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Subductrssss -> RE: Suggestions? Or maybe just support (10/5/2008 7:29:02 AM)
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Liz,
You are not the first and will not be the last that goes through something like this, words of consolation are hard to hear both because you are the one who must go through this it seems as if your world has ended. It has not believe me. I kind of lived through a double whammy.
I have not been in the lifestyle for quite awhile and met someone who was vanilla. I moved in with him and once I did, the person I had met went away. I had to watch porn whenever He was home and he wanted handjobs and blowjobs so everything sexual was for him, nothing for me. No romance, no passion, no love, no care, no hugs, no kisses ~ He had told me how bad his life had been and how his ex never spent any money on him for his birthday or Christmas. For his birthday I spent over $300 to give him a good birthday, for my birthday.... he forgot it..... for Christmas I spent my whole check to make sure he had a good Christmas. He got me a $19.95 watch from Target which wasn't so bad except the watch was ORANGE, the band and the face both ORANGE and I hate orange.
After Christmas I did some looking up of him on the internet then went down to the local court house to get a copy of the transcripts of criminal activity I found he had been put in prison for.
He was married at one time and had 4 daughters, 3, 6, 9, 11 and his brother lived wtih him, his wife and the girls; he and his brother sexually molested his daughters for years and made tapes of them to sell on the internet.
I made my way back to where we lived and set the papers down in front of him, did not say a word and turned and walked out, leaving everything I owned behind except for my purse and clothes I wore. I hitchiked down into SD and was going to kill myself. I contacted a friend in Fresno and made my way up here. This was the end of December.
I would not talk to another man, I would not look at another man, I stayed offline except for some RP games. Finally I had healed (with the help of a therapist) and I got back on Collarme.com ~ I met a great man and woman but overlooked them for a man who caught my attention right away, he wooed me and sent me two dozen roses and a stuffed bear to snuggle with at night until we were together. We talked for hours on the phone and we had so much in common ~ He bought a plane ticked for me to fly to him which I insisted I would pay half on and in the end he agreed.
One day out of the blue I get an email addressed to someone not my name but obviously for me. It was over, done with, finished, I had no chance to talk to him about it as he would not answer his phone and only one word answers to emails. I was devastated, this is the first man I had even begun to trust and to feel sensual with as my ex had taken my womanhood from me with his perversions, I went into a tailspin so badly that I thought I would die, I wanted to die, I took 5 Xanax and about 3 Vidodin, slept for three days, woke up and got MAD.
Oh yeah I got pissed good and pissed and once I wrote him an email expressing in any words I felt like it how I felt about him and the relationship I deleted him out of my life.
So the saying no matter how bad you hurt the world does not stop for your grief, may be as adapt as What does not kill us makes us stronger. I am stronger and I am moving ahead with my Life and now sit back and chuckle as Karma is a bitch and will bite them both in the ass.
((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))
Marsha
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