i was wondering (Full Version)

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kateindenver -> i was wondering (8/21/2008 1:06:09 PM)

i was wondering if anyone has experienced getting burned out with D/s and tasken a break as i did. i was frusterated as i never seemed to find the right Dom. i was sick of wannabe's and liars. i took a step back and dropped out of the scene. i needed time to ascess my goals and desires. i have since found "The One" actually he foun d me through my CollarMe journals.
kate



CallaFirestormBW -> RE: i was wondering (8/21/2008 1:07:32 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: kateindenver

i was wondering if anyone has experienced getting burned out with D/s and tasken a break as i did. i was frusterated as i never seemed to find the right Dom. i was sick of wannabe's and liars. i took a step back and dropped out of the scene. i needed time to ascess my goals and desires. i have since found "The One" actually he foun d me through my CollarMe journals.
kate


We took a 'break' from public life after a death in our poly family. Many people take a break.

Calla Firestorm



kateindenver -> RE: i was wondering (8/21/2008 1:27:09 PM)

Thank you so much
kate



housesub4you -> RE: i was wondering (8/21/2008 1:59:51 PM)

I like you took a step back from the lifestyle, stopped going to munches, public dungeons and stopped looking for a Domme to serve.
For about 2-3 years I just sat on the sidelines, then 1 day I read a profile from someone near me and to make a long story short, She introduced me to the Domme I proudly serve today.





LaTigresse -> RE: i was wondering (8/21/2008 2:04:58 PM)

I think there is a danger in getting too focused on this one aspect of our lives. It can become all encompassing and almost an obsession.

I've seen people that use every free moment of their lives thinking, wishing, living, one thing. To the exclusion of family, friends and even work. It's not healthy. And, to me, if someone is wanting a relationship, it's not attractive.

I like seeing a well rounded individual that has a multitude of interests that have nothing at all to do with BDSM.



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: i was wondering (8/21/2008 3:44:36 PM)

It's not uncommon.  It's worse when they make a huge announcement on how they are LEAVING THE LIFESTYLE FOREVER!! then sell off all their toys, and then in six months they are back at it.  Those tend to be the ones just running from one space to another, unable to find peace or awareness within.



CruelDesires -> RE: i was wondering (8/21/2008 3:53:05 PM)

I quit in disgust every morning and say I will never come back...

Then have to peruse the forums and read about the lunacy and the drama every night. Maybe I'm addicted. I dunno... [&o]

C-D



MissLily -> RE: i was wondering (8/21/2008 7:24:13 PM)

Hi,
I think it's pretty normal to take break in this lifestyle... I'm on one at the moment. Haven't had proper play in months and I'm not planning on having any anytime soon. I just don't feel like it.

I find this lifestyle very demanding energywise, and right now, there's a lot going on and I need to put My energy elsewhere.

BUT, I just know it's a matter of time. Like CruelDesires, I'm on this site everyday and I started participating to the board again... I'm addicted to kink and I don't think it will ever completly leave My life.

Miss Lily



Leatherist -> RE: i was wondering (8/21/2008 7:26:27 PM)

I only took a break from the idiocy of the public scene in seattle.



Paulnz -> RE: i was wondering (8/21/2008 8:37:59 PM)

I've known people to take a break, and have been told by some that they feel burned out. To avoid this I try to keep the heat setting fairly low and only turn the wick up occasionally. That way burn out is avoided. Those that go at things hammer and tongs all the time don't seem to last.



xxblushesxx -> RE: i was wondering (8/23/2008 7:47:14 PM)

Yes, I have. Talked about it on the forums, and been basically told that if I were twue, I would never want to or need to. (not in so many words, just in implication.) You have to do what works for you.



Jeffff -> RE: i was wondering (8/23/2008 7:50:54 PM)

For me is just kinda.. weaves in and out of my life. Thats why the term " lifestyle" has always bugged me

I have a life.......and sometimes. I like to beat a woman  before I fuck her.............. :)

Jeff



califsue -> RE: i was wondering (8/23/2008 9:15:58 PM)

I think people who focus on finding the 'one' get burned out as you stated whether it is D/s or a vanilla relationship. I remember looking for a partner and it can become all consuming and then I gave up. Most times when you give up searching lo and behold the 'one' for you somehow shows up.



bipolarber -> RE: i was wondering (8/23/2008 10:23:27 PM)

I used to help run monthly parites for a support group. If anything will burn you out fast, that will! Once you are helping to put on the events, suddenly you have far less time to actually meet others and play on your own... (you're too busy DM'ing, or doing an ice run, or tending the buffet, Or taking money at the door, or setting up, or tearing down, or sorting through music files to find the best mix, or... ) Burnout usually came about once a year... I'd walk away for a couple of months, see to my own needs for a while, then come back.

And I relate to the OP about the difficulty in finding quality partners. It's a total bitch. Out of the four years I spent doing those parties, I think I met only three people whom I played with on a regular basis, and only one of the relationships with them wasn't doomed to failure fairly quickly. Even with meeting and greeting every one of the hundreds of people who would show up at these gatheirngs.... very, very few seemed honestly interested in building something worthwhile.

It can get depressing.



Madame4a -> RE: i was wondering (8/24/2008 8:08:52 AM)

For me, the idea of getting burned out means I'm not keeping the right balance in my life.  When I start to feel that way, I attempt to find my balance.  I don't like the all or nothing stuff -- so I tend not to 'step back' or away -- I just find the right things for me in my life.  If something is not making me happy, I make sure the things that do make me happy are first and foremost.

It doesn't always work.

I don't give things up completely, but when things are not right in my life, I tend to withdraw a bit.  I often get the best solace and healing from that.



agoodgirl4Daddy -> RE: i was wondering (8/24/2008 10:24:37 AM)

I took a self-imposed break when i was in a vanilla relationship, hoping that my partner and i could have a fulfilling sexual relationship.  My partner, it is clear to me now, had issues with my kinkiness, though would allow me to scene (as long as there was no "sex"...read penetration or oral sex) with others. 

I was not content during my break..actually breaks..and it made it very clear to me that the next relationship I'm in must be with a like-minded kinkster...preferably a Daddy type who loves to spoil me!




pissdoll -> RE: i was wondering (8/24/2008 11:10:24 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Jeffff

For me is just kinda.. weaves in and out of my life. Thats why the term " lifestyle" has always bugged me

I have a life.......and sometimes. I like to beat a woman  before I fuck her.............. :)

Jeff



that made me smile.

i go back and forth in my relationships- bdsm and non. no matter which side of the fence i am on, there is a part of me that feels unfulfilled.
i'm beginning to think the dynamic i am looking for can't exist as a ltr, but i am still ever so hopeful.......



DarkSteven -> RE: i was wondering (8/24/2008 1:49:33 PM)

Depends on what you mean by a break.  I used to attend play parties - alone - see others playing, and then go home - alone.  After a few months the loneliness got to me.  So I quit going to parties but kept trying to troll for subbies online.  Does that count?



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