manxcat
Posts: 673
Joined: 10/3/2008
Status: offline
|
VivaciousSub - that subject recently came up in a forum on SMTR and one Domme was not sure she could stay in her relationship should her sub be unable to continue to serve her in the manner to which she had become accustomed.
I have always found that loving someone made it possible to do things i would normally not do, no matter what the relationship was. Perhaps i was 'lucky' that my mother, when she agreed to do something she did not particularly want to, did it with such bad grace, and made you pay emotionally, ad infinitum, and i vowed never to be like that. Although, i was blessed with very loving grandparents, who raised me until i was ten and were the reverse, so i had good role models as well. In fact, until i was approximately 35 and my grandmother told me, initially my grandfather did not want to take my brother and me in to raise, i had no idea, as he was as kind, loving, and generous as any child could ever want. Once he decided to do it he did it with loving grace. If you truly love someone, and are happy with who you are, you should be able to turn into someone else, when the need arises. Another disease you don't mention, but is becoming more prevalent with our increased lifespans, is Alzheimers. One should treat other illnesses (short term or long) or broken bones, and diseases with the same consideration as one would Alzheimers. Diseases are a fact, not a choice, or a failure; and just as you would not stop loving or caring for a child, sibling, or parent who became incapable of performing in the familiar manner, and change to meet those needs, so should you not be incapable of loving your sub partner in the same way. Anything less and imho you do not truly love this person.
On Bi-Polar Disorder i have some insight, as i have BPD. I was in functional remission most of my adult life. This means it was never bad enough to warrant medication, although in retrospect there were times it would have been easier, had i recognized it as BPD, and not simple depression. Therapy can be useful in milder cases or brief interludes, but for most, medication, with therapy, is most beneficial. It took me 2 years to realize i was again in full blown manic-depression, as i had lost my favorite job ever, for my birthday, and 3 weeks later for Christmas, i lost my mother. One would expect to be depressed at such a time, so i was unaware of my condition. Since i had not had a full blown manic attack in years, i had thought i was mis-diagnosed as a teen.
For myself and many of the women i have been in discussion with, about this, we have discovered, that when we are in loving relationships, having our needs met, we do not fall into the depressions. Of more concern is the manic phase, where we can do no wrong, but in this lifestyle that is normal anyway, so harder to see when it happens, and one makes bad choices, that seem perfectly normal at the time. Perhaps some controls or keywords need to be agreed upon, when our mates actually see this happening, as we don't realize it while it is happening. Moneys needed for other things can be spent on momentary insanity, with lasting regrets. I lost my home last year, as a result of manic behaviour. It was only a trailer, but i had renovated it to look like a house inside, complete with huge pictue windows, and island in the kitchen, and porcelain/steel tub and sink. I decided to get help after that.
Medication. And if one doesn't work, try another, and another until the desired balance is reached. While i am not a violent BP, many are, and the meds are needed to stabilize you whether you are female or male. From my male BP friends, i also have had feedback about the loving relationship/needs met issues making the depressions 'disappear'.
I think the manic phases, with little effort can be turned into a time for exploring new facets of the domme/sub relationship that you may not have considered, or been leery of in the past.
One domme friend, who is OCD, had a suggestion regarding her OCD sub. You can gently take someones' compulsion, and redirect it to another task. (I did that several times with her, at work, although it does take a bit of perseverance on occasion.) You can work out a plan beforehand, to distract the from the compulsive behavior, if it is dangerous. Depending on who is OCD, it can be in the form of an unasked for service from your sub, or a greatly desired reward for a sub. Punishment does not help with OCD. Although there have been some studies that suggest that stress and/or the stress of unmet needs can aggravate and increase the compulsive behaviors, so again, therapy or talking openly about what those needs might be can be helpful. This would need to take place in a (to use a military term) 'permission to speak freely' atmosphere, with no recriminations, as that would only add to the problem.
As with any physical disease, there will need to be changes. One does not become schizophrenic or manic-depressive overnight. The point is, each individual facing such a choice needs to research the ailment, and then search honestly inside themselves to see whether the love is strong enough to do what is right and needed, and have the grace to do it with love, without resentment. That does not mean you can't occasionally bitch and moan to friends.
 You would do it for a beloved pet, wouldn't you?
_____________________________
The television, that insidious beast, that Medusa which freezes a
billion people to stone every night, staring fixedly,
that Siren which called and sang and promised so much and gave, after all, so little.
Ray Bradbury
|
RE: serious disease and impact on a new relationship - 
Profile
) 
New Messages
No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages
Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages
Locked w/o New Messages
Post New Thread