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Offering Help - 11/26/2008 12:24:15 PM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline 		Hello folks,

As mentioned in another thread, I'm laid up for awhile, unable to stand on my own two feet right now. Offers of help came pouring in, of course, and people have been extremely generous. Between family & friends, I have had someone here, helping me with literally everything from making coffee to helping me go to the bathroom and everything in between. I am truly fortunate!

My observation is after "crisis mode" is over, the adrenaline dies down and people go back to their lives, and help is not so "at the ready" as it was before. This, by all means, is not a complaint about any of it, but an interesting observation. It's been two days since my spill down the stairs, and people are back to their routines. My Mom doesn't drive, so getting her here requires extra help - she needs to find a ride. We're trying to coordinate that for tonight and are coming up with nothing. This means there is no ride to my brother's for Thanksgiving dinner, either. So, if my mom can get here, we'll have chicken!

I've been in the position of helper before, but not helpee - particularly not like this. I'm finding this to be a good lesson for me as "future helper", in understanding that injured folks (or ill folks) do need continued care and not to forget about them!! My Mom is so stressed about all this right now, and I've told her "We will work with what we have in front of us, and that's the best we can do." Seriously, I'm grateful to have the help that I do! It's a lot of work to do everything for someone else - prop pillows under my feet, feed the cat, change the litterbox, refresh the ice packs, bathe me, feed me, turn the heater on, ok now I'm hot, turn the heater off, lol. You get the idea.

I'm calling my friend Nurse Ratchet, because she dunked both my feet in a bucket of ice last night! For my part, it's hard to remain patient, in that life as I know it is not "normal" right now - my coffee isn't the same with other people making it, I have to wait for someone to be available to help me use the portable commode (I have visions of it tipping backwards when I'm on it!), to be stuck on my sofa so I'm not imprisoned in the bedroom, to live in my home but with someone else's living habits. And then of course is the commentary (mostly from Mom) - "Wow, you have a lot of shoes." "Why do you keep the window open if the heater is on?" "I've rearranged your bathroom so it makes more sense". Ha! I have no idea what the back of the apartment looks like now, or how I'll find anything when I'm up and around! She rearranged my kitchen, too!

So, my cat & I are a bit bewildered at our new state in life right now (he's sticking close, lol), as we're at the mercy of everyone else, and everyone else is starting to fade away!

I don't know the point of this thread! I guess it's the scenic route way of saying if someone you love is laid up and you have the energy to check in with them and offer help after the dust settles, please do! And that it's a lesson in humility to have someone do everything for you - there is such an emotional aspect to receiving help that I had not considered before, especially when one is as independent as I am.

Well, I have help scheduled here through Saturday morning. After that, if you don't hear from me again it's because I've rotted and starved here on my couch, LOL!

I'm finding ways to have fun with this. Ya gotta laugh, right?




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RE: Offering Help - 11/26/2008 12:29:11 PM   
celticlord2112


Posts: 5732
Status: offline
quote:

if someone you love is laid up and you have the energy to check in with them and offer help after the dust settles, please do!

Repeated for emphasis.  It needs to be said (often).

Sucks to be laid up.  Hope you get back on your feet post haste!


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RE: Offering Help - 11/26/2008 12:35:35 PM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		I echo what CL has said.

I have always tried to wait until the dust settles THEN see if I can help. Only because I have seen exactly what you describe.


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RE: Offering Help - 11/26/2008 12:40:42 PM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline 		Thanks you guys. I've tried to do that, too, but I can see now where I have failed to. Then again, on the recipient's end, I remind myself to be grateful for what I am receiving (which I am!), and to ask for what I need (not always easy!).

The physical therapist is coming this afternoon. Maybe she'll teach me how to stand again! :)



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RE: Offering Help - 11/26/2008 12:51:33 PM   
Vendaval


Posts: 10297
Joined: 1/15/2005
Status: offline 		Good Lord woman!  We need to rescue you from your caretakers.  Re-arranging the kitchen is grounds for
dismissal...wait you can't... 
she's your mother......nevermind....   But you did hide the sex toys and porn stash, yes?  And the chocolate is labeled as something else and squirreled away I hope.

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RE: Offering Help - 11/26/2008 12:54:07 PM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline 		LMAO!!!! Yes, my cousin arrived before my mother did and put all toys out of vision...I hope!! And yeah, Mom's are Mom's. I'm getting my lectures and receiving them with love. And as for my kitchen...well...when I'm on my feet again I'll just put it all back. I suppose if she's the one cooking, she can do what she wants. My life is not my own, and not in a good way!!!

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RE: Offering Help - 11/26/2008 5:15:44 PM   
windchymes


Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline 		I haven't found the thread that describes what happened, but sorry to hear and hope you're up again soon!

I totally agree with you....when I had major back surgery almost 3 years ago, I had almost no help whatsoever.  (My family all lived out of state and I was new to the area, so my only friends were co-workers who had their own families to take care of.)  A couple people called right after, and one co-worker did bring me a bag of dvd's and a casserole, but that was it.  I drove myself to the doctor 25 miles away 5 days after surgery to check the bandage.  I just laid out a small table by the couch every day with snacks, a carafe of hot water and teabags and sugar, a spoon, my drugs, and the tv remote so I would have to get up as little as possible because it was excruciating to move the first few weeks.  There were days and sometimes a week or more that would go by where I had no human contact.  It would have meant so much if someone would have stopped in a few times. 

It probably helped me get better faster, though.  I would just strap on my back brace and go to the grocery store for "entertainment", lol.


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RE: Offering Help - 11/26/2008 6:37:40 PM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: windchymes
There were days and sometimes a week or more that would go by where I had no human contact.  It would have meant so much if someone would have stopped in a few times. 




Wow windchymes that's really sad. I'm so sorry you went through that, but what strength you must have to have done so. I'm really grateful for the people in my life who are taking care of everything for me. Without them the hospital was going to send me to convalescent care, since I can't take care of myself right now. The at-home PT said she will have me walking with a walker by Monday or Tuesday, so I won't need round the clock care by then.

Thank you for your well wishes. I wish you didn't have to go through what you did alone.

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RE: Offering Help - 11/26/2008 6:42:49 PM   
windchymes


Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline 		What in the world did you do, sweetie?  I've looked and still can't find the thread, duh.  Sounds like you fell and broke something?  Poor thing!

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Pick-up artists and garbage men should trade names.

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RE: Offering Help - 11/26/2008 7:16:13 PM   
PanthersMom


Posts: 2215
Joined: 11/26/2007
From: Cleveland Ohio
Status: offline 		i can sympathize, i've been dealing with orthopedic issues for the last almost 3 yrs.  i've had to teach the members of my family to do the chores around the house.  my sons will not starve, they can do laundry, know how to clean and can do some shopping.  too bad you can't give the cat a grocery list and the checkbook!  kids can be useful for more than just continuing the species, lol.  i'm very proud of how they've stepped up and helped out now that i'm in a wheelchair and can't do everything i used to do.

i did spend 6 weeks in a skilled nursing facility, which wasn't that bad.  i had people to talk to, a change of scenery if i wanted it, meals brought to my room and so on.  it got boring after awhile, but if your medical professional says it's necessary, it's necessary.  they don't like sending patients away from home, home is where you heal the best and fastest, but if they think it's going to be better for you, give it a shot.  i had therapy, the proper medications right on schedule and my personal needs were taken care of until i could handle it on my own.  i think it was the best thing for me at that time.

i hope you're back on your feet soon and can find the things you need to when you get control of your home back from mom, lol.  think of it as occupational therapy, getting things back in order will give you exercise and something to do.

PM

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RE: Offering Help - 11/26/2008 8:03:16 PM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: windchymes

What in the world did you do, sweetie?  I've looked and still can't find the thread, duh.  Sounds like you fell and broke something?  Poor thing!


Oh sorry, hon, it was in the happy birthday thread that Bita started (yeah it happened on my bday). I have a severe sprain of both ankles, and may have torn ligaments, too. But I can't stand up for more than about 5 seconds yet, so I'm having in home physical therapy until I can manage better. Anyway, I'll be in a wheelchair / walker for awhile, but right now I can't use the walker just yet. The most movement I'm getting right now is scooting from the couch to the porta potty, lol. Woot!!

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RE: Offering Help - 11/26/2008 8:15:29 PM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: PanthersMom

i hope you're back on your feet soon and can find the things you need to when you get control of your home back from mom, lol.  think of it as occupational therapy, getting things back in order will give you exercise and something to do.

PM


LOL @ occupational therapy! I love it. She's been so awesome. But when she leaves it'll be like a scavenger hunt around here. Laughed at the cat / grocery list. Actually Safeway delivers, which is helpful! But I keep telling the cat "Hey go get such n such for me, will ya?" and he just looks at me like I'm nuts. Wouldn't THAT be something!!

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RE: Offering Help - 11/26/2008 11:04:00 PM   
MzMia


Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline 		Thanks for a wonderful post.
I hope you have a swift recovery, and it sounds like
you have created a support system. 

Will your insurance cover a nurse's aid or home health care worker,
for even a few hours a day?
If/when I am in a similar situation I plan to  hire a nurse's aide or even
home health care aide if possible.
***Many licensed care givers advertise in the papers, craig's list, etc.***
They are wonderful for helping you bathe, cook, run errands, etc.
You can even hire one for about $10-$12 an hour, even if you get someone once a week,
they can be so very helpful.
Thank goodness for Mom's!
 
Imagine what it is like for those that are single and
alone and chronically ill, disabled,
or elderly?
Many in nursing homes are only there because they don't have someone to help
them with basic activities of daily living.
 

< Message edited by MzMia -- 11/26/2008 11:12:58 PM >

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RE: Offering Help - 11/27/2008 1:08:59 AM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline 		Hi MzMia,

Yes it looks like my insurance is covering at-home visits from a physical therapist. My sister picked up my laundry and is doing it for me, and friends are bringing food, movies, and laughter. I can't imagine having to go this alone.

About 5-6 years ago I worked with a guy who had surgery on one foot, and then fell on his crutches and tore a ligament in his other foot. He was wheelchair bound for 6 weeks. I drove him to work and back during that time since he had no other way of transportation. Funny how the world works. He's the head of the department I work in now. So he's setting me up to work from home until I'm on my feet, and he & his wife even offered me a spare room and bathroom in their home if I need it, and daily rides to work. Another co-worker and friend offered me to stay with her, too. I am so fortunate to have so many options.

My girlfriends and I have decided when we're old and decrepit, we're all going to stay at the same assisted living place. We all look out for each other so much, it just makes sense to take that step!

For now, though, I made my way into my wheelchair and wheeled myself to the kitchen tonight. That was quite an accomplishment! It was good to see a room other than my living room. The big accomplishment will be to make it to the bath room! That's my weekend goal...lol.

Thanks for your well wishes, MzMia. You've given me something to think about, regarding those who don't have this kind of help. Maybe when I'm better I can do some volunteer work of this kind.

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RE: Offering Help - 11/27/2008 4:12:25 AM   
wandersalone


Posts: 4666
Joined: 11/21/2005
Status: offline 		Hope the pain is decreasing a bit for you.  I have also been on the receiving end of overwhelming support and kindnesses in the early stages of traumatic situations (major illness and the death of someone close).... everyone rushes in the early stages to do things and help out and I think as the days pass the responsibilities that they maybe put aside for a short time start taking up their energies again.

I now tend to initially let others provide most of the support, assistance when someone I know is going through difficulties and in the following weeks and even months I then start doing things whether it be ringing to say hello, asking how they feel, buying some food to share with them (since I would never be so cruel as to subject anyone to my cooking), doing some cleaning for them, babysitting, making up a care parcel etc etc etc.


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RE: Offering Help - 11/27/2008 6:55:13 AM   
pahunkboy


Posts: 33061
Joined: 2/26/2006
From: Central Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		the other night my buddy jim ..who had a surgery on his leg- was up stairs, he stumbing on a hair bun pin and toumbled down a flight of stairs.  he crawd to a phone to call a nneighbor to pick up the house quicly before they called the parmetic.

i had an aunt die in philly a few years back. it was 2 weeks before anyone found the body.   thats sad

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RE: Offering Help - 11/27/2008 8:41:54 AM   
MzMia


Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: pahunkboy

the other night my buddy jim ..who had a surgery on his leg- was up stairs, he stumbing on a hair bun pin and toumbled down a flight of stairs.  he crawd to a phone to call a nneighbor to pick up the house quicly before they called the parmetic.

i had an aunt die in philly a few years back. it was 2 weeks before anyone found the body.   thats sad



If I end up living alone in my later years, I plan to get a FIRST alert system.
I will wear it all the time, it needs to be waterproof so I can wear it in the tub.
By the way have you all seen the walk in tubs?
I plan to get one in about 10 years, why wait?
SeniorBathtub.com

I plan to live well my last years on earth.
I want to have what I need in advance.
HELP! I have fallen and I can't get up!!


< Message edited by MzMia -- 11/27/2008 9:13:53 AM >

_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain


What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

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RE: Offering Help - 11/27/2008 10:08:04 AM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline 		My late grandmother and her friend across the street had a great system. "If the paper is still on my porch by 9:00am, come inside and check on me."

Be careful with the First Alert system, because people get so comfortable with them they can get lazy or take them for granted. "Oh I'm just going to the other room - I don't need to wear it for that." Just remember to wear it all the time.

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RE: Offering Help - 11/27/2008 10:22:47 AM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline 		I don't know if this will make you feel any better but...

A few years ago I was plucking my eyebrows. Seems pretty ordinary right? Well, I can hurt myself doing almost anything. I was sitting in a chair with wooden arms. I accidently bumped my funny bone on the wood arm, which sent my arm (tweezers in hand) right into my eye. I ended up cutting my cornea from corner to corner. I went to the ER where they told me it was a really deep cut and in order for it to heal I would have to have BOTH eyes patched so that my injured eye wouldn't be irritated when I blinked. OMG...total blindness. I couldn't do anything!!! I had to have my mom come live with me for a couple of weeks and I had to depend on her for EVERYTHING! UGH!!!

It sucks when your independence gets taken away suddenly. I hope you mend quickly and I will be thinking of you.

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RE: Offering Help - 11/27/2008 10:24:29 AM   
kiwisub12


Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline 		My dad was in hospital for weeks with a heart attack, my mum was in her 70's - and my whole family was so used to her being independent and refusing help, no-one offered to help by driving her to town to see dad.

Its not their fault, and mum didn't tell anyone that she was getting tired - but a little thought would have pointed  a way for them to help.

I have noticed that any time spent helping someone seems to be repayed in the long time - as in the example above.

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