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RE: Due Deference? - 10/31/2008 5:14:21 AM   
chamberqueen


Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/25/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
Status: offline 		Catize, you asked that someone describe an "aura".  I'll try.  : )

I have been to munches where the sea of people seems to part when a certain Dom walks into a room.  Conversations tend to hush and people almost line up to greet him.  He doesn't walk in announcing himself but people can't wait to greet him and be touched by him - maybe a hug or a handshake. 

This phenomenon interested me because I am really interested in psychology and I felt no effects from this man.  In fact, I was typically the only one in the room who felt that he was somehow "greasy" - I just felt very uncomfortable around him.  He reminded me in ways of the Pied Piper getting others to follow after him. 

People with this "aura" most often exude a quiet confidence, both in themselves and in the lifestyle, instead of braggadocio.  They often have a very good background knowledge and are willing to help others.

When I found my Master what attracted to me was that he had this quiet self confidence and especially because he made me think in new ways.  That's unusual for me to find.  I was more willing to submit quickly because I was fascinated that his thinking patterns were so dissimilar to patterns that I was used to - it intrigued me.  A very short time into our relationship he ended up helping me through a very difficult situation and that decided it for me; I wanted THIS particular man for my Master.  I wouldn't say that he has so much of an aura but he is very charismatic.  He is poly, and as his Alpha I often come into contact with his other subs or prospectives and they seem caught in a magic spell.  He is very good at touching people's hearts and making them feel that they are truly something special. 


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RE: Due Deference? - 10/31/2008 5:42:28 AM   
natasha66


Posts: 321
Joined: 10/14/2006
From: NJ
Status: offline 		If there is not some respect on both parts (him toward me and vice versa), i really don't want to be bothered.  At that point, whether or not he "exudes dominance" is quite irrelevant.

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RE: Due Deference? - 10/31/2008 7:26:46 AM   
JustDarkness


Posts: 1461
Joined: 7/25/2008
Status: offline 		If I knew what made a person special so I could say "yay" then I would have her serving right now.
I never had a person that was similar to the person befor her. I tried to compair them..but besides they were female..they were completely different

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RE: Due Deference? - 10/31/2008 7:28:26 AM   
kyraofMists


Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline 		My obedience to him is factual and I don't really know if I can respond to him in any other way.  Right from our first interactions, I was deferring to him and his preferences.  He is very confident in his wants and desires and expresses them in a direct manner.

There was a time a couple years ago where I doubted my ability to give him complete authority over me and I considered whether we could have some other type of relationship.  What I come up with is that I just couldn't see myself consciously going against his will.  At times, I may struggle to do his will, but he can literally stop me in my tracks with just a word.

What it is about him that makes this happen I don't think I can define or put into words.  It is just how I react to him.  He is dominant over me and I will submit to him.

Knight's Kyra

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RE: Due Deference? - 10/31/2008 7:29:45 AM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: kyraofMists
What it is about him that makes this happen I don't think I can define or put into words.  It is just how I react to him.  He is dominant over me and I will submit to him.


I think it is because of my Hairy ass! it just bends you at the knees just thinking about it.

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RE: Due Deference? - 10/31/2008 7:31:58 AM   
JustDarkness


Posts: 1461
Joined: 7/25/2008
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quote:

I think it is because of my Hairy ass!

you just changed the way my bread tastes

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RE: Due Deference? - 10/31/2008 7:33:06 AM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: JustDarkness

quote:

I think it is because of my Hairy ass!

you just changed the way my bread tastes


The power of my dominance is without bounds  *G*

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An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

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RE: Due Deference? - 10/31/2008 7:33:29 AM   
JustDarkness


Posts: 1461
Joined: 7/25/2008
Status: offline 		lollllllll  i submit

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RE: Due Deference? - 10/31/2008 7:36:23 AM   
stella41b


Posts: 4258
Joined: 10/16/2007
From: SW London (UK)
Status: offline 		I tend to take third impressions - mainly because I've been fooled too many times by first and second ones. I tend to form relationships with dommes, so it's different I guess. I don't look for an aura, nor for any clearly visible signs of dominance because either (1) it's been stated at the outset or (2) it comes across in the form of emotional signals and cues. The only thing I'm looking for when meeting someone new isn't signs as to whether they are dominant or not or how they are dominant, but clear signs relating to personal integrity and signs that they are comfortable and relaxed in my company.

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RE: Due Deference? - 10/31/2008 7:50:44 AM   
JustDarkness


Posts: 1461
Joined: 7/25/2008
Status: offline 		Personally I do that too. I give it time..the relation...so we know eachother a little better then just the name.
I don't mind just to talk adn drink coffee..the first few times

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RE: Due Deference? - 10/31/2008 7:58:14 AM   
MarcEsadrian


Posts: 852
Joined: 8/24/2008
Status: offline
quote:



As I’m not religious or even remotely spiritual, I tend not to describe it as divine, but I believe I can relate in the sense that some experiences have gone beyond the physical; I tend to see it as the power of the mind.
In what sense are you using the word ‘stickier’; I’m unclear if you mean more complicated or more of a matter of staying-power, as in long term?


I'm not religious by any stretch of the imagination, but being human, I do understand the state of mind it entails. I do believe most of us have the natural ability to experience something of a spiritual nature—of an all-fulfilling, all-consuming thing, and that is what I mean by sticky; something that involves psychological and physiological complexity, something that may not always be "pragmatic". I believe there is a place where logic and the emotive exists together. I think the fusing of something that is both grounding and deeply fulfilling is where a would-be slave wishes to be. Once there, they will give all and defer gladly, over and over again.



< Message edited by MarcEsadrian -- 10/31/2008 8:08:36 AM >

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RE: Due Deference? - 10/31/2008 8:13:17 AM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		Yeah.. it is a confidence aura about them that attracts me.  I am a relatively dynamic woman, and that sort of makes people defer to me to get things done.  But every now and then I meet someone who expects that I CAN get things done and yet there is something about them that makes me feel like they feel, I can get it done because THEY request it.
I meet a lot of dominants of both sexes and it is a rare thing for me to blush, stammer, lower my eyes, ect.  I see most people as just like me, normal but kinked.   Until they show themselves to be playing a role rather than an identity.  If it is a role they adopted, the bluster soon wears off.  If it is an identity, no matter what the circumstance the confidence remains.
I look for that confidence.  My own dynamic shield is more of a very successful role.   
Kyst

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RE: Due Deference? - 10/31/2008 8:18:41 AM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline 		Well, I'm not exactly looking to "explore the lifestyle" with anyone. But I can tell you who I tend to send cmail to on collarme.

When we meet someone who is a potential D/s partner, what determines the yeah or nay? What makes us think this person is someone we would like to explore the dynamic with?
- In general, anyone who presents themselves as a sexual creature first and a human second or not at all is immediately out.
- Past that, I look for a reasonably articulate writing style that portrays a level-headed human being, not a "dominant" or a "submissive".

I pretty much look for those same things when meeting people in real life. It certainly wouldn't occur to me to look for any sort of "aura of submissiveness". I'd be looking for an "aura of good relationship skills" or maybe an "aura of common sense".

Do you believe that your ‘place’, whether subordinated or exalted, is factual?
My place? What exactly is my place? I am certainly not exalted in any way. Carol is not subordinated. The only place that I know of is my place as carol's life partner and yes, it is factual. I don't have a "place" as her master. I have a role. And that role is also factual, but it does not define ME somehow, it is simply a role in my life that I am filling. I didn't become smarter or wiser or whatever when she put the collar around her neck.

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I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
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RE: Due Deference? - 10/31/2008 8:36:51 AM   
celticlord2112


Posts: 5732
Status: offline
quote:

But do I really believe they are due my deference above all other people? No, I don’t believe that. My pragmatic nature has determined that I owe it to them simply because it is what we have agreed upon. We chose together the dynamic that pleases us best

It occurs to me that this is somewhat contradictory.  Leaders receive due deference from those who follow because such deference is what sustains the dynamic.  If you do not defer, you are not following, nor are they leading.

Deference is a characteristic of the dynamic, not of the people within the dynamic.


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RE: Due Deference? - 10/31/2008 8:41:39 AM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: catize


And that leads me to the question that is the core of this post.   
They certainly are men of character and have many admirable qualities. They have kept their word with me.  But do I really believe they are due my deference above all other people?  No, I don’t believe that.  My pragmatic nature has determined that I owe it to them simply because it is what we have agreed upon.  We chose together the dynamic that pleases us best
.


There is the flip side of this as well....   what attracts a given Dominant to a specific submissive.

For myself... There are some stark differences between Alandra and Kyra... but there is huge similiarities as well.   Just because they wanted and desired to bow down and kiss my feet was not good enough for me.  Ironically, what appeals to me is that don't NEED to bow down and kiss my feet.  They are not driven to do it they don't have some uncontrolable volition to bow to me.  Well not at first anyways *G*.  They didn't NEED me.. they wanted me.  Doing what they do.. gave them a sense of pleasure and fulfillment...  But even with all that it wasn't enough for me..... they have to be a person that I deeply admire as a person.  Character that actually inspires me and someone that I admire.  Lastly, I have to feel that with them in my life... I will be a better person as a result.  That aspects of who they are will contribute to my goal  of improving of who I am.  Sure... there are many that I can enjoy my time with at the moment... do some fun things with.... but that just isn't enough for me.

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RE: Due Deference? - 10/31/2008 8:46:43 AM   
antipode


Posts: 1787
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline 		Vibes, my gut feeling, the stated and well defined intent (whatever that may be, I want the person to know what they want), and the presence of strong two way traffic.

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RE: Due Deference? - 10/31/2008 8:49:21 AM   
Aileen1968


Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline 		I am instantly comfortable with his words.  I am instantly comfortable with his presence.  It just feels right and it has from day one.  Our chemistries match.  Our smells match and by that I don't mean body odors.  Hard to put that into words.  Our minds are in sync.  Our personalities work well together.  Plus...he's super fucking hot.

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RE: Due Deference? - 10/31/2008 11:17:49 AM   
oceanwynds


Posts: 1044
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline 		 For me to want to submit completely to someone, they have to have a strong aura of independence, self assureness, humbleness, and the ability to walk their talk, without putting others down. They can take critism well. They follow their own pipe pipper. Most of all,they are a leader type of personality, however not having the need to have followers.

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spirit flow how i know it works - 10/31/2008 3:00:37 PM   
LATEXBABY64


Posts: 2107
Joined: 4/8/2004
Status: offline 		I know we have talked about spirituality in more ways then one.  then engergy we have inside  is spirtual or chi. How we can use that to our advantage. Is a lot  of things inside that we can tap into  (when some lies to us) (when a deal does not feel right) other ways when we can make a move to win a race or a game) 

  tapping into this and with our partner can be a good thing you can tell wihen someones ill and in a lot of other ways.

  First you have to shed your negitive energy.  I know that easier said then done  and with your doms or dommes help you can do this.  with alot of discipline and focuse   learn how to train your thoughts and feelings . Understanding what is ok to feel bad or good about certain things is never easy  some people can manipulate this becareful  but being intune with your self  you can achive great things  and avoid dramatic of others   this is the thing that makes great people and heros and legends

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RE: spirit flow how i know it works - 10/31/2008 3:19:15 PM   
IvyMorgan


Posts: 729
Joined: 7/5/2007
From: Midlands, UK
Status: offline 		I have met a few people who have an "aura" about them, that leads to people respecting/following them.  It took a little while for me to get on message, but then, I'm a rebelious lil thing and tend not to roll over and play sub.

That said, there are a few people who have had something about them that lead to "instant submission", these are not the same people who everyone follows.  There aren't that many of them, and I am not necessarily inclined to pursue a relationship with them.  T, on the other hand, was different, and I did pursue it.  But then, he's all cuddly like.

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