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First email contact - 10/31/2008 5:50:35 PM

laura2161

Posts: 254
Joined: 3/8/2008
From: Duluth, GA
Status: offline

Hey all,

Something has been on my mind for the past day or so that for some odd reason I can't seem to shake. I usually do not initiate contact with dominants, (Call me a chicken) but from time to time I will especially if he has written something in the forums that I really took to heart, or if it was something that made me laugh out loud (I love to laugh) . Anyhoo, I digress.

I recently initiated contact with a Man because of something he wrote in his profile that caught my eye. I wrote a 'nice' 5 or 6 sentence email regarding the specific passage. I received an email back from him telling me in no uncertain terms that I was out of line for emailing him first. Ummm ...okie dokies.

But that started me thinking. As dominants, either male or female, do you want to be the one who initiates contact? Do you not like it when an s-type male or female writes first?

And for the s-types, do you initiate or do you view their profiles and take a wait and see approach?

Thanks,
laura

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Post #: 1

RE: First email contact - 10/31/2008 5:54:42 PM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

I personally do not think anyone is out of line emailing someone else as long as it is a polite message. You are submissive but you are not owned. You were not propositioning him, you were commenting on a post. I DO think that a proposition might have been out of place, but a compliment? Compliments should always be welcome.

DV

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(in reply to laura2161)

Post #: 2

RE: First email contact - 10/31/2008 6:00:37 PM

SylvereApLeanan

Posts: 8275
Joined: 11/1/2007
From: Hell
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WTFever. The guy's an idiot.

I love it when an s-type contacts me with a thoughtful message. In fact, I prefer to let the s-types come to me. They're more likely to be serious about persuing a relationship if they make the first move. Even if I'm not interested in him/her, I'll take the time to respond with a thank you note if the message is particularly witty. Who knows, I might get a new friend out of the deal.

The only messages I can't stand are the ones from HNGs who clearly haven't bothered to read my profile. They get a standard form rejection letter in return.

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Post #: 3

RE: First email contact - 10/31/2008 6:07:54 PM

ChainGoddess

Posts: 731
Joined: 9/27/2008
From: Ireland
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I do not think there is any excuse for being rude, not if your message to him was a polite one. I always try to be polite when answering mails. It costs nothing and good manners are important.

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(in reply to laura2161)

Post #: 4

RE: First email contact - 10/31/2008 6:09:18 PM

stella41b

Posts: 4258
Joined: 10/16/2007
From: SW London (UK)
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To me making the first initial contact isn't even a friendship, but attention, so does it really matter when all is said and done?

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RE: First email contact - 10/31/2008 6:10:43 PM

Rover

Posts: 2634
Joined: 6/28/2004
Status: offline

Different people have different preferences, of course. But if someone feels really strongly about it, and is going to get their nose bent out of shape if someone doesn't comport with their expectations for initiating contact, it's really encumbent upon them to make that clear in their profile (ie: no one out there is a mind reader).

Personally, I believe that until I offer to slap that piece of leather around your neck, and you agree, I can have no expectations that someone is gonna adhere to my personal preferences. And surely no one is going to know what they are, unless I tell them.

Bottom line is, you contact me, I contact you... it's all the same.

John

< Message edited by Rover -- 10/31/2008 6:11:32 PM >

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Post #: 6

RE: First email contact - 10/31/2008 6:12:01 PM

NuevaVida

Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
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Eh. Some dominants want the submissive to make first contact, some think THEY should be the one to make first contact, and some don't care.

Silly you for not being a mind reader.

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(in reply to laura2161)

Post #: 7

RE: First email contact - 10/31/2008 6:17:20 PM

ThatDaveGuy69

Posts: 978
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline

laura:
Sounds to me like someone has way too high an opinion of his domliness. :D

I really hate the thought of people here being outright rude to each other. Yeah, we rip and snark in the message boards but very little of what I've seen is mean-spirited. Lots of passion, to be sure, but nothing really mean or rude. We are all here looking for vaguely similar things: some sort of dom/sub relationship; friendship; validation that we aren't evil, disgusting creatures. I'd be willing to bet we all get enough crap in the real world that we don't need more of it when we come here.

Best I can say is chalk it up to experience. The guy's an ass. Probably better to find out up front rather than after you invested anything into a relationship with him.

~Dave

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Post #: 8

RE: First email contact - 10/31/2008 6:29:23 PM

laura2161

Posts: 254
Joined: 3/8/2008
From: Duluth, GA
Status: offline

Thanks to everyone who has responded so far, I very much appreciate it :-)

I'm not bent out of shape about it or anything, I think I was just a bit surprised by the response...and like I said, it made me wonder how others felt about it. D and s types alike.

I agree that if it's made clear in the profile then it would be rude to write, whether it's a simple compliment or not. I know I've come across a couple where I would have liked to email (not to proposition but to simply say I enjoyed reading their profiles, posts what have you) but noticed on their profiles things to the effect of ' go away' or 'not interested' or even ' dont send me mail'. Obviously I didn't. heh.

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Post #: 9

RE: First email contact - 10/31/2008 6:46:57 PM

moonvine

Posts: 780
Joined: 11/7/2004
Status: offline

I hate my mailbox to be empty, so I will often initiate contact. Life is short. Thanks to those dominants who put "no fat chicks" in their profiles so I know not to waste my time. If I sent a cmail and got the result you did, I'd probably just be mildly amused that someone takes something so trivial so seriously.

Heck, some dominants *expect* the submissive to initiate contact and indicate so in their profiles. Dunno how that works for them.

I will say that despite the fact that I cmail whoever I feel like when I feel like it, I've gotten the best results when the dominant contacted me first. In fact I had a date with one last week and *fingers crossed* it may go somewhere, of course one never knows.

(in reply to laura2161)

Post #: 10

RE: First email contact - 10/31/2008 6:55:04 PM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

His domliness should see what some of us females around here get in the mail! I wouldn't mind sharing a few cock shots with him... wonder if he would think that rude? Nothing like making the rules and expecting someone to keep them when we don't tell people the rules. lol Two words for that... IDIOT DOM. Bet he wouldn't like that either.

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Post #: 11

RE: First email contact - 10/31/2008 7:01:52 PM

natasha66

Posts: 321
Joined: 10/14/2006
From: NJ
Status: offline

He sounds like a twit. And a rather arrogant one at that. Just one woman's opinion.

< Message edited by natasha66 -- 10/31/2008 7:06:27 PM >

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(in reply to Lockit)

Post #: 12

RE: First email contact - 10/31/2008 7:02:20 PM

Aileen1968

Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline

People who get offensive towards someone who is being nice to them are asses. I probably initiated conversation with only one that I became involved with. Two were off the radar and one I purposely viewed so that he would know that I was interested. Then I let him take it from there.

Edited because I never answered the op.

< Message edited by Aileen1968 -- 10/31/2008 7:05:31 PM >

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Post #: 13

RE: First email contact - 10/31/2008 7:11:50 PM

WhiplashSmile2

Posts: 526
Joined: 6/11/2008
Status: offline

My girl was the one who wrote me first. I did'nt have a problem with it and I'm very glad that she did. :^)

In my personal opinional, if you wrote a very polite email like I think you did, this guy was a total out of line jack-ass.   Did I mention how much I hate how people become so full of themselves and their orientations that they can't see their ass from a hole in the ground?

Mmmmm... wonder if he ever makes it over to reading the message board posts. Perhaps he does and this just pisses him off.   Perhaps some other Domiant is reading this and it feels like I just pissed in his fucking Cheerio's... Be Certain to capture the following mental image in your head!   I'm smiling and laughing my ass off after having pissed in those damn Cheerio's.

Please do not let assholes like this discourage you from being the one to make first contact.   They are simply asshole pricks who are full of themselves, that is in my personal opinion of course.   It's my personal opinion, and my opinion might not be always nice or politically correct. Any name calling involved is the outward expressing of my true feelings.   I feel I have the right to still express my disliking for other people in a harsh manner. I'm not a firm believer in the "I'm ok and your ok mindset".   I convinced some people were either born as natural assholes due to some genetic trait, or are asshole due the result of how they were raised.   Mind you some influence to reading too much BDSM fantasy porno may have confused thier mind. Other possible explainations include chemical containimantion of the water they drink or food they have been eating.

Please know that not all DOMs are assholes, and it's perfectable acceptable for a submissive to engage in first contact on a website such as this. You are not involation of any hidden protocals that will some how revoke your submissive membership card, or require a change in your orientation on your profile.

Yes, I'm on a rant with this post. Yes, I hope somebody reads this and is left with the same sensation as if I just pissed in their Cheerios.

Good Luck, I hope at the very least, this post is good for a laugh, or is a good bitch smack upside a head for rude assholish behavior.   I waiting for the DOMS in those black SUV's to show up at my doorstep at any moment now, they double up as being Secret Agents of a top secret Government program that nobody seems to know much about.

(in reply to laura2161)

Post #: 14

RE: First email contact - 10/31/2008 7:28:08 PM

missturbation

Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline

He sounds like a jerk.

I don't browse profiles here unless they have said something in a forum which has made me curious about them or they have browsed me.
I don't send out first emails either. *shrugs* no reason behind it, i just don't.

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Post #: 15

RE: First email contact - 10/31/2008 7:32:00 PM

faerytattoodgirl

Posts: 5824
Status: offline

i havent bothered to write anyone..simply put the pool of people that would be interested in me is less than 0.0000000000000000001% since i dont and cant offer sex and since most cant get past my physical biological issue...not to mention no interest in men/couples.
which makes it near impossible to find a match.

therefore its pointless for me to try and initiate.

some actually have written me...mostly...its about my tattoos...not about my profile... and i dont care who initiates contact...but i do hate it when someone adds me to admirer list...and never writes...

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Post #: 16

RE: First email contact - 10/31/2008 7:33:55 PM

ProlificNeeds

Posts: 1061
Joined: 5/19/2007
Status: offline

Unless they put up front in their profile "Do not e-mail me" then they're just being a douche. You never agreed to submit to any rule they did or did not write down, you were being nice, they were being an asshat, their loss.

Only reason I never initiate contact is because unless it has to do with a forum discussion, I'm not interested in what their x,y or z has to do with the price of tea in china. If I was looking to chat with people in c-mail I would initiate contact, and anyone who can't handle me being outgoing isn't worth wasting my time on anyway.

(in reply to missturbation)

Post #: 17

RE: First email contact - 10/31/2008 7:45:49 PM

laura2161

Posts: 254
Joined: 3/8/2008
From: Duluth, GA
Status: offline

Please tell us what you really think -smiles-

Liked the rant, had me chuckling out loud but decided I'm not going to eat my cheerios in the morning.

And on a more serious note- Thank you :-)

laura

_____________________________

'I am not infantile, You StinkyButt Poophead!'

(in reply to WhiplashSmile2)

Post #: 18

RE: First email contact - 10/31/2008 8:00:05 PM

antipode

Posts: 1787
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline

Well... maybe that is how he does his domming. Maybe he will want you to do a 180 to turn left. Consider yourself lucky that you now know he is an a-hole. I see nothing wrong with your "making inquiries". Apart from anything else, getting in touch with someone who interests you is kind of the only way to make sure you are noticed. Probably should do it more often...

(in reply to laura2161)

Post #: 19

RE: First email contact - 10/31/2008 8:05:30 PM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

As a man, I get a contact from a woman maybe once or twice a year. As such, I treat them with respect.

If I got several a week, I might treat them with less respect.

But. yeah, the guy's a jerk.

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Post #: 20

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