RE: Negotiate, renegotiate and then negotiate some more!!

RE: Negotiate, renegotiate and then negotiate some more!! (Full Version)

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BRNaughtyAngel -> RE: Negotiate, renegotiate and then negotiate some more!! (8/23/2008 6:38:35 PM)
He and I communicate very well because He wants my thoughts, feelings and opinions on most things, but the final decision on any matter is His. Maybe it's because He wasn't really looking for a relationship, much less a power based relationship when He and I met. [sm=dunno.gif] I dunno. But we didn't really negotiate. We spent months getting to know each other, as lovers, friends and with some D/s thrown into the mix before He declared His love for me, and His desire to own me. We're still getting to know each other. He's pretty laid back, but when He wants things a certain way, it's gonna happen and there isn't any negotiating. And when He wants a pie, He wants His pie...... dammit! [;)] I did "negotiate" the type of pie today though. I talked Him into a chocolate pie because the last two were cherry, oh and a pecan pie for the guys at the fire station.

LaTigresse -> RE: Negotiate, renegotiate and then negotiate some more!! (8/23/2008 6:43:12 PM)
WARNING!!!! Temporary hijack.... Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm, PIE!!! Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm, CHOCOLATE PIE!!!!!! Back to your regularly scheduled programming.

ThundersCry -> RE: Negotiate, renegotiate and then negotiate some more!! (8/23/2008 6:57:50 PM)
Theres a time and place for negotiating... I am not a huge fan of it.... Either I am trusted or I am...not... And that....works both ways...

AquaticSub -> RE: Negotiate, renegotiate and then negotiate some more!! (8/24/2008 12:18:50 AM)
~Fast Reply~ Yay, another word for there to be a zillion different meanings too! [;)] Misst, I think I get want you are saying. Offhand I'd probably call it negotiation too. Perhaps a better term would be redefining and when it happens we are on more or less equal footing, depending on the issue. When we were talking about letting me experiment with poly, I was always ready to hear that he had decided against it and I would live with that. When I realized that I no longer felt a connection to my old faith and we were discussing the lifelong implications of my conversion for both of us we were on extremely equal footing.

ResidentSadist -> RE: Negotiate, renegotiate and then negotiate some more!! (8/24/2008 12:42:19 AM)
quote: So i guess my questions are...... So i guess my questions are...... When it comes to negotiation are you the kind who negotiate once and then thats it, no room for alterations / adaptions etc? Are you the kind who is in constant negotiation? D types do you allow your s type to negotiate as your equal? S types do you negotiate as an equal to your D type? Do you even want to? Arghhhhhhh too many questions in my head. -negotiate once and then thats it? If I was D/s. it would be one negotiation... maybe even two. But if you didn’t know who you were and what you wanted, I most likely wouldn’t have been attracted to you in the first place. Endless renegotiation … never. I see that topping from the bottom shit all the time and it is annoying and bratty. - Are you the kind who is in constant negotiation? If I was D/s and you go through some change in your life, fine. We both make the changes to adapt. If you have a good partner and relationship there should be no need to renegotiate everything. The constant negotiators just need to go have their power struggle elsewhere. -D types do you allow your s type to negotiate as your equal? My partner is never my “equal rank” but always of equal value. That being said, even in my version of TPE, when we chart our mutual goals which is the very foundation of our relationship, it is more like a navigator and a captain. She gives the input about her experience and desires… drawing a map so to speak. However, I make the final decisions and “plot the course”.

wellysub -> RE: Negotiate, renegotiate and then negotiate some more!! (8/24/2008 3:08:27 AM)
In casual play I always am careful to negotiate terms - just so we are on the same page beforehand, and know limits etc. It helps me feel safer and have trust in the Dom/me, and tends to make the play go more smoothly. I would feel a little uncomfortable 'negotiating' with my long term Dom (at the start we had a few conversations), but He knows me, and wants to know how I'm feeling and what I'm thinking - so even though I don't actively negotiate - He checks in with me on a regular basis. I also don't believe He would ever tell me to do something I couldn't, or that he knew was beyond my limits.

missturbation -> RE: Negotiate, renegotiate and then negotiate some more!! (8/24/2008 6:00:12 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AquaticSub ~Fast Reply~ Yay, another word for there to be a zillion different meanings too! [;)] Misst, I think I get want you are saying. Offhand I'd probably call it negotiation too. Perhaps a better term would be redefining and when it happens we are on more or less equal footing, depending on the issue. When we were talking about letting me experiment with poly, I was always ready to hear that he had decided against it and I would live with that. When I realized that I no longer felt a connection to my old faith and we were discussing the lifelong implications of my conversion for both of us we were on extremely equal footing. I know lol. I never thought there would be so many different thoughts on the definition of negotiate. The rest of your post, yep, said much better than i could [:D]

DesFIP -> RE: Negotiate, renegotiate and then negotiate some more!! (8/24/2008 9:16:44 AM)
He's not into setting me up to fail. I don't go for it either. So if he announced that I had to change my eating, sleeping and other health habits in one day, I would call red. And explain why this wasn't going to work. But I have no problem telling him I can't do something, or that I can't do it yet. Since he wants me to succeed, he has no problem slowing down to a pace I can handle. As far as eating and sleeping go, changing those habits took months if not years. Weeks went by that all he did was ask about them, or tell me to go sign off and go to bed. Or go get something healthy for lunch and call him afterwards. He slowly got me used to eating regularly scheduled meals and getting to bed about the same time every night. But it had to be slow enough that I could do it.

Jaquelynadelion -> RE: Negotiate, renegotiate and then negotiate some more!! (8/24/2008 9:54:49 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: missturbation S types do you negotiate as an equal to your D type? Do you even want to? Arghhhhhhh too many questions in my head. [:o] I am Masters slave and before he is going to collar me we have already discussed if i can handle having a slave sister that is over me pretty much his first girl and i have agreed to having them both overme as long as his word is final which is the way it should be. the only reason i have negotiated and discussed this with him is because i had a dom that had a switch girl that thought she had more power in decisions than he did and it got me confused and in an even worse start of to my bdsm experience than i needed. well now i am with Master and close to collaring and am very happy because he talks to me as a human and equal out side of when i am given an order so that we both understand each others thought processes. i want to discuss and negotiate because if i dont understand him and expectations and such then how am i supposto succeed in serving him completely and in the best of my ability, therefore i believe that all relationships should be negotated and renegotated over and over again to add spice and well change limits that i am willing to change. I plan on being his no limits slave over time so all limits are set but there are many that i hope he will find a way to make it a clear desicion as to a like or dislike because most of my limits are ones that i have a)had a dom that had little or no experience and runied my relationship with them or B) i just saw a first impression dislike due to description and inferences that i will have to make a definate decision after experiencing them with Master and Lady

silkncarol -> RE: Negotiate, renegotiate and then negotiate some more!! (8/24/2008 5:07:32 PM)
Sorry, but i don't believe in alot of negotiation......after you've laid your hard limits out there....discussed problems or concerns, expectations from the D/s relationship, communicated thoroughly from both sides of the slash, then as a submissive i'm done with my negotiations. I feel that i'm putting myself into my Dominants hands completely at that point..he knows my strengths, weaknesses, desires, wants and needs.....he may ask my opinion or i might say "pardone me Sir, could we discuss______". But the final decision will be His... I don't think it hurts to review things occasionally....people and situations change.....but sheesh, i can't imagine life being a constant negotiation.....where would it end?...."i'll get you coffee, if you'll put your socks in the hamper" One year at our state's annual Bash, the t-shirts were imprinted with "Open to Negotiation" on the back....To this day i can't make myself where this shirt.....it's almost offensive to me... quote: ORIGINAL: missturbation So i guess my questions are...... When it comes to negotiation are you the kind who negotiate once and then thats it, no room for alterations / adaptions etc? Are you the kind who is in constant negotiation? D types do you allow your s type to negotiate as your equal? S types do you negotiate as an equal to your D type? Do you even want to? Arghhhhhhh too many questions in my head. [:o]

MaamJay -> RE: Negotiate, renegotiate and then negotiate some more!! (8/24/2008 6:44:15 PM)
Think the problem lies in the definition ... we keep the lines of communication well open and i know there are some things Master changes His mind on because of what He sees or hears from me at the time. Some would call that negotiation and say it's a no no. But We don't allow that to disrupt our power exchange, it just keeps it on a real basis in everyday life with real human limitations. Our relationship has changed over the 4 years we've lived together ... and that's all to the good, and it has been discussed as we've gone along. No way we could have anticipated all the issues that have arisen over that time. Maam Jay aka violet[A]

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