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DavanKael -> RE: Reluctance in collaring (11/19/2008 6:48:48 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: lronitulstahp
So after 2720 posts, i am finally starting a thread.
Recently, it's been brought to my attention that my attitude towards collaring may be a bit snobbish. i always prided myself on the fact that i've never been collared. i felt that it meant i wasn't one of the "herd". That my D/s relationships were somehow more authentic without the trappings and pageantry i associated with certain protocols; that somehow, my TIH, HOH, and DD based relationships were different. i was of the mind that the collar symbolized something for some, but wasn't anything special, or needed in my case. That i could be "mentally collared, and just as dedicated...blah blah blah...."
“He draweth out the thread of his verbosity finer than the staple of his argument”[;)]
~Shakespeare
i think alot of my bravado has been based on the "what if?" factor. There's that scary idea once you're collared, what happens next?
i 'd like to know if some of you would share your collaring stories.... tell what the collar itself symbolized...those of you with some BDSM historical background, please share that as well.
Let me say, i know this subject has been discussed at length....but please, contribute nonetheless.
Hi, Ironitulstahp----
Of course, different things work for different folks and what's right for one isn't necessarily right for another.
I applaud your interospection on the matter; clearly it is important to youto create a thread after so many posts.
I was in a vanilla marriage for almost 15 years. I would have loved to have him come to understand my D/s needs and it would have been wonderful to be able to wear his collar as well as our wedding bands. That never came to pass.
Few years, ago, I was in a relationship with a strong D/s component (Also poly-) and I was on the D-side of that kneel. Very strong emotional bond to that individual; of a spousal level. There was never a formal collar but as part of his Christmas present one year, I made him a sterling silver necklace (With rather gorgeous balinese silver beads) and made myself a matching bracelet; the necklace was an outward sign to both he and I of him being Mine, and whenever I looked at the bracelet, it reminded me of him, whenever he looked at his necklace, it reminded him of Me, and also, specifically, oftten made me think of him on his knees in proximity to me, perhaps with my hand on his shoulder so that the 2 pieces were near one another. It was, to me, a beautiful symbology.
The past year, I was in a relationship where we functioned as partners. People 'in the know' in his life made the assumption that I was formally His and that I was collared to Him. People at large often made the assumption we were married, and if they were in the know about wiitwd, they assumed I was collared to him as well, thus was the energy between us. I would have liked to wear His collar, and was told that I would be but for his perception was that his primary relationship dictated otherwise at the time. I know that he enjoyed people believing I belonged to Him (And, truly, but for the holdbacks, which the collar, imo, symbolized, I did) except as the relationship hit rocky ground. Even then, though, I think he liked the fantasy to a degree; there was a time when I was taking all of my jewelry off in a symbolic gesture and I'd come to wear a necklace at collar-length and went to take that off along with everything else and he asked me to leave it on. I, of course, did. A collar, there, would have made me feel that the relationship were on more firm footing, that there was a commitment, that I was not optional.
So, for me, a collar has powerful symbology, that of commitment and a level of permanence.
Best wishes,
Davan
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