Do people not work things out anymore?

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Do people not work things out anymore? - 10/13/2008 9:57:17 AM

sweetnurseBBW

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I made a post on another forum about how to rebuild after a mistake. I was astounded at how many peoples response was to just cut their losses and run. If you are in a long term relationship and have been together a long time and god forbid somebody acts human and makes a mistake is the answer to run? Do people in long term relationships not try to work things out anymore? It made me seem weird because I thought that working through it was a better plan . Yes everyone is different and sometimes a relationship cannot be salvaged but don't people try to fix it sometimes? Why at the first sign of a problem to some want to get the hell out of dodge? Maybe I am over analyzing and being to sensitive but it just bothered me.

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RE: Do people not work things out anymore? - 10/13/2008 10:11:03 AM

Anarrus

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Seems to me it's just another symptom of our "throw away society" mentality.

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RE: Do people not work things out anymore? - 10/13/2008 10:14:29 AM

persephonee

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the divorce rate has got to be over 50% by now...its a cultural imperative anymore to go the easy route. i vaguely recall that perhaps the question was about cheating or betrayal. Betrayal of trust is not only a dealbreaker in this community, it is in most relationships despite the dynamic. Thats a bit tougher to get thru. Its also very easy for internet strangers to say cut and run. Less typing.
A couple of friends of mine broke up and even got legally divorced over a 2 yr period of time. They never lost contact and slowly but surely evolved and are now remarried and i believe doing well. The husband was the one who was betrayed and he spent time at our house the entire time they were having these problems. Once a week he would ask me if i thought he was a tool for staying in this thing emotionally...and i told him everytime...marriage/commitment is nothing to just walk away from. If your heart wont let you walk away, who am i to tell you to do that? And yes, there were hundreds of times i thought he was being a tool....but in the end, he was right to stay and fight.

perse

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RE: Do people not work things out anymore? - 10/13/2008 10:19:49 AM

Bethnai

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It depends on the mistake. You can't damn someone else because they recognize their own limitations.

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RE: Do people not work things out anymore? - 10/13/2008 10:27:07 AM

slaveboyforyou

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It depends on the circumstances and the "mistake" that was made. I always want to work things out with someone, but sometimes that's not possible.

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RE: Do people not work things out anymore? - 10/13/2008 11:05:14 AM

LaTigresse

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Actually Perse, I read somewhere the other day that the divorce rate has declined for the first time since the 60's.

But I agree, it is a symtom of our instant gratification society. We rush too quickly into relationships, then ditch them when they are not the perfect romance novel we hoped for.

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RE: Do people not work things out anymore? - 10/13/2008 11:06:12 AM

pahunkboy

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likely depends on time and place-

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RE: Do people not work things out anymore? - 10/13/2008 11:09:24 AM

CallaFirestormBW

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For me, this depends on the relationship. In order to want to work things out, both parties have to be interested in reaching some sort of agreement. If only one person is going to be doing all the work, and the other person or persons couldn't give a tinker's dam, then it makes no sense to try to salvage the relationship, because honestly, there isn't one left to salvage.

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RE: Do people not work things out anymore? - 10/13/2008 11:15:00 AM

krikket

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Sometimes, no matter how hard you work at it, things just aren't going to work out -- especially if one of them decides that the grass is greener. It's impossible to work out a solution, even after many years, when there's no one there to work with. i think the cut and run is an easy generalization, and does a great disservice to those who try but still aren't able to work things out.

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RE: Do people not work things out anymore? - 10/13/2008 12:44:20 PM

Missokyst

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For me the difference is in what kind of relationship it is. When I was married we tried all sorts of things to salvage the marriage. Many things we tried only made things worse in my opinion, but some things did help. My intent when I got married was to stick it out. His intent as it turns out was based on his experience, both his parents were serial divorcee's. The final straw for me was when he told me I had to change my religion and become a Baptist so that I would understand that the man was meant to be in charge. I did not understand that because for 7 yrs I got up when ever he wished, to cook him dinner, or open my legs for sex. His comment about being in charge had more to do with my no longer accepting his extramartial affairs. For me, that was the final insult.
I tried many things to please him and gave it what I had in me.
I have chosen to remain single ever since my divorce. Not because I don't believe in it, but because I do. Marriage for me is ideally a life time committment. I have told anyone I become involved with that if it ever did come down to marriage only ONE of us gets out alive. <g> It has kept the offers down to 3 more in my life.. though I chose never to take that step again.

But.. in these brief alliances I see online, the quick committments, the instant collars, and the "I have never met him but I love him", connections, I can see the value in moving on quickly. For me the main reason is that the longer you are with someone, the longer it takes to heal.
There is a song I love which says..
If it makes you happy, then why are you so sad?

If it makes you more sad than happy, it is time to leave.
Kyst

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RE: Do people not work things out anymore? - 10/13/2008 12:54:54 PM

proudsub

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quote:

If you are in a long term relationship and have been together a long time and god forbid somebody acts human and makes a mistake is the answer to run? Do people in long term relationships not try to work things out anymore?

We always work things out. Forgiveness goes a long ways.

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RE: Do people not work things out anymore? - 10/13/2008 5:13:00 PM

tweedydaddy

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But did they throw away their partner after a barnful of chances?

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RE: Do people not work things out anymore? - 10/13/2008 7:09:24 PM

atropa7

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If the problem is a deal breaker, where neither party is willing to budge - say one partner desperately wants to have biological children, and the other does not want children at all - then they should cut their losses and leave. There are some things people just will not change on.

And I never want to change someone I'm with. If they're going to change, they need to do it for themselves, not for some external motivation. But I don't think people who love each other or want to get back to love each other should just throw in the towel when things get hard. If it's not hard, they're not doing it right.

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