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playing - 8/14/2008 6:19:26 AM

lally3

Posts: 595
Joined: 3/4/2008
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ive been following missturbations thread - mostly interested in the experiences of people who regularly play, and not always with their D. of subs apparently new to the D they are playing with and well, this is the question,.

how do you get into the headspace of play with a D you are not otherwise in submission to.

is there a mental process, is it purely based on physical sensation, do you flip off into sensation space... ?????

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Post #: 1

RE: playing - 8/14/2008 6:38:31 AM

missturbation

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From: another planet
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Before saturday i would have said i would not play with someone i had just met. If i was going to consider it at all i would have said there would be lengthy negotiation and limit setting.

quote:

is there a mental process, is it purely based on physical sensation, do you flip off into sensation space... ?????

Was there a mental process? There must have been but i'm not sure it's possible to describe what happened accurately. However i'll give it a go.
I had no intentions of playing at all that evening, yet when it was offered lol as much as in i was shackled to the wall before i knew it kinda way well it just felt right.
The lady i was playing with had my instant trust and respect. The head space i need for playing was automatically there. It really was a case of you had me at hello.
I had a huge buzz out of not knowing what was going to happen at all, a huge buzz out of playing with someone i didn't really know.
Not sure that really explains it

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(in reply to lally3)

Post #: 2

RE: playing - 8/14/2008 7:07:11 AM

chamberqueen

Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/25/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
Status: offline

I hope that this is still on topic - I was a little confused with the wording.

My Master "loans" me out to a novice Dom for play. During part of each session I talk with him about different aspects of the lifestyle. He likes to start a sentence with, "This may not seem very Domly, but..." and I patiently explain that if the Dom is getting pleasure and also watching out for the needs of the sub that it certainly is Domly. Then I am to allow him to "play" with me in whatever way he wishes.

Where my head is through all of this is knowing that I am pleasing my Master. It appears that I am a better actress than I realized because it seems that I never show my disgust at having another touch me. I do sometimes have to cry out and ask that he spank the other cheek for a little while, but mostly I just roll with whatever comes. There are times I feel a small amount of physical pleasure but the main thing for me is in knowing that I am doing my best to do my Master's will.

Sometimes I wish that I could simply enjoy a session with another person easily, and admire those who can. However, I wouldn't be myself if my craving weren't for my Master. It is in my character to be a serial monogamist even though it is not in His. I don't mind that He has others, but if I were given the choice I wouldn't.

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Post #: 3

RE: playing - 8/14/2008 7:13:05 AM

softness

Posts: 2918
Joined: 8/1/2006
From: Leeds, UK
Status: offline

I do play casually with people, and pretty much always have while I ahve been active in the scene. Just like I have happily gone out and picked people up purely for sex, had sex, then sent them on their way - I can enjoy casual play for what it is, casual play. Its very like the difference between having sex, and making love. There is a difference between the two in my mind, and it is important to understand which you are doing.

From an emotional perspective (being an emotional masochist) When I play heavily with a partner I have an emotional investment in, I am pushing myself to submit to please them, to prove my love and devotion for them. I am suffering for them in order to be seen as pleasing. When I play casually, I am proving those things to myself. I enjoy the feeling of having been beaten, I enjoy the catharsis, I enjoy the helplessness. I enjoy the casual play because I am enjoying those things on my terms rather than on the terms of my Owner (though I wouldn't like to admit that to them at the time, when they are armed, or I was in bondage)

I get really hot for casual play, just like I do for casual sex. Its very different for me to what happens within a relatiopnship, just like sex (though logistically similar) is a different experience inside a relationship to outside one.

Plus as missturbation said ... there is something quite frightening and delicious about being in the hands of a perfect stranger

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(in reply to missturbation)

Post #: 4

RE: playing - 8/14/2008 7:39:58 AM

IvyMorgan

Posts: 729
Joined: 7/5/2007
From: Midlands, UK
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I think, often times for me, there is a different sort of headsapce depending on who I am bottoming/submitting to in a scene.

Very rarely, casually, do I submit. Very rarely would I just say, "yes, sure, whatever you want, go for it" in a casual setting. That said, it's happened a few times, and, so far, I've always been the richer for it. I prefer submission to being a bottom, most of the time, mainly because it taps the emotional as well as physical need.

When I bottom, I retain more control, usually I dictate the scene, oftentimes, I'm the more experienced of the two of us, many times I'll be teaching/guiding at the same time as being beaten. I don't go floaty happy lalaland-y. I do enjoy it purely for the physical sensation, proving to myself I can take this, or, in the case of with someone who knows what they're doing, just a happy place of being physically pleased.

Most of my casual play is as a bottom. Very rarely is it as a sub.

(in reply to softness)

Post #: 5

RE: playing - 8/14/2008 7:43:10 AM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

why does a woman fuck a man she is not in love with?

I suspect the reasons are not so different than why she plays with him too.

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Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to lally3)

Post #: 6

RE: playing - 8/14/2008 9:32:13 AM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

I feel really ancient, reading this thread.

And I want to issue a blanket THANK YOU to all the folks I played with over the years when I was starting out, who did not know me, or maybe even want to know me, but wanted to have a moment of fun and excitement.

It's only a scene. Honest. You can bottom without giving your "submission". You don't have to have any sexual contact, or even any conversation. It's just fun. Kind of a zipless fuck, only safer.

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Post #: 7

RE: playing - 8/14/2008 10:14:47 AM

justNCmale

Posts: 18
Joined: 7/28/2008
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Interesting thread and answers - my 2 cents as a Dom without a perm sub is; we all seek different things in life and if it takes us to many to find the one well okay -or- if we have the one and still want to experence the many, also okay! But during these times your head must be with the one that you are with, I will not misstreat or treat differently a casual sub just because she is 'casual' that is the respect to "the lifestyle" and oneself.

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 8

RE: playing - 8/14/2008 10:26:30 AM

Missokyst

Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
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Although I havent played in quite some time, I never had a problem playing with strangers in the past.
I see my body as just a surface. It is not my brain or heart. I don't view men as potential life mates until I get to know them well as people. Anything else is just sensation.
When I was younger people used to date more than a few until they found the person who made those others fade. I notice now that even young people are looking for that "one" who makes everything acceptable. They commit quickly so that they can feel decent.
I am still from the camp that believes, you have to kiss a lot of toads..
My body is a shell. I protect the thing that matters, my emotions.
Kyst

(in reply to lally3)

Post #: 9

RE: playing - 8/14/2008 1:26:03 PM

lally3

Posts: 595
Joined: 3/4/2008
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thank you everyone, i think i can take something from everyone's post and i really appreciate your thoughts and advice.

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even doves have pride (Prince)

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Post #: 10

RE: playing - 8/14/2008 1:35:45 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
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For me, it's usually physical sensation. While I connect with the person I'm playing with on some level, since I'm not submitting to them I won't do it if I'm not enjoying it.

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Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to lally3)

Post #: 11

RE: playing - 8/14/2008 2:25:31 PM

impishlilhellcat

Posts: 4379
Joined: 3/26/2006
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I don't often play with someone I don't know really well and trust. Especially pain play. I can take a lot of pain the more the better it just sends me into this heavenly place, but I can't get there if I'm not comfortable and trusting of the person I'm with. Mostly because as mentioned in another thread I've never used a safe word. I've always played with someone that knows me well enough and who can sense when I can't take anymore with the exception of one person. However, I have played "causually" before. It was knife and fire play. I carefully observed how he was interacting another female in a scene and watched how he observed her body language and cries and etc before I agreed to play.... I didn't know him all that entirely well, didn't have any sort of connection with him, didn't think I'd go into headspace. Within what seemed simply a matter of minutes (it was actually longer) I was gone and it was blissful. He was skilled at what he did and the scene for me was intensely erotic.

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Post #: 12

RE: playing - 8/14/2008 2:28:06 PM

leakylee

Posts: 747
Joined: 7/2/2004
Status: offline

i wouldnt say that there is really a process. i only go to one place to play, and there is only group that hosts parties that i will attend. i am still working on the branching out thing. if i havent known the doms that i played with, then someone that i knew and trusted did. so it wasnt really a huge leap for me. i also tend to trust my judgement in that area. i mean if you watch someone flick 6 foot bullwhips in a scene, and they do it well. it generally reassures me.

the only area i ever really watch on who i am with is cutting, and most of that is me. they really have to know my headspace, reactions, and movements to keep me from hurting myself. i have backed up onto more than one blade.

lee

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Post #: 13

RE: playing - 8/14/2008 3:59:31 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
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Are you talking a situation in which I'm ordered to submit to another when I do not feel any connection of submission to them?

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Post #: 14

RE: playing - 8/14/2008 6:01:53 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lally3

ive been following missturbations thread - mostly interested in the experiences of people who regularly play, and not always with their D. of subs apparently new to the D they are playing with and well, this is the question,.

how do you get into the headspace of play with a D you are not otherwise in submission to.

is there a mental process, is it purely based on physical sensation, do you flip off into sensation space... ?????

For me personally if I don't feel submissive towards someone then there's no way in hell I'll ever play with them. I just can't get into a headspace, there's nothing about them that attracts me to them. I have to be attracted to someone physically, mentally and emotionally to be able to play with them.
This is why casual playing just doesn't work for me. I find that if I don't feel he's dominant in his personality then basically I can do whatever I want and there's nothing he can/will do about it.
It comes down to one basic principle..who is the leader? Him or me? If I feel I'm above him in hierarchy then there's no sense in going any further. I'll feel nothing at all towards him.

(in reply to lally3)

Post #: 15

RE: playing - 8/14/2008 6:58:04 PM

persephonee

Posts: 5089
Joined: 12/15/2007
Status: offline

~FR~

When i play with someone new, and it is in public, i get into my head while im being restrained. i concentrate on the actions of the preparation to play. i think about what is about to be and i think about my inability to walk away from the pain.

i would say that i need to be sexually attracted to the Top, but lately i have played with friends just to see what theyve got and did not have to become sexually attracted to them.

And i must be in the right headspace to play at all...if i cant get into some phase of subspace, then its just a beating and i really have trouble taking that.

i will say that i have to have a level of trust in the person. i have seen all my regular partners play with others before they have played with me. If a good friend of mine vouches for the new person that works...but i havent played with just some random person really ever. i suppose thats the thing i need the most...some semblance of trust.

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You be the Captain; i'll be no one.

And You can carry me away....if You want to. ~Kasey Chambers

E*Whore, extraordinaire....

Nothing is exactly as it seems~Nor, is it otherwise.

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 16

RE: playing - 8/15/2008 12:19:58 PM

pettingdragons

Posts: 421
Joined: 8/16/2005
Status: offline

hmm nice question....my subspace is mine...if anyone could do "said things" to me i would go to subspace....then again some spaces are deeper then other depending on whats going on around me...or what mood i am in...My current Master and i have become close enough that he knows what puts me into sub space...even though once or twice i have not gone into subspace due to someone creaming next to me or a loud noise in the back ground...or if im just not feeling up to it...does it still feel good..sure...just like sex and orgasams...LOL

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pettingdragons
"may the moon bless you with her light.......so you dont pee on your feet"

(in reply to lally3)

Post #: 17

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