Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

RE: D/s with PTSD


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: D/s with PTSD Page: <<   < prev  1 [2]
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
RE: D/s with PTSD - 11/25/2008 2:51:16 PM   
Shiroka


Posts: 51
Joined: 11/25/2008
Status: offline 		learn what you can about it as others have stated. the pervious owners i have had,have seen me a time or two go through that situation.it isnt generallly a good thing to have happen but what i can say based off of my own personal experience with it is,find ways to comfort and let the person talk about it as it happens.

(in reply to DogGoneBad)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: D/s with PTSD - 11/25/2008 5:35:00 PM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DavanKael

I'm concerned about the focus on only ptsdinmost of the recommendations on this.  While that is serious, so too is dissociation.  I worked extensively (2 years in-patient) with people with dissociative identity disorder and it's nothing to play with either.  The spectrum of trauma disorders is something within which to tread lightly and to seek professional intervention. 
  Davan


These issues often go together though to. I don't know a multiple who doesn't also have PTSD for example but I know that there are many more things now included in DID. All of them take therapy, not necessarily for life by the way but probably years, and a lot of hard work. Ultimately I stick by my recommendation that both people go to therapy together early on to see if a relationship is even wise.

Sometimes what we want or think we need (BDSM) isn't what is healthiest for us at any given moment of our life. If you have these serious mental health concerns you may need to focus on them first and BDSM much further down the line.

I say all of this as a person with such past issues who owns someone with such issues. It isn't easy but it can be worth it with the appropriate partner.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to DavanKael)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: D/s with PTSD - 11/25/2008 6:21:49 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		The only way you know how to work this out is with communication..ask her what her triggers are and what can possibly set it off and to make sure you both are constantly communicating and getting to know each other.

Pay attention and talk to each other.

Also make sure you know her medical  history. Is she taking medication for it? Does she seek therapy? If so maybe ask her if you can sit in on a session with her if at all possible. 

If she's not ready to share with you then I would set an appointment with a therapist on your own so that you can learn more about the disorder and get a better grasp on how to deal with someone who has this.


(in reply to DavanKael)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: D/s with PTSD - 11/25/2008 6:50:38 PM   
CFslaves


Posts: 1019
Joined: 10/28/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DogGoneBad

I'm interested in what works best for a submissive with PTSD and other dissociative disorders.  I'm interested in knowing what things to avoid as well.  I'm seeking general information, advice and input.  I'm not looking for advice on avoiding or ending relationships.  Any helpful information deeply appreciated.


well i know the therapy i have been going through is helping and if you are a good dom and start with the non limits that s/he loves and work it up and maybe if the submissive is medicated and very good after care is done you could get past and beable to do a VERY good D/s relationship. ive been through hell and back and have depression and ptsd and am almost fully back to my self and am in a wonderful M/s poly relationship

(in reply to DogGoneBad)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: D/s with PTSD - 11/25/2008 7:22:20 PM   
BLGirl


Posts: 209
Joined: 10/17/2008
Status: offline 		I would suggest first off listening.  I know my baby has some PTSD issues and that if I am not paying attention to what she is feeling and needing that it can lead to a fight waiting to happen. 

I would suggest this for dealing with an episode that may or may not happen while in play or even when he/she has been triggered outside of play. 

(this his what has worked for me and is by no means a substitute for therapy, and it may not work for him/her)
1.  Stop all BDSM play, and attitude. until you know how this will affect him/her.
2. be willing to listen to what he/she needs. Be willing to do what she is asking.  I'll give an example in a sec.
    my baby had been triggered lately and while I love her to death, it can be a struggle on my end to know what she is in need of.  I asked her several times what she wanted me to do for her. It ended up being, at present, just holding her and letting her cry on my shoulder.  This is a touchy area for my baby because while having her cry on my shoulder worked today it might not work the next time.  to shorten it up LISTEN to what he/she needs.
3. know that anger/feeling directed at you are not your fault. even being in the Dom position does not mean that what is said cannot sting.
4. Give him/her space that might be needed, but don't abandon him/her.  Because the need for you to be there for him/her can change at any time.  This would depend on your relationship with him/her. 

I hope this sheds some light on the subject for you

Daddy of BLGirl

(in reply to DogGoneBad)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: D/s with PTSD - 11/25/2008 8:03:10 PM   
Jeptha


Posts: 780
Joined: 9/18/2008
From: Portland, Oregon
Status: offline 		Just as a side note, the NLP (neuro linguistic programming) people claim to have some success with some forms of ptsd, and they claim to be able to get results in a relatively shorter amount of time (as opposed to years of therapy.)

I don't know much more about it than that, but it might be worth looking into.

(in reply to DogGoneBad)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: D/s with PTSD - 11/25/2008 9:28:24 PM   
MAMandSlave


Posts: 110
Joined: 8/15/2008
Status: offline 		EMDR is the standard therapy for ptsd, combined with trauma theory based treatment.

(in reply to Jeptha)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: D/s with PTSD - 11/26/2008 2:51:24 AM   
wandersalone


Posts: 4666
Joined: 11/21/2005
Status: offline 		god lucky I don't work in mental health .....coughs.... ....I had to google DDNOS (disassociative disorder not otherwise specified.... I really need to read the DSM IV one day) 

quote:

ORIGINAL: cagliostro
PTSD, DID, and DDNOS all work basically the same way. 


edited to add some more as I didn't want my comment to come across as being disrespectful to anyone who has experienced PTSD and/or DID.

When working with people with PTSD where possible I have invited their significant other in to at least one of the sessions and we have talked together about triggers, signs and some strategies that the person finds helpful when experiencing a flashback...it differs for everyone eg. one person may not be able tp have anyone touch them, another may be ok with their sig other touching them on the arm but not the face if attempting to ground them,  CBT, the trauma therapies, EMDR, EFT, ACT.... there is no one treatment paradigm that works in every instance.  Generally for me it is more about teaching the sig other how to not trigger flashbacks, how to recognise them and what to do if this does happen rather than asking them to be a therapist in any way, shape or form.   :)


< Message edited by wandersalone -- 11/26/2008 3:06:56 AM >

_____________________________

Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter. Martin Luther King
Godmother of the subbie mafia
My all time favourite threads
http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=2002501
http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=790885

(in reply to cagliostro)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: D/s with PTSD - 11/26/2008 7:41:08 AM   
Aneirin


Posts: 6121
Joined: 3/18/2006
From: Tamaris
Status: offline 		I tried the talk therapy, the cognitive behavioural therapy and that, but the ptsd came via traumatising actions, talking is not going to undo that mechanism. Next plan, emdr, a hypnosis type idea, something I need to get past the defences, sneak in under the wire whilst the guards are dozing.

_____________________________

Everything we are is the result of what we have thought, the mind is everything, what we think, we become - Guatama Buddha

Conservatism is distrust of people tempered by fear - William Gladstone

(in reply to wandersalone)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: D/s with PTSD - 11/26/2008 8:22:19 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Ask for an appointment with her therapist so the expert can tell you how to handle it.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to DavanKael)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: D/s with PTSD - 11/26/2008 12:04:28 PM   
BLGirl


Posts: 209
Joined: 10/17/2008
Status: offline 		I think a good deal of us got away from what was being asked.  I don't think its what can he do to help him/her, but what are some things that he could do not to trigger a flashback.  I have read a lot about therapy and different methods that would or could work well, but I don't think that is what is being asked for.  If I'm wrong please let me know


Daddy of  BLGirl

(in reply to DogGoneBad)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: D/s with PTSD - 11/26/2008 12:43:20 PM   
DogGoneBad


Posts: 40
Joined: 11/25/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BLGirl
I think a good deal of us got away from what was being asked.  I don't think its what can he do to help him/her, but what are some things that he could do not to trigger a flashback.  I have read a lot about therapy and different methods that would or could work well, but I don't think that is what is being asked for.  If I'm wrong please let me know


Daddy of  BLGirl

I'm concerned about the triggers. Some aspects of control appear to be threatening to her, triggering fears of being abused.  Punishment is an area of deep concern.  How to best to deal with matters when rules are broken.  I'm aware that some rules can even cause alarm or triggers too.  I've been taking D/s very slowly with her.

< Message edited by DogGoneBad -- 11/26/2008 12:44:10 PM >

(in reply to BLGirl)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: D/s with PTSD - 11/26/2008 2:58:46 PM   
SlaveIndigochild


Posts: 272
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DogGoneBad

I'm interested in what works best for a submissive with PTSD and other dissociative disorders.  I'm interested in knowing what things to avoid as well.  I'm seeking general information, advice and input.  I'm not looking for advice on avoiding or ending relationships.  Any helpful information deeply appreciated.

What's the difference between a submissive with PTSD and anyone else with PTSD? i mean good therapy is one answer although everyone is individual and sometimes even the best therapy simply serves to prolong the PTSD. Being in a strong and supportive D/s relationship might make the symptome of PTSD surface for a while but that's just the trauma working itself out.
i've been through phases myself when i have co-dependently assumed that a Dominant could/would/should take care of my issues but having walked myself into co-dependency it's not a place i want to be any longer. (i'm an owned slave and a therapist by the way).


_____________________________

Formerly Prinsexx
_________________________

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=iIUrLpvE3Rk&feature=related

(in reply to DogGoneBad)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: D/s with PTSD - 11/26/2008 3:10:47 PM   
BLGirl


Posts: 209
Joined: 10/17/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DogGoneBad

quote:

ORIGINAL: BLGirl
I think a good deal of us got away from what was being asked.  I don't think its what can he do to help him/her, but what are some things that he could do not to trigger a flashback.  I have read a lot about therapy and different methods that would or could work well, but I don't think that is what is being asked for.  If I'm wrong please let me know


Daddy of  BLGirl


I'm concerned about the triggers. Some aspects of control appear to be threatening to her, triggering fears of being abused.  Punishment is an area of deep concern.  How to best to deal with matters when rules are broken.  I'm aware that some rules can even cause alarm or triggers too.  I've been taking D/s very slowly with her.


Very wise to take it slowly.  It breaks it down to knowing her.  If there is a point at which she is triggered everything should stop and just take care of her. Her concern is about being abused, there should be a safe word.  When said this should trigger you to, again, stop everything and care for her. I know at times I am hypersensitive to my baby's PTSD and her word is "Seriously" because she'll beg, plead, cry, or whatever to get out of "punishment" when she had decided to be bad.  On an occasion or two I have tirggered her PTSD and, I can't preach it enough, everything stoped it wasn't about what I wanted or XYZ it was all about her. The other thing I am suggesting is to always listen,  I know my baby is quite stubborn and believes at times that her leadbottom can handle anything. That being said I have to be able to listen to the how she is talking.  This will cue me in on if I have triggered her or not.  It's all about caring for her and moving at a pace that she is comfortable with.  If, like my baby, she isn't going to let you know what is too far or what she is not willing to do start with a limit you set and don't go past that.  Next time take it a little further each time and let her tell you when you reach that limit. After you two are done with your scene,  talk with her and get her feel for how things went.  What she liked, didn't like, ect.

I am curious as to why rules would be broken and who is breaking them?  Are these not usualy laid out for whatever reason?

Daddy of BLGirl

(in reply to DogGoneBad)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: D/s with PTSD - 11/26/2008 4:46:40 PM   
IvyMorgan


Posts: 729
Joined: 7/5/2007
From: Midlands, UK
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DavanKael

I'm concerned about the focus on only ptsdinmost of the recommendations on this.  While that is serious, so too is dissociation.  I worked extensively (2 years in-patient) with people with dissociative identity disorder and it's nothing to play with either.  The spectrum of trauma disorders is something within which to tread lightly and to seek professional intervention. 
Davan
I was referring to dissociation, as that's where my experience lies.  For me, certain ties, bondage positions, scents, types of pain will trigger dissociation.  It's a case, for me, of clearly informing my partners before hand, and communicating constantly during.  I know, for myself, the signs of when I am beginning to faze out, and catching it then makes a whole world of difference.  Pushing only carefully, and when I am ready, is taken as a given.

(in reply to DavanKael)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: D/s with PTSD - 11/26/2008 4:51:46 PM   
IvyMorgan


Posts: 729
Joined: 7/5/2007
From: Midlands, UK
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Jeptha

Just as a side note, the NLP (neuro linguistic programming) people claim to have some success with some forms of ptsd, and they claim to be able to get results in a relatively shorter amount of time (as opposed to years of therapy.)

I don't know much more about it than that, but it might be worth looking into.
NLP is good for trauma, but, as with all things, don't use it in isolation.

As with EMDR, if it's going to do anything, you'll know pretty quick, once you get it working right.

(in reply to Jeptha)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: D/s with PTSD - 11/27/2008 4:39:02 AM   
DogGoneBad


Posts: 40
Joined: 11/25/2008
Status: offline 		I can't delete a post.

< Message edited by DogGoneBad -- 11/27/2008 4:44:27 AM >

(in reply to Shiroka)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: D/s with PTSD - 11/28/2008 4:38:40 PM   
panthersub


Posts: 80
Joined: 5/20/2008
Status: offline 		i still have some PTSD, but it's not as severe as it once was. To me it would depend on your situation, like with me it was certain specific issues where there would be shows on both tv and in movies that i would avoid watching and would switch the channel. i did try the therapy thing but it only made it worse. i basically just worked through it on my own, looked online about my issue and sort of got through it. Best luck with you on it though, i know it can hinder what you can or will not do within the lifestyle.

(in reply to DogGoneBad)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: D/s with PTSD - 11/28/2008 10:55:06 PM   
WinsomeDefiance


Posts: 6719
Joined: 8/7/2007
Status: offline 		.....

< Message edited by WinsomeDefiance -- 11/28/2008 11:06:22 PM >

(in reply to IvyMorgan)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: D/s with PTSD - 11/28/2008 11:00:20 PM   
moonvine


Posts: 780
Joined: 11/7/2004
Status: offline 		I wish I could afford therapy.  Not going to bring the health care debate to these boards, but ugh....anyway I just recently discovered another trigger...being yelled at *or perceiving that I am being yelled at* can send me on a crying jag that lasts for days.  This is really confusing to both parties when the dominant party does not perceive himself as yelling, but I do.

(in reply to Rover)
Profile   Post #: 40
Page:   <<   < prev  1 [2]
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: D/s with PTSD Page: <<   < prev  1 [2]
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.141