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Dilemma - 10/5/2008 6:49:40 PM   
missturbation


Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline 		What would you do if you knew someone was speaking about you not exactly maliciously but not telling the exact truth either. You are not getting this information first hand but through a second party. Would you tell the second party the truth about the situation or would you just leave it and let that person find out for themselves that their partner aint exactly being truthful?

< Message edited by missturbation -- 10/5/2008 6:50:31 PM >

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RE: Dilemma - 10/5/2008 6:57:37 PM   
Quivver


Posts: 1953
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline 		I found it best to never volunteer information. 



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RE: Dilemma - 10/5/2008 7:02:00 PM   
FangsNfeet


Posts: 3758
Joined: 12/3/2004
Status: offline 		If and when questioned by someone, I'd tell  to truth to whomever came to me with qeuestions. I would then have descrete one on one  heart to heart talk with the actual source. "Hi friend, I understand that you've been saying some things and I would like to clarify them with you."

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RE: Dilemma - 10/5/2008 7:05:46 PM   
slaveboyforyou


Posts: 3607
Joined: 1/6/2005
From: Arkansas, U.S.A.
Status: offline 		Without further information to go on; I'd tell the truth.  You are responsible for maintaining your own honor, and you shouldn't let someone besmirch your reputation. 

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RE: Dilemma - 10/5/2008 8:15:48 PM   
MadAxeman


Posts: 4171
Joined: 8/28/2008
From: UK
Status: offline 		It's a bit vague MsT. Don't forget the proverb about the messenger getting shot. Your information may also be coloured by the person in between.

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RE: Dilemma - 10/5/2008 8:20:42 PM   
girlivy


Posts: 699
Joined: 7/6/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: FangsNfeet

If and when questioned by someone, I'd tell  to truth to whomever came to me with qeuestions. I would then have descrete one on one  heart to heart talk with the actual source. "Hi friend, I understand that you've been saying some things and I would like to clarify them with you."


Ditto.. but to add after thinking about it until my brain hurt, which is only a minute or 2 due to the one braincell..

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RE: Dilemma - 10/5/2008 8:25:49 PM   
bipolarber


Posts: 2792
Joined: 9/25/2004
Status: offline 		Confront the problem head on. Talk to them. If they are not being malicious, then you should be able to get a truthful answer... if the problem continues, however... you may have to re-evaluate your relationship. No one has time for Othello-like games.

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RE: Dilemma - 10/5/2008 9:18:16 PM   
missturbation


Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline 		I think maybe i'll just keep quiet until the shit hits the fan, which it will

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Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

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RE: Dilemma - 10/5/2008 9:33:16 PM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		I really feel for you.  I am going through it and it is malicious, criminal in fact.  You try not to respond, it gets worse, you respond, it gets worse. lol  You try to set the stage so the truth comes out, you don't care what is said, you move on (they drag you back), you try just about anything you can think of within your honor code and then sadistically wish for more! lol  There doesn't ever seem to be a right answer.

To those that come to you with questions, tell them the truth if you are sure they aren't trying to fan a flame.  I am not sure I would give a lot of detail though.  Your true friends that are told bad things about you will defend you and won't believe it.  They are who matter most.  Pick a friend you can trust and talk to them and keep your balance about it all.

When it gets bad enough, think legal, very, very legal... which is what I am now doing.  Slander can be a nothing or a something and when it crosses too many lines for me... I am standing up with my proof in a court of law.  Period.

I wish you well in this... it isn't any fun at all.  Just try not to stress about it.  Those that know you and are true friends will see you through.  The rest don't matter.  At the time it is hard to think that way, I know... but you will get there.  Time is a good healer. Hang in there!

< Message edited by Lockit -- 10/5/2008 9:57:16 PM >

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RE: Dilemma - 10/6/2008 2:31:14 AM   
Aneirin


Posts: 6121
Joined: 3/18/2006
From: Tamaris
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation

What would you do if you knew someone was speaking about you not exactly maliciously but not telling the exact truth either. You are not getting this information first hand but through a second party. Would you tell the second party the truth about the situation or would you just leave it and let that person find out for themselves that their partner aint exactly being truthful?


Hmmmm, that is a difficult one, having found out something from a second party that a first party was saying something about me and the actual facts were skewed, I would think either the first party has got it wrong or the second party has understood the information incorrectly. Now it is possible it might be a case of chinese whispers, which is pretty honest, or it could be someone being malicious. I would like to think I would tackle the first party about what exactly was said, but then if there is malicious actions in play, that might be the intention, so I think I would go the way of believe nothing that you hear and only half of what you see, keep out of it and if shit comes, let it come.

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Everything we are is the result of what we have thought, the mind is everything, what we think, we become - Guatama Buddha

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RE: Dilemma - 10/6/2008 2:33:17 AM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		I need to clear what I said up and can't edit it.  I was accused of a criminal act, not that what was said was criminal...

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RE: Dilemma - 10/6/2008 2:49:12 AM   
Aneirin


Posts: 6121
Joined: 3/18/2006
From: Tamaris
Status: offline 		The truth generally comes out in the wash, stick to truth and at least when things go wrong, you know yourself you at least were true to yourself.

Legal machinations, though they are supposed to be about truth, the truth can be twisted, depending on the ability of the legal representative. I did it, I was one hundred percent honest, but was told not to be as the politics of the situation wanted something else, hasten to say, I stuck to being myself, truthful, I was honest and took what came. Twisted truth can be lies and lies have a nasty habit of going wrong.

< Message edited by Aneirin -- 10/6/2008 2:50:08 AM >

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Everything we are is the result of what we have thought, the mind is everything, what we think, we become - Guatama Buddha

Conservatism is distrust of people tempered by fear - William Gladstone

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RE: Dilemma - 10/6/2008 3:03:00 AM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline 		If it fucks up your integrity, etc, then I would tell the person who was telling you second hand that you plan to confront the other person about their shit and leave it at that.  Then confront the person talking about you.  Find out from them too.
Otherwise you are just getting second hand info and you do not know the direct truth.
 
Best thing?  Do not listen to pointless gossip.
 
the.dark.

< Message edited by Darcyandthedark -- 10/6/2008 3:07:54 AM >

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RE: Dilemma - 10/6/2008 3:06:23 AM   
marieToo


Posts: 3595
Joined: 5/21/2006
From: Jersey
Status: offline 		FR

I think we've all been in this boat at one time or another. 

The way I look at it is this:  If someone is out there talking shit about me to someone who's believing it without considering that there might be another side to it, the person who is simple enough to believe it without a second thought isn't someone whose opinion I'd concern myself with anyway.  And the person doing the trashing, looks worse than the one they're talking about.  

I wouldn't even be concerned, nor would I do a thing to defend myself.

< Message edited by marieToo -- 10/6/2008 3:13:09 AM >

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RE: Dilemma - 10/6/2008 3:17:48 AM   
GabrielleSlave


Posts: 616
Joined: 9/20/2007
From: in servitude
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation

What would you do if you knew someone was speaking about you not exactly maliciously but not telling the exact truth either. You are not getting this information first hand but through a second party. Would you tell the second party the truth about the situation or would you just leave it and let that person find out for themselves that their partner aint exactly being truthful?


i feel for you i really do, as i am going through something similar.  i would tell you all about it, but i am currently forbidden.  Hugs to you and i hope it all clears itself up without too much more heartache for you.

Gabrielle x 

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RE: Dilemma - 10/6/2008 5:19:29 AM   
LadyEllen


Posts: 10931
Joined: 6/30/2006
From: Stourport-England
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation

What would you do if you knew someone was speaking about you not exactly maliciously but not telling the exact truth either. You are not getting this information first hand but through a second party. Would you tell the second party the truth about the situation or would you just leave it and let that person find out for themselves that their partner aint exactly being truthful?


The complicating factor is that person 1 who is saying these things is the partner of person 2 the person from whom you are picking up snippets?

This is difficult - person 1 may not be saying a thing in fact, and this might be some game being played by person 2, designed to affect your relationship with person 1.

Person 2 may be reporting comments by person 1, but doing so inaccurately either with scenario A above in mind, or quite innocently through misunderstanding.

Alternatively person 2 might be trying to look after your best interests by reporting what person 1 is saying accurately and in the correct sense.

And person 1 may be trying to drive a wedge between you and person 2.

If you confront person 1, then either
- they will deny everything because they have nothing to confess
- they will deny everything because they have lots to hide
- they will provide an explanation of where misunderstanding has arisen
and its likely that person 1 will fall out with person 2 for telling tales on them; perhaps confirming that person 1 is an ass, but perhaps also confirming what person 1 has been saying about you - and just maybe playing into the hands of whichever person (1 or 2) would like to divide the other two, if thats the situation.

And yet the only way to get to the bottom of this and to unravel any plotting that might be present is to confront person 1, tactfully asking them to clarify the comments that are going round with a view to resolving any misunderstandings as to their origin - no need to mention person 2.

Depending what happens next will tell the story, regardless of what person 1 actually says, and resolve the problem. No one needs false friends after all.

E


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