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Is There a Difference? - 11/19/2008 8:12:53 AM   
SassySarijane


Posts: 1558
Joined: 12/20/2007
From: KC Area Missouri
Status: offline 		The thread I just started on protcol preferences got me thinking again....yes, dangerous, I know. In a D/s or M/s relationship are protocols and preferences the same thing or different? Aren't protocols your preferences for how things are structured in your relationship? Or, is it that your preferences spark specific protocols? Make sense?

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RE: Is There a Difference? - 11/19/2008 8:20:49 AM   
beargonewild


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Status: offline 		How I view this is  protocols are the rituals which are actually being performed. Preferences are ideologies which haven't been performed or actually being acted upon.

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RE: Is There a Difference? - 11/19/2008 10:26:10 AM   
PurpleSockx


Posts: 63
Joined: 11/6/2008
Status: offline 		For me,  protocols such as rules & rituals are more what I would define as "needs". Those are like the outline of the relationship so to speak. Preferences would then refer more to "wants" as they are things I enjoy, most of them as activities... although I can definitely say that some of my rules & rituals are also "likes" in some ways...

Hmm now it's me who's starting to think... Yeah I do see a difference but it's a subtle one :)

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RE: Is There a Difference? - 11/19/2008 10:38:52 AM   
CallaFirestormBW


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Status: offline 		~fast reply~

Yes, frankly, just about -everything- that goes into the disciplines of service and serving deal with the preferences in a particular household or for a particular d-type. Whether one calls them 'protocols' or not pretty much revolves around how formally one sees one's household preferences and rules. In general, though, if one spends time in training more than one s-type, protocols are helpful... they provide a common groundwork on which to shape the training program... especially for households that train a number of short-term servants or who have several servants.

It seems to me, watching/listening over time, that folks in more one-on-one-type relationships or in small households seem to prefer a more relaxed or less heavily defined way of expressing preferences and teaching them, unless the household is heavily steeped in a 'tradition' (to borrow a term from alternative spirituality) that is protocol heavy like Gorean, Victorian, etc. As in everything else in this community YMMV (Your Mileage May Vary)


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RE: Is There a Difference? - 11/19/2008 3:58:34 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


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Status: offline 		protocol equal = given this set of circumstances, do this action

preference equals = given the choice, this is what I prefer

You can have preferences on protocols :)

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RE: Is There a Difference? - 11/19/2008 7:38:41 PM   
SassySarijane


Posts: 1558
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From: KC Area Missouri
Status: offline 		Good point LA.

I sometimes wonder if people tend to confuse the two. I know I have before initially.

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RE: Is There a Difference? - 11/19/2008 8:11:08 PM   
ExKat


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Joined: 8/25/2008
Status: offline 		   Preferences are what people like, protocol are what people demand.

  Preference: Ex likes his soda with no ice.
  Protocol: Master X demands each soda come with exactly 3 cubes of ice.

  Preference: I like being by the door when Ex comes home (although usually I'm asleep)
  Protocol: Master X demands that slave y be kneeling at the door when he comes home.

A preference might spark a protocol. I think most protocol are preferences as well (why would someone choose a protocol they didn't like?)

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RE: Is There a Difference? - 11/20/2008 10:57:03 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		Pretty much just going to echo what other folks have said.  A preference is a choice when given options.  Protocols are the way things are done.  For example, most days, I prefer chicken to beef.  The protocol is about the way it's served.

Between this thread, the other one, and some other influences, I'm really beginning to think My next presentation is going to be on rituals and protocol.


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RE: Is There a Difference? - 11/20/2008 11:31:04 AM   
IrishMist


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Status: offline 		My view is that preferences are how you want things done; protocals are how you actually do those things.

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RE: Is There a Difference? - 11/20/2008 12:47:12 PM   
leadership527


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quote:

ORIGINAL: SassySarijane
The thread I just started on protcol preferences got me thinking again....yes, dangerous, I know. In a D/s or M/s relationship are protocols and preferences the same thing or different? Aren't protocols your preferences for how things are structured in your relationship? Or, is it that your preferences spark specific protocols? Make sense?
Wow... uh.... I just boss my wife around a lot. 

More seriously, in our marriage, my preference is actually that, a preference.  It is not a command nor do I want her to take it as such.  I'm perfectly capable of making it clear when I want to actually command her.   Other times, however, I wish to have a discussion in which we both express her preferences and I then decide what the outcome is.  If we had protocol, they would have the significance of "standing commands" which are vastly different than preferences in my book.

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RE: Is There a Difference? - 11/20/2008 2:13:57 PM   
antipode


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Status: offline 		http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/protocol

http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/preference

I am not seeing how these words would acquire a different meaning because they're used in a particular context - although a "medical protocol" has an ancillary definition more applicable in medical science. But the base understanding, I would hope, is the same, or English would get more confusing than Chinese.

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RE: Is There a Difference? - 11/21/2008 6:53:04 AM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
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From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		In some cases the way you prefer things will help creat protocols for you and in other cases protocol and traditio n is bound hand in hand ~ Accepted behaviour and the format in which Royal functions are conducted are all protocol as is formal occasions in Officers' Messes/Ward Rooms in the Military.

Lifestyles such as the Victorian Lifestyle had many traditional protocols and after a while it just becoms the norm for you. Things like opening a door for a lady, standing when a lady enters the room, and even kissing the hand/wrist of a lady are as much good old fashion manners as protocol in my world. 

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RE: Is There a Difference? - 11/21/2008 7:02:45 AM   
Rover


Posts: 2634
Joined: 6/28/2004
Status: offline 		I have always been of the opinion that an individual's protocols are just a fancy way of expressing their individual preferences.  But as is often the case in BDSM, if there's a way of saying something so that it sounds much more important than it really is, we take it.
 
John

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RE: Is There a Difference? - 11/21/2008 8:48:06 AM   
ODadEO


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Joined: 7/27/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Rover

... if there's a way of saying something so that it sounds much more important than it really is, we take it.
 
John


LOL!!  love that observation ;)

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RE: Is There a Difference? - 11/21/2008 8:50:37 AM   
ThundersCry


Posts: 892
Status: offline 		I like simplicity...
 
Its usually *shut the fook up with ya*
 
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RE: Is There a Difference? - 11/21/2008 9:38:26 AM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Rover

I have always been of the opinion that an individual's protocols are just a fancy way of expressing their individual preferences.  But as is often the case in BDSM, if there's a way of saying something so that it sounds much more important than it really is, we take it.

Totally agree with Rover - which is somewhat troubling....  *wink*
 
Focus.

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RE: Is There a Difference? - 11/21/2008 1:17:50 PM   
CreativeDominant


Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline 		My thoughts on the idea pretty much mirror what else has been said.  I would prefer to have my submissive address me as Kel when we are just talking or are in front of people that are not in the life.  The protocol would be that she address me as Sir or Master or Lord High Pubah or whatever we have decided upon for scening/when she is being corrected/when we are discussing the dynamic we are participating in/when she wants something from me/when I give her a command.  Like others,  I see preference as the way I would rather things be and protocol as the rule that is followed.

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RE: Is There a Difference? - 11/23/2008 6:26:59 PM   
LPslittleclip


Posts: 1163
Joined: 9/29/2007
Status: offline 		in the dynamic of O/our poly family my rituals have developed from things that were needed. like my telling my M'Lady that i have taken my meds. this stemmed from my going to domcon o7 when i forgot my adhd meds. well i kind of vibrated too much for her to deal with, driving home the car actually bounced when it came to a stop. for my learning when I'm not with my M'Lady i have to do threads to keep up with that. my M'Lady has preferences like chicken and broccoli over beef and peas. there is a difference between the two like my kneeling at her feet when she comes home.

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RE: Is There a Difference? - 11/23/2008 6:44:13 PM   
ChainedExistence


Posts: 507
Joined: 2/5/2005
Status: offline 		Protocols are as much for me as they are for my Dominant. They keep me in the proper headspace, and remind me of him whether he is present or not. For example, one seemingly simple thing is that I drink with my left hand...Over time it has become more important to me than it was ever to him. For him it was a simple exercise in switching mindsets, following instructions, establishing routine behaviors- for me now, it's an expression that I am his slave. He could have me stop this at any time, and feel no loss, but for a time, I'd feel unsettled. It is almost a comfort thing to me when we are apart...a visual reminder of who and what I am.

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RE: Is There a Difference? - 11/29/2008 8:42:09 AM   
aFineLine2tread


Posts: 15
Joined: 10/26/2008
Status: offline 		It all varies with the individuals concerned. Some take it from books, some from experience, some from both. There are no rules written in stone.

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