just a rambol on a complaint. (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion



Message

sexisubi -> just a rambol on a complaint. (11/23/2008 1:41:41 PM)

i see a lot of profiles that say 'I love punishment, I want to be punished... blah blah blah'

Anyway this is my rant rooted from this.

it's funny how people say they love punishment, the point of punishment is to not be pleasuring. i personally like spanking, i like being tied up for long periods of time or sitting at my Masters feet while we watch a movie... sometimes sleeping at the foot of the bed or on the floor puts be back in my place, it helps me to remember why i wanted to be apart of this lifestyle in the first place.

Isn't punishment received when you don't do something right or at all? So, why do you want to be punished? A Master who rewards you will do the things you like as well... so would you really call what you like punishment?

i saw a Dom post once the best punishment is ignoring his submissive/slave, and even though i never met this person i read it about a year ago and it always stuck with me.

i personally am not a Dom, but i think i would get bored quickly if i was always 'punishing' someone all the time. The reason this life style is appealing is because it's pleasing to please another. It feels good to be appricated and cared for emotionally and earning a trust and bond with someone who you work so hard for and care so deeply for. So my plea is to change the word punishment... tell Them specifics don't push so hard to have a spanking or a night on the floor or something harder... just do what is asked and tell Them what you want to try... most Doms enjoy listening, They want to get inside your head, understand what you're thinking, how you're feeling, and even what you like. 

Well, i feel better :) tee hee,

If Y/you want to rant with me or even post a rant against me would love to read along.

Question for Doms and subs, what is the worst punishment that was recieved or thought of?




came4U -> RE: just a rambol on a complaint. (11/23/2008 1:48:36 PM)

To me, it isn't punishment at all if I like it.

It defeats the purpose of D/s to me totally.  There is D/s and there is S/m though, as well as SD/ms or DSm/ssm or even S/DsccSm...etc.

I can make an entire Punnett out of the entire dynamic, but won't.

Worst punishment? I haven't seen it yet.  I hope I never do.

*ps, what is a rambol and does it include jumping out of the mud and sputtering random questions?  Did you mean rant? ramble?

Rambol (e): Verb: To be an ex military stud who is a wandering lost guy without soap who jumps out screaming questions on random chat boards.



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: just a rambol on a complaint. (11/23/2008 1:52:28 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: sexisubi
Question for Doms and subs, what is the worst punishment that was recieved or thought of?

Most people use "punishment" because they haven't figured out they can just beat people and enjoy it.  They don't get "funishment" yet.

Do you mean worst in terms of effectiveness?  Or worst in terms of extreme measures taken?

A lot of people say that being ignored and knowing they've disappointed is the worst punishment- but they also tend to be the least effective in the long term for productive behavioral change so it's a shame people keep using those.



Viridana -> RE: just a rambol on a complaint. (11/23/2008 1:56:17 PM)

To me there's a huge difference between punishment and punishment play. Some people do get aroused by being or feeling punished, i.e. "I've been a naughty boy and I need to be punished" but that constitutes as roleplaying punishment or punishment play  (or funishment as I saw somebody call it a while ago).  There's absolutely nothing wrong with that sort of scenario but some people don't distinguish it from actual punishment which is meant to correct a behaviour and as such is very rarely pleasant. 



sexisubi -> RE: just a rambol on a complaint. (11/23/2008 2:17:18 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

quote:

ORIGINAL: sexisubi
Question for Doms and subs, what is the worst punishment that was recieved or thought of?

Most people use "punishment" because they haven't figured out they can just beat people and enjoy it.  They don't get "funishment" yet.

Do you mean worst in terms of effectiveness?  Or worst in terms of extreme measures taken?


Huh, that is an excellent point, and i love the term!

When i say worst i mean i mean measures taken not really effectiveness... even though if Y/you want to include that by all means.



BKSir -> RE: just a rambol on a complaint. (11/23/2008 2:17:46 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: sexisubi

A lot of people say that being ignored and knowing they've disappointed is the worst punishment- but they also tend to be the least effective in the long term for productive behavioral change so it's a shame people keep using those.


I don't know about that.  Even the rare disappointed look at my Dear One and future problems are slim to nil.

I HATE having to punish him though, luckily I don't tend to.  If I wanted to be continually punishing someone and holding their hand every damned day, I'd have gotten a 5 year old, not a pet/sub. 

"Funishment", however, can be awful fun. I use that for things like when he sticks his tongue out at me or nips at me too often.  Things that he knows he's "not supposed to do", but I still let him do so because it's so adorable, and gives cause for "Funishment", of things he "doesn't like", such as tickling, or keeping going when his jaw is becoming uncomfortable (of course, not for TOO long, that's cruelty).

There's a big difference between that and doing something that actually deserves punishment.  When it actually comes to punishment though, a stern look and "Dear One, I'm very very disappointed that you did(n't) xxxxxxxxxxxx.  Explain yourself.  Now, how am I to know you won't do this again?" has always been more than effective enough.



DesFIP -> RE: just a rambol on a complaint. (11/23/2008 2:24:17 PM)

A lot of people enjoy role play. I've been a naughty school girl and didn't do my homework, so I get spanked. That kind of stuff.

Just accept that when someone says they love punishment, what they're really saying is they like a play punishment. I remember a domme saying she would give patently absurd orders; ie buy the winning lottery ticket, and that would be an excuse for them to have a fun night.



beargonewild -> RE: just a rambol on a complaint. (11/23/2008 2:43:13 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: sexisubi

i see a lot of profiles that say 'I love punishment, I want to be punished... blah blah blah'



From what I see, many who state that they enjoy punishment, they are thinking in the terms of roleplaying Teacher/naughty schoolgirl, or Gangster/victim style scenes. Even myself I had to clearly define within myself the different types of punishment and the correct application of it. So when I negotiate a scene with a Dom I may be playing with, we both are on the same wave length to how he'll use punishment as a method to teach or punishment as a form of kink in roleplaying.

I'm also involved in mentoring another in a Daddy/son dynamic and I was able to modify many of his behavior through using punishment as a way to change bratty and manipulative behavior. His idea was to be bratty in order to be "punished" meaning he wanted to be spanked. I had to be quite strict by curtailing his smart assed attitude by restricting his contact with me for a time. I didn't cut all communication as I don't believe that is productive, just limited the duration of the time I gave him. My boy soon realized that his manipulations don't work and his attitude has changed to be more positive. He's now a better person and is happy dating another with my blessing.



sexisubi -> RE: just a rambol on a complaint. (11/23/2008 2:51:45 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: beargonewild
I'm also involved in mentoring another in a Daddy/son dynamic and I was able to modify many of his behavior through using punishment as a way to change bratty and manipulative behavior. His idea was to be bratty in order to be "punished" meaning he wanted to be spanked. I had to be quite strict by curtailing his smart assed attitude by restricting his contact with me for a time. I didn't cut all communication as I don't believe that is productive, just limited the duration of the time I gave him. My boy soon realized that his manipulations don't work and his attitude has changed to be more positive. He's now a better person and is happy dating another with my blessing.


This is a perfect example in what i was discribing, i guess another thing it shows is when one first starts out punishment can be considered just that, and the only way someone might be able to feel like they can get what they want is by doing things wrong or not doing things at all.   



natasha66 -> RE: just a rambol on a complaint. (11/23/2008 3:05:20 PM)

Ignoring, for me, is a horrible punishment.  Completely ineffective, and just makes me angry.  If it goes on too long, I stop caring and walk away.  Been there, done that.  But hey, whatever floats your boat.  Just doesn't work for me.....



LadyConstanze -> RE: just a rambol on a complaint. (11/23/2008 3:14:50 PM)

I tend to ignore, a sadist causing pain to a masochist isn't exactly punishment, so if somebody pisses me off, I do ignore because I don't believe in letting anger enter in a BDSM relationship, it's such a fine line then to abuse, if that doesn't help, well then our ways have to part. I guess that puts the ball back into the court of the submissive and how much s/he wants to stay in this relationship. But letting somebody manipulate me into "punishment" would mean somebody is topping from the bottom and I fall for it...



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: just a rambol on a complaint. (11/23/2008 3:59:31 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze
a sadist causing pain to a masochist isn't exactly punishment,

This is false- a masochist has a pain/pleasure threshhold and it's usually pretty easy to cause pain that's not pushing "pleasure buttons."  As well, the mindset is what matters, if the masochist has internalized their actions as wrong and the response as actual punishment, the negative mindset will create the experience as a negative punishment.



persephonee -> RE: just a rambol on a complaint. (11/23/2008 4:07:08 PM)

i may try to sneak one in, just to make it more tolerable...but if im being punished with pain, there is no way he's going to do it in any way that comes close to getting me off...which is just another reason i dont approve of actual corporal punishment for myself...it really messes with my pain tolerance later...and for a long time after....and in the end, thats all i remember.



PsyVamp -> RE: just a rambol on a complaint. (11/23/2008 5:11:39 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross


A lot of people say that being ignored and knowing they've disappointed is the worst punishment- but they also tend to be the least effective in the long term for productive behavioral change so it's a shame people keep using those.


There are a lot of behavioral books written that advise ignoring the bad behavior and only noticing or rewarding the good behavior.  In theory, it works with people and animals. 

Ignoring a person for too long can backfire.  If a person knows they have done wrong and is remorseful, then ignoring them serves no purpose except to alienate them.  Knowing when to stop ignoring and let the healing begin is an important part of the process.

That said, there are certain behaviours that My pet no longer engages in because he knows that he will have non of My attention if he does.

Lady Jag



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: just a rambol on a complaint. (11/23/2008 5:13:40 PM)

Ignoring bad behavior to start with is one thing.  Ignoring intentionally POST-behavior as a punishment is completely different.



sexisubi -> RE: just a rambol on a complaint. (11/23/2008 5:27:28 PM)

There was an excellent artical i read a little while back that was talking about punishment in general, tips and such.

One of the things that was mentioned is that if they do it wrong once it was a mistake and is an easy fix... if they continously do it wrong it is a behavorial problem.. and this is where punishment comes in.

In the artical he talked about certain steps one could take,

1. Ask... why and do you really want to be here?

2. tell them that they will be punished and to go off and think about it, and remain alone, (corner time, or just tell them you cant see them.)

3. administer punishment, (if the punishment is a spanking then it should be done with a different tool then is used for pleasure.)

4. again send them a way alone to think about it go back and talk to them about what they thought about, and measures they thought of to change their own behavoir.

Masters can't change a behavoir unless the submissive allows it to be changed right? if there is not a sense of willingness and a person fights it... can they change it?

This is more me asking... in my eyes i don't think they can... however i have heard of some techniques (mostly used in military forces) that can be really effective.

i think that ignoring someone can be effective, but if the problem persists more measures are needed. Obviously if you keep disobeying then knowing your Master is disappointed in you isn't enough meaning an attitude is the issue. However, you also have the case of beargonewild, in this case the person wanted his attention and even after the distance (and not all communication was cut) the person came back. It shows the person wants to be there. i feel this could also strenthen a relationship, it humbles the submissive and hopefully gives hope to the Dom, and to the submissive cause the Dom excepted him/her back.



YourhandMyAss -> RE: just a rambol on a complaint. (11/23/2008 9:14:44 PM)

Punishment is for what ever individual person wants it to be for. Some people like dynamics where you're punished for any old reason the dom thinks of, some people mean play punishment ect ect.

quote:

ORIGINAL: sexisubi

i see a lot of profiles that say 'I love punishment, I want to be punished... blah blah blah'



Isn't punishment received when you don't do something right or at all?



chiaThePet -> RE: just a rambol on a complaint. (11/23/2008 11:15:18 PM)

 
Ignoring me just simply didn't work for my Dominants.

"Son of a switch boy, you're like a dripping faucet."

For me, the "So, which toe do you want to lose this time?"

generally does the trick. Depends on how much silly putty

I have squirreled away. "Hey looks just like a toe, huh?"

chia* (the pet)



sexisubi -> RE: just a rambol on a complaint. (11/23/2008 11:31:44 PM)

 

When i think of punishment i think of something that one doesn't like. i don't mean when the Dom comes in and pulls your hair throws you on the bed and starts a spanking... or throws you to the ground to excert dominance or for play perposes, i more mean i am asked by my dom to do the laundry, write a story, wear a skirt, no specifics were given for descussion sake... and i just plan don't do it. For whatever reason i tried to muffle around in my head, it's not done (all hypothetical.) Lets say my lame exuse was because i wanted a spanking... if i didn't do what i was told to do should it truely be something that should be enjoyed? Should i truely get the spanking if i blatently disrespected my assignment? i think that is really my complaint...

Would a Dom want the submissive/slave to enjoy it? Or would They want to make an example of the situation (expecially a constant one?) Of course a Dom could do what they want within the sub/slaves limits (or can help stretch those limits)... once one commits themselves it is out of trust and if they are accepted it means it is mutual trust. In that respect, one should trust the Dom. i personally like the things i mentioned earlier the throwing me to my knees the orders barked the list goes on... Since they are things i like even though they can still be used in punishment it feels different and it -should- be different in my personal opinion anyway. Also, when i did do things wrong, if i did them wrong the assignments the punishments were strenous, sometimes agonizing!

However, i can honestly say that when i was being punished, (not corrected cause i could not say this honestly if i through this in the mix) i never enjoyed it. Rping that you have been a naughty boy or a naughty girl or a school teacher/student senario sounds fun! Should punishment be fun?

From my post today i was able to see some great things about the way sub/Doms think about this term... Sometimes it's just a lack of word choise, and other times it is a behavioral issue that is either corrected or must be dismissed. (exp: person just never does what you want cause they want punishment.)

It has been a topic im sure that has been posted many times but i think i stepped away with a great deal of information.

Anyway some where along the line i got into another rant! However, thank you all for your input it was a lot of fun reading your thoughts on the situation and discussing it with you =)



AquaticSub -> RE: just a rambol on a complaint. (11/23/2008 11:39:21 PM)

~Fast Reply~

As LA put it, there is punishment and then there is funishment. I personally don't call it that, I refer to it as play punishment but I adore it no matter what term we want to use. I agree that a real punishment isn't fun, it's something corrects a behavior. However these people might mean that they are looking for a dynamic where punishments are used and are not expressing themselves ideally. There are perfectly valid power dynamics without the element of punishment at all, the idea being that everyone is a grown-up and you don't make grown-ups stand in a corner.

It's also quite possible that they simply aren't drawing the line between correction and play but I thought I would toss that out there.



Page: [1] 2   next >   >>

Valid CSS!




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy
0.03125