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CreativeDominant -> RE: Speaking respectfully and other oddities (10/3/2008 12:23:00 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Missokyst
(A lot of good stuff edited out for brevity)
What do you see as respect?
What do you consider common courtesy?
Are they the same?
And what about manners?
All good questions. It seems that the answer would be simple but when you begin to think about it, it really isn't.
If anyone cares to look at my age in my profile, they will know when I was raised. I was raised in a time when you asked someone to pass you something at the dinner table and then thanked them for doing so. I was raised when a boy/man was taught that a gentleman held the door for ladies, ran out to take the groceries from her arms when she came home from the grocery story, helped her on and off with her coat, took her arm as they crossed the street, walked on the side of the sidewalk nearest the street. I was taught that you answer invitations...by mail preferably, if they were mailed to you but in a pinch, calling was acceptable. To not answer was considered rude and the actions of either an impolite or not-well-educated boor.
I was taught that if someone sends you mail that is polite and concerned, then you answer it. If someone sends you mail that is rude and disrespectful, you still answer the mail but you can do so with courtesy and display intelligence in your reply. I was taught that answering phone messages...even from people you don't like or care about...was just good manners and, in some cases, good for business and, when you reflect on it, just makes good sense. If you like them and/or care about them, why wouldn't you call them back? If you respect them, how is it showing respect to let their calls go unanswered? And if you don't like them, then perhaps you can tell them not to call again. By not calling someone, depending on who it is , you tell them that you don't care about what they have to say, that you don't like them, or that everything else in your life comes before they do.
I was taught that you don't swear in public, that while it may not be your job to worry about other people's kids, it IS your job to be mindful of them and how easily they learn from others, that you have respect for authority figures even when you don't like them because they didn't get into that position through laziness...so if nothing else, respect the work it took to get there.
The above has to do with manners but it also, in my mind, has to do with common courtesy and/or respect. According to many people I speak with though, there seems to be a feeling that manners and civility and courtesy and respect are all a "veneer", hiding the "much-preferred truth". If a person is an asshole, then tell him so...even if he is your boss. He'll WANT to know. If your boyfriend is not doing something in the way you want, tell him what a selfish bastard he is, rather than sit down and discuss it. If you don't walk to speak with someone, don't answer the phone when they call or turn it off or don't answer their messages. Let your own feelings and thoughts and consideration of yourself come first, not that of others. Be the "real" you.
Sorry...I don't always care to be the real me in the way they describe because that "me" strikes me as the selfish, immature, non-patient, everything-for-me, sadistic self that I indulge once in awhile...not all aspects at once and the parts let out are restrained through a great deal of self-control so that they can be used well and not badly I have a feeling most people would not want to see all of THAT "real" me.
quote:
I am especially interested in the last one, as my mind calls up people picking through their toes while waiting for dinner.
It is a bad thing when your mind runs on satire.
Kyst
I've given you my views, at least in part, on manners and courtesy and respect. I was taught that it doesn't cost one thin dime to be mannerly, courteous, and a respected gentleman...and gains you so much. For the most part, I have found that to be true.
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