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How much of my life is my mistress business? - 10/15/2008 9:31:22 AM

SnowRanger

Posts: 503
Joined: 5/25/2008
From: Sinsinnati
Status: offline

Hi All.

Ms. Starlett's Domme Dilema post got me thinking. It was a painful process (out of pratice); but, I gave it the old Tech School try. I came to a conclusion that is somewhat chilling to me.

No matter how deep the relationship; no matter how serious or casual; no matter ferquently or infrequently we meet or communicate: every thing about my life is my Mistress business; no matter how important or unimportant.

My Mistress wants to know everything from the results of my latest medical test to my TV viewing habits. My mom and I go to the pistol range once a week. My mistress wants to see my targets! She wants details: 9mm or .45ACP? 7 yards, 15 yards or 25 yards? Laser or iron sights? No detail is too small. I shudder to think or the inqusition I will face when the (artificial) snow flies!

If I don't mention something it is a "lie of omission." For example, after recent knee surgery, I opted out of physical therapy (long story for the camp fire). It was a profound moral failure on my part not to mention this. I feel like I have to defend everything from my choice of skis to dinner selection. And books (no! I mean real literature type books), what am I reading? How far along am I?

I realize that my Mistress cares about me (which is something I am not used to). On the other hand, she has made it plain that our relationship is temporary (I am not her ideal man). We will not be setting up a household together or something like that. We go out for lunch occasionally and every-so-often she takes the cane to me at a party.

Perhaps what I really want to know is why all these details are important? So what if I am wanted in six states? So what if I had avacado in my omelette this morning?

Resectfully,
Mike
SnowRanger
Superior Skill and Daring!

_____________________________

You can't help where you were born; and, you may not have much to say about where you die; but, you can and you should try to pass the days in between as a good man.
Anton Myrer Once an Eagle

Post #: 1

RE: How much of my life is my mistress business? - 10/15/2008 9:35:54 AM

colouredin

Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SnowRanger

No matter how deep the relationship; no matter how serious or casual; no matter ferquently or infrequently we meet or communicate: every thing about my life is my Mistress business; no matter how important or unimportant.

I disagee with you actually, for some people this is the case, but in a casual play relationship then really fuck all to do with my life is their business. You make whatever you want to be their buiness when you set up the parameters of the relationship.

Just because you are with a Dominant doesnt mean everything becomes their realm its up to the couple to decide that,.

_____________________________

Resident Lime(y) Tart
There would be no gossip without secrets
I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ELvfMJoKDAk

(in reply to SnowRanger)

Post #: 2

RE: How much of my life is my mistress business? - 10/15/2008 10:02:51 AM

Madame4a

Posts: 2045
Joined: 2/4/2008
From: Washington, DC area
Status: offline

In terms of the relationship that you mention... I wouldn't want to know all that. I'm sure there are certain things I would like to know -- its all a matter of perspective and degree... maybe depth...

quote:

ORIGINAL: SnowRanger

Hi All.

Ms. Starlett's Domme Dilema post got me thinking. It was a painful process (out of pratice); but, I gave it the old Tech School try. I came to a conclusion that is somewhat chilling to me.

No matter how deep the relationship; no matter how serious or casual; no matter ferquently or infrequently we meet or communicate: every thing about my life is my Mistress business; no matter how important or unimportant.

My Mistress wants to know everything from the results of my latest medical test to my TV viewing habits. My mom and I go to the pistol range once a week. My mistress wants to see my targets! She wants details: 9mm or .45ACP? 7 yards, 15 yards or 25 yards? Laser or iron sights? No detail is too small. I shudder to think or the inqusition I will face when the (artificial) snow flies!

If I don't mention something it is a "lie of omission." For example, after recent knee surgery, I opted out of physical therapy (long story for the camp fire). It was a profound moral failure on my part not to mention this. I feel like I have to defend everything from my choice of skis to dinner selection. And books (no! I mean real literature type books), what am I reading? How far along am I?

I realize that my Mistress cares about me (which is something I am not used to). On the other hand, she has made it plain that our relationship is temporary (I am not her ideal man). We will not be setting up a household together or something like that. We go out for lunch occasionally and every-so-often she takes the cane to me at a party.

Perhaps what I really want to know is why all these details are important? So what if I am wanted in six states? So what if I had avacado in my omelette this morning?

Resectfully,
Mike
SnowRanger
Superior Skill and Daring!

_____________________________

You're crazy bitch
But you f*ck so good, I'm on top of it
When I dream, I'm doing you all night
Scratches all down my back to keep me right on

(in reply to SnowRanger)

Post #: 3

RE: How much of my life is my mistress business? - 10/15/2008 10:12:20 AM

Lashra

Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline

Whatever you two agreed upon is the simple answer. I ask my sub about his medical visits and tests because I care about his health. I ask about his family because I care about how they are doing as it has a profound effect on him. I ask him things which I know impact him, but the small stuff like what he ate or what show he watched? Nah I could care less about it, but another Domme find that all very interesting.

~Lashra

_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”

(in reply to Madame4a)

Post #: 4

RE: How much of my life is my mistress business? - 10/15/2008 10:24:20 AM

softpjOS

Posts: 398
Joined: 6/7/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SnowRanger

No matter how deep the relationship; no matter how serious or casual; no matter ferquently or infrequently we meet or communicate: every thing about my life is my Mistress business; no matter how important or unimportant.

Perhaps in this relationship She wants to know intimate details from every aspect of your life; but that is not always the case. Casual play partners, unless close friends, don't typically wish to know everything about a subs life.

quote:

My Mistress wants to know everything from the results of my latest medical test to my TV viewing habits.

Medical tests i can see. She needs to know about your health to make sound decisions regarding level of play.

quote:

No detail is too small. I shudder to think or the inqusition I will face when the (artificial) snow flies!

inqusition? For a casual relationship this seems a bit over the top to me. Perhaps that was said *tounge in cheek*?

quote:

If I don't mention something it is a "lie of omission." For example, after recent knee surgery, I opted out of physical therapy (long story for the camp fire). It was a profound moral failure on my part not to mention this. I feel like I have to defend everything from my choice of skis to dinner selection. And books (no! I mean real literature type books), what am I reading? How far along am I?

I can definately see where She would feel omission is the same as lying about something. Especially regarding medical issues and your decision to opt out on physical therapy. Again, it can impact the level of play She's comfortable putting you through.

Perhaps the questioning, wanting to know details stems from something that happened in the past that you weren't completely upfront about. For instance, opting out of physical therapy. That is important for Her to know, imagine how She would feel if She pushed you in play only to cause serious long term damage because you didn't fully inform Her of limitations.

Why would you feel like you have to defend everything you do?

quote:

I realize that my Mistress cares about me (which is something I am not used to). On the other hand, she has made it plain that our relationship is temporary (I am not her ideal man). We will not be setting up a household together or something like that. We go out for lunch occasionally and every-so-often she takes the cane to me at a party.

This last statement makes me wonder if She is indeed expecting details or when you are together, simply catching up on how you've been. Sometimes it's our perception and not actual intent.

quote:

Perhaps what I really want to know is why all these details are important? So what if I am wanted in six states? So what if I had avacado in my omelette this morning?

Why are these details important? Well, your health directly dictates the level of play. Your eating habits directly impact your health. If you're wanted in 6 states, She may not wish to invite you along on a trip to one of those states. Not to mention She may reconsider being with you at all at that point. Your leisure activities give Her insight on what makes you tick....what you enjoy..... and things to talk about that aren't BDSM related.

I'm sorry but it would be my opinion that if a casual play partner made me feel like i had to defend/explain every detail of my life; i'd be wondering why...what i did to make them feel they had to cross examine me at every turn. Unless of course interrogation scenes were my kink.

Just my thoughts on the matter

pj

(in reply to SnowRanger)

Post #: 5

RE: How much of my life is my mistress business? - 10/15/2008 10:40:33 AM

Venatrix

Posts: 2238
Joined: 11/28/2007
Status: offline

Exactly how many slices of avocado did you have in your omelette? Or was it mashed?

(in reply to SnowRanger)

Post #: 6

RE: How much of my life is my mistress business? - 10/15/2008 11:27:34 AM

OttersSwim

Posts: 2860
Joined: 9/1/2008
Status: offline

As my Lady and I are building a relationship with a D/s dynamic, we both want to know as much about how the other is doing as we can. Not from a desire to be controlling, but simply from interest!

_____________________________

I am on a journey of authenticity and self.

(in reply to SnowRanger)

Post #: 7

RE: How much of my life is my mistress business? - 10/15/2008 12:22:27 PM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

In a relationship that will not be a lifelong one, I think sometimes we get caught up in acting like it is a long term relationship and almost out of habit, will function as if we have those long term goals. Doing so can confuse things and we can forget emotionally that this isn't for life and we must keep some distance of some sort or the emotional ties will conflict. This is something I deal with in relationships that are not of the lifelong romantic kind. Keeping things sectioned off emotionally, all while sharing a closeness can be a challenge but one that can be very rewarding when you get through it and see the benefits of where you have been.

In dealing with someone I know won't be a life partner, I will sometimes catch myself functioning as I would in a relationship that has a life partner focus. I think it is up to both people to see where things might be crossing over one another and where a limit might need to be put into the situation. You can't always plan those moments and have to deal with them as they come. At moments you might find yourself emotionally saying... mine, mine, mine... but intellectually you know they cannot be a mine, mine, mine. If you feel that someone in a temporary situation is getting into the more permenant emotions or whatever, just try to talk it out. I have found that it is easier to let the emotions be expressed and not denied and are able to be balanced by dealing with them honestly and with the reality of the situation.

If it's not permenent, you have to section off a bit of yourself I think.

(in reply to OttersSwim)

Post #: 8

RE: How much of my life is my mistress business? - 10/15/2008 12:27:45 PM

MistressOfGa

Posts: 2929
Status: offline

quote:

How much of my life is my mistress business?

As much or as little as you both decide it should be. I believe in boundries and those boundries are what guides me when asking my sub about his activities and thoughts. It is agreed upon by both of us. Would I or should I cross those boundries? Only if I feel he is doing something that I feel might be dangerous to his health and well being. Then there is no line I won't cross. Sometimes I really do feel I know best when he is not thinking clearly, which thank goodness doesn't happen often.

_____________________________

(in reply to SnowRanger)

Post #: 9

RE: How much of my life is my mistress business? - 10/15/2008 1:33:54 PM

SnowRanger

Posts: 503
Joined: 5/25/2008
From: Sinsinnati
Status: offline

Oh Ms Venatrix,

How many slices? That is just over the top! Since I left California (one of the states I am not wanted in), I am not aware that I owe you information that detailed. I mean... we are about 2045 miles apart after all. The answer is six slices of avacado. I didn't know you could mash them. FYI: my Mistress is a Califonia Girl herself. Hmmmm... That could explain why you are both so interested in avacados

To answer some of Ms. PJ's concerns,

I was rather astounded at the level of interest my Mistress exhibited in my shooting. If she exhibits a similar interest in my on the snow activites, it will feel like and inqusition. That was said tongue in cheek; sometimes, I don't carry off humor very well. She is an absolute Alpha woman with strong opinions She seems to enjoy making me defend mine; and, to tell the truth, it has been a good mental exercise.

I understand the issues apropos of health. She knows all of my physical limits including the limits placed upon play due to my knee injury. The therapy situation... Just never thought to mention it. Like I said, that is a story for around the camp fire.

Truth be told, I don't resent her interest. I certainly didn't intend to make it sound that way. As I said in the OP; The discussion generated by Ms. Starletts "Dilema" post caused me to examine the whole question in the first place.

Your's in the Spirit of Freewheeling Discussion,
Mike
SnowRanger
Superior Skill and Daring

_____________________________

You can't help where you were born; and, you may not have much to say about where you die; but, you can and you should try to pass the days in between as a good man.
Anton Myrer Once an Eagle

(in reply to Venatrix)

Post #: 10

RE: How much of my life is my mistress business? - 10/15/2008 3:50:49 PM

FetishRose

Posts: 212
Joined: 8/7/2008
Status: offline

For me? As much as she wishes to know that you feel comfortable sharing. That level of trust may change over the length of the relationship, and as things go on, you may wish to impart more of yourself.
There are certain things that, yes, I feel is important to be upfront about. Marital status, whether or not you have children, and what times you work are all important things.

(in reply to SnowRanger)

Post #: 11

RE: How much of my life is my mistress business? - 10/15/2008 4:36:13 PM

darchChylde

Posts: 5279
Joined: 9/28/2006
From: Warm Springs, GA but i live in San Francisco.
Status: offline

While we didn't have a contract and i wasn't collared until this year, Ma'am claimed me as Her property and i accepted Her as my Owner two years ago; when this happened, i also accepted everything in my life was suddenly Her business.

Ma'am doesn't micromanage and generally trusts me to keep Her apprised on those things that really matter. She doesn't interrogate me; but when She asks how i am doing, She expects me to tell Her certain things about my life. These can include, but are not limited to:

-how work is doing
-if i am drinking or smoking more or less than normal, and why
-if i am having trouble with my back, knees and neck; or any other change in my health
-if there is anything that i am particularly stressing over, or any major fears i might have that might affect my headspace
-how any major situation in our lives is affecting me whether it be financially, physically, mentally or emotionally
-anything new or different that i feel would be important to Her

She also expects me to inform Her of anything major that might occur, or significant changes in my headspace when they come up. At times, we have disagreed on what is to be deemed as important; so such things are added on the 'inform Her' list in the future.

Beyond these things; anything that She might ask of me will be answered to the best of my knowledge and ability, holding nothing back. But the little details are less important to Her, such as what i might have had for lunch or if i went out for a drink after work on Wednesday. She took me on as a man who can generally take care of himself, not as a child that needs to have every day and routine spelled out for him. We are far from casual play partners, but that level of life management is not necessary in our relationship; it might be important to others and work in their relationship but for us it's unnecessary.

_____________________________

I'm the man your mother warned you about...
if only to keep me to herself.

I'm a male dominant switch whose experienced as a poly sub to a dominant woman
.
Where the fuck do I post?

Proud Owner and Protector of chyldeschylde.

(in reply to FetishRose)

Post #: 12

RE: How much of my life is my mistress business? - 10/15/2008 5:54:36 PM

mztresn0w

Posts: 174
Joined: 1/12/2008
Status: offline

I think what you have both decided is what will work for you. My lil one has health issues. So yes I want to know what the doctor has to say. If I can't be there in person I am on speaker phone when she is with her doctor. They will ask her if I am on the phone when they walk in the room Yes, they know I am her Dominant not her girlfriend. I was there when she had her MRI. I was unable to be there for the ultrasound. When the doctor called her with the results she called me as soon as she hung up with him. Yes she keeps a list of when and what she eats. I don't worry about the little things. If she is stressed I want to know why. If she went to a shooting range I would want to see the targets. I don't care she reads. I don't care what music she listens to. It took time for us to get to this place. I talk to her numerous times each day. It didn't start out as a forever thing. But as we spent more time getting to know one another it developed into an amazing relationship. But neither of us had those thoughts when we started. Okay stepping off my soapbox and wishing you all the best. Sometimes even the best made plans can change. I think how much of your life is her business is something you and her must discuss and come to an agreement on. That is what we did and it works for us.

_____________________________

Becareful what you ask for you may get it and then realize it wasn't what you wanted.
Wicked Evil Grin

(in reply to darchChylde)

Post #: 13

RE: How much of my life is my mistress business? - 10/15/2008 7:10:25 PM

ShaktiSama

Posts: 1674
Joined: 8/13/2007
Status: offline

In answer to the topic question: if the woman really is your Mistress, and you are really her slave, then the answer to the question is "as much of your life as she cares to know is her business"--neither more nor less.

If you are not her property, or even in a serious relationship, then the answer to that question is "as much as you care to share with her" is her business--neither more nor less.

Boundaries should be set at an appropriate level for the relationship involved. No one, not even a slave, is able to reveal every deep dark secret sequestered in the hidden rooms of his soul on the first date. On the other hand, the more a woman knows you, the more power and control she can exercise; withholding information is a form of resistance, both to intimacy and to control. How much resistance is acceptable has to be negotiated by some couples, I imagine...

...but that's what interrogation scenes are for.

_____________________________

"Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea."
-- Robert A. Heinlein

(in reply to mztresn0w)

Post #: 14

RE: How much of my life is my mistress business? - 10/15/2008 8:53:20 PM

khem

Posts: 300
Joined: 8/8/2005
Status: offline

Look around you at the bizillion submissive men actively trying to find anything- a play partner, a mistress, a kinky girl friend. Here you have a lady that's not only honest about her intentions, but takes an active (if not detail oriented) interest in you and your life. I think there are many men that would fall all over themselves to not have to go to a pro that obviously could care less about them after they leave.

I dunno, I think the idea of being made completely transparent is kind of a cool way to submit. Like, not even the number of slices in your omelette belongs to you - it's all for her to know.

What kind of cheese in the omelette?

(in reply to ShaktiSama)

Post #: 15

RE: How much of my life is my mistress business? - 10/16/2008 5:50:33 AM

MsStarlett

Posts: 1879
Joined: 12/23/2007
Status: offline

What you had for breakfast or the color of your socks is totally unimportant in the grand scheme of things. I do enjoy knowing which TV shows or Movies a man watches. It hints to who they are and what they enjoy and it's nice to have something to talk about.

What constitutes a 'lie of omission' is when a person deliberately doesn't mention something LIFE ALTERING like getting married or having a baby, that it becomes troublesome.

_____________________________

It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion.
It is by the beans of Java that thoughts acquire speed,
the hands acquire shakes, the shakes become a warning,
It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion.

(in reply to khem)

Post #: 16

RE: How much of my life is my mistress business? - 10/16/2008 9:08:09 AM

LadyJulieAnn

Posts: 979
Joined: 6/29/2005
Status: offline

Sounds like the relationship is starting to exhaust you, and knowing it is "temporary" might start to wear on you after awhile. I think you have to decide if it's worth the effort over time.

Be well,
LadyJulieAnn

(in reply to MsStarlett)

Post #: 17

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