The flip side of overcoming fear

The flip side of overcoming fear (Full Version)

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Owner4SexSlave -> The flip side of overcoming fear (8/13/2008 8:59:08 PM)
It's really amazing that so many people overcome some of their deepest fears by doing the things that we all do. Regardless of our orientations, we often find a new release by confronting fears, along with it a sense of freedom. However, on the flip side of working past fear. There can be the negative development of new and deeper more intense fears. To the point it that it can become a Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, deep psychological damage. I wanted to start this thread up for people to share these negative experiences, and it's lasting effects. These experiences being personal, or somebody else's. Where instead of overcoming fears, new ones result for whatever reasons.

Leatherist -> RE: The flip side of overcoming fear (8/13/2008 9:00:16 PM)
Nodding, arrogant amatuers make piss poor therapists.

Owner4SexSlave -> RE: The flip side of overcoming fear (8/13/2008 9:13:58 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Leatherist Nodding, arrogant amatuers make piss poor therapists. I'm also thinking that arrogant amatuers can be the cause for the need for therapists.

NeedingMore220 -> RE: The flip side of overcoming fear (8/13/2008 9:19:49 PM)
I found out how important it is to have the right person work through issues with me. I found out a relationship was on shakier ground than I had realized when he wanted to work through some activities with me that caused near panic attacks. I wanted to please him and move past what seemed to be irrational fears. But in the process I found his methods were contrary to my goals and actually added to my fear rather than helped work through it. One time he put me in a position which just had my whole being screaming out 'no' and I couldn't manage it, and in a short time I realized that the trust that I thought was there was not. It hasn't had any lasting effects on my psyche, and they are still fears I'd like to work through, but I now have a much better understanding of what it takes in the relationship to be able to touch those areas.

Leatherist -> RE: The flip side of overcoming fear (8/13/2008 9:23:41 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Owner4SexSlave quote: ORIGINAL: Leatherist Nodding, arrogant amatuers make piss poor therapists. I'm also thinking that arrogant amatuers can be the cause for the need for therapists. Which is why I tend to piss on "white knights" when they pop up. Fuckers do more harm than good.

JstL00k1ng -> RE: The flip side of overcoming fear (8/14/2008 12:51:48 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Leatherist quote: ORIGINAL: Owner4SexSlave quote: ORIGINAL: Leatherist Nodding, arrogant amatuers make piss poor therapists. I'm also thinking that arrogant amatuers can be the cause for the need for therapists. Which is why I tend to piss on "white knights" when they pop up. Fuckers do more harm than good. Not always. I've met some innexperienced people over the years who have done wonders for those they come into contact with. Some people are just that way. And there are also those who are the opposite no matter how "experienced" they are, how many years they've been in the lifestyle, or how many girls they've owned, collared or trained. Just my two cents.

Owner4SexSlave -> RE: The flip side of overcoming fear (8/14/2008 2:16:53 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: JstL00k1ng quote: ORIGINAL: Leatherist quote: ORIGINAL: Owner4SexSlave quote: ORIGINAL: Leatherist Nodding, arrogant amatuers make piss poor therapists. I'm also thinking that arrogant amatuers can be the cause for the need for therapists. Which is why I tend to piss on "white knights" when they pop up. Fuckers do more harm than good. Not always. I've met some innexperienced people over the years who have done wonders for those they come into contact with. Some people are just that way. And there are also those who are the opposite no matter how "experienced" they are, how many years they've been in the lifestyle, or how many girls they've owned, collared or trained. Just my two cents. I know what you are talking about, trust me. The keyword to what was being said is arrogant combined with Amatuers. Basically where somebody thinks and acts they know the possible effects and outcomes for their actions however are clueless to the damage they can cause or even actually are causing. Some people don't even stop while in the middle of doing things, that they should. Worse yet, they turn around the following week and do it all over again.

DesFIP -> RE: The flip side of overcoming fear (8/14/2008 8:34:41 AM)
Unless you're Midori, making a living off of wiitwd, we are all amateurs. Arrogance is never welcome here. I'm wondering where you draw the line between being an arrogant amateur who does harm and a nonarrogant amateur who makes a mistake and accidentally harms someone? And personally, all I can do is reiterate what I told him. Next time I'm in a strappado, either he cuts off my panties or I'm not in high heels. I am a klutz and if the possibility exists that I'll fall, I will. The damn arm took months before it got back to normal.

Leatherist -> RE: The flip side of overcoming fear (8/14/2008 8:59:11 AM)
It's called, "putting you sense ahead of your jollies"

LadyHibiscus -> RE: The flip side of overcoming fear (8/14/2008 9:28:35 AM)
I am with you, Leatherist and Owner. We see the arrogant knowitall would-be therapists all over the boards, ready and willing to leap in there and fix any damn thing in the name of molding/shaping/training. I like to think that we enter into relationships to enhance our lives, and that people will help each other with problems as a matter of course, if they have an intimate relationship. There is a world of difference between a caring person accepting someone's fears and helping them work through them, and a person galloping in with a solution for everything.

StrongSpirit -> RE: The flip side of overcoming fear (8/14/2008 3:19:22 PM)
quote: ust me. The keyword to what was being said is arrogant combined with Amatuers. Basically where somebody thinks and acts they know the possible effects and outcomes for their actions however are clueless to the damage they can cause or even actually are causing. Some people don't even stop while in the middle of doing quote: ORIGINAL: DesFIP Unless you're Midori, making a living off of wiitwd, we are all amateurs. Arrogance is never welcome here. I'm wondering where you draw the line between being an arrogant amateur who does harm and a nonarrogant amateur who makes a mistake and accidentally harms someone? And personally, all I can do is reiterate what I told him. Next time I'm in a strappado, either he cuts off my panties or I'm not in high heels. I am a klutz and if the possibility exists that I'll fall, I will. The damn arm took months before it got back to normal. I agree, the word amateur means "does it for the pleasure, not for money". I.E. If your not being paid for it, you are an Amateur. I would go further and state that truthfully, you can leave off the word amateur entirely. Arrogance, no matter the skill, causes problems. An arrogant professional who thinks "I am so cool, I can do something that I would never advice someone else to do." is the guy that should really scare you. If you are doing something that is dangerous, then you need caution to do it safely. Caution is the opposite of arrogance.

lusciouslips19 -> RE: The flip side of overcoming fear (8/14/2008 3:24:01 PM)
Bottom line for me. I don't care if someone is an "amateur". So long as that person loves me and cares about my wellbeing and I can trust them with my core being then the mistakes we will muddle through together and learn from. Thats the most important thing in working through fears to healing.

softness -> RE: The flip side of overcoming fear (8/14/2008 3:34:28 PM)
A big part of why I trust DV to train and shape me, to reconstruct how and why I think about certain things ... is that He has been trained and paid to do that professionally. I trust a man that has helped thousands of people reshape their lives and thinking for the better to do the same for me, the woman He Owns. Some random dude with a cane, a hard-on and SM 101 in his hand .... no chance am I putting my psyche in those sweaty hands ... mostly because he is going to have far less clue that I ave too damn right people entrust delicate matters to people who have no business managing them - how many D types wade into a weight or medical health issue with no basis at all to make an informed decision any better than the S type ... and how much added upset and drama does that cause ~ goes back to my brainwashing tape ~

lusciouslips19 -> RE: The flip side of overcoming fear (8/14/2008 3:42:55 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: softness A big part of why I trust DV to train and shape me, to reconstruct how and why I think about certain things ... is that He has been trained and paid to do that professionally. I trust a man that has helped thousands of people reshape their lives and thinking for the better to do the same for me, the woman He Owns. Some random dude with a cane, a hard-on and SM 101 in his hand .... no chance am I putting my psyche in those sweaty hands ... mostly because he is going to have far less clue that I ave too damn right people entrust delicate matters to people who have no business managing them - how many D types wade into a weight or medical health issue with no basis at all to make an informed decision any better than the S type ... and how much added upset and drama does that cause ~ goes back to my brainwashing tape ~ So no one else is capable unless they do it for a living? Lucky you to have the ONLY qualified Master. The rest of us, well I guess we are just smegma anyway. But please let me know the criteria for the one true Master and the one true sub?

Owner4SexSlave -> RE: The flip side of overcoming fear (8/14/2008 3:59:45 PM)
I feel I should perhaps be a little more specific regarding why I started this thread. Involves, a clueless Dom who introduced a submissive to the lifestyle. In the process he punished her for some offense he imagined out of his own insecurity. She was locked for a couple of days in a dark closet, without being monitored or checked up upon. The nature of this imagined offense, for most would simply be a minor infraction in most D/s cases even. Now, two days locked up in a closet. Never being let out to go to the bathroom, holding it. An accident happens. He's pissed because she made a mess in the closet and physically punishes her for have had the basic need to go to the bathroom. Instead of looking at his own stupidity and taking responsibility for his own actions, reactions, and own insecurities. He goes about this, because he thinks and somehow believes this is what "the lifestyle" is all about. Now, the sub... is grid locked by nightmares, night terror.. and has PTS that she never had before she was involved with him. There are other not so pretty mental damages that resulted from this. Hence, why she is in therapy for a number of things now. She is well aware she has many issues. However, she's working on them and doing the best she can. Mind you the apects of White Knight Therapist that have a know it answer and solution to fixing things cause damages in the end. I'm certain some DOMs are very skilled at help their submissive partners work past or get over some issues. The point to be made is about that of Arrogance and Ingorance even. That some people don't stop and think about what the hell they are doing at times. They think they got the world by the balls and know what they are doing, but....

lusciouslips19 -> RE: The flip side of overcoming fear (8/14/2008 4:04:48 PM)
the "dom" sounds like a wacko doodle who should be prosecuted. personally, If someone did that to me, i would press charges. If she hasn't then shes a bit of a wack job too. But I would never be with that Dom. Signs of his insanity most likely showed up way before that and this abuser found one insecure and dysfunctional enough to think that behavior is OK. Masters are to nourish and grow their submissives not tear them down and create more neurosis.

Owner4SexSlave -> RE: The flip side of overcoming fear (8/14/2008 5:10:17 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19 the "dom" sounds like a wacko doodle who should be prosecuted. personally, If someone did that to me, i would press charges. If she hasn't then shes a bit of a wack job too. But I would never be with that Dom. Signs of his insanity most likely showed up way before that and this abuser found one insecure and dysfunctional enough to think that behavior is OK. Masters are to nourish and grow their submissives not tear them down and create more neurosis. Yes, she left him and got away from it. The downside was these things worked up to being intense of wacked out. Was not how things started off in the relationship, else she would have bailed ass sooner.

Roselaure -> RE: The flip side of overcoming fear (8/14/2008 5:15:03 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19 Bottom line for me. I don't care if someone is an "amateur". So long as that person loves me and cares about my wellbeing and I can trust them with my core being then the mistakes we will muddle through together and learn from. Thats the most important thing in working through fears to healing. I agree with this. if I want a therapist, I'll go into therapy.

lusciouslips19 -> RE: The flip side of overcoming fear (8/14/2008 5:23:57 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Owner4SexSlave quote: ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19 the "dom" sounds like a wacko doodle who should be prosecuted. personally, If someone did that to me, i would press charges. If she hasn't then shes a bit of a wack job too. But I would never be with that Dom. Signs of his insanity most likely showed up way before that and this abuser found one insecure and dysfunctional enough to think that behavior is OK. Masters are to nourish and grow their submissives not tear them down and create more neurosis. Yes, she left him and got away from it. The downside was these things worked up to being intense of wacked out. Was not how things started off in the relationship, else she would have bailed ass sooner. Good to hear.

DesFIP -> RE: The flip side of overcoming fear (8/14/2008 7:44:09 PM)
Like luscious said, he probably showed signs of his idiocy beforehand. She ignored those signs at her own risk. I sincerely doubt that up until that time he was the model of a clear communicator, giving her the chance to explain her thinking and how she got into trouble. She accepted mistreatment from the beginning, not having healthy boundaries. I'm sorry for her present ills, but until she learns to screen people better, to set healthy limits, she can only expect to attract people who want someone without strong boundaries, who are willing to accept blame for things they are not responsible for. We teach people how to treat us in this world. .

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