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RE: Explain thyself! - 11/9/2008 10:22:41 AM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: pridedenied

How would you talk to someone who isnt in the lifestyle and has no clue about any of it? For example how would you define a dom? a sub? explain why you're involved? I'm lost. Please help.



mmmmmmmmm why are you asking this question... who do want to tell or talk to ?  often times communication must be tailored to the personality and experience of the person you talking to... In fact, it is very possible some of the advice you get here could be the absolute worse for the person you are going to talk to.

So why you asking the question.. what is your motivation to have this knowledge?

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An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to pridedenied)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Explain thyself! - 11/9/2008 11:05:31 AM   
pridedenied


Posts: 83
Joined: 9/28/2008
Status: offline 		The girl I'm talking to is a hard-ass lesbian with masochistic tendencies who doesn't even know what a masochist is. I've had a crush on her since forever and we've been friends for like 7 years. She claims I seem to get her without even knowing her which I think is so sweet. I trust her for some reason which is weird because I have trust issues. I just want her to know about me and the most important aspect of my life right now is my relationship with my domme. Does that make any sense?

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I caught hell for.

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RE: Explain thyself! - 11/9/2008 11:20:37 AM   
WhiplashSmile2


Posts: 526
Joined: 6/11/2008
Status: offline 		You try as best you can, when you feel you need or want to share this aspect of your life with another human being.  Some people are very understanding of it, and other people just don't understand why.

I actually have been teased a few times by a couple of close friends.  However, they accept me for who and what I am.

This can be a problem if you are dating somebody for the first time, and they are not aware of it.   Still none the less, just explain it as best you can. 

The wikipedia resource is a good over-view of D/s and BDSM, however it just does not do justice in sharing with another human being what aspects apply to you.

Be certain to express yourself and your desires.  Such as "I want the man to be in charge" and etc..  You can even so far to express that "you are willing to do nearly anything or everything a partner might ask or request of you".   You can describe your submissive nature in the terms of wants, desires and needs.   That will help them understand some.


(in reply to pridedenied)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Explain thyself! - 11/9/2008 11:44:12 AM   
MissDragonLady


Posts: 7
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		quote:

ORIGINAL: pridedenied

How would you talk to someone who isnt in the lifestyle and has no clue about any of it? For example how would you define a dom? a sub? explain why you're involved? I'm lost. Please help.



Well my best girl friend wanted to know about my life style
I simplely put it this way I am the Boss and slave s does what Me the Boss says or else
I am involved because its the only way of life I know and besides I love being the boss and beleave woman should have their chance to also rule along side men
and some men are made to serve us Bosses
my way of tell my best girl friend when she asked me
MissDragonLady

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"To Thine own self be true"

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RE: Explain thyself! - 11/9/2008 11:45:55 AM   
MarcEsadrian


Posts: 852
Joined: 8/24/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: pridedenied

How would you talk to someone who isnt in the lifestyle and has no clue about any of it? For example how would you define a dom? a sub? explain why you're involved? I'm lost. Please help.



I simply don't. I tend to avoid being openly associated, lest I be colored in like the cartoon society is coming to view "the lifestyle" as. If I'm asked, and asked in the true spirit of respect and a need to know, I begin by stripping away preconceptions, starting with what they saw on CSI or in Maxim magazine. I peel back the layer again, demonstrating that it is not a fetish fashion culture; that it doesn't really have to do with the props, clubs or stage play, or about being "kinky". What you are left with is a discussion of human psychology. From there, I'd leave it up to you to think for yourself and expound as you see it.

(in reply to pridedenied)
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RE: Explain thyself! - 11/9/2008 11:50:44 AM   
WhiplashSmile2


Posts: 526
Joined: 6/11/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: pridedenied
The girl I'm talking to is a hard-ass lesbian with masochistic tendencies who doesn't even know what a masochist is. I've had a crush on her since forever and we've been friends for like 7 years. She claims I seem to get her without even knowing her which I think is so sweet. I trust her for some reason which is weird because I have trust issues. I just want her to know about me and the most important aspect of my life right now is my relationship with my domme. Does that make any sense?


Sounds a bit more complex besides trying to describe what a Domme or a submissive is.  Are you wishing to help your friend become more attuned to herself for her own good, or for other involvement?  Since you said you've had a crush on her since forever, does your domme know this? 

What is your motivation behind all this?  That's what I'm getting at here.

(in reply to pridedenied)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Explain thyself! - 11/9/2008 11:51:02 AM   
sambamanslilgirl


Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: zakkan

Print them the wikipedia article


that's how my emo teen "discovered" what she needed to know about BDSM and other kinky terms ...plus she learned a lot more on the teen sites she frequents.

ah the joys of surfing the web while mom's away....

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...announcing Mr. & Mrs. British Petrol ...yeah, marrying into oil is slick business...

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RE: Explain thyself! - 11/9/2008 12:17:05 PM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: pridedenied

The girl I'm talking to is a hard-ass lesbian with masochistic tendencies who doesn't even know what a masochist is. I've had a crush on her since forever and we've been friends for like 7 years. She claims I seem to get her without even knowing her which I think is so sweet. I trust her for some reason which is weird because I have trust issues. I just want her to know about me and the most important aspect of my life right now is my relationship with my domme. Does that make any sense?


Yes it makes sense....................so you have a specific person you want to talk to..........

Why do you want her to know about you... what are you looking for from her when she has this knowledged of you?  Validation?  A shared Companionship?   Do you think she is like you and if she becomes aware of your life she will become more aware of herself as a result?  Do you think the growth of herself awareness will improve and strengthen the bond between the two of you?

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to pridedenied)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Explain thyself! - 11/9/2008 1:19:01 PM   
Barelily


Posts: 96
Joined: 10/8/2008
Status: offline
quote:

I point them to the internet, I have to admit I have little patience for folks unwilling to do their homework, now that it is so easy.


Agreed


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RE: Explain thyself! - 11/9/2008 1:45:50 PM   
monywildcat


Posts: 452
Joined: 2/26/2008
Status: offline 		It would completely depend on who is doing the asking.  If a close friend has questions, he/she can ask them, and I will answer based on my experiences.  They can certainly do their homework and find all sorts of good (and not so good) stuff on the Internet, but if they want a personal take on any topic or dynamic or toy, I will be happy to share my side of things.  If it's the doctor, I will be happy to explain the bruises "we play rough".  Enough said there.  If it's a parent that found a flogger in my bedroom, I would wonder what the hell they were doing in there, that's my room in my house!

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Major Life Change Necessitates Personal Reinvention...

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RE: Explain thyself! - 11/9/2008 2:46:26 PM   
masterlink65


Posts: 683
Joined: 11/3/2007
Status: offline 		i feel no need to talk about things of this nature that the other person has no regard for, or any concern.


why do you need to talk about a controversial lifestyle you are into, with someone who has no concern for it. that is basically gossip at that point isnt it?

to answer your question. i wouldnt talk to them about it.



(in reply to michaelOfGeorgia)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Explain thyself! - 11/9/2008 3:36:40 PM   
flower2007


Posts: 120
Joined: 4/14/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: pridedenied

How would you talk to someone who isnt in the lifestyle and has no clue about any of it? For example how would you define a dom? a sub? explain why you're involved? I'm lost. Please help.

I'd tell them to look it up online, like a few others mentioned.  Gives them the answer without having to bring my personal life into it.


(in reply to pridedenied)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Explain thyself! - 11/9/2008 3:40:44 PM   
cravesdom


Posts: 5219
Joined: 3/28/2008
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		For me it very much depends on who I am explaining it to and why. I have several close friends who know about my submissive side. I have others I would never choose to tell because I know they just wouldn't get it. If someone asks me a direct question I will answer it as honestly as I can though, no matter what it is about. I am a very open person in general and I don't see anything wrong with my lifestyle. For someone who really doesn't understand, I would try to keep it in very simple terms and not go into all the kinky details. At least not too soon!

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Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Explain thyself! - 11/9/2008 3:45:01 PM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: pridedenied
How would you talk to someone who isnt in the lifestyle and has no clue about any of it? For example how would you define a dom? a sub? explain why you're involved? I'm lost. Please help.

Out of curiosity, why are you so lost?  Me, I would explain it the same way I would any other facet of my life.  I would define a dom as someone who likes making decisionis.  I'd define a sub as someone who does not.  I'm involved because we ran across information online and after a bit of experimenting, it worked for us and it makes us dopey in love.  I'd be happy to go into deeper layers if the person in question was more curious.  For instance, one of my friends wanted to know, in detail, how D/s made us dopey in love.  But again, it's my own dynamic, surely I can explain it to someone else?

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to pridedenied)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Explain thyself! - 11/9/2008 4:05:29 PM   
DavanKael


Posts: 3072
Joined: 10/6/2007
Status: offline 		I attempt to explain possible permutations (Appears I am fascinated with that word) and offer broad definitions, then I apply whatever applies to myself if the person is someone close enough with which I feel comfortable doing so. 
It's not rocket science and I also think it's nothing dirty or bad so being matter-of-fact, I think is the best approach for me. 
I could turn it into a doctoral thesis but unless I am presenting on the topic to a roomfull of colleagues, why?!
  Davan

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May you live as long as you wish & love as long as you live
-Robert A Heinlein

It's about the person & the bond,not the bondage
-Me

Waiting is

170NZ (Aka:Sex God Du Jour) pts

Jesus,I've ALWAYS been a deviant
-Leadership527,Jeff

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Profile   Post #: 35
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