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moonvine -> RE: Misunderstandings, miscommunication and where do I fit in? (10/8/2008 3:36:11 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: CallaFirestormBW quote:
ORIGINAL: moonvine I think either you are misunderstanding what I said or I didn't say it very well. Or maybe I don't understand what you are saying. I have a degree in English ; I swear I was able to communicate clearly in writing at one time, but I think the Internet has rotted my brain. This person did not say "I'd rather stay casual", this person said "I do not under any circumstances see any kind of long term relationship forming here ever." I'm also mightily confused about how I can say all my private parts belong to someone else, then continue to date other people. "Sorry, I can date you but you can never touch me anywhere because all my naughty bits are someone else's property and you can't touch them without his permission?" That just doesn't meet my definition of casual. Ok, let's see if I can word this differently, and maybe make for better clarity. IMO, it doesn't matter whether this guy only wants a casual relationship or not -- if everything else fits well and it fills a need in my life, I'm not going to stress about tomorrow -- just relish the day and what it brings. Whether he says he never wants a long-term relationship or not is kind of irrelevant, in my mind. I said I -never- wanted to marry or have kids. I was married for 13 years, and have 3 children by birth and one by assimilation. Just because a person is vehement doesn't mean that life won't toss a curve-ball.... at the same time, there's no reason to count on a curve being thrown. Maybe this -will- only be a short-term, casual relationship and that's all it will ever be. In my mind, every relationship brings something with it. So maybe he isn't The One -- but maybe he -knows- The One, and it's through being with this guy that you'll finally connect with the person that is the perfect fit for you. At that point, on an open-ended relationship, you can just say "Hey, I've found someone, and it feels right to me, and I want to be available for whatever this new relationship brings." That's an advantage to a casual relationship. It sort of sounds, to me anyway, like you're -trying- to make this a huge, insurmountable problem, when, for me at least, it just doesn't seem insurmountable. You say that you'd have trouble dating if you had a casual Master who 'owned' your breasts, mouth and pussy... ok, well then don't give him ownership.... If he wants a casual relationship, I'm pretty sure he'd be satisfied with "You can use these when I'm with you, but when I'm not here, everything reverts to being my own to manage, including deciding who gets to touch what." It's all about how you look at things. If you insist on seeing mountains, it's hard to find solutions. If you're looking for solutions, you have to recognize that the problem is solvable. If you're only going to be satisfied with "Mr. Perfect and All The Way", that's fine -- but then why are you even debating (with yourself or anyone else) the value of this possible casual, part-time relationship? Waiting for Mr. Perfect is also going to mean going without getting your needs met until you find him... nothing wrong with that, but if that's the choice, then you need to embrace that choice from a position of pride and strength, rather than as something to complain and feel bad about yourself about. Finding a life-partner isn't an instant process for most of us, and the fact that one hasn't shown up in x amount of time doesn't mean that that person isn't out there -- just that we haven't figured out how to connect yet. As far as appearance and self-denigration, if you view my profile, you'll see that I am a large woman. I'm also 46 years old. I've only been active in WIITWD for a little over a decade. I have an active scene life, and have had both long-term and casual partners, and haven't had one of them think I was ugly, mis-shapen, or someone to dismiss, either during training, when I served to earn my crop, or after my manumission and elevation to Keeper in our household. I talk to women all the time who are in their 40s and 50s, and even a few older than that who are able to find fulfillment in WIITWD. None of them look like Raquel Welch, but they're all downright gorgeous in their own way. Don't sell yourself short. If you stop believing in yourself, it's hard for anyone else to believe in you. Calla Firestorm This makes sense to me; thank you very much for taking the time and trouble to write it (twice, apparently!).
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