sub-space

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DominaSusan -> sub-space (9/7/2008 8:55:23 PM)
I’ve been trying a new technique with my sub. Previously I would have my sub lay out all of my toys on a long, low table and I would spend the next hour(s) choosing and using a wide variety of these instruments. Recently however, I have decided to choose only 2 or 3 toys for any session and spend a longer amount of time with each toy. Now I keep the intensity constant over a long stretch of time. I like the response-he seems to be going deeper into sub-space. However, he also seems to fight back more and resist more with this new approach. Is this a typical response from subs? I would like to push him deeper into sub-space.

AAkasha -> RE: sub-space (9/7/2008 9:02:02 PM)
Impossible to know. It's different for every man. You have to be in his head. How do you do that? Afterward - during down time - ask him questions and try to get him to answer honestly. Make mental notes when you are dominating him as you watch his reactions, so you can ask pointed questions, ie, "When I switched to the cane, what were you thinking? What were you feeling?" Find out what is behind the resistance. "Why did you struggle when I did x?" -- he may be struggling for your benefit. Answers may surprise you, he may say, "I thought you liked it." Ask him, "When do you feel most vulnerable? When do you feel most free? What does subspace feel like to you?" Then - lather, rinse, repeat. Peel him like an onion. Remember that answers may change. He may grasp for his own answers and may not know. He also may be trying to tell you what you want to hear, so careful investigation is always needed. No need to make it serious -keep it light. You don't need to interrogate him every time, just slowly try to uncover his processes through communication. By the way, he should be doing the same to you. His job is to be in your head, too. Akasha

DominaSusan -> RE: sub-space (9/7/2008 9:05:32 PM)
Thanks AAkasha I'm not a great talker, but your advice is right on. I must be the only woman around who actually does not spend any time talking about feelings. -DS

AAkasha -> RE: sub-space (9/7/2008 9:09:33 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DominaSusan Thanks AAkasha I'm not a great talker, but your advice is right on. I must be the only woman around who actually does not spend any time talking about feelings. -DS Talking about "feelings" can be ominous and uncomfortable - even moreso for men. Try to position it as talking about mechanics, or talking about seduction. Remove the word "feel" from the questions if he has trouble with that or you do. Really, you are trying to get into his bodily reactions on some level too -- "what were you thinking when..." and "how did you react when..." etc.... Remember "feelings" aren't necessarily those deep, emotional, surreal, difficult to grasp things. "Feelings" are also surface things, like adrenalin, and hot flashes, and tingling, and all the physical stuff your body does when you are in an altered state. Trying to get into the deep, emotional core of "why" subspace or vulnerability feel good is more like opening a can of worms (for some) than peeling an onion (if that makes sense). So keep it light and practical -- fancy yourself a surgeon of domination, refining your skills. All this knowledge about his button pushing is just adding to your tool belt. Akasha

BiteGirl -> RE: sub-space (9/8/2008 3:24:15 AM)
Akasha hit the nail right on the head there. From being on both sides of the whip (or so to speak) I know that it's importaint to get in someones head as well as have them in yours. BDSM relys alot on your brain as do most things, and you can either be right on target or slightly off. Talking about things makes the whole experience better for everyone, being "on target". I'd say having an open dialogue could help you a whole lot, and communicating what you enjoyed abouy the scene as well as figureing out his reactions (with his help of course) helps you both learn more about yourselves as much as each other. BUT; getting to the point where it's an open dialogue is hard. Starting out like Akasha said is best I think. Good lucl &have fun! =)

spiritwarrior4U -> RE: sub-space (9/8/2008 7:17:46 AM)
As a submissive, but also as a psychologist, it's hard for me to imagine any scene or any relationship with a FemDomme without a discussion of feelings. In the past, my former Mistress always wanted to know my thoughts and feelings about something. She was continually trying to ascertain my reaction. Plus my feelings aren't necessarily the deep dark emotional things, although they often are. Frequently, they are just sensations that i am experiencing or have experienced.

Dusty15 -> RE: sub-space (9/8/2008 8:20:24 AM)
The Mistress that trained me when she leaves to go to her part time job which she is on call for and when they call her in and she gives me a days notice I have a bad sub drop. See I am always in a state of sub space when she is around

SnowRanger -> RE: sub-space (9/8/2008 11:15:05 AM)
Hello Ms. Susan. As a submissive male I love to hear what my mistress is thinking and/or feeling about me and the activity we are (or were) engaged in. It makes it easier for me to express myself. Mike SnowRanger

MsCfromMelbourne -> RE: sub-space (9/10/2008 6:04:30 AM)
Hi DominaSusan I have played with men who found that chopping and changing between lots of toys - while more interesting and fun for me - makes it harder for them to drop into sub-space. Fewer toys with less stop-start and more constant intensity does work. More resistance? Could be because the scene is more psychologically intense with less breaks for him to pause and re-group. Or physically challenging because your new technique inflicts more pain faster. Or both. Talking during the scene can interrupt the process of dropping into sub-space, so wait until afterwards of course.

chiaThePet -> RE: sub-space (9/10/2008 7:26:54 AM)
Well, generally all a submissive needs is a six by eight space for a comfortable yet disciplined existence. However, pushing them deeper into the closet does make for additional and functional space for that much needed spring/summer wardrobe storage. chia* (the pet)

DominaSusan -> RE: sub-space (9/10/2008 7:07:50 PM)
Thanks to everyone who posted and in particular to the advice/experiences from MsCfromMelbourne and Akasha. It’s good to know that although the change of a new toy may be fun for me, it’s not as effective or enjoyable for my sub. I’ve been working on that communication thing. It’s a good start and was interesting hearing his take on the scene MS Susan

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