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lally3 -> RE: oh good lord!!! (12/4/2008 6:37:20 AM)
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first of all - squidgy hugs to anyone who can stumock one and thanks for all your great advice.[:)]
getting my mindset out of 'stringing people along until i make up my mind' IS the right way to go. in fact, the horsey guy said that i shouldnt make any decisions yet and just go with the flow. the 'nilla was quietly, gently in control the whole evening - and since all the guys iv ever dated have all been dominant theres no reason to think he isnt. the other guy is up to his neck with another sub right now, so im not going to throw my confusion at him right now, but he's being very sweet and supportive about my mum - none of which helps in the process of singling anyone out so far, but i do feel better about each one now.
Men are not as easily kept in herds. - this made me laugh! i love that line.
midmich - the horsey one is probably top billing right now, if im honest, but he's taking it really slow - and zig has a recurring lameness in his near fetlock, nothing major but he's definitely feeling it, i hope its not arthritis.
badlilthing - dont miss me, im always here.
That lines stands out in a negative way. Why can't a Dom be interested in you for you, in addition to the bdsm play? Why can't you get to know a Dom well before you play with him so that you are sure he likes you for who you are? You imply Doms are one dimensional.
it wasnt meant to sound that way, believe me, im a big fan of D's [:)] in general - on the whole youre a funny bunch and im nuts about you all! i love the transparency of needs, cutting through the crap to where it counts and im not so naive that i think the nilla doesnt have his mind set on some adult fun some time in the near future.
but lets face it. when a D has control over the situation his approach is going to be a tad more seminal than a nilla whose natural inclination is to sidle up to you slowly with flowers and a wining smile.
missturbation probably touched on it a little there, though i dont want to misinterpret her, but sometimes and more often than not, the physical needs of Domination and submission take precidence. as adults we know that noone is fooled, we all know the bottom line, so to speak and getting down to it before emotional entanglement is allowed space to flourish can stunt the process of deeper more romantic needs.
maybe its the D's ive met, but romance never seems that high on the agenda. at some point in the process of getting to know submission develops and for the sub to take control of things beyond that point starts to get a bit tricky. both have to be on the same page with the getting to know process
i might be wrong, but ive always gone along with the premis that its the D that sets the pace - i can and i often am a little tricky to pin down emotionally it takes alot of trust to expose that level of vulnerability. itll take an emotionally demanding D to prize that degree of 'me' out into the open and they'd really have to want to. for quite a few the play is the end game and the emotional end of it is something best left to past entanglements with estranged wives and bitter bust ups.
if you can have a happy subbie, giving her submission purely because its expected from her/him - wheres the incentive or requirement for emotional mess. feel free to flame [:D]
ps: generally the getting to know process is all about being interested in each other. in finding things in common and a common ground to work from. the ideal is to find a person who wants you completely in every possible way - and that touches on that ole chestnut of 'why dont people find each other' - we can find play partners ad infinitum, finding that one perfect union that does more than just touch the sides, but goes deep because both want it and feel it, is much harder to find.
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