RE: Is it worth it?

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

RE: Is it worth it?

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Is it worth it?

Page: << < prev 1 [2]

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: Is it worth it? - 9/3/2008 11:49:28 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

I'm going to join the chior here.

First of all, I have to ask you what in the world you were thinking? Wasn't there some point before you got engaged to this person that there might be some unhealthy behaviors going on? I'm sorry, but things like manipulation, scare tactics, and co-dependency aren't how people form healthy relationships.

The issues in the bedroom are probably a good indicator of what else is going on here. I hate to break this to you, but sex isn't a way to resolve everything else. If your relationship outside of the bedroom isn't going well, what's going on inside the bedroom isn't going to work for long. Speaking of things in the bedroom, if you really expect a person to be interested in tit fucking, you need a lesson in anatomy. Exactly what stimulation do you really think someone gets out of that, other than the fact that males think it's hot in porn? How thrilled would you be if someone was humping your chest?

Anyway, you need to take a good look around yourself, and inside yourself to see why this situation was created. Sorry, but you had something to do with getting involved with this kind of person and in your own unhappiness. This isn't something that created itself. It's time you got off your ass and took some control, at least of your own situation.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to PetWanted87)

Profile

Post #: 21

RE: Is it worth it? - 9/3/2008 12:10:18 PM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

I'm going to join the chior here.

First of all, I have to ask you what in the world you were thinking? Wasn't there some point before you got engaged to this person that there might be some unhealthy behaviors going on? I'm sorry, but things like manipulation, scare tactics, and co-dependency aren't how people form healthy relationships.

The issues in the bedroom are probably a good indicator of what else is going on here. I hate to break this to you, but sex isn't a way to resolve everything else. If your relationship outside of the bedroom isn't going well, what's going on inside the bedroom isn't going to work for long. Speaking of things in the bedroom, if you really expect a person to be interested in tit fucking, you need a lesson in anatomy. Exactly what stimulation do you really think someone gets out of that, other than the fact that males think it's hot in porn? How thrilled would you be if someone was humping your chest?

Anyway, you need to take a good look around yourself, and inside yourself to see why this situation was created. Sorry, but you had something to do with getting involved with this kind of person and in your own unhappiness. This isn't something that created itself. It's time you got off your ass and took some control, at least of your own situation.

this slave agrees with everything LadyPact said...except for the part about the tit-fuckee not getting stimulation or thrills from being tit-fucked...au contraire!!!

(in reply to LadyPact)

Profile

Post #: 22

RE: Is it worth it? - 9/3/2008 12:14:36 PM

CreativeDominant

Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline

I wouldn't stay. There are too many things here saying incompatibility from almost every angle imaginable in a relationship. Even if you had no problems in the sexual arena, it sounds as if you have too many opposing points of view outside it. But then, when you throw sexual conflict into the mess, you amplify every other problem.

Unless she is willing to sit down and listen...which she doesn't seem to want to do...and unless you are willing to be patient and show her the validity of everything you do...which you don't seem to want to do...this engagement is just looking to explode. And if she still doesn't get it...or agree with it...then you've just lit the match for her.

< Message edited by CreativeDominant -- 9/3/2008 12:17:25 PM >

(in reply to PetWanted87)

Profile

Post #: 23

RE: Is it worth it? - 9/3/2008 12:46:11 PM

oceanwynds

Posts: 1044
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline

Thank you sistermargaret for submitting the information on emotional blackmail. i found it very interesting.

The OP post is only his view of this relationship. I deal with these type of situations all day long professionally, and usually find them one sided. People can offer you words of wisdom perhaps and i hope you find what you seek. i do wish you happiness when you make your own decision on to keep the relationship or not. i cannot sit and say your fiancee is selfish etc. i do not know her side of the story. To stay with anyone for fear of them killing themself is sad. What happens if you die before them? How will they manage? Relationships of any type imho is to promote growth in both parties, fear never promotes growth. i personally seek someone as part of my life that can soar with life. i had that in my vanilla marriage and now in this Ds relationship. Sir is a person first beyond the Dom. That is what attracted me to him. Do you see her as a person that you can soar with? Again, i am only hearing your side of the situation.
Blessings,
oceanwynds

(in reply to sistermargaret)

Profile

Post #: 24

RE: Is it worth it? - 9/3/2008 1:05:20 PM

StormsSlave

Posts: 629
Joined: 2/6/2008
Status: offline

So, you have to make a major relationship decision, and you turn to thousands of strangers on an online discussion forum for advice? Yeah, that makes perfect sense.

Since you asked, here ya go. You came here to have others validate your desire to leave and reassure you that it's all her fault. I'm thinking there's three sides to every story, and I would be interested in giving her an opportunity to share hers.

You want out of this relationship? Get out. The only reason that matters is that neither of you is happy. Being afraid to change your life is a sorry excuse to stay. So what if you can't pay the rent. Buy a tent, for fuck's sake. Life is entirely too short to be miserable.

My advice: stop making excuses to stay miserable.

_____________________________

Congratulate me...I'm a missus!!

--nobody's resident anything.

(in reply to Lockit)

Profile

Post #: 25

RE: Is it worth it? - 9/3/2008 1:08:43 PM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

Aside from the general points of view that I agree with and don't want to repeat........

Is she hot? Cuz if she is, send her my way. I will get back to you regarding the whole lesbian issue. Not to mention the fact, when I get done with her she will be an attitude adjusted, cleaning machine. Or else.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to PetWanted87)

Profile

Post #: 26

RE: Is it worth it? - 9/3/2008 1:35:58 PM

batshalom

Posts: 1990
Joined: 9/17/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: PetWanted87

I'd love some help and advice right now from like minded people. Is the BDSM lifestyle worth it? Has anyone gone through something similar? Any help will be incredibly appreciated.

If you won't be happy without at least trying to live this way, yes it's worth it. If you won't be happy without her, not it's not worth it. If you feel smothered by not being true to yourself as a Dom or a sub (sorry, I haven't read your profile) then it's most definitely worth it in the long run, even though there will be a lot of hassle, change, and instability in your personal life for awhile.

(in reply to PetWanted87)

Profile

Post #: 27

RE: Is it worth it? - 9/3/2008 1:38:44 PM

sublizzie

Posts: 1252
Joined: 5/26/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: PetWanted87
I'd love some help and advice right now from like minded people. Is the BDSM lifestyle worth it? Has anyone gone through something similar? Any help will be incredibly appreciated.

Since I'm not you I don't know what is best for you. From what you describe in your OP I'd say that, for me, it would be like living in hell. I'd rather not go through that kind of thing ever again. But that's me, not you. You're the only one who can judge yourself and the situation well enough to decide.

_____________________________

"cooking is my kink"

Collared June 19, 2008
(uncollared 12/21/09 with his death. RIP my Santa)

(in reply to PetWanted87)

Profile

Post #: 28

RE: Is it worth it? - 9/3/2008 4:56:27 PM

Daddyssweetpea

Posts: 89
Joined: 8/23/2008
Status: offline

It sounds like you know what you want to do already: leave this relationship and find someone who shares your proclivities. It takes courage to change when the situation you are in has the comfort of familiarity. It takes boldness to claim who you are and to live that life. Are you ready to do those things?

(in reply to Lockit)

Profile

Post #: 29

RE: Is it worth it? - 9/3/2008 4:59:37 PM

Lynnxz

Posts: 4813
Joined: 10/3/2006
From: Atlanta
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Speaking of things in the bedroom, if you really expect a person to be interested in tit fucking, you need a lesson in anatomy. Exactly what stimulation do you really think someone gets out of that, other than the fact that males think it's hot in porn? How thrilled would you be if someone was humping your chest?

That's why you have to make a game out of it, and see how many times you can lick the tip.

_____________________________

HBIC

(in reply to LadyPact)

Profile

Post #: 30

RE: Is it worth it? - 9/3/2008 6:35:08 PM

Huntertn

Posts: 715
Joined: 10/7/2006
Status: offline

LOL..dude..try growing a set!!!!!!!If you really think after all that time, anything is going to change and for the better too???? Stop whining and grow a set and get on with your new life...man-o-Man!!!

(in reply to Lockit)

Profile

Post #: 31

RE: Is it worth it? - 9/4/2008 6:55:16 AM

PetWanted87

Posts: 3
Joined: 9/3/2008
Status: offline

Thanks for all the feedback. Some very informative stuff. Thanks especially to Sister Margaret. A most useful post there. I'm not sure where to go from here. We've both been pretty stressed as of late so my thought is to wait a few more months and see where we are. I'll talk to her about the stuff raised here, maybe pointing it out will help her stop doing it. If nothings changed come the new year then I think I'll be calling it all off.

Thanks for all the thoughts and opinions.

(in reply to Huntertn)

Profile

Post #: 32

RE: Is it worth it? - 9/4/2008 12:31:19 PM

blacksword404

Posts: 2068
Joined: 1/4/2008
Status: offline

I have heard from some married couples that over time sex gets a less in marriage goes on, i think your coming in on the very low end already. I don't see it picking up. Going off what you said. If you do get married it would be a prison for you. And probably her too. Sex is a barometer for your relationship. If there are problems it will end up making it's way down to your sex life. You sex life is on life support. If you and your girl were to stop having sex (which seems to be in your future) you would be just roommates and friends. Your both going to have to find your path and i seriously don't see them going in the same direction.

_____________________________

Don't fight him. Embrace your inner asshole.

Tu fellas magnus penum meum...iterum

Genuine catnip/kryptonite.
Ego sum erus.

The capacity to learn is a gift, the ability to learn a skill, the willingness to learn a choice. Dune HH

(in reply to PetWanted87)

Profile

Post #: 33

RE: Is it worth it? - 9/4/2008 3:30:07 PM

kiwisub12