2008 3:58:26 PM   
slvemike4u


Posts: 17896
Joined: 1/15/2008
From: United States
Status: offline 		IK my sincere condolences,Mark hit the nail on the head...you are indeed a stand up guy as clearly evidenced by your actions during this difficult time....Keep your head up and keep your friends family close....you honor both yourself and your friend in this way....Mike

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RE: Thank all of you - 12/3/2008 6:03:34 PM   
kiwisub12


Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline 		Nice job, Irish. If you continue to talk to his family, be sure to mention his name in regular conversation. sometimes people won't talk about the person who died, to spare the living pain, but it doesn't - it makes them feel as if the dead wasn't worth remembering.  Casual rememberances are comforting.

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RE: Thank all of you - 12/5/2008 2:40:32 PM   
Irishknight


Posts: 2016
Joined: 9/30/2007
Status: offline 		Well said Kiwi.

I should also offer an apology for being short with a few folks recently.  Its not your fault that I am intolerant lately.  Sorry if I was an ass to you about something.  I know there were several.

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RE: Thank all of you - 12/5/2008 2:45:53 PM   
dreaminofdestiny


Posts: 20
Joined: 8/11/2007
Status: offline 		Dear IK

Im so sorry for your loss. what you did was something so simple as sending flowers yet touched the heart and soul of a family suffering.     I hope with the illness of my husband I find someone who touches me as you touched someone*

thanks for the positive thoughts

(in reply to Irishknight)
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RE: Thank all of you - 12/5/2008 4:41:40 PM   
ChainGoddess


Posts: 731
Joined: 9/27/2008
From: Ireland
Status: offline 		  What a wonderful gift you gave him in his final hours.    My sympathy on the loss of your dear friend.



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"Chain of command: I say it. You do it! End of chain."

Anne Rice- When you think night and day and every moment only of pleasing me, things will be very easy for you.

I could give up chocolate but I'm not a quitter.

(in reply to Irishknight)
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