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vield -> RE: NEWBIE HERE! (10/28/2008 11:50:48 AM)
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Well this is not an unusual reaction for a man or a woman, dom, sub, switch, unsure or undecided.
Some people are only here to learn, whether to enhance a current relationship or to work on discovering their needs.
Some people are only here to play and flirt.
Some people are here seeking a specific partner, or type of partner.
Some people are here to try to build the BD/SM community in their area, or to build up groups they support.
Some people think, or feel they may wish to try some kind of kink, but then are not able to actually go through with meeting someone.
A curious fact is that professional dominants usually require payment in advance for a first session with a client, and even then I have heard that about 25% of new clients do not show up and lose their $$.
Actually even inexperienced dominants setting up a first meeting with a potential submissive are no shows a fair percentage of the time.
Being on line allows many people to pretend to be something they are not. This may be using someone else's pictures, claiming to be a different age, gender, size or experience level than they truly are. Of course they would be "outed" if they actually met you. So they may set it up then not show.
Writing an honest profile and having a recent picture are good ideas, in my opinion.
If your interests are very restrictive and you MUST have exactly that to enjoy, by all means talk about that in your journal, and accept the fact that by doing so you will limit the responses that you might get.
If you are open minded about yourself and your potential partners, then say so and do not list restrictive interests.
It may be easier to write this out in your journal than to click off lists of likes and dislikes. Someone reading that you dislike CBT for example may not know that you would go there with the right partner, but it is not something you crave.
I know people here who have met folks from CM, it can be done.
If you read people's postings on different subjects you may get a feel for their thought processes. Responding to their notes may give them an idea of yours. Of course the fact you THINK you know them does not mean they remember you at all, and does not mean either of you is right for the other.
I suggest often that if you have a serious interest in BD/SM and wish to make friends with similar interests, join a social or discussion group in or near your area. LOL If you see someone at a Munch or class or social, you know more about them right away that anyone who you have only seen on line for a year.
Be aware that each step you take towards becoming part of the community can be scary, and can feel like stepping off a cliff blindfolded, not knowing if the ground is 6 " or 60 feet below you. If you persevere this will become easier.
The midwest is not known as a big hotbed of kink, yet even here in Wisconsin we have many groups in different parts of the state and even some big regional events. There are lots of possibilities in surrounding states too that I can travel to. There are also national big events in various parts of the country each year, most of which have classes, demos, venders and lots of fun people to watch, until you make the connection you seek.
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