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How to find a Domme? - 10/10/2008 12:12:24 AM

sheizhidao

Posts: 3
Joined: 11/11/2007
Status: offline

Can anyone explain to me the best way to find a Domme? Is the only way to learn by appointment with expensive services from Mistress connected with places like the The Red Door or DVMS in Cleveland, Ohio? (Would you recommend these places?) Are they really the best way? Or are there Alteratives? I do not want to seem to be naive....oops...too late! Just curious because I have become frustrated in my search. Thanks!

Post #: 1

RE: How to find a Domme? - 10/10/2008 12:33:02 AM

WyldHrt

Posts: 6412
Joined: 6/5/2008
Status: offline

*sigh*
First off, grammar check the first part of your profile and shitcan everything after the first "oral".
Try putting in things about who you are and what you like to do (not involving your fetishes); you know, the vanilla stuff. As written, your profile reads as a "do-me" sub, which won't attract most of the D types around here (male or female). You will have better luck if you make your profile (and any cmail you send) more about wanting to know the real person, not just the high heels and pantyhose she happens to wear

_____________________________

"MotherFUCKER!" is NOT a safeword!!"- Steel
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(in reply to sheizhidao)

Post #: 2

RE: How to find a Domme? - 10/10/2008 1:24:10 AM

Usako

Posts: 697
Joined: 7/29/2006
From: NYC
Status: offline

Agreeing with everything said above.

Sorry but there is nothing unique or special about you being oral or liking stockings and wanting golden showers. Those are pretty run of the mill fetishes that a woman can do with almost any other sub, perhaps one younger or who isn't a switch or who is closer; whatever.

You have fetishes? Great, who cares. As said, it screams "do-me." What do you have to offer the woman? What makes you unique from every other sub/slave/wanker with a stocking fetish? Why should a woman give you the time of day and not the other light blue mail that's under yours in her inbox?

Gotta stand out and shine!

(in reply to WyldHrt)

Post #: 3

RE: How to find a Domme? - 10/10/2008 5:00:41 AM

stella41b

Posts: 4258
Joined: 10/16/2007
From: SW London (UK)
Status: offline

Oh no, not again. This appears to be a common subject for threads on the Ask A Mistress board. It seems that certain submissives are becoming careless and appear to be misplacing their dommes.

But I understand the dilemma. What do you do if you've lost or misplaced your domme? I mean, do you contact your local police and admit that you cannot find your domme and need their assistance? I mean not all submissives would feel comfortable in admitting "Officer, I'm sorry but I cannot find my domme." And what about male doms? Do they not go missing too? Or are female submissives more careful with their Masters and tend to remember where they've left them?

And what if you are the submissive and you were with your domme, but she somehow got free and ran away? Maybe a subject for another thread (Runaway Dommes) so I won't go into that.

Remembering what your domme looks like puts you at a distinct advantage on finding her. Remembering where you last saw her, or left her is also a good place to start when you are looking for your domme.

Asking other people such as neighbours or passers by in the street isn't always a good idea. I mean, you could go up to them and ask "Excuse me, have you seen a domme?" They might be able to tell you. But you know what some people are like, and it's just like when you're asking directions, you don't always get the most intelligent response. You might get "Yes, she's wearing corsets and boots and carrying a riding crop." This obviously isn't true, especially if she wasn't posing for new pictures on her CM profile.

You could put up posters if you do have a photo of your domme. Just stick them up in places where people will see them, and it helps to offer some sort of reward. Something like 'Missing Domme' would be adequate I guess.

There are more radical solutions if you keep misplacing your domme. You could for example tie her up someplace or chain her to a wall or railings, being perfectly sure that she will still be in the same place when you return. You might also find handcuffs useful if you misplace her whilst you are out together.

However the best solution is to develop your memory to the point where you remember where you last left your domme. That way you will never lose or misplace her.

So what happens if your domme is stolen? I've never seen a thread on this, though I'm quite sure there are a few submissives out there who go around stealing dommes. I think you just need to be more careful in taking care of your domme. They are special people.

Just my 0.02

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(in reply to sheizhidao)

Post #: 4

RE: How to find a Domme? - 10/10/2008 5:21:10 AM

michaelOfGeorgia

Posts: 4253
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sheizhidao

Can anyone explain to me the best way to find a Domme? Is the only way to learn by appointment with expensive services from Mistress connected with places like the The Red Door or DVMS in Cleveland, Ohio? (Would you recommend these places?) Are they really the best way? Or are there Alteratives? I do not want to seem to be naive....oops...too late! Just curious because I have become frustrated in my search. Thanks!

throw a few coins in the wishing well, might get the same affect...LOL

_____________________________

Are we having fun, yet?

(in reply to sheizhidao)

Post #: 5

RE: How to find a Domme? - 10/10/2008 5:33:05 AM

LATEXBABY64

Posts: 2107
Joined: 4/8/2004
Status: offline

I am good to go i have my domme for dummies book lol

(in reply to michaelOfGeorgia)

Post #: 6

RE: How to find a Domme? - 10/10/2008 6:08:35 AM

UmbraDomina

Posts: 491
Joined: 7/22/2008
From: SE Michigan
Status: offline

I agree with the above, your profile says nothing of what you can bring to a dominant woman's profile just what you want her to do for you, or allow you to do. If your just out to fufill your fantasies with a dominatrix barbie in stockings.... see a pro, pay for it, and don't waste a dominant woman's time.
Otherwise, grow up, change your profile, go to munches, events and meetings in your local area...... if you don't know where they are goggle BDSM and your area.

Below is a blurb I wrote a while back, it seems to sum it up.

how to met and grow into a releationship with a female dominant.
Written by M.Alexandra

First and foremost, be realistic... ..Chances are the dominant
lady whom you meet will NOT look like the ones in the magazines, just
like in vanilla life not everyone looks like they fell out of
playboy. Dominant females come in all shapes, sizes, ages and colors.
Don't assume that every female dominant out their will match with
your interests, or desires. Don't assume she will have a full leather
and latex wardrobe to slink around in for you, or a well stocked
dungeon with mood lighting, Dominant females are normal people with
normal lives, they have jobs, families, and friends.
Also.... just becouse you state "hey I am a male sub looking"
don't think you will be flooded with offers from ladies jumping at
the chance to be with you. You have to earn their attention.

Now, how do your earn their attention? well, be a gentleman, be
polite, be interesting, be clean and neat, no woman wants to be in
the company of a rude, boorish, smelly guy.
You see a lady at a event, ask someone you know if they know her
and can introduce you to her, approuch her and BE POLITE, do not call
her mistress, do not kneel at her feet and say I want to be your
slave. Tell her you admired her skill, or her hair or her eyes, or
such from across the room and you wanted to met her. If she is at a
table, ask to join her (do not assume it is ok to park your tush down
and start babbling). Ask her questions about herself, so you can
learn about her. Do not make it like a interrigation or a interview.
Do not blather on about what you want her to do to you. Find out if
she is perhaps seeking someone..... if she is keep talking..... . if
not do not just bolt and run, be polite, be nice, perhaps she knows
someone who is and if your nice she might tell them about you. Oh
yes, and be HONEST.
If she is seeking someone, make your self desirable with out
being slimey, ask her if she would care for a soda or a water, go get
it.....make her see you could be useful in her life.
Chat with her, find out some of her interests ( not just S&M)
if you are still interested and so is she, ask her if she would care
to join you for coffee/lunch/ dinner, if she says yes, offer her your
phone number
So does alot of this sound familiar? kind of like dating in the
vanilla world? thats becouse it is, if you are looking for a
realationship, not just a quick play partner, it is very much the
same.

_____________________________

Alexandra ~

~~ And I will show you something different from either your shadow at morning striding behind you Or your shadow at evening rising to meet you; I will show you fear in a handful of dust..... T.S. Elliot ~~

(in reply to LATEXBABY64)

Post #: 7

RE: How to find a Domme? - 10/10/2008 7:53:52 AM

rookey

Posts: 100
Status: offline

If I might wade in with my tuppence worth...

Following on from UmbraDomina wise words, start wising up by reading up.

Spend a while lurking around these boards, read the threads, especially the postings on where people went wrong and learn from the mistakes of others.

Learn a bit of empathy, look at things from a Domme perspective. The most frequent gripe seems to about wannabe subs treating Dommes as fantasy fodder rather than a lady. One Domme wrote the rule of thumb was a nice guy first then a sub afterwards.

Another common complaint seems to be threads like this one...

Try a few books too. I'm currently reading Gloria Brame's Come Hither, I'm finding it enlightening.

Yes I'm a newbie as well, but I'm following the Iron Duke's maxim, that time spent on reconnaissance is seldom wasted.

Best of luck with your research.

_____________________________

(in reply to sheizhidao)

Post #: 8

RE: How to find a Domme? - 10/10/2008 9:07:34 AM

faerytattoodgirl

Posts: 5824
Status: offline

yellow pages, craigslist, kmart, walmart, chapters, star bucks, mcd's, subway (the restaurant and the actual subway), etc etc...

they're everywhere.

_____________________________

I did not reply to your cmail.

I am flawed.

Imperfect.

MUST SPANK!!!

SPAAAAAAAANK!!!

(in reply to sheizhidao)

Post #: 9

RE: How to find a Domme? - 10/10/2008 9:08:49 AM

UmbraDomina

Posts: 491
Joined: 7/22/2008
From: SE Michigan
Status: offline

but don't buy one of those blue light special kmart dommes, they always break and have to be returned to the store......lol

_____________________________

Alexandra ~

~~ And I will show you something different from either your shadow at morning striding behind you Or your shadow at evening rising to meet you; I will show you fear in a handful of dust..... T.S. Elliot ~~

(in reply to faerytattoodgirl)

Post #: 10

RE: How to find a Domme? - 10/10/2008 9:14:57 AM

azropedntied

Posts: 1829
Joined: 7/25/2005
From: Phx AZ
Status: offline

OOOoooh your SO right i have had to return 2 so far , One had a broken nail Defective right from the factory ,The last one did not come with the accessories , and now they are outta stock .They are now tougher to get than the Wii or Wii fit .

quote:

ORIGINAL: UmbraDomina

but don't buy one of those blue light special kmart dommes, they always break and have to be returned to the store......lol

(in reply to UmbraDomina)

Post #: 11

RE: How to find a Domme? - 10/10/2008 9:26:32 AM

faerytattoodgirl

Posts: 5824
Status: offline

but them blue light ones dont get pregnant...and the weight stays the same provided you blow enough air into them.

_____________________________

I did not reply to your cmail.

I am flawed.

Imperfect.

MUST SPANK!!!

SPAAAAAAAANK!!!

(in reply to azropedntied)

Post #: 12

RE: How to find a Domme? - 10/10/2008 10:50:03 AM

azropedntied

Posts: 1829
Joined: 7/25/2005
From: Phx AZ
Status: offline

Helium is much better to use .

quote:

ORIGINAL: faerytattoodgirl

but them blue light ones dont get pregnant...and the weight stays the same provided you blow enough air into them.

(in reply to faerytattoodgirl)

Post #: 13

RE: How to find a Domme? - 10/10/2008 10:52:16 AM

Coupleofwhats

Posts: 280
Joined: 6/4/2008
Status: offline

*sigh*

You're not a teenage boy... have you not learned by now that women generally do not respond well to oral sex offers from strange men?

Other than that glaring misstep, your profile suggests that you offer nothing. Dommes can pee on anyone. Anyone will worship their stockings. What do you bring to the table?

And no, I would not suggest that you go to a Professional House of Domination: they don't want you to lick their crotches anymore than we do. I WOULD suggest an escort with a kinky bend though, if you just want someone to be your giant fetish doll.

_____________________________

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fm6JgZ35w8w

(in reply to faerytattoodgirl)

Post #: 14

RE: How to find a Domme? - 10/10/2008 12:07:16 PM

CruelDesires

Posts: 824
Joined: 11/20/2004
Status: offline

I don't know about you but I am very selective as to who I pee on.

C-D

_____________________________

Reputation is what other people know about you. Honor is what you know about yourself.
Lois McMaster Bujold, "A Civil Campaign", 1999

(in reply to Coupleofwhats)

Post #: 15

RE: How to find a Domme? - 10/10/2008 12:10:27 PM

faerytattoodgirl

Posts: 5824
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CruelDesires

I don't know about you but I am very selective as to who I pee on.

C-D

The most sophisticated technology you'll ever be invited to pee onhttp://www.cherryflava.com/cherryflava/2008/01/the-most-sophis.html

_____________________________

I did not reply to your cmail.

I am flawed.

Imperfect.

MUST SPANK!!!

SPAAAAAAAANK!!!

(in reply to CruelDesires)

Post #: 16

RE: How to find a Domme? - 10/10/2008 12:19:40 PM

MsAuthoritarian

Posts: 51
Joined: 9/14/2008
Status: offline

1. Figure out exactly what you want! Do you want to submit during kinky play? Would you rather have the kinky play without being submissive in the process? Do you want to turn over authority to someone outside of play? If so, what aspects of your life are you willing to relinquish authority to someone you trust? Do you want someone that keeps their dominance in the bedroom only? Do you want someone that is out about their kinks and/s relationship dynamics and active in the SM public scene? Would you rather the person be private and simply keep it behind closed doors? Are you into SM? What things are you interested in? The list goes on and on. Learning yourself and then becoming comfortable in your own skin is the absolutely most important step in finding what you seek. You have to know the details of what you want before you can find it!

2. Learn to communicate exactly what you are seeking in detail. In other words be up front and honest about yourself and what you are looking for.

3. Do not limit your search to the internet. Find groups within your area and get active. Here are links to sites that can assist you in your search for groups in your area:
http://domsubfriends.com/a-wwwdir/
http://www.drkdesyre.com/meetppl/orgs/orgs.html
http://www.darkheart.com/sceneusa.html

4. Going to dungeons is a great way to meet new people as well. Talk to the people working at the dungeon. Let them know you are new and looking to meet new people in the area. Ask them if they would be kind enough to introduce you to those that they know and show you the ropes of the club. Rarely have I ever encountered people that were not willing to help.

5. Take your time. Do not allow your desires to override logic. Do not jump into anything before you are completely educated and ready to deal with any possible consequences of what you want to do.

6. Take a CPR and EAD class. The Red Cross provides them at very reasonable prices. Ask those that you may decide to play with if they are certified.

7. Learn everything you can about the types of play that you may want to experience. If you do not know the realities, safety measure possible and the right or wrong ways of that play then you cannot realistically judge if a Top or Dominant knows their stuff. Trust is great but blind trust is not the smartest thing to do.

8. If you are into SM then start buying your own toys as not everything can be disinfected. Learning the difference between a porous and non-porous material is a great place to start.

Ok there are a few hints.
Good Luck,

MsAuthoritarian

(in reply to Coupleofwhats)

Post #: 17

RE: How to find a Domme? - 10/10/2008 12:47:21 PM

MistresseLotus

Posts: 443
Joined: 9/19/2008
From: (aka LotusSong)
Status: offline

That last I heard, there is a bush in India, "Sheffelara Domina", go there, shake it three times and if not fully havested, a Domme will fall into your lap :)

First MOVE OUTTA CLEVELAND! There is a whole world awaiting you (I know, I was raised in the area)

_____________________________

I leave it to the 20-somethings to do the "open-minded, total unconditional acceptance thing" for it's how THEY learn that all the things others older than they have deemed BS, are in fact BS. What a waste of a decade.

(in reply to sheizhidao)

Post #: 18

RE: How to find a Domme? - 10/10/2008 1:05:57 PM

SailingBum

Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline

Well letsee it amazes me that ppl think there is this formula for finding a relationship. It doesn't matter what type. It's not a hocus pocus event. Keep putting yourself out there. Oh and move outta cleveland I've been there. Somehow they managed to set lake Erie on fire. How they managed that is beyond me.

BadOne.

< Message edited by SailingBum -- 10/10/2008 1:07:35 PM >

_____________________________

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

According to SwithNSpanky
We are all so very lucky to have you with us to impart your great wisdom.

(in reply to MistresseLotus)

Post #: 19

RE: How to find a Domme? - 10/10/2008 1:29:57 PM

MistresseLotus

Posts: 443
Joined: 9/19/2008
From: (aka LotusSong)
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum

Well letsee it amazes me that ppl think there is this formula for finding a relationship. It doesn't matter what type. It's not a hocus pocus event. Keep putting yourself out there. Oh and move outta cleveland I've been there. Somehow they managed to set lake Erie on fire. How they managed that is beyond me.

BadOne.

Nah.. that was the Cuyahoga River. I agree with your comment about relationships. There is no difference.

_____________________________

I leave it to the 20-somethings to do the "open-minded, total unconditional acceptance thing" for it's how THEY learn that all the things others older than they have deemed BS, are in fact BS. What a waste of a decade.

(in reply to SailingBum)

Post #: 20

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