Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

RE: oh good lord!!!


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: oh good lord!!! Page: <<   < prev  1 [2]
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
RE: oh good lord!!! - 12/3/2008 3:20:17 PM   
kiwisub12


Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline 		Heck, i probably aren't any help - the first date i had in ten years , i ended up living with , and have been for three years     -   BUT - if i had been a little more circumspect, i would have dated all the men i was talking to , until things came clear. Just as long as no-one thinks they are the only one you are dating, then go for it.

If one of them is right, eventually you will know - and enjoy it!   So, enjoy!!!

(in reply to celticlord2112)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: oh good lord!!! - 12/3/2008 3:25:16 PM   
SlaveIndigochild


Posts: 272
Status: offline 		Life is too short...way too short...just have ethical fun......

_____________________________

Formerly Prinsexx
_________________________

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=iIUrLpvE3Rk&feature=related

(in reply to lally3)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: oh good lord!!! - 12/3/2008 3:43:17 PM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		When I was much younger I used to say that they all came at once and I then had to decide between them.  But you know, I would always pick the one that reasoned out and I might be most attracted to... but because they all came at the same time, I didn't know them well enough to choose.  I recommend not choosing!  Give it time and see where each could go.  Be honest and have fun... I think you deserve a bit of that!

Oh and one lil thing I just have to say.  Once when dating a bunch of men at the same time and working with some rather reserved hunks, we were all talking and I admitted to how many I was currently spending time with.  One kind of went silent for a bit and I could tell he was thinking hard and was afraid to say anything so I just smiled.

"You have sex with all those men?!  LOL... "No I don't... why do you think they are still hanging around?"

Once you get into that area you feel you must choose to be genuine in a way and that is where things get complicated!  It is so much damn fun to get in there and have a taste... but do go out with all of them and see all you can before you have to decide.

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!


(in reply to SlaveIndigochild)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: oh good lord!!! - 12/3/2008 3:48:59 PM   
slavejali


Posts: 2918
Status: offline 		Fast Reply

Just one thing that comes to mind from your post, I like to keep my professional life and personal life separate. Maybe the vanilla person you met as a client should get the ditch, then you only got two to worry about

_____________________________

Freedom in Bondage

Different Strokes for Different Folks

"I'll always have a *soft spot* for Sadists"

(in reply to celticlord2112)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: oh good lord!!! - 12/3/2008 3:58:50 PM   
Lashra


Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline 		Date them all and see who you get along with best. No need to tie yourself down yet, just go with the flow and see where it leads.

~Lashra


_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”






(in reply to lally3)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: oh good lord!!! - 12/3/2008 4:15:50 PM   
persephonee


Posts: 5089
Joined: 12/15/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: WinsomeDefiance

Hi lally,

You are in the cart before the horse phase of this dating angst, so relax and go on your date.  Enjoy the opportunities before you.  Dates are all about exercising your options - they aren't little miniature contracts of temporary commitment.  Go exercise your options. Try on a few things to see how they fit you, and enjoy yourself.  Definitely don't out yourself to someone on the first date, however.  That's just putting way more pressure and intimate information to heap on anyone on the first date than is fair.  Remember, its HIS first date with you too. 

WinD


lally....
do every thing that winnie just said...but dont forget to fuck the holy hell outta them all....mkay?

perse
thats what she would do

_____________________________

You be the Captain; i'll be no one.

And You can carry me away....if You want to. ~Kasey Chambers

E*Whore, extraordinaire....

Nothing is exactly as it seems~Nor, is it otherwise.

(in reply to WinsomeDefiance)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: oh good lord!!! - 12/3/2008 4:23:56 PM   
Madame4a


Posts: 2045
Joined: 2/4/2008
From: Washington, DC area
Status: offline 		You are allowed to 'date' without being poly before you decide what is right for you.. it doesn't sound like any of these situations have been going on for too long...

so... two words, missy.. and I'm with GT, you deserve it

HAVE FUN


quote:

ORIGINAL: lally3

being something of a pushover - ive agreed to go out with a vanilla tonight - im still not quite sure how it happened, except that he likes me for me, says the sweetest things and has a quiet authority, mixed with humour i cant help liking.

on the other hand i have entered into something bdsm only (no sex) with someone who lives miles away and we're supposed to be getting it together next weekend.

and on the other hand, if i had another hand, ive also been talking, exchanging emails with a guy who seems to be a perfect mix of both, owns horses, lives nearby and is really really kind and caring.

a similar thread was put up a week or so ago, about what the hell do you do in this situation, how do you choose between 3 people you really really like. my advice on that thread was for her to go with whichever it was that was on her mind most - well, forget that advice, it sucks!

if i was a D id just assume the poly approach and off id go - i guess.

maybe im in a fluxxy mood cos my mum is recovering in hospital from open heart surgery and im not feeling all that focused.

im going to tell the vanilla im kinky and explain everything to him - a bit dodgy, since i do his mums feet and im a well known local health care provider who was referred to them through the local doctors surgery, but oh well!.  the bdsm guy i think probably wouldnt mind, since he's poly himself.  so then ill be entering into that odd zone, where im in a vanilla relationship and get my kinky needs met elsewhere, something i never wanted to do.

why am i sharing this with you all... sorry! -

i suppose because for the first time in ages someone wants me for me, not for how much bdsm/pain play i can take - the guy is interested in me, not just for sex but for the things we have in common outside of sex and all that that implies.

but i am what i am and that isnt going to go away.  i need some sound advice guys.


< Message edited by Madame4a -- 12/3/2008 4:46:09 PM >

_____________________________

You're crazy bitch
But you f*ck so good, I'm on top of it
When I dream, I'm doing you all night
Scratches all down my back to keep me right on

(in reply to lally3)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: oh good lord!!! - 12/3/2008 7:03:33 PM   
MidMichCowboy


Posts: 665
Joined: 3/23/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lally3

being something of a pushover - ive agreed to go out with a vanilla tonight - im still not quite sure how it happened, except that he likes me for me, says the sweetest things and has a quiet authority, mixed with humour i cant help liking.

on the other hand i have entered into something bdsm only (no sex) with someone who lives miles away and we're supposed to be getting it together next weekend.

and on the other hand, if i had another hand, ive also been talking, exchanging emails with a guy who seems to be a perfect mix of both, owns horses, lives nearby and is really really kind and caring.



Lally my dear, go for the horseman.
Not that I have any prejudice in that direction.

Dear, I wish I could tell you what to do, but I can't fix my own relationships. I do wish you all the best.
Remember, you can't kink 24 hours a day (oh come on ... over extended time it would kill you) so you have to take into account all the other parts of life that go on.

You are in my thoughts. How's the horse coming along?

edited because of spelling


< Message edited by MidMichCowboy -- 12/3/2008 7:11:13 PM >

_____________________________

I want to capture your mind, your spirit, your soul, your body, your devotion and your love. Then, will I give you my heart.

(in reply to lally3)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: oh good lord!!! - 12/3/2008 7:07:42 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		I can't imagine actually having THREE men interested in me at one time!  (Having one would probably give me a heart attack).  You are allowed to date freely, I think, until you choose one that you like better. 

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]



(in reply to MidMichCowboy)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: oh good lord!!! - 12/3/2008 7:16:10 PM   
silkncarol


Posts: 318
Status: offline 		i go along with this thinking too!   Enjoy the pleasure of being single......go with the flow, when it's right with whoever, you'll know it.................... 


quote:

ORIGINAL: Lashra

Date them all and see who you get along with best. No need to tie yourself down yet, just go with the flow and see where it leads.

~Lashra



_____________________________

We attract hearts by the qualities we display. We retain them by the qualities we possess.

Shoes can change your life................. Cinderella

(in reply to Lashra)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: oh good lord!!! - 12/3/2008 7:29:25 PM   
elegantalexis


Posts: 237
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		I just have to say that you are entitled to have fun with all 3.  Not at the same time, that is...

Lords, I have 2 men and that is enough for me...lol!

(in reply to silkncarol)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: oh good lord!!! - 12/3/2008 7:31:48 PM   
MistresseLotus


Posts: 443
Joined: 9/19/2008
From: (aka LotusSong)
Status: offline 		Drop the labels and see them as people. BDSM and wanes as you go along in life.  What you sneer at today, you will embrace tomorrow.  Men are not as easily kept in herds.  You'll think more clearly after the headiness of it all settles.

_____________________________

I leave it to the 20-somethings to do the "open-minded, total unconditional acceptance thing" for it's how THEY learn that all the things others older than they have deemed BS, are in fact BS. What a waste of a decade.

(in reply to lally3)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: oh good lord!!! - 12/3/2008 8:40:32 PM   
MlleVolanges


Posts: 15
Joined: 6/3/2008
Status: offline 		Why do you have to be a "d" to be poly? I know more subs than doms who have poly inclinations, actually.

(in reply to MistresseLotus)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: oh good lord!!! - 12/3/2008 10:02:28 PM   
SailingBum


Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline 		lally,

3 times the fun.  Enjoi

BadOne

_____________________________

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

According to SwithNSpanky
We are all so very lucky to have you with us to impart your great wisdom.

(in reply to MlleVolanges)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: oh good lord!!! - 12/3/2008 10:14:25 PM   
moonvine


Posts: 780
Joined: 11/7/2004
Status: offline 		I know where's she's coming from though, it isn't fun for all of us to be in this situation.....

(in reply to elegantalexis)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: oh good lord!!! - 12/4/2008 3:26:17 AM   
ExSteelAgain


Posts: 1803
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Georgia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lally3
i suppose because for the first time in ages someone wants me for me, not for how much bdsm/pain play i can take - the guy is interested in me, not just for sex but for the things we have in common outside of sex and all that that implies.


That lines stands out in a negative way. Why can't a Dom be interested in you for you, in addition to the bdsm play? Why can't you get to know a Dom well before you play with him so that you are sure he likes you for who you are? You imply Doms are one dimensional.

_____________________________

You can paint a cinder block bright pastel pink, but it's still a cinder block. (By Me.)

(in reply to lally3)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: oh good lord!!! - 12/4/2008 6:37:20 AM   
lally3


Posts: 595
Joined: 3/4/2008
Status: offline 		first of all  - squidgy hugs to anyone who can stumock one and thanks for all your great advice.

getting my mindset out of 'stringing people along until i make up my mind' IS the right way to go. in fact, the horsey guy said that i shouldnt make any decisions yet and just go with the flow.  the 'nilla was quietly, gently in control the whole evening - and since all the guys iv ever dated have all been dominant theres no reason to think he isnt.  the other guy is up to his neck with another sub right now, so im not going to throw my confusion at him right now, but he's being very sweet and supportive about my mum - none of which helps in the process of singling anyone out so far, but i do feel better about each one now.

Men are not as easily kept in herds. - this made me laugh! i love that line.

midmich - the horsey one is probably top billing right now, if im honest, but he's taking it really slow - and zig has a recurring lameness in his near fetlock, nothing major but he's definitely feeling it, i hope its not arthritis.

badlilthing - dont miss me, im always here.

That lines stands out in a negative way. Why can't a Dom be interested in you for you, in addition to the bdsm play? Why can't you get to know a Dom well before you play with him so that you are sure he likes you for who you are? You imply Doms are one dimensional.
 
it wasnt meant to sound that way, believe me, im a big fan of D's  in general - on the whole youre a funny bunch and im nuts about you all!  i love the transparency of needs, cutting through the crap to where it counts and im not so naive that i think the nilla doesnt have his mind set on some adult fun some time in the near future.
 
but lets face it.  when a D has control over the situation his approach is going to be a tad more seminal than a nilla whose natural inclination is to sidle up to you slowly with flowers and a wining smile.
 
missturbation probably touched on it a little there, though i dont want to misinterpret her, but sometimes and more often than not, the physical needs of Domination and submission take precidence.  as adults we know that noone is fooled, we all know the bottom line, so to speak and getting down to it before emotional entanglement is allowed space to flourish can stunt the process of deeper more romantic needs.
 
maybe its the D's ive met, but romance never seems that high on the agenda.  at some point in the process of getting to know submission develops and for the sub to take control of things beyond that point starts to get a bit tricky.  both have to be on the same page with the getting to know process

i might be wrong, but ive always gone along with the premis that its the D that sets the pace - i can and i often am a little tricky to pin down emotionally it takes alot of trust to expose that level of vulnerability. itll take an emotionally demanding D to prize that degree of 'me' out into the open and they'd really have to want to.  for quite a few the play is the end game and the emotional end of it is something best left to past entanglements with estranged wives and bitter bust ups.

if you can have a happy subbie, giving her submission purely because its expected from her/him - wheres the incentive or requirement for emotional mess.   feel free to flame

ps:  generally the getting to know process is all about being interested in each other.  in finding things in common and a common ground to work from.  the ideal is to find a person who wants you completely in every possible way - and that touches on that ole chestnut of 'why dont people find each other' - we can find play partners ad infinitum, finding that one perfect union that does more than just touch the sides, but goes deep because both want it and feel it, is much harder to find.
 

< Message edited by lally3 -- 12/4/2008 6:42:28 AM >

_____________________________

even doves have pride (Prince)

(in reply to ExSteelAgain)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: oh good lord!!! - 12/4/2008 11:51:11 AM   
MistresseLotus


Posts: 443
Joined: 9/19/2008
From: (aka LotusSong)
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

As some others have mentioned, give these relationships some time to develop.  You don't need to become exclusive after one date, nor do you need to parade out your kinky lifestyle on the first date, unless the conversation goes there.  You never know what will happen with relationships.  The vanilla guy may surprise you, or something interesting may happen with one of the other guys.


   Very sound advice!

_____________________________

I leave it to the 20-somethings to do the "open-minded, total unconditional acceptance thing" for it's how THEY learn that all the things others older than they have deemed BS, are in fact BS. What a waste of a decade.

(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 38
Page:   <<   < prev  1 [2]
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: oh good lord!!! Page: <<   < prev  1 [2]
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.531