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need to vent - 11/5/2008 12:37:02 AM

patina

Posts: 493
Joined: 9/14/2006
From: no
Status: offline

Greetings all:

I know as a slave i am supposed to be pleasing at all times, to not talk bad of masters but i am just so ticked off. The last 3 guys i talked too have turned out to be jerks in my book, what is it with this site 89% jerks? The one guy denies he is a sadist, i have nothing against sadist or pain slut it just is not for me and i have that in my profile i too make sure they know that. He kept saying he wasn't until I had started really feeling like it might go somewhere then he admits he is. The next two guys start out like they are alone then admit they are actually wanting a pet for their slaves. Why don't they say that up front? I do not want to be a pet for a female I am NOT BI i too have that in my profile. I also ask that upfront, are you married have another female in the place? i do not share my men.

What is it that these guys they want to lie then complain --i can't find a slave all the women on here are fakes-- yeah right look at yourself first jerk.

Sorry i just needed to vent. i wish the jerks would read the post but they don't only the decent ones do and they mainly have slaves.

Forgive me Masters and Free for not being pleasing.

patina

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a diamond in the rough

Post #: 1

RE: need to vent - 11/5/2008 12:54:51 AM

RainydayNE

Posts: 978
Joined: 10/21/2008
Status: offline

if you're gorean, there's a section for goreans
but anyway, sorry you're having a not-so-fun time with people, hopefully you'll meet someone nice soon?

(in reply to patina)

Post #: 2

RE: need to vent - 11/5/2008 1:10:05 AM

RCdc

Posts: 8674
Status: offline

Patina - haven't we been here with this before?
Said with kindness, you need to look at your own selection process and change it if it is becoming such a repeating thing.

the.dark.

_____________________________

RC&dc

love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to patina)

Post #: 3

RE: need to vent - 11/5/2008 1:48:36 AM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark

Patina - haven't we been here with this before?
Said with kindness, you need to look at your own selection process and change it if it is becoming such a repeating thing.

the.dark.

*nods* That's what I was thinking too. Granted any person will go through a lot of frogs before they find their prince but you may want to look at yourself as well.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to RCdc)

Post #: 4

RE: need to vent - 11/5/2008 1:51:58 AM

JustDarkness

Posts: 1461
Joined: 7/25/2008
Status: offline

Not all are fakes on here, they are people with different interests.
For some the lifestyle is more complex then just sex....for others it is just...sex.
By times it can be frustrating if they lie about that, but....we have to learn to handle/deal with it.

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Post #: 5

RE: need to vent - 11/5/2008 4:51:48 AM

oceanwynds

Posts: 1044
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline

Personally I do not get why people point to cm as having fakes. There are fakes in all walks of life. Slow down get to know the person first prior to jumping into the mind set 'oh master'. Review your own patterns of getting into relationships and learn from them.

(in reply to JustDarkness)

Post #: 6

RE: need to vent - 11/5/2008 5:53:43 AM

chamberqueen

Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/25/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
Status: offline

Please check your C-Mail for some personal advice from Dommegurl.

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Post #: 7

RE: need to vent - 11/5/2008 5:58:28 AM

CruelDesires

Posts: 824
Joined: 11/20/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: patina

The last 3 guys i talked too have turned out to be jerks in my book, what is it with this site 89% jerks?

I believe that you are wrong.

I would say it is closer to 95% or more. Me included of course.

C-D

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Reputation is what other people know about you. Honor is what you know about yourself.
Lois McMaster Bujold, "A Civil Campaign", 1999

(in reply to patina)

Post #: 8

RE: need to vent - 11/5/2008 6:30:48 AM

OmegaG

Posts: 1474
Joined: 10/23/2007
Status: offline

Slow the fuck down.

I read your journal entried, on 9/12 you comment that you got sucked into a sceen and was thinging of the man as your Sir and when you got to an event you realized he wasn't what you wanted. On 9/24 you say you are owned by a wonderful man only to come back on 10/12 to say that he's a sadist. On 11/4 you complain about a man who is in a relationship with a switch.

The problem may simply be that you are in such a damned hurry to find someone to make you happy that you aren't really listening to the truth, then you become bitter when reality bites you in the ass.

If I sound harsh it's because you could be someone I know-- she yo-yos through relationships too. Is it possible that learning how to make yourself happy and not feeling so desperately that you need a master to be fufiled could be the first step in actually setting the foundation for a functional reationship?

ETA on 8/4 you say you've expereinced a collar, and go on to make it sound as if that was recent too. I hope you have stock in velcro.

< Message edited by OmegaG -- 11/5/2008 6:32:51 AM >

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Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable. Sydney J. Harris

Sex without pain is like food without taste.
- de Sade

(in reply to CruelDesires)

Post #: 9

RE: need to vent - 11/5/2008 9:28:51 AM

MrHarsh

Posts: 56
Joined: 9/28/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark

Patina - haven't we been here with this before?
Said with kindness, you need to look at your own selection process and change it if it is becoming such a repeating thing.

the.dark.

*nods* That's what I was thinking too. Granted any person will go through a lot of frogs before they find their prince but you may want to look at yourself as well.

This is very good advice.

After a string a bad relationships I decided that it was my own fault for pursuing women that I was ultimately incompatible with. I decided to throw my previous "checklist" out the window and be more open about who I got involved with. It was very hit or miss, but ultimately I did much better off than I had sticking to women who were "my type."

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Post #: 10

RE: need to vent - 11/5/2008 9:40:37 AM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

quote:

I read your journal entried, on 9/12 you comment that you got sucked into a sceen and was thinging of the man as your Sir and when you got to an event you realized he wasn't what you wanted. On 9/24 you say you are owned by a wonderful man only to come back on 10/12 to say that he's a sadist. On 11/4 you complain about a man who is in a relationship with a switch.

Wow. Slow down a bit. And don't "sir" every guy you meet.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to MrHarsh)

Post #: 11

RE: need to vent - 11/5/2008 10:16:45 AM

SteelofUtah

Posts: 5307
Joined: 10/2/2007
From: St George Utah
Status: offline

patina,

A few things, some of which may seem harsh, I just feel that it needs to be said.

From the look of your Journal you want your relationships to be right from the word go and sorry but reality does not work that way. Relationships are cultivated over time and within that time you need to know what you are working toward. I don't see that you know what you want. I see you wanting something that is as it is written in your Norman Fantasy Novels. However the tone you take in your Profile is Not that of a Kajira. Do you want to be a Free? Or a Panther Girl? I am Confused, you say you do not share YOUR MEN thisbelief system is VERY contrary to the Gorean Philosophy that you say is a REQUIREMENT for any Dom who you are willing to entertain.

First off I ask you how your Gorean view points flow with your requirement to not share your men and not being bi and the requirements of a Jarl? I am not saying that what you want doesn't exist, because I am sure that it does, but you should know that due to the fact that you have these requirements finding the right Master or Jarl for you is going to take a LOT of time and you will be searching longer than you will be engaged in a relationship. Somtimes people get lucky and they find thier perfect mate right away. It took me 10 years to find andi but now that I have I realize how specific she is to my needs and how specific I am to hers.

I understand your need to vent but hope that you will realize that all the issues you have had recently are of your own doing. You chose to interact with these men and you did so so quickly that you never even gave yourself the chance to make sure all the things they were telling you were legit. A snake will always lie and sound like a savior but if given enough time a snake will always shed it's skin and you will see if for what it really is.

This is not to say you should keep the world at bay but keep your eyes open and keep yourself safe and respect your own responsibilities to yourself before you go off being collared by someone you could not have know for longer than a month according to your journal entries.

Take care of you and seek only those who want the same thing you do and just because they say they want something doesn't mean you blindly believe them take your time.

As I heard the other day on this board but don't remember who said it.

"It is better to have an empty collar, than have the wrong person in it"

In your situation it would be "It's better to be uncollared, than to be collared by an asshole"

Hope that helps

Steel

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Resident Therapeutic Metallurgist
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(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 12

RE: need to vent - 11/5/2008 10:24:41 AM

CarrieO

Posts: 2432
Joined: 1/27/2008
Status: offline

Patina...

I'm going to say this and hope it doesn't come off as harsh but...

Do you know who you are and what you want? I ask because after viewing your profile and reading your journal, I get the feeling that you're searching more as a "lonely heart" instead of a Gorean slave-to-be. As a slave, it's your duty to learn all you can about your Master but, also to learn all about yourself.
May I suggest you take the time to do some inner soul-searching and be clear about your wants and needs. Once you figure that out...stick to it and don't complain when people don't meet with the image you have of them in your head.
BTW.....Not every man who doesn't meet with your ideal is a fake. He's just not the right choice for you. Don't worry about his lying...it's not your job to be collarme room monitor and report on every liar/fake/jerk. What you give, you get...that goes both ways.

Maybe I'm wrong, but it seems you've gone through more than a few "Masters/Sirs" recently. Like others have said....slow down! Rome wasn't built in a day and M/s relationships normally don't happen overnight.

Just relax, enjoy and always be honest with yourself.

Carrie

< Message edited by CarrieO -- 11/5/2008 10:41:18 AM >

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"No matter what happens in the kitchen, never apologize"~Julia Child~

(in reply to patina)

Post #: 13

RE: need to vent - 11/5/2008 11:01:44 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

To clear up a misconception you have, you are not a slave to every other person on the planet, you are not supposed to be pleasing and submissive to everyone. As far as lying about what they want, it's because they're guys and have a response rate of approximately zero so of course they aren't going to tell the truth to the first female who has responded in over a year.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to CarrieO)

Post #: 14

RE: need to vent - 11/5/2008 11:17:49 AM

sambamanslilgirl

Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: patina

I know as a slave i am supposed to be pleasing at all times, to not talk bad of masters but i am just so ticked off.

i'm submissive and don't have to be pleasing towards anyone/everyone except Daddy ...so venting about other dominants/masters is something i do when upset.

perhaps problem lays not with the guys you were meeting but yourself. how are you approaching these masters? are you so eager and pleasing that you're lost in what most of us call "sub frenzy" when you first meet them? you should get to know them better before rushing into your next relationship

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...2011 - year of the fabulous rock star life ...and i do it so well...

...announcing Mr. & Mrs. British Petrol ...yeah, marrying into oil is slick business...

(in reply to patina)

Post #: 15

RE: need to vent - 11/5/2008 12:55:49 PM

pinkwind

Posts: 367
Joined: 1/9/2005
Status: offline

Slave are meant to please their Masters, not any old bozo that calls himself one on a kink site. Slaves are not encouraged to speak ill of their Masters, but that does not include the aforementioned bozos on kink sites, all of whom are not your Master, and hopefully will never be anyone's, even after hell freezes over!

Glad you felt free enough to let it all out, just don't apologies next time, eh!

(in reply to patina)

Post #: 16

RE: need to vent - 11/5/2008 1:40:51 PM

justgemmie

Posts: 246
Joined: 8/24/2008
Status: offline

greetings patina :)

i've said this in other threads but it's accurate here, so i will repeat it. for myself, i wanted to be a kajira soooooo bad. it's all i looked for and dreamed of. i spent 3 years looking for a Gorean Master, trying to be with this one or that one, etc.

when i saw Dauntless, i was like "holy shit He's sooo f*ckin cute!!! i gotta do Him!" i was thinking hot sex one night stand

i know, may not be your thing but it is mine and it's my story LOL

anyway, He doesn't do one night stands so we chatted and got to know each other for about a month before our first official date. and during that time, i thought i could change things to my way. in the end, we each fell in love with the other and we've been together now since May.

He's not Gorean. and we're working on things together. but i was this close *holds my thumb and forfinger tightly together* to missing out on the best Man in da world. because i just knew i had to be a kajira.

babe, don't close your mind to anyOne. and don't hurry. it'll happen if you let it, and not hunt so hard for it. i don't know how to explain how not to grasp and hunt and search and hope, cause i did it for years. i just know that when it's right, it'll be right.

good luck sweetie,
gemmie

< Message edited by justgemmie -- 11/5/2008 1:42:08 PM >

_____________________________

"Being a Master to somebody or a slave to somebody is a relationship bound status. Without the relationship the status does not exist and all that is there is the potential or the natural inclination to fulfill such a status in the future." ~ ishyB

(in reply to patina)

Post #: 17

RE: need to vent - 11/5/2008 1:48:01 PM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

quote:

yeah right look at yourself first jerk.

With that sort of attitude it's no wonder you are attracting the sort of men you complain about. Any relationship worth having develops over time, with people revealing more to each other and sharing and nurturing the relationship. If you want a quick relationship and will settle for anyone who comes along, then don't be surprised if it fades fast. When I see girls writing that they are going to be with their master, then a few weeks later it's over then a few weeks later they are heading off to be with yet another "sir". It screams dysfunction and desperation. Don't be desperate for a dominant. Live your life for you, have some interests beyond being a slave and you may be surprised by what comes along.

edit/spell

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to patina)

Post #: 18

RE: need to vent - 11/5/2008 1:52:51 PM

girlivy

Posts: 699
Joined: 7/6/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark

Patina - haven't we been here with this before?
Said with kindness, you need to look at your own selection process and change it if it is becoming such a repeating thing.

the.dark.

Well put (with kindness) When there is a pattern, looking at the designer may help. Keep your chin up!
Cheers!

_____________________________

AUTHENTIC SPIRITUAL GROWTH NEVER COMES FROM EXPERIENCES THAT THE EGO CAN PREDICT OR CONTROL.
OUR SPIRIT HAS ITS OWN AGENDA: OUR DESTINY.
Be yourself, everyone else is taken!

(in reply to RCdc)

Post #: 19

RE: need to vent - 11/5/2008 2:08:37 PM

stella41b

Posts: 4258
Joined: 10/16/2007
From: SW London (UK)
Status: offline

"Lovers all today, just throw their dreams away
And play at love
They give their love away, to anyone who'll say
I love you
Don't throw your love away, no no no no,
Don't throw your love away, for you might need it someday.."
The Searchers

Greetings

I see two issues here:

Live that lifestyle which brings you happiness and fulfillment I'm not Gorean, but I just felt to ask you exactly why you are so heavily into Gor. Is it to please you, or is it to please other people? Okay, the Gorean lifestyle may be something that you wish to explore, learn or adopt, but IMHO it isn't a lifestyle which is bringing you a lot of happiness and fulfillment at the moment, is it? Be honest. Now you might think of yourself as a Gorean slave, but from what I can see at this moment (and I'm sure a lot of others are seeing) is a lonely middle-aged woman who is unhappy stuck with this fantasy in her head.

I'm NOT saying this to demean Gor, just saying this is how some of those guys out there - the Jolly Peckers and Weekend Warriors among them - will see it. You get an awful lot of people out there who are thinking only of themselves and are out for their own pleasure and gratification at someone else's expense. Don't be one of their 'expenses'.

Get yourself out of the Bargain Basement You have a photo and a profile which is straightforward, and honest, and you present yourself honestly together with your issues - kudos to you. You claim that you're not a doormat and won't be walked on, but is this really true? Do you really respect yourself and are happy with who you are as a person?

I'm reading a profile where almost every paragraph starts with the pronoun 'I' and is focussed on what you want and need, and someone looking at your profile is sitting there wondering 'what's in this for me?' And what does he see? I'm going to level with you here - he sees someone with demands, issues and needs. The photo looks as if you've been dragged out of bed at 5am in your nightgown, hence your expression.

What do you have to offer? What are the more positive, endearing qualities of your nature? Do you know?

So okay, you have issues. So do I, I'm transgendered, I have a weight problem, and I have the 'burglar's dog' type of beauty. But you know I respect myself, and even though I go in and out of relationships and never quite get it right and most people probably wouldn't come near me with a barge pole I know that there are some people who might and the rest can go and shove their barge poles somewhere tight. I know what I want and who I want to be with and I'm not lowering my standards or making compromises for anyone else.

You know people look at you and invariably treat you the same way you treat yourself. If you treat yourself like trash, then so too will other people but if you trteat yourself with respect and show you are comfortable with who you are then you will find that people will start treating you a lot better.

I think you need to revamp your profile and give it a makeover. The second profile photo (immediately after your main profile photo) looks far more attractive than your main one. The main one really does look as if you've been dragged out of bed and forced to pose at gunpoint. I'd save that look for the lucky guy who's going to wake up next to you, and please smile. Please smile more, you have a beautiful smile which lights up your whole face.

Also what are your positive qualities? Are you kind? Intelligent? I can see that you are honest, up front, genuine, and I detected elements in your profile of a wicked sense of humour - am I right? Now you say you can dress up and look good in jeans, but can you maybe prove it with a couple of more photos? How do you like spending your time? Stuff like that..

You are a quality human being worthy of someone's love. I really mean that. But this is coming from me, and it really needs to be coming from you, doesn't it?

< Message edited by stella41b -- 11/5/2008 2:12:59 PM >

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(in reply to patina)

Post #: 20

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