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Its our way - 11/6/2008 2:08:26 AM

colouredin

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Now i think it is fair to say that opionions are often created by world experiance, our opinions can change due to something that happens to us or a debate or simply subtle infiltration through routine.

I like to think this site has largely broadened my horizans and attitude towards other people. However sometimes I think that we can over do it. A post that was removed earlier got me thinking about the fact that on this site specifically we can be increadably eager to look for fault and criticism especially from a new poster. We look for elemets of 'one true wayism' and therefore if we spot any then disregard it all.

It is true that we can only be true to ourselves, our own personal true way, does that mean that at the start of every message we need to clarify that its not one size fits all? Do we not have the capacity to see that often thats implicit.

This is not to say that no posts contain the element of its meant to be this way, but sometimes i do think we get really bogged down in semantics, and that it almost becomes that the preacing that everyone is differant is the one true way and if you dont agree with that then you cant be in the club.

Maybe im being a bit cynical today its just something that I have been pondering

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RE: Its our way - 11/6/2008 2:18:53 AM

MadAxeman

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Some are defined by the lifestyle. I find the ability to be spontaneous can be sacrificed on the altar of conformity. Unfortunately, being interested in the thing that we do, does not guarantee free thinking and the ability ot absorb new ideas.

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RE: Its our way - 11/6/2008 2:34:01 AM

RCdc

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If people looked more at the repeating behaviour of posters instead of liking or backing them up them because they think that the rest of the forum find them 'cool' or 'wise' or whatever, would it alter the way posts went? Would it end the one true wayisms of non conformity?

I don't see it as over thinking, but more a gang mentality. Forums are full of people who enjoy and crave affirmation and belonging. It's a BDSM forum afterall, full of dominant and submissive types, as well as S&M peeps. Name dropping is lame, name calling is crass. Some people need both to feel secure because then it comes across as though they have some degree of importance. But just because you know somone, does not mean they support your ideas and if you think someone sucks, doesn't mean they won't think the same on you on another issue.

On the whole, people work with what they have experience in, so if a new poster comes in with whatever post, others will judge it based on their own merits and behaviour - it's called second guessing. So if the reader is used to being approached and manipulated by - or is themself - an asshole, predator, student, geek, 'fake' or positivity advocate, that is what they will accuse/judge the other poster as per their experience ( in general terms).

There is a big difference in advocating getting out there and participating in groups and munches etc, to boasting how awesome and yummy the 'community' is. It's not that great - it's just another venue and for some people it rocks, but it won't be the be and end of all for others. I have always found that those people who do not advocate themselves as community leaders, teachers or participants, .blah.blah.blah. are the people who not only make a difference to other peoples lives, but learn as well as teaching.

the.dark.

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RE: Its our way - 11/6/2008 7:46:39 AM

UncleNasty

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quote:

ORIGINAL:
but sometimes i do think we get really bogged down in semantics

I see two purposes to "argue" semantics:

1) To define more concisely and add clarity, and 2) To use langauge and definintion to invalidate someone, or their views.

If you listen to someone you can usually see their intentions pretty quickly.

You also made the following statement:

"We look for elemets of 'one true wayism' and therefore if we spot any then disregard it all."

I see this tendency as being pretty rigid, and rarely do I see believing or arguing rigidly as healthy or functional.

When my better angels are sitting on my shoulder I listen as well as I talk and my statements and responses are not competitive in nature. I'd like for those angels to be present more often, and I'm working on that.

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RE: Its our way - 11/6/2008 7:57:23 AM

MmeGigs

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All of the things you're talking about are pretty typical in any online discussion venue, regardless of the topic. The CM forums are really pretty good in this regard. There are some folks here who seem overeager to spot trolls, and some who are overly quick to take offense, but unless the post is completely out there, there are always supportive responses. I've belonged to soapmaking and quilting discussion groups that were tougher on folks than these forums are.

Text-only is a difficult way to communicate. All that comes across are the words - there are no external cues to help the reader get the message as it was intended. Online discussion groups are particularly tough - they're non-real-time interaction with a bunch of people who each have their own ideas about the topic at hand and their own sensitivities and hot-buttons. While I think that the reader has a responsibility to control their own hotbuttons and try to take what is written in context, most of the onus for clear communication is on the writer. If I don't let the reader know where I'm coming from - that I'm speaking about my preferences or my experience and am not making statements about the way things work for everyone - I can't blame the reader for making the wrong assumption.

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