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The process of becoming.... - 11/27/2005 12:40:44 PM

slavejali

Posts: 2918
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i got the idea for this topic from a post or two in the Accepting a miss-match one.

For whatever reason we choose our Masters or slaves, there comes a time when you actually start the relationship. There is going to be a process happening, one where the Master/Dominant starts to take control...one where the slave/submissive actually begins to surrender to that control. I dont see it as an immediate thing..it can take a course of time....so anyways...these are my questions:

Question to the Masters/Dominants: Do you have a usual plan of action in this regard, a process that works for you? What are the steps you take to lead your submissive/slave into a true sense of her/his surrender to your control?

Question to slaves/submissives: How aware are you of the elements needed that bring out your ability to surrender to another persons control, a new to you Masters ways? Like we can have the desire to submit, to serve, to please but is there a process that allows you to put this into action in a smooth way? What elements need to be involved for you?

Im talking about the process of creating and establishing and deepening the D/s M/s relationship with a new person.

What is the process for Dominants and submissives?

< Message edited by slavejali -- 11/27/2005 12:48:46 PM >

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RE: The process of becoming.... - 11/27/2005 12:53:11 PM

daddysprop247

Posts: 1712
Joined: 6/24/2005
From: DC Metro area
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perhaps i shouldn't be one to respond to this topic, but for me there is no complicated process. submitting to a Man comes naturally to me...it's not something i think about or even control, it's more a reflex, an instinctive response. it has nothing to do with what i wish to do or like to do. it just is.

so, when i first met my Master in person, tho we were only friends and neither of us had any desire or inclination of being anything other than friends...his Domly nature was fired up by my submissive one, and he wasn't able to keep up a facade of vanilla courtesies for very long. by the end of the evening he basically told me he was going to do what he willed with me, apologizing to me with real pity in his voice. it was beyond his control to take me, and beyond my control to refuse him. it could have easily been a one night stand and an end to a good friendship...but instead it was the start of a relationship that within a few months had become Master/slave and more intense and consuming than either of us could have imagined. so, there is no process for me. there is just living, and being me.

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RE: The process of becoming.... - 11/27/2005 1:54:53 PM

IrishMist

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quote:

Question to slaves/submissives: How aware are you of the elements needed that bring out your ability to surrender to another persons control, a new to you Masters ways? Like we can have the desire to submit, to serve, to please but is there a process that allows you to put this into action in a smooth way? What elements need to be involved for you?

I would need to feel deep down that I could trust him/her, totally and completly, with my own well-being. I have been on my own for many years, taking care of myself...to give up that up, he/she would have to have shown me that I could trust them.

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RE: The process of becoming.... - 11/27/2005 3:11:28 PM

Littlepita

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Joined: 10/6/2005
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I don't know! I'm just going with the flow of things right now. I love my Sir with everything I am. I want to be his submissive. He says he has begun training me in small ways and that I'm doing fine. It's so hard right now because of being long distance. We want to begin this journey so bad, but so much of it has to wait until were living it together.

I hope above everything that my submission comes naturally and that I will find it is what I want out of life. I know I couldn't imagine submitting to another man. He knows and understands me so well. All my fear and fantasies. He plans to go very slow and take everything in steps that don't overwhelm either of us. I got my fingers crossed and my prayers said.

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“I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naive or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman.” – Anais Nin

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RE: The process of becoming.... - 11/27/2005 5:06:47 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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quote:

ORIGINAL: slavejali
Question to slaves/submissives: How aware are you of the elements needed that bring out your ability to surrender to another persons control, a new to you Masters ways? Like we can have the desire to submit, to serve, to please but is there a process that allows you to put this into action in a smooth way? What elements need to be involved for you?

Very aware I suppose.

Communication and understanding are the best skills for any type of relationship. Simply getting to know eachother, living life together and learning how to deal with issues AS a relationship.

Through this, adaptation and recombining things into a whole relationship takes its shape.

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RE: The process of becoming.... - 11/27/2005 6:03:23 PM

jamesthehumanrug

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greetings slave jali
how can you surrender if you really don't even know ,if it's a guy or a girl harping on you .you got to have lots ,of proof ,or know the person somewhat ,before you do anything like surrender.

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RE: The process of becoming.... - 11/27/2005 6:05:35 PM

MissDiandSirHugh

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We have no set of rules or even a defined path to follow at any time.
With us and the person who we are talking to at the time and yes useing the dreaded IM at times due to distance and so just chat and become friends talking on many things both their and our vanilla lives with a mix of BDSM so that everyone slowly begins to understand desires and limits and also respect for it and the people(at no time do we expect to be called anything than our names as it is friendship we are all developing.)
After a few chats and being open with everything both on our side and they theirs we have found with a few they have allowed that respect for us to allow them to wish and desire to submit to us so we then all make a date to meet in person at a place central to us and them.
When we do meet it is still as friends in public areas and as we still talk even repeating some things that has been said on IM that submission is evident with them so from those meetings it then becomes real time exploration into their and our pleasures and limits but at either their home or ours.
From one of these plays we have found a lovely bunch of people who also enjoy this life style and will be able to attend munches and getogethers when time and travel allows which we could not do before.
Yes we have also been deceived by one in real life even though we do have our set of things in place to try and find the real from the unreal and very often in IM.
Although it may sound all mixed up to those who read this it we are sorry just found it hard to put in words

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RE: The process of becoming.... - 11/27/2005 9:57:32 PM

veronicaofML

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What is the process for Dominants and submissives?
========

i think,,,,maybe? this "process" may change from place to place but maybe there is/are/...some semi set standards also?

i do not know. can only guess.
some sort of mental "template" to use?
MY Ms and i are still struggling with that power thing.
i have not as yet...given up FULL control since i am too skittish to do it. isn't like i have known Her for 20 yrs...let alone 1 year yet.
only been a couple months.
i have too many already built-in safety features to keep me from letting go 100% of my inner-control.
i'm just too anal..and too bullheaded stubborn to just --let go--easy.
i never even let down my guard with my wives. i don't trust anyone any farther than i can see em.
in MY world,...letting your guard down can get ya killed. never ever feel sorry for someone coz that's how they get the knife in your back...when you let down your guard and turn your back on em.

so...She is trying.........desperately........to teach me the difference between being an outside dog and being an inside dog. it aint easy. when you are set in your ways it is like taking a jack hammer to concrete.
i am damned stubborn.

if i can somehow.....learn to let-go? maybe that "process" you asked about can happen???????

take care
best wishes

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