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Hathalud -> Switches, witche, blades and flaming batons.... oh my! (11/6/2008 4:10:52 PM)
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*chuckles* Thanks for peeking at this.... It's my first post. I'm new to the site, but not exactly new to the lifestyle. I use to be active a long time ago in the BDSM scene of the Houston area... an honorary member of the Erotic Rose Society, though I never officially joined them... Though one my girlfriends at the time, another gal and myself did get written up in one of the monthly newsletters as having caused for the first time ever a neighbor to come over and ask that we quiet down.... *chuckles*
Anyways, a bit about myself that isn't already in my profile... though some of the really important pertinent bits are being repeated...
I'm a switch... I'm definitely not a slave. I was a slave once in a past life and suffered horribly because of it. And while I respect other people having made a choice to be a slave in this life in modern times, I just can't get behind that idea.... I'm very strongly a subbie, but I'm a natural dominant too. If no one else takes the lead, I step up as an alpha.
I come from a family of alphas personality types and control freaks, and while I've learned how to not be such a control freak and passive aggressive, being at the very least an alpha in a social setting, (setting goals and topics, stimulating conversation) I'm also very subbish due to conditions of my childhood. I have an intense need to help and please others. Suffice it to say, part of me gains a sense of self worth from pleasing others.... and while I know that this is not a healthy psychological condition, it still exists within me and needs to be addressed until I'm free of the lingering effects of some trauma in my childhood.
In past relationships, I've always been with women that are more subbish than dominant.... except for my last girlfriend, but she was subbie in the bedroom.... I had one girlfriend that said that she wanted to top me, but was visibly terrified of me and that didn't pan out so well, obviously.
So, here I am years later, single once more, for well over a year....Years between girlfriends is nothing new to me. *chuckles* I've always been more subbish in that department, letting my partners pick me instead of my picking them...
I've moved out of the horn-dog phase of my life. I don't need to nail anything and everything that moves and I can't make love to anyone I don't have an emotional bond with... and I can't cum with a casual fuck either... so my being here is more about satisfying my emotional needs of finding a partner that understands me and can compliment me. Notice that I didn't say complete me. I am whole on my own. And while it would be nice to find the yin to my yang, that "twin flame" that perfectly compliments me in this life, I know that I am solid and whole on my own. If I never meet my twin flame, I'll survive just fine. I've done it before, I'm doing it now and I'll do it again in other lives. So I don't have illusions in that department either....
I'm an Second Life (SL) addict... I admit it, but I don't want to give up SL... though I am toning down my SL addiction... I have my own family in there... I've a Mistress that I love deeply and respect (She's one of my best friends ever. She'll never leave my side and I'll never leave Hers.), and am dominant to a small handful of others. We've turned this into a deeply loving family, that is spread out across the states (from Alaska to Florida and states in between). We do stuff together, ranging from going shopping in SL, to clambering into Yahoo Messenger, passing virtual popcorn and watching TV on the net together... Like I said, I have a family. Building the bonds of emotional intimacy and connection is far more important to me than making me feel powerful by controlling someone else. Because I've done this in a deeply loving manner with unconditional love and support, my Mistress and my subbies adore me and are always wanting to help me out. I don't rule my subbies by fear or pain. I'm not evil or degrading to them. I'm wicked with them when I drag them into the "bedroom" and do things in a deeply sensual, highly erotic and mostly extreme way... somethings we can do in real life (and I've done in real life) while others are best left to the realm of the imagination.
For those of you that are curious, in SL I don't "cyber" like most people on the net. I roleplay and tell stories that are carefully crafted with my partners on the fly. Completely on the fly. I enjoy the spontaneity of it and not really knowing exactly how things are going to play out, even if I am the one in the driver's seat. Most everyone I know thinks I'm one of the best roleplayers they know.... I evoke feelings and imagery in their imaginations that is almost as vivid for them as the real thing... or at least that's what I'm told. I suspect my empathic abilities kick in and help there a lot.
By now, you must be wondering why I'm here... Most peple in SL want to keep their relationships to SL/online and I respect that... but I crave a life partner... a mate... someone to share the joys of life with.... and I've finally come to the conclusion that for that to happen, I need to look outside of SL in a place where theoretically more people of a similar frame of mind exist too... Hence I have come to CollarMe.com... I have profiles up on other places... and you're free to look me up there if you wish. My handle is the same most everywhere. Though the Y!ID I use for Y!IM is drasticly different, so don't even bother with trying on there.
I suppose I've rambled more than enough in one post and have shown how authentic and original I am.... I'm most likely not like anyone else you know, though aspects of myself might remind you of others you know... I'm spacial *wanders out of hux mind at this point* :P
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