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gypsygrl -> RE: Change Vrs Status Quo (12/3/2008 3:12:40 AM)
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Do we have to have change and growth to have fresh and exciting?
Nope. Too much change, particularly external change, gets boring and stale. Seriously. It overwhelms the senses and our ability to cope with different situations. Additionally, it forces us to concentrate on the surface of things rather than exploring the depths. Its like the idea of having a new partner every couple of months. Some imagine that that would be the epitome of exciting but I'm guessing that eventually those partners would all meld into one, and it'd be impossible to differentiate between them. It'd start feeling old.
Too much internal change, on the other hand, implies a lack of character or a fatal restlessness. If someone lacks any consistency in their approach to life, its impossible to get to know them. It would be hard to have any kind of meaningful relationship with such a person, let alone a relationship in which I would be trying to submit. Learning them would be impossible, and they'd be like a different person every day. (There is a philosophy of D/s which states that the power exchange is enhanced if the s is kept off balance. Personally, I think that's bullshit.)
I think we need stability in order to grow. Its like planting a seed. If you dig that seed up every day, and plant it in fresh soil, chances are, that seed is never going to sprout. Once the seed is planted, its best to keep it planted! (This seems really profound as I'm sitting here in the early am, but I got that first cup of coffee buzz goin' on) Growth is culmulative. I think the tendency to equate change and growth is a mistaken one. Not all change involves growth. Some change destroys the possibility of growth. Death itself involves a drastic change in an organism.
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Are there areas that you seek to facilate change and growth and other areas that you seek to maintain a status quo? what are they.
Why do you choose these approaches? Why is one way better for you than others?
Sir's and my relationship is a new one. We haven't fully defined it except to say that its some brand of D/s. It will evolve as we find what works for us and what doesn't. We decided to take this approach from the time I moved into his house for a variety of reasons. In my mind, the biggest reason is the fact that there are so many contingencies we have to deal with.
I'm not big on chasing change and growth and excitement for its own sake. Life tends to hand that shit to me and it'd be foolhardy for me to go looking for it. I like things old and comfortable, like a well worn shoe. So, I wouldn't go out of my way seeking to facilitate change and growth. I've had way too much instability in my life to be enamoured with the idea of change for its own sake. Boring is just fine with me.
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In particular with BDSM and Power Dynamics, what things you seek to maintain as a status quo and what things do you seek to change and grow with?
But, if somethings not working right, I'm a big believer in confronting the situation and changing to get things running smoothly. So, in that case, I'd be like, yo, Sir, we gotta do something here. You could say my approach is pragmatic. If it ain't broke leave it alone. I'm more likely to want to do the change and grow thing if it pleases Sir, and if it enhances our power exchange. So, even if something was working for me, but he said he wanted to change it, I'd be ok with trying after I got over my initial resistence. (Change is something that is best resisted!!! The only thing worse than the way things are is change! --one of my favorite quotable quotes.)
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