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MaamJay -> RE: the 'quiet' side of bdsm (10/10/2008 7:01:55 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: MadRabbit
I'm naturally introverted and it's not my favorite quality about me. It has had an effect and impact on developing all kinds of relations with people from intimate to personal to professional. It has been a painful road to developing extroversion and only the last 3 years has it been a conscious effort on my part by the epiphany that if I was ever going to be successful in any endeavor, I was going to have to develop people skills.
Here's my take on this issue : People a lot of the time like to hide behind the notion of "Just be yourself, because that's all you can be, whether or not it's good enough for anyone else". That, in my opinion, is the slogan of underachievers and people who don't want to change and grow. It's a cop out. The reality is their is things about you that suck and those things are probably holding you back from achieving what you want in some way or another.
Making the decision to change from a book worm who could barely manage basic social relations to somebody who can (and sometimes can't) charm a group of people and can (and sometimes can't) approach a woman in a grocery store and have her laughing and smiling in a few minutes was the best decision I ever made. In all probably, very few things in life are going to land in your lap whether it's new customers for your business, a new job opportunity, new friends, or a new lover. To get those things, you have to be willing and able to interact with strangers and pass out business cards, network, have a decent conversation and flirt.
So based on a lot of painful experiences....
- Whatever it is your after or looking for through human interaction, you can't be desperate and solely fixated on finding it. People can sense that vibe and it will throw them off. You have to go out with the intent of just simply enjoying the company of people, trying to make friends, and then waiting for the opportunities to present themselves.
- Everyone is always going to say "Sure! That sounds great!" in response to any solicitation, regardless of whether the answer is yes or no, because we live in a polite and nice society. Being nice and polite requires lying through your teeth sometimes. Read a book on body language. Being able to tell what a person is really saying is very important.
- How comfortable you feel depends a lot on the environment your in. It's not always just you. If your with a tightly knit group of people who are ignoring you and not making any effort to include you in the dynamics, your going to have a lot harder coming out of your introverted shell and connecting with people then a friendly and high energy environment.
[sm=applause.gif] This merits re-reading!
And it's not just mad rabbits that can do this ... it's My story too! It IS an effort at first, and no, it doesn't feel like 'you' for a while ... anything new will always feel different. But while there are still some occasions when the old introverted self pops out (like being at a conference with 2600 delegates and I can't spot any of the 50 or so people I know there!) ... most of the time people shake their heads with disbelief when I say I used to be an introvert. It was, without doubt, the best change I ever orchestrated for Myself ... and no, I am not the 'centre of attention' all the time, it's more a matter than I can more than hold My own at a social gathering. And I have an air of confidence ... which makes others feel confident too.
Maam Jay aka violet[A]
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