Termyn8or
Posts: 18681
Joined: 11/12/2005
Status: offline
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Snailie, you have earned the Termy pep talk of the day. Get over here, sit down and don't interrupt.
Having no self worth doesn't mean you don't have worth. You work ? Do you do your best, or close thereto ? Do you keep working ?
Pride.
Music eh ? do you play anything ? Can you make something that sounds like music ?
Pride.
Mathematics eh ? Can you tell me the significance of the number 1.618___ ?
Pride.
Science eh ? That's a big subject. You study it ?
Pride.
Lesbian eh ? You don't seem to be ashamed of that, it's right there.
Pride.
Now listen up, pride is something you never want to show. At least true pride. Fake pride is all over the place and in your face and this particular situation is brought about by you trying to be real. Being real means not showing pride, but acting upon it.
You have a few things going for you and I don't think you are all that off. Many are afraid to meet others and this is not always a matter of concern about one's safety. There are mental issues and that is what needs to be addressed.
First of all is your state of mind, which is what causes the problem. To understand that is the key. At this point I want you to know where I am coming from. I used to be shy, and I had some other mental type problems in the past, which resulted in alienation and homelessness among other consequences. Shyness is something I beat early on, and my particular attitude simply does not have shy in the vocabulary. While I don't like to undress in front of strangers for example, I do not fear them.
Well not really fear them. Shyness is by definition fear. Fear of others' thoughts and impressions of you. This has been ingrained into your thoughts since you were born. Keep listening, because I wasn't totally over it when I was 22 either. I am now but I am 48.
If I could have had my current attitude 26 years ago, I think I would have gone alot farther in life, because I was shy. A change came. The world had changed and I must admit that I was a bit disoriented. But I never fogot who and what I was.
Now I am not all that good looking, I had zits and therefore a pockmarked face. I am not totally ugly but things could be alot better. My propotions are near normal, a bit on the chubby side but not obese. I wear glasses.
Perhaps the glasses would be a good place to start. At one point I was horrified to have anyone seeing me wear glasses. I mean really. I went through years of school almost blind because of that irrational behavior. Things change when you get older.
Later I started wearing my glasses and I found that my friends were still my friends, and I got this snazzy CPO shirt and started wearing it. I actually started a fashion trend. Zitfaced and everything.
I have this now to the point where I could walk up to a supermodel and just say "Hey". I don't need you or want you, so "Hey". I was born without you, and that is that. I don't care what you think about me, if you think I look like shit or smell or something, fine, I won't bother you anymore. That simple.
Meeting someone at random, thinking too much of what they think of you precipitates stupid moves. Think of it this way when walking up to someone for the first tinme, ; think ' this could be the idiot on the highway that almost caused a 35 car pileup, this could be the idiot on the phone I got when I tried to call the gas company, this could be Bush'.
I feel safe in saying Bush because even republicans are not all with him, and I used to detest the democrats enough that I would never vote for them.Things have changed. That was not to go into politics but to preface what I am about to say.
If GW Bush walked in my front door right now, how do you think that exchange would go ? "Are you a look alike or the real thing?". He's the real thing, so "Thanks for wrecking the country, you claim to believe in God, and you know what, I have a half a mind to shoot you right now even with this high powered rifle in city limits, because having the likes of you off this planet is worth the lives of a few of my neighbors, especially after all those you have killed, and I shall wake up in the morning a better Christian than you could ever hope to be".
My speaking with Obama would take a different tone of course. I would make my point though, and we can see about the shooting in four years. I could just walk up to a supermodel, looks mean shit to me. My friends are amazed that I can walk up to the most beautiful Woman in the bar and just talk to her. Just like a normal human being, because that is all she is, nothing more mothing less.
And that is what you are, nothing more, nothing less. Remember the nothing less part. Your happiness, your existence, your being, whatever, is not dependent upon their approval. So fukum.
You are 26 years behind me and I can tell you this. The barrier your mind puts up seems so insurmountable, until you get over it. Once you do there is a whole world out there. Not everything results in a lifetime commitment. I have friends that live in other states (in RL) and when they get in town they will stop by if they have time. Don't go out there looking for Don Juan, or in your case Rhonda Juan. You take and leave at your choice, you select friends from a possible pool of people, some are up to your standards and others are not. It is your choice.
Show your pride in your attitude, and the world will be your oyster.
T
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