Breaking it Off with the Wrong Dom/ Domme (Full Version)

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LATEXBABY64 -> Breaking it Off with the Wrong Dom/ Domme (10/16/2008 5:11:55 AM)

How many have found our selves in a place where we wished we had not gone.  Went with someone only after awhile found out they are not all they said they were. Or have been manipulated into something that was totally wrong.  

    Bad Partners happen to everyone. So you find your self with one of these creatures what do you do.

ask your self these things.  Did you hook up under false pretenses.  People telling you that they had been or done or looking and was not the case

  maybe there was no chemistry.  Maybe there was outside circumstances.   There are many reasons for suchs things

  step one: Sit down with your bdsm partner talk to them voice your concerns.
Step two: Listen to your own voice and experince. things can get complex fast
Step three have a evacuation plan (this in the acase of abuse )
Step Four after you do break it off take time out for you to shed the negitive energy that may come from a wrong situation.

we never like to waste our tallents on the wrong person it is like business  it always cost you in someway
and some sure there more that people want to add lets here from you



JustDarkness -> RE: Breaking it Off with the Wrong Dom/ Domme (10/16/2008 6:59:00 AM)

mmm with step you don't mean the priority ..not?

(becasue if there is abuse..I prefer to have an escape plan first...befor I try to talk ;)  )



IrishMist -> RE: Breaking it Off with the Wrong Dom/ Domme (10/16/2008 6:59:45 AM)

quote:

How many have found our selves in a place where we wished we had not gone

Almost every single dayum day. Going in to work has a tendency to that to me. [:'(]



tweedydaddy -> RE: Breaking it Off with the Wrong Dom/ Domme (10/16/2008 7:12:23 AM)

If it's not working, you say goodbye. let them get on with finding the right person while you do the same. It's not rocket science



Chi -> RE: Breaking it Off with the Wrong Dom/ Domme (10/16/2008 7:35:59 AM)

I believe most of us throughout the course of our lives have found ourselves in a place or position where we neither belong, want to be nor should be, especially where D/s is concerned and I have come to appreciate the thinking of change is the product of action. Don’t’ talk about it, don’t think about it just immediately walk away from it without offering cause reason or explanation.



missturbation -> RE: Breaking it Off with the Wrong Dom/ Domme (10/16/2008 7:52:39 AM)

Yes i have picked partners unwisely, invested in people i really shouldn't have. How i have dealt with that has been different in every case. I don't think there are any hard and fast rules for a break up.

quote:

step one: Sit down with your bdsm partner talk to them voice your concerns.

A good plan if they are prepared to listen, some people just aren't.
A good plan unless you hooked up under false pretenses as you mentioned. The chances that they are prepared to admit they lied are slim.
 
quote:

Step two: Listen to your own voice and experince.

This would have been step one for me and then step three after talking, if talking was productive.
 

 





RealSub58 -> RE: Breaking it Off with the Wrong Dom/ Domme (10/16/2008 8:51:27 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Chi

I believe most of us throughout the course of our lives have found ourselves in a place or position where we neither belong, want to be nor should be, especially where D/s is concerned and I have come to appreciate the thinking of change is the product of action. Don’t’ talk about it, don’t think about it just immediately walk away from it without offering  cause reason or explanation.

I agree except for the last part, depending on the situation/circumstance.   Leaving with dignity and an explanation is my way.  Other people dont need/want dignity or a reason.   



LATEXBABY64 -> RE: Breaking it Off with the Wrong Dom/ Domme (10/16/2008 8:54:04 PM)

there is no such as easy. But I have found that it is better to spend life with the right one then the wrong one  giving all you have to the right not to some wanna be can never be what you want  granted it is always hard to tell in the honey moon period of the relationship  you can sure tell after it is over



badlilthang -> RE: Breaking it Off with the Wrong Dom/ Domme (10/16/2008 11:18:20 PM)

quote:

step one: Sit down with your bdsm partner talk to them voice your concerns.
***i would not sit down and talk with an abusive Dom - talk about setting myself up for a dangerous situation. First sign of abusive behaviour - and i would be gone.***
Step two: Listen to your own voice and experince. things can get complex fast
***takes me a LONG time to trust enough to meet in the first place - public places first - then if the trust is there - maybe a hotel - last will be His or my home.***
Step three have a evacuation plan (this in the acase of abuse )
***Should never get to this step - but it should in any case be step ONE***
Step Four after you do break it off take time out for you to shed the negitive energy that may come from a wrong situation.
***that is a natural reaction. After a hard breakup - us humans usually pull back a bit to think things true - lick our wounds - and take our time before we try again. For some - the trust in others is broken indefinately.***
quote:

ORIGINAL: LATEXBABY64




greyjay -> RE: Breaking it Off with the Wrong Dom/ Domme (10/17/2008 12:41:15 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation

Yes i have picked partners unwisely, invested in people i really shouldn't have. How i have dealt with that has been different in every case. I don't think there are any hard and fast rules for a break up.



A relationship truly is an investment.  We have all made bad decisions, myself included.  Most recently I was with a sub who, over the course of a year long relationship, borrowed over 4000 dollars and broke it off with me by changing her phone number and completely ignorning my communication.  Aside from the emotional loss, I have to sue her Judge Judy-style to have any hope of getting any of my money back.  My mistake was simple, I felt sorry for her because she was going through bad situations and felt I was the hero who could come in and rescue her.  I think in a way, my willingness to be so nice is what caused her to walk away.  I won't make that mistake again.



greyjay -> RE: Breaking it Off with the Wrong Dom/ Domme (10/17/2008 12:43:33 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: badlilthang

step one: Sit down with your bdsm partner talk to them voice your concerns.
***i would not sit down and talk with an abusive Dom - talk about setting myself up for a dangerous situation. First sign of abusive behaviour - and i would be gone.***



I agree.  Women in physically abusive relationships should walk away without looking back.  Especially if kids are involved. 



Lockit -> RE: Breaking it Off with the Wrong Dom/ Domme (10/17/2008 1:21:31 AM)

Breaking up is hard to do, for sure…

You’ve got the grumblers, the blamers, the defensive one’s too, then there’s the back stabbers, the victims and sadistic bastards too… yes breaking up is hard to do.

You’ve got the liars and cheaters, the ho’s and bleeders, the criers and the jumpers and those that howl at the moon… yes breaking up is hard to do.

But one thing is certain even if breaking up is hard to do… in most cases its worth it and breaking up shouldn’t be so hard to do.



windchymes -> RE: Breaking it Off with the Wrong Dom/ Domme (10/17/2008 5:55:47 AM)

Is this another 'beg for release' thread?



monywildcat -> RE: Breaking it Off with the Wrong Dom/ Domme (10/17/2008 6:00:18 AM)

After reading Lockit's post, I totally heard Toby Keith in my head. 

We got winners, we got losers
Chain smokers and boozers
And we got yuppies, we got bikers
We got thirsty hitchhikers
And the girls next door dress up like movie stars

Hmm, hmm, hmm I love this bar

Tee hee![:D]

But seriously, yes, I have been with someone where I was "wtf am I doing here??" I employed all the steps the OP listed, along with beating my head against the wall.  I finally had to say, sorry about your luck but you are not the one for me.  We aren't good for each other.  No abuse, no need for an evacuation plan, but we were not a good fit.  It wasn't easy, we didn't want to hurt one another.  Life lessons were learned, and I know I grew a little from the experience. 



LadyPact -> RE: Breaking it Off with the Wrong Dom/ Domme (10/17/2008 6:18:21 AM)

I'm going to compliment you on your excellent timing with this post.

The thing about it is, it doesn't necessarily mean the person on the other side of the kneel is a "bad" partner.  It just means they weren't right for you.  Sure, there are circumstances that might get in the way.  It could be distance, financial, or a score of other things. It doesn't make either party a bad person.  Just not a good fit for each other.



natasha66 -> RE: Breaking it Off with the Wrong Dom/ Domme (10/17/2008 7:03:34 AM)

I've learned in life that I don't have to stay in ANY type of bad situation.  Sure I've been with people who turned out to ultimately be a bad fit.  After much soul searching, I left.  Did it hurt? Of course.  Do I regret it?  Not in the least.



ohitsfine -> RE: Breaking it Off with the Wrong Dom/ Domme (10/17/2008 7:09:48 AM)

I was able to leave a situation that was not best for me by just simply being honest. I let him know that at this time in my life, I wasn't able to continue. He was disappointed, sure.. but honesty says a lot more about the person then lies when they are trying to leave a negative situation.



badlilthang -> RE: Breaking it Off with the Wrong Dom/ Domme (10/17/2008 8:39:49 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: greyjay

quote:

ORIGINAL: badlilthang

step one: Sit down with your bdsm partner talk to them voice your concerns.
***i would not sit down and talk with an abusive Dom - talk about setting myself up for a dangerous situation. First sign of abusive behaviour - and i would be gone.***



I agree.  Women in physically abusive relationships should walk away without looking back.  Especially if kids are involved. 


**been there - done that - it still took 13 years to get out. Why? Because some abuse sneaks up on You very slowly - day by day drips - until you realize one day -  you are one of those  "battered and abused women"...**



sailorfrank -> RE: Breaking it Off with the Wrong Dom/ Domme (10/17/2008 10:45:06 AM)

    Dont suffer thru it all longer than you have to.   Be firm but polite and honest, state why you are leaving and then leave dont allow your mind to be changed.

  Think for yourself and learn from your mistake so you wont be stuck in yet another bad situation.   Move on with "your life" and enjoy your next hook up as it will be the one thats right for you![;)]



LATEXBABY64 -> RE: Breaking it Off with the Wrong Dom/ Domme (10/17/2008 2:51:48 PM)

sure there are many reasons why something does not work out.  It does not mean someone is always going to be a bad person.  but knowing when it is right and when is not is the key  and even it is right you still have to work at it or it might go wrong so there is no 100 percent warranty with your new Dom or Domme or sub purchase



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