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Refusing to meet - 11/8/2008 9:48:53 PM

flower2007

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I received an email today from a (local) man, who wants to "train" me online, but not meet. Not my thing, which I told him, but I'm wondering - why would someone even want that kind of "relationship"?

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RE: Refusing to meet - 11/8/2008 9:54:22 PM

MAMandSlave

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It might be he feels it is safest, or he is married, or he might be a she...any number of reasons...

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RE: Refusing to meet - 11/8/2008 10:21:30 PM

AcademyForSlaves

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Hi.

Did he say he NEVER wants to meet you? Maybe he means he wants to train you a bit before meeting you so he doesn't waste his time and make sure your what he wants before meeting you.

We train slaves online but we're ALWAYS willing to meet them after some basic initial emailing and training.

I mean isn't that the goal for mostly everyone in this lifestyle; to eventually meet? Of course there's always the exception for those who live far away, or if they're handicapped, or married, or all of the above, then it's understandable if they can't meet and just want something online.

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RE: Refusing to meet - 11/8/2008 10:21:55 PM

Ultimus

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Some people simply feel completely satisfied in an online/long-distance relationship. It might be that he feels composed and in control from a distance, and has had bad experiences in the past trying to transition that into something real-time. Or, he just gets his Dominant fix at the keyboard. I would expect that each person's reasoning for seeking out an online relationship - or online training - is their own. I personally can't stand online training, unless it's something I'm doing as a stepping stone to a real-time situation. It feels pointless.

Hope there's something useful in there!

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RE: Refusing to meet - 11/8/2008 11:02:43 PM

antipode

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Most often married or in a relationship.

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RE: Refusing to meet - 11/8/2008 11:08:56 PM

stella41b

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..or bored at work.....

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RE: Refusing to meet - 11/8/2008 11:16:53 PM

hermione83

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Agoraphobia, issues with looks... afraid to control/submit in reality..

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RE: Refusing to meet - 11/8/2008 11:49:35 PM

TabrisMaceth

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Yeah, what they said. Personally, I'd much rather play with someone online before doing anything offline. I need to build up a certain level of comfort with someone before I rip myself away from any sense of security and anonymity.

-Tabris

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RE: Refusing to meet - 11/9/2008 4:56:21 AM

thishereboi

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I don't understand it either. I had a guy email me and offer to train me online. I asked him exactly what he thought he could teach me over the internet and he stopped writing. I know there are people out there who are very happy with online relationships, but I could not do that. Aside from teaching me how to write better or maybe how to torture myself, I am not sure what they could do.

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RE: Refusing to meet - 11/9/2008 5:55:14 AM

StrangerThan

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quote:

ORIGINAL: antipode

Most often married or in a relationship.

All the sympathetic bs aside, antipode is probably right on the money. I don't get the composed at a distance, but dysfunctional in rl aspect. I'm not sure I'd want anyone teaching me anything they couldn't do themselves.

Training is one of those aspects of this lifestyle that I mostly just don't get anyway. I do when you're being trained by the one you're with. I don't when someone is simply "training you." What will you learn that will be of value to someone you actually end up with? A whole lot of shit that's important to someone else mostly. What makes D/s, BDSM (use any acronym you want) what it is, is that it is subjective to those people with whom you choose to be involved - and sometimes intensely subjective. That means Master Derrick or Dom Joe can't teach you what's important to me, what I want, what I will have, what my submissive needs to do to please me. Only I can.

The idea of a passing trainer is an eye-roller for me. It's more of an excuse to get involved without committment but whitewashing it as something else when it comes to interaction between Dominants and submissives. I do get mentoring relationships when they're what they should be. I do get that everyone has different levels of experience and have no problem asking another how to do something. But these kinds of "let Me train you" lines bring up the immediate question in my mind of who are they training you for? Not me. Not the next person you'll meet. Not any relationship thereafter. They're training you to their expectations, needs and wants and it's a crap shoot as to whether any of those will have much value to anyone thereafter.

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RE: Refusing to meet - 11/9/2008 6:03:45 AM

sweetnurseBBW

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There are a myriad of reasons some only feel safe doing online. Like you it is not my thing.

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RE: Refusing to meet - 11/9/2008 6:20:07 AM

Evility

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It's not my bag but that methodology appeals to a lot of people for a variety of reasons. Maybe he gets paid by someone to provide bash fodder?

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RE: Refusing to meet - 11/9/2008 6:21:07 AM

MrHarsh

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It could be that he's looking for play, but not a relationship. That could be because he's already in a relationship (or married), but it could also be because he just doesn't want to deal with all the other things that a relationship bring.

It's much easier not to get attached to someone if you're only meeting on-line.

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RE: Refusing to meet - 11/9/2008 6:28:17 AM

JustDarkness

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one possiblity would be.. Because he wants it like that ..and not everything surrounding it.

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RE: Refusing to meet - 11/9/2008 6:39:08 AM

chamberqueen

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My first Dom wanted an online relationship only. We were both in Italy at the time. He taught me an incredible amount of information but never wanted to meet with me in person. He was an excellent trainer but knew that I was more about service than masochism and he is a true sadist. There came a point when I could no longer serve someone whose touch I would never feel and decided to break things off. We have remained friends, and he still checks in on me once in a while.

There can be many reasons for someone to choose to keep it internet only. The important thing is that you decide whether this is enough for YOU.

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RE: Refusing to meet - 11/9/2008 6:47:27 AM

SirDominic

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I admit I don't do "online" and I don't get it either. In my opinion, an online relationship can rarely develop the intimacy and the intensity of person to person. Sure there is some training that can be done, and as SimplyMichael said in another post, it can be an interesting exercise in learning domination as all you have is your voice to work with.

It simply fails me how an online relationship can ever really develop into anything like a physical relationship can. It is one thing to command someone on the computer, it is a world of difference to be doing that to a person before you. To directly stimulate someone with pleasure and pain at my whim, and know they are loving every moment. I just don't see how one can get that kind of intimate joining without being together in person.

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RE: Refusing to meet - 11/9/2008 6:56:12 AM

windchymes

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So he has something to do while he's doing his homework?

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RE: Refusing to meet - 11/9/2008 9:03:41 AM

antipode

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quote:

rather play with someone online before doing anything offline

Gosh, I am exactly the opposite. I found, in the rare instances where I have played online, that I learned absolutely nothing about the person. I prefer one or more vanilla getting-to-know you meetings, talk, a good restaurant convenient to both, I will book a visiting sub a hotel room if that makes her feel more comfortable, but I can't connect with a person without body language and facial expressions and all that other good stuff that makes up about 93% of human communication.

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RE: Refusing to meet - 11/9/2008 9:07:20 AM

antipode

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Having said that, I did have this one girlfriend who wanted cybersex - even being in the same house - she'd be upstairs on my main system, and expected me to go online from downstairs, wherever I was. So there are people that dig that sort of stuff - she also spent long hours on the porch having phone sex with someone. I told her to take a hike.

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RE: Refusing to meet - 11/9/2008 9:07:32 AM

NuevaVida

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SirDominic
I just don't see how one can get that kind of intimate joining without being together in person.

I agree. Then again, that's all some people want (online only), for various reasons. In the case of the OP, it seems to me he is married or otherwise committed to someone who doesn't approve.

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