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serious disease and impact on a new relationship - 10/9/2008 12:28:16 PM

Maya2001

Posts: 1656
Joined: 8/22/2007
From: Woodstock ONT,CANADA
Status: offline

Here is the scenario

a sub is in discussion getting to know a few interested dominants and in that time learns she has and illnessness/disease that will likely cause serious disability and greatly alter her life.. the longterm prognosis and severity it still unknown and may take months before learning ... and also treatments and surgeries that relate to can be very expensive depending on the severity or course of action decide on to try and get the disease into remission ...she feels the best course of action is just to bow out for now until more is known and also so she can learn how it will impact the ability to serve in a D/s or M/s relationship plus life in general ..as could be restricted in time to needing devices for mobility, may no longer be able to work , may need personal assistance etc .. I should add they are not the shiny white knight types looking for a damsel in distress to rescue

some of the dominants agree that this is the best course of action, others still want to pursue despite knowing all possibilities and feels the sub is wrong for wanting to walk away now and feels that nothing should change and that the get to know should continue and that they can deal with the issues are they come up and feel they could handle to financial responsibility as well..

Would like to hear thoughts and opinions from both subs and Dominants from their perspective if this situation should come up for them with the understanding this is a new possible relationship with no commitments having been made at this point

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Post #: 1

RE: serious disease and impact on a new relationship - 10/9/2008 12:39:33 PM

RumpusParable

Posts: 1923
Joined: 7/7/2005
From: NYC now!
Status: offline

I'd say keep looking and moving forward to find the right person for you. As long as you're being honest and upfront with any possible long-term or serious partner, then the two of you can work out how to deal with life together... duties, times, whatever.

And really, life changes so much on us and can at any moment. Don't shut off being open to good things whenever they come or how, just let them happen when they happen. If we don't because something is going wrong or unpleasant, of whatever intensity, we lose a lot of chances at the good in life.

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I generally use fast-reply. If directing my post at someone specific I will indicate so.

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(in reply to Maya2001)

Post #: 2

RE: serious disease and impact on a new relationship - 10/9/2008 12:49:56 PM

NihilusZero

Posts: 4036
Joined: 9/10/2008
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

I think all you really have to worry about is being honest with the situation as you glean more information about what it will require. Just as before, you'll still have to trust that a Dom with all the information available to him will make a decision understanding what it would require. The only thing different now is there is another factor for a prospective Dom to include in their calculations.

This is now just a new part of what is the entirety of 'you. What hasn't changed is that someone interested in being with you still has to take the entire package, good and bad.

< Message edited by NihilusZero -- 10/9/2008 12:50:14 PM >

_____________________________

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I know they're all insane
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I know that I'm to blame."
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(in reply to RumpusParable)

Post #: 3

RE: serious disease and impact on a new relationship - 10/9/2008 12:53:50 PM

CreativeDominant

Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RumpusParable

I'd say keep looking and moving forward to find the right person for you. As long as you're being honest and upfront with any possible long-term or serious partner, then the two of you can work out how to deal with life together... duties, times, whatever.

And really, life changes so much on us and can at any moment. Don't shut off being open to good things whenever they come or how, just let them happen when they happen. If we don't because something is going wrong or unpleasant, of whatever intensity, we lose a lot of chances at the good in life.

Nicely said, Rumpus.

I've faced this choice. The relationship had progressed more than what is described above but we had not met. What it felt like...to me...was that I was being pushed away and that she felt she knew what was best for me. Isn't that MY choice? Should I not be the one who gets to decide whether or not I want to be there...in whatever way I can, whether as a shoulder or an ear or someone who can lift their spirits or who will be non-judgmental and bite their tongue when the ill partner is having a bad day and is stewing/crying/yelling/all of the above and/or other things?

In the end, tis MY heart that gets broken or not...and it should be my choice whether or not to let myself in for that.

Does the ill person still have the right to choose to end it? Of course he/she does but if they choose to do so, then they have to do so not out of sacrifice for the other person once the other person has made it CLEAR that they still want to be there but instead, out of whatever reasons they have that concern themselves.

(in reply to RumpusParable)

Post #: 4

RE: serious disease and impact on a new relationship - 10/9/2008 1:12:21 PM

Subductrssss

Posts: 97
Joined: 9/28/2008
Status: offline

I have to say I can relate as I am dealing with these issues also. I am open and honest and tell all about myself so people may know what they deal with but it is scary. I want so much to be with someone and to be what and who I am and yet if the worst is the worst who would want to get involved with someone who might have weeks, months or even short years left? And all that will come with this.

I offer my mail open at anytime the sub would care to talk as I know there are so many things going through their mind right now that someone who is going through maybe not the same but similiar might be able to help in some manner another human being.

I find out tomorrow the answers to my questions on the second issue, but basically I have two things going on with me right now;

1st. An ankle I busted all to hell and back and have five more weeks in a cast with no pressure put on that foot and then possibly another surgery (although that is a vague possiblity).

2nd. I went in for a complete hysterectomy in July, they found a mass in my colon, did a colonoscopy, all indicators were cancerous, they took out the mass and sent me for a PET scan. The day I busted my ankle my surgeon came to visit me and told me the results of the PET scan were not what He had wished. The cancer has travelled in spots to my liver and lungs and I am now in stage 4 instead of 3.

I am on disability and don't need financial help and have the best medical care there is (Military) but hell yes I want a Knight in shining armour just to tell me it's going to be okay and I am wanted, needed and loved

I go to my Oncologist tomorrow for the first time and have five pages of questions to ask Him, and knowing me they will get ALL answered (WEG) then I will go from there and make some decisions.

Boy that was harder to type than I thought, I am honest as I said but those I have only casually responded back to through collarme I have not told about this and now it's out in the open.

I am scared, scared of what I will learn tomorrow and even more scared that no one will wish to become involved with me should as I said the worst be the worst and I will be alone (except for my bestest friend Mary I am staying with) until the end and never experience the joys of being close to a lover or Dom, or engaging in BDSM or well you get the drift again in my life.

I don't write this for sympathy but I am crying as I write this and thank you to the OP for bringing this subject up and I again extend a hand in friendship and help as much as I may.

Sincerely,

Marsha

< Message edited by Subductrssss -- 10/9/2008 1:21:01 PM >

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Subductrssss

The reality of the other person lies not in what he reveals to you but in what he cannot reveal to you. Therefore, if you would understand him, listen not to what he says but rather to what he does not say.
Kahlil Gibran

(in reply to Maya2001)

Post #: 5

RE: serious disease and impact on a new relationship - 10/9/2008 1:23:02 PM

tactileartist

Posts: 36
Joined: 12/9/2006
Status: offline

Maya, my opinion is that any Dom I might want to have a relationship with isn't able to 1) give me space to sort out what's going on as I learn my new limitations, responsibilities, and triggers, and 2) just step back to being a simple friend and supporting me with the occasional phone call, coffee date, and maybe even be a sounding board as I talk myself through these new issues is probably not going to be a Dom who's a good fit for me in the first place.

Marsha, all I can say is Holy. Fucking. Shit. Good luck. I did medical transcription for 8 years, and I have the following advice: 1) Google is your friend. 2) Harvard, Emory, and Mayo clinic have very good websites, among others. 3) Write down everything your doc says, and then go research it until you understand it - and as you come up with more questions, write *those* down for your doc. From here on out, the best thing you can do for yourself is make active decisions about your life and not just 'react'. 4) Look for a support group. You *deserve* support during something like this. Your doc should be able to refer you to one.

(in reply to Subductrssss)

Post #: 6

RE: serious disease and impact on a new relationship - 10/9/2008 1:24:50 PM

leadership527

Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline

From the sub's viewpoint: The sub is being honest and forthright. Such things are always to be prized.
From the dom's viewpoint: The dom, being in posession of all the information, should be allowed to choose for themself. I mean seriously, if you can't trust the dom to make a choice like this, can you trust them enough to submit to them?

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to Maya2001)

Post #: 7

RE: serious disease and impact on a new relationship - 10/9/2008 2:03:20 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

If the sub doesn't feel up to working towards a relationship, then that's how she feels. However I would caution her not to deliberately drive the dom away. For now, you get a friend and there's always the chance it could turn into more when you are able to handle it.

Subductresss, all my thoughts and wishes for you.

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(in reply to leadership527)

Post #: 8

RE: serious disease and impact on a new relationship - 10/9/2008 2:25:15 PM

Rover

Posts: 2634
Joined: 6/28/2004
Status: offline

Is this about you, or about them?

If it's about you, decide for yourself what best meets your needs. If it's about them, extend the same courtesy.

John

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Sri da Avabhas

(in reply to Maya2001)

Post #: 9

RE: serious disease and impact on a new relationship - 10/9/2008 2:35:22 PM

subtee

Posts: 5133
Joined: 7/26/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant

I've faced this choice. The relationship had progressed more than what is described above but we had not met. What it felt like...to me...was that I was being pushed away and that she felt she knew what was best for me. Isn't that MY choice? Should I not be the one who gets to decide whether or not I want to be there...in whatever way I can, whether as a shoulder or an ear or someone who can lift their spirits or who will be non-judgmental and bite their tongue when the ill partner is having a bad day and is stewing/crying/yelling/all of the above and/or other things?

I think this is very noble of you, although I'm sure you feel the way you do not out of a sense of duty. You're just a cool guy.

quote:

In the end, tis MY heart that gets broken or not...and it should be my choice whether or not to let myself in for that.

Her heart won't feel it? If the choice is to start a relationship knowing it will end and be painful for both, doesn't that hurt her twice as much?

quote:

Does the ill person still have the right to choose to end it? Of course he/she does but if they choose to do so, then they have to do so not out of sacrifice for the other person once the other person has made it CLEAR that they still want to be there but instead, out of whatever reasons they have that concern themselves.

It seems to me, and just pertaining to my opinion, that there are beginnings and there are endings. When one is faced with the knowledge that the beginning is likely all there will be, is it automatically a reason that concerns only her? Is she not allowed to say, "I won't put another through this?" Does that alter her submissiveness? Not necessarily that she is exerting what she believes is best for you, but might it be the way in which she takes care of you?

Further, it seems to me especially confounded by both the D and s mindset; if she's not well, might it be that she won't be up to fully submitting and that he might be put into a caretaking role to the extent that would make a positive and beneficial relationship next to impossible? I believe it's one thing to caretake and look after someone when both are rather used to the opposite roles after a LTR, but at the beginning?

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(in reply to CreativeDominant)

Post #: 10

RE: serious disease and impact on a new relationship - 10/9/2008 2:39:32 PM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

I have been there, still there and will stay there I am sure. When you first get the 'news' and in my case, even though I knew for most my life something was wrong, I still got that news of finally haveing a dx, you go through a lot. I was given a death sentence... and hell getting to it, but so much was not known and medically things change sometimes by the day. My life became limited, I then became limited and anyone with me became limited. Many wished to try to handle it, but couldn't. They could handle me, just not all that happened around me. BUT... I have lived far longer than I should have and handle many things because I did my research and knew what not to do. In rare illnesses like mine... sometimes that means not to do what the doctors say. I am still going strong because I did not take medications they said would help, but that took most my family out. I don't plan on leaving anytime soon, though my memory is a bit messed up! lol

I have friends with the same illnesses who have partners that stay with them, love them and provide whatever they need. They had things I did not have and had lost long before a dx and therefore could not secure things like insurance and retirement funds. Not having these things ruined things for me, but my friends and families did very well with it all. Their spouses have stood with them for many years, handling it all and there seems no end to that!

I have been thought to run people off. I am not running them off so much as telling them very clearly what it means to be in my life and to love me. On one hand it is a blessing and on another it can be a curse and it takes a very special person to be able to handle it. If these dominants can afford things... things go so much better. If they wish to try... let them!

One thing I would like to say is that you are a person, not an illness. You have all the same needs and then some that anyone else has and to isolate yourself or to take yourself out of the mix... you will often find yourself very lonely and when things get tough there is no one there. People should have a choice given all the facts to decide whether they can handle it. Most do not want that in their life, but who is to say they won't be the next one with a dx? Even in illness and pain with all sorts of limitations, one can have a great life! Don't limit yourself in this moment of not knowing and seeing the scary parts. Don't limit other's either.

Love heals... love is what life is all about and you can still love and be loved and everyone needs love to some degree. Give it all time... don't make discisions now based on what you see and feel now... because I promise, things will change.

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 11

RE: serious disease and impact on a new relationship - 10/9/2008 4:00:34 PM

SlaveIndigochild

Posts: 272
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Subductrssss

I have to say I can relate as I am dealing with these issues also. I am open and honest and tell all about myself so people may know what they deal with but it is scary. I want so much to be with someone and to be what and who I am and yet if the worst is the worst who would want to get involved with someone who might have weeks, months or even short years left? And all that will come with this.

I offer my mail open at anytime the sub would care to talk as I know there are so many things going through their mind right now that someone who is going through maybe not the same but similiar might be able to help in some manner another human being.

I find out tomorrow the answers to my questions on the second issue, but basically I have two things going on with me right now;

1st. An ankle I busted all to hell and back and have five more weeks in a cast with no pressure put on that foot and then possibly another surgery (although that is a vague possiblity).

2nd. I went in for a complete hysterectomy in July, they found a mass in my colon, did a colonoscopy, all indicators were cancerous, they took out the mass and sent me for a PET scan. The day I busted my ankle my surgeon came to visit me and told me the results of the PET scan were not what He had wished. The cancer has travelled in spots to my liver and lungs and I am now in stage 4 instead of 3.

I am on disability and don't need financial help and have the best medical care there is (Military) but hell yes I want a Knight in shining armour just to tell me it's going to be okay and I am wanted, needed and loved

I go to my Oncologist tomorrow for the first time and have five pages of questions to ask Him, and knowing me they will get ALL answered (WEG) then I will go from there and make some decisions.

Boy that was harder to type than I thought, I am honest as I said but those I have only casually responded back to through collarme I have not told about this and now it's out in the open.

I am scared, scared of what I will learn tomorrow and even more scared that no one will wish to become involved with me should as I said the worst be the worst and I will be alone (except for my bestest friend Mary I am staying with) until the end and never experience the joys of being close to a lover or Dom, or engaging in BDSM or well you get the drift again in my life.

I don't write this for sympathy but I am crying as I write this and thank you to the OP for bringing this subject up and I again extend a hand in friendship and help as much as I may.

Sincerely,

Marsha

Love to you. An amazing story and thank you so very much for telling it.
Death is a part of life. It is merely an illusion that we are immortal. All relationships must transcend an ending of one sort or another. ALL relationships must transcend ending.
Love Indi

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Formerly Prinsexx
_________________________

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(in reply to Subductrssss)

Post #: 12

RE: serious disease and impact on a new relationship - 10/9/2008 4:22:48 PM

RealSub58

Posts: 1073
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527

From the sub's viewpoint: The sub is being honest and forthright. Such things are always to be prized.
From the dom's viewpoint: The dom, being in posession of all the information, should be allowed to choose for themself. I mean seriously, if you can't trust the dom to make a choice like this, can you trust them enough to submit to them?

Agreed, well stated !
This was our scenerio.
Sir was going blind, now fixed.
I had months earlier found out I had left ventricular hypertrophy and cardiomopathy (the heart disease athletes drop dead from). I was evaluated after I passed out dragon boat racing.
He wanted me anyway.

I take my meds and we journey day to day. I missed this dragonboat season, but I hope not the next one and Sir is supportive.

(in reply to leadership527)

Post #: 13

RE: serious disease and impact on a new relationship - 10/9/2008 4:41:35 PM

CreativeDominant

Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: subtee

quote:

ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant

I've faced this choice. The relationship had progressed more than what is described above but we had not met. What it felt like...to me...was that I was being pushed away and that she felt she knew what was best for me. Isn't that MY choice? Should I not be the one who gets to decide whether or not I want to be there...in whatever way I can, whether as a shoulder or an ear or someone who can lift their spirits or who will be non-judgmental and bite their tongue when the ill partner is having a bad day and is stewing/crying/yelling/all of the above and/or other things?

I think this is very noble of you, although I'm sure you feel the way you do not out of a sense of duty. You're just a cool guy.

Thanks for the compliment, tee.

quote:

In the end, tis MY heart that gets broken or not...and it should be my choice whether or not to let myself in for that.

Her heart won't feel it? If the choice is to start a relationship knowing it will end and be painful for both, doesn't that hurt her twice as much?

I don't believe I...or anyone else on here who supports the idea of even just being friends or more...said that the ill person's heart would not suffer. What I noted a problem with...as have several others...is her making the choice for MY heart.

quote:

Does the ill person still have the right to choose to end it? Of course he/she does but if they choose to do so, then they have to do so not out of sacrifice for the other person once the other person has made it CLEAR that they still want to be there but instead, out of whatever reasons they have that concern themselves.

It seems to me, and just pertaining to my opinion, that there are beginnings and there are endings. When one is faced with the knowledge that the beginning is likely all there will be, is it automatically a reason that concerns only her? Is she not allowed to say, "I won't put another through this?" Does that alter her submissiveness? Not necessarily that she is exerting what she believes is best for you, but might it be the way in which she takes care of you?

Interesting questions...here are my answers to them, based on my own beliefs and some of what I've read here. The ill person, in stating that he/she won't put another through this, is making the choice for ANOTHER when that person wants to be there. While it may seem like submission in that the submissive may consider it a way of taking care of the dominant, it is a case...just as in the case of the couple cited in mistoferin's thread today...wherein the submissive is deciding the best course of care for the dominant...in this case, the dominant's heart. Once the dominant has made it clear that he/she can handle what is going on, then the submissive walking away is the submissive doing it THEIR own way, not the way of the dominant. It is them deciding what is the best way for submission and caring to be shown. If the dominant has decided he wants to remain as a friend or caretaker or dominant or lover or all these things, yet the submissive chooses to disregard that while still stating she respects the dynamic and who/what the dominant is, then he/she may indeed care...but they are the one controlling things...and that is not yielding of their will, which is the basic premise of submission.{/quote]

Further, it seems to me especially confounded by both the D and s mindset; if she's not well, might it be that she won't be up to fully submitting and that he might be put into a caretaking role to the extent that would make a positive and beneficial relationship next to impossible? I believe it's one thing to caretake and look after someone when both are rather used to the opposite roles after a LTR, but at the beginning?{/quote]

Again, that is the dominant's choice as to whether or not he/she wants to be. And I am not the only one who feels that way...look at what Lockit has to say, Rumpus, Des, leadership, tactile artist, even Nihilist. Are we all romantic saps for feeling the way we do? ~tries to picture NZ as a romantic sap...gets a headache...~s~ !

(in reply to subtee)

Post #: 14

RE: serious disease and impact on a new relationship - 10/9/2008 4:53:29 PM

derfrewop

Posts: 74
Joined: 5/10/2007
From: Vancouver
Status: offline

quote:

Love heals... love is what life is all about and you can still love and be loved and everyone needs love to some degree. Give it all time... don't make decisions now based on what you see and feel now... because I promise, things will change.

Things will change, but you will still die eventually. So think real hard about how you will feel on your deathbed about your choices today.

Which will you regret more?

1) Not taking the chance to love and be loved because you think you have a flaw (but didn't ask the one whose opinion mattered).

2) Telling him the truth, trying to make it work and still failing.

3) Finding your love even if the physical side is less then you desire or cut short by death.

If you knew that you would die Monday from a stockbroker falling on your head, would it change your choices?

Nobody ever says on their deathbed how grateful they are for having missed out on love. You don't know when you are going to die but always, the time to love is right now.

_____________________________

I only flog good girls. I don't reward bad behavior.

(in reply to Lockit)

Post #: 15

RE: serious disease and impact on a new relationship - 10/9/2008 4:55:35 PM

chamberqueen

Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/25/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
Status: offline

When I was 16 I was in a car accident that injured me seriously enough that the doctors believed I would be in a wheelchair by the time I was 40. I ended up settling for relationships that were not as good as they should have been because I felt that the men were getting an "inferior" woman.

I will be 48 next month and walk better now than I have in years. I can't wear high heels, but other than that there are very few limits to what I can do in the lifestyle. I am so sorry that I ever settled and would never recommend it to anyone - even if their disease never gives them the chance to get better. Don't go without friends or push a partner (or potential) away. If they can't handle it they have the option to walk. Each person has a beautiful gift that they can give to another - the trick is just in finding the ones that will appreciate that gift. In the meantime, my prayers are with your friend.

_____________________________

(in reply to RealSub58)

Post #: 16

RE: serious disease and impact on a new relationship - 10/9/2008 5:10:45 PM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

CD, you make some wonderful points! I have been in the position where I determined in the beginning to not put anyone through this. It is heartbreaking to love someone and know that you will hurt them and not an easy one to get through. You might decide to not put them through it, then okay... well, if he wants to... then back and forth a bit. Depending on the day, the moment, the symptoms, etc.

Your heart breaks knowing that their's will break and that is no easy thing to work through. But death is a part of life. It is something we all deal with at some point. No one gets out alive, therefore at some point we may be the one saying good bye to someone we were not ready to say good bye to. But we have to think about it even deeper. In knowing and loving someone who will leave us, we must also consider the blessing it was to have them in our life, if even for a short time.

Many who are ill can inspire someone with their determination, strength to get through it and a smile and a joke even when the symptoms are so hellish they may be joking through tears. Seeing the depth of charactor and strength that some who are ill have can be life changing. I have seen it over and over again, working with the ill and in my own life. What some people handle is amazing and yet it can be also, hard to watch. Acceptance in it all goes a long way.

I do not plan to go naturally. I will end my life when things get bad and I have the blessing of my family in this. They do not want to see me go through what my mother did. It will be my final choice in this life and one I make clear of mind and not because of weakness in not wanting to deal with it. It is a choice for those who must live it with me and for them, I cannot know that I will put them through that. Years of taking care of a woman who might not even remember who they are and suffering the cost both financial and emotional.

The point is... love now... love big time... and take it all and spread it around. Live fully right now! Not when you find someone, not when you can make certain things happen, but right now, this moment and every moment you are blessed with. And with a lil love, you just might make it a bit further!

(in reply to chamberqueen)

Post #: 17

RE: serious disease and impact on a new relationship - 10/9/2008 5:30:29 PM

Maya2001

Posts: 1656
Joined: 8/22/2007
From: Woodstock ONT,CANADA
Status: offline

quote:

"I won't put another through this?" Does that alter her submissiveness? Not necessarily that she is exerting what she believes is best for you, but might it be the way in which she takes care of you?

this was one of the bigger concerns ...the thought of becoming a burden and instead of serving him ..having him become the caretaker was not how I planned to start a relationship.. there is also going to be the emotional upheaval to deal with while dealing with all the changes that will take place ..is it fair to drag him thru ? yes I understand I should not be making decisions for him

quote:

Her heart won't feel it? If the choice is to start a relationship knowing it will end and be painful for both, doesn't that hurt her twice as much?

the thought of just walking away is painful as well

the news is still new .... still trying to absorb ...realizing your world as you had percieved and planned is falling down like a house made of cards... it is not just the illness and disability that will result, the fatigue and toll the medications/treatments will have ....their is loss of job, the home, income instability, concerns about pets, retirement income and plans all are going down the tubes as well

It is a lot to deal and cope with add in the energy needed to devote to building a new relationship .. leaves the question
is it too much on one plate to do and be able to handle emotionally at this time ?

I know in part I am feeling overwhelmed so having troubles making a decision one way or the other

Marsha I will contact you on the other side later on {{{{hugs}}}}

_____________________________

Lead me not into temptation - I can find the way myself

(in reply to SlaveIndigochild)

Post #: 18

RE: serious disease and impact on a new relationship - 10/9/2008 5:41:43 PM

Subductrssss

Posts: 97
Joined: 9/28/2008
Status: offline

tactileartist thank you so much for the words and the information, I am a bit reluctant to peruse the web on the subject of my illness as I have done so before (on the hysterectomy) and scared myself silly LOL, but I will take your advice, I promise, in fact am starting to do so tonight.

For all those who have responded to me here and in mail I thank Y/you and am appreciative of people reaching out to the OP and O/others and to me.

For me I started out saying "if worst comes to worst, I don't want chemo, I don't want radiation, I don't want to be sick from these things, just let me live until the pain gets too bad and I will then find a way to take the worlds biggest shot of morphine and quietly go to sleep"

I have since changed my tune, I still am afraid of the side effects of chemo and radiation, I HATE being sick, but from what I am reading there are so many advances that it may be worth going through it.

I still believe in quality of life over quantity and in the beginning I did not want to tell a potential Dom about what I was going through figuring they would turn away and indeed one decided He could not deal with it and made my life a living hell for three days as He "broke up" with me (Not His fault really just I went through panic/anxiety attacks instead of taking it like a lady).

I will let anyone I talk to and there is a possibility there, know every facet and allow Him to make His decision, I will fight for what I want and what I want is to experience the last great love of my life and the Dom who is MINE and wants me regardless to serve Him and to please Him as long and as well as I can and this is my golden ring on the merry go round to reach for. If I fight for me, well I might fail, but if I fight because of my Dom, there is no way I will fail.

To those who have gone through this and live still perhaps with this type of thing. You are so very brave and I admire you so very much whether it is the sub who is ill, the Dom who stays insteads of runs, the Dom who is sick or the sub who stays to care for her heart, Him.

To me BDSM D/s goes so much further than another relationship and it's not the toys, it's not the munches, it's not the play parties, it's not a certain kink ~ it is that totality of life that is affirmed with the depth of emotion and depth of feeling and to all of U/us who may come to face our mortality and are scared (even me) I say look around at those who like Stonewall or the Old Guard movement blazed a path for others and what a force to be reconded with the power of not only positive thinking but trust and giving up and taking control is.

Maya2001 I look forward to it (((((((((((hugs))))))))))))

Thank Y/you all for contributing to this thread and may more do so.

Marsha

< Message edited by Subductrssss -- 10/9/2008 5:57:00 PM >

_____________________________

Subductrssss

The reality of the other person lies not in what he reveals to you but in what he cannot reveal to you. Therefore, if you would understand him, listen not to what he says but rather to what he does not say.
Kahlil Gibran

(in reply to Lockit)

Post #: 19

RE: serious disease and impact on a new relationship - 10/9/2008 7:18:51 PM

VivaciousSub

Posts: 446
Joined: 9/7/2008
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline

Maya - allow yourself to love and be loved. Life isn't meant to be lived alone, and by denying yourself the opportunity to find a relationship that makes you happy, you're cutting off another potential line of support, encouragement, hope and joy - all those little things that make life worth living.

Marsha - my heart goes out to you! You strike me as a very brave woman and I'm glad you told us what was going on with you. Now is not a time for you to be alone either and I'm sending you oodles of hugs, puppies and other happy thoughts.

_____________________________

9.8m/s^2 + VivaciousSub + ground = ouchx10^9th

To yield readily--easily--to the persuasion of a friend is no merit.... To yield without conviction is no compliment to the understanding of either. ~ Pride and Prejudice

(in reply to Subductrssss)

Post #: 20

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