RE: Silly Romantic Fantasies

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Leatherist -> RE: Silly Romantic Fantasies (8/15/2008 7:03:17 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: opposingtwilight How did he take it too far? I wasn't mistreated when I was in their collar. I just wasn't loved and adored like a "lover" but more like a pet ... They identied as Gorean, by the way ... Not "old school" so that may be why I did not earn my collar. I begged for it and it was given to me. Once that happened, I was expected to learn and grow within the parameters they set for me. I think there was some miscommunication somewhere in there. And the issues were never settled-until you left him? Did he ever bother to fathom your capabilities in the role,or did he just assume you would "mold"?

opposingtwilight -> RE: Silly Romantic Fantasies (8/15/2008 7:24:20 PM)
Wait, what? Issues? I am so confused by this thread! LOL

opposingtwilight -> RE: Silly Romantic Fantasies (8/15/2008 7:28:30 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Thadius Besides, are there women that don't act like slaves from the very start? [8D] Me!!

Leatherist -> RE: Silly Romantic Fantasies (8/15/2008 7:33:15 PM)
One of the advantages of earning a collar,as opposed to jumping in whole hog-totally clueless.... Is to help a new person to figure out if they have talents and skills they can use effectively in service. Because not everyone has the same gifts and abilities-and you cannot assume that they do until proven. For instance, a new girl may aspire to service in her mind-some sort of artificial construct she has created-but this does not match the needs and expectations of the owner. One of your constructs involved being fucked. You were dissapointed when that was proven not to be part of the desires of your owner. His expectations differed-had ths been clear from the start-would your course of action have been different? I am rather systematic and cold blooded in looking at how a D/s relationship is structured. Infatuation passes-the flames of new relationship soon settle and dim. I have seen it happen over and over again. When that happens, you need something more stable to fall back upon, and find a continuing passion in life that will continue to grow. If the foundation is firm,the house will still stand. Castles built on sand fall with the tides.

opposingtwilight -> RE: Silly Romantic Fantasies (8/15/2008 7:34:37 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: opposingtwilight All of my other issues did go away as a result of me being collared. However, I did develop other issues that I had to work through and I had to grow and change and do a bunch of things that a lot of people probably don't think about. Were the "issues" you mentioned these issues? OK, what I meant by that was--Before I became a slave, I had issues with things like eating disorders, cutting, experimenting with drugs, being a runaway (from home), horrible experiences with abusive boyfriends (who called themselves Masters) and etc ... I had A LOT of issues and I begged a collar, in part, to escape those issues. And when I was collared, those issues did go away. I developed new issues that I had to deal with. Like, the reality of being a slave, for one thing. The reality of not being permitted to have an eating disorder or cut myself or experiment with drugs or even run away. The reality of learning the difference between romantic love and simply being loved. The reality of being a non-sexual slave ... That was quite a shock when I realized what that REALLY meant ... I overcame those issues. I grew in that relationship and eventually grew out of that relationship, which is why I'm here now. I really hope that clears up any confusion. Please don't think that I was mistreated ... I really wasn't. They were good to me when they owned me and I feel fortunate to have been through that experience.

bipolarber -> RE: Silly Romantic Fantasies (8/15/2008 7:39:27 PM)
I think the secret it is to temper your "romantic fantasies" with a strong dose of practicality. For a start, find some fantasies that aren't based on badly written fiction. From the sound of it, the ones you're following now just aren't doing it for you. That IS my honest to god opinion.

opposingtwilight -> RE: Silly Romantic Fantasies (8/15/2008 7:40:06 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Leatherist One of the advantages of earning a collar,as opposed to jumping in whole hog-totally clueless.... Is to help a new person to figure out if they have talents and skills they can use effectively in service. Because not everyone has the same gifts and abilities-and you cannot assume that they do until proven. For instance, a new girl may aspire to service in her mind-some sort of artificial construct she has created-but this does not match the needs and expectations of the owner. One of your constructs involved being fucked. You were dissapointed when that was proven not to be part of the desires of your owner. His expectations differed-had ths been clear from the start-would your course of action have been different? I am rather systematic and cold blooded in looking at how a D/s relationship is structured. Infatuation passes-the flames of new relationship soon settle and dim. I have seen it happen over and over again. When that happens, you need something more stable to fall back upon, and find a continuing passion in life that will continue to grow. If the foundation is firm,the house will still stand. Castles built on sand fall with the tides. OK, now I see where we got off course. First of all, my former position was never meant to last for forever. It wasn't even meant to last for as long as it did. Initially, they were going to keep me for about a year or so but I kept begging to stay and so they ended up keeping me for five years. Second of all, I knew that I wasn't going to have sex with him or with her. What I hadn't realized, at that point, was that non-sexual slave girl meant just that ... No sex with anyone. Period. It was a shock but it was good for me. Looking back, yes I would have done it again. I wasn't totally clueless when I begged for their collar. There's a lot of background info that I haven't gone into on these boards and probably won't. I don't mind discussing it elsewhere, if you're curious. Suffice to say that it was a healthy relationship and I learned a lot from it and I hope I've cleared up any confusion. I don't want to be the girl who adds to the "ALL GOREANS ARE EVIL" attitude that a lot of people have.

opposingtwilight -> RE: Silly Romantic Fantasies (8/15/2008 7:41:14 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: bipolarber I think the secret it is to temper your "romantic fantasies" with a strong dose of practicality. For a start, find some fantasies that aren't based on badly written fiction. From the sound of it, the ones you're following now just aren't doing it for you. That IS my honest to god opinion. Huh? (OMG, I should just quit now ...)

DesFIP -> RE: Silly Romantic Fantasies (8/15/2008 7:41:58 PM)
The quote you cited has as an assumption that service is the mainstay of the relationship. I know it is that way for some, but not for all of us. I have no interest in service. Laundry is done because it has to be, whether his, mine, offsprings, or the horse. I don't get a thrill out of trying to get his socks clean. Romance for us isn't silly. It's as important to him as it is to me. I'm not here for service or obedience, I'm in this for emotional transparency; to be known fully and totally and loved because of my flaws, not despite them. As is he.

Leatherist -> RE: Silly Romantic Fantasies (8/15/2008 7:47:42 PM)
I don't think Goreans are evil. I actually admire some of them here. Many of the real life ones come at it from an exceedingly practical point of view. I'm glad that your stint with them helped you to get your grounding. It's sad when people use these dynamics to keep repeating the same mistakes.

OrionTheWolf -> RE: Silly Romantic Fantasies (8/15/2008 7:59:01 PM)
My take on it is that some believe to show affection for your property is to allow love to rule you. Yes the best and worst slave to own is a love slave. Many allow the love to move them to such a point that their ownership slips, and that which the relationship was founded on, now changes and must be redefined. No one's fantasy is silly or wrong, and I believe fantasy is not a good word to use. Every thing that lives must get something in return, to meet the basic needs to sustain life. Humans have mental and emotional needs, that when not met, can cause more serious damage than physical needs not being met. I will also say that there are not many that have the need to please someone else to such a degree that they place their wants second. The great thing about all of this, is there is likely such a huge variety of people in this world, that the two pieces of the whole find themselves eventually. quote: ORIGINAL: opposingtwilight Even the Goreans tend to agree that the very best slave to own is a love-slave; ie a girl who is in love with, enraptured with and loved by her Master. So, why is romance silly when it comes to slavery? Awaiting thoughts and comments ...

Leatherist -> RE: Silly Romantic Fantasies (8/15/2008 8:30:37 PM)
I have heard it said "Men desire respect the most, and with women the most important is to love and be loved." I wonder if the two sexes are really all that different-even owners. ;)

OrionTheWolf -> RE: Silly Romantic Fantasies (8/15/2008 9:50:17 PM)
I know many that sacrifice love for respect, but then the hollow place is filled with good intentions. Some despise love because they have allowed it to rule them in the past. Just like any emotion, you can feel it to it's fullest and not allow it to control you. This is why I say that you must always own your property more than you love them. If you can own them fully, then that allows love to come to it's fullest expression as well. There are some slaves that do not want to work, and there are some owners that do not wish to truly own. quote: ORIGINAL: Leatherist I have heard it said "Men desire respect the most, and with women the most important is to love and be loved." I wonder if the two sexes are really all that different-even owners. ;)

Leatherist -> RE: Silly Romantic Fantasies (8/15/2008 9:54:50 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: OrionTheWolf I know many that sacrifice love for respect, but then the hollow place is filled with good intentions. Some despise love because they have allowed it to rule them in the past. Just like any emotion, you can feel it to it's fullest and not allow it to control you. This is why I say that you must always own your property more than you love them. If you can own them fully, then that allows love to come to it's fullest expression as well. There are some slaves that do not want to work, and there are some owners that do not wish to truly own. quote: ORIGINAL: Leatherist I have heard it said "Men desire respect the most, and with women the most important is to love and be loved." I wonder if the two sexes are really all that different-even owners. ;) I have no issues with feeling things, I enjoy passion. I also understand getting inside of property-and opening it to tranparency-so that it may be fully taken in hand. It is a very intimate thing-and I think an owner also has a certain degree of vulnerability in that regard. Which,when you consider the context-is probably not a bad thing. If love cripples you, is it?

sambamanslilgirl -> RE: Silly Romantic Fantasies (8/16/2008 7:56:42 AM)
i would rather be "in love" with my Daddy than "out of love" or our type of relationship wouldn't work. the same goes with my pet and me - having a romantic side to our D/s relationship help strengthens the bond between us. personally i don't find it silly wanting someone who's a romantic dominant.

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