Questions for M and D types, on fear

Questions for M and D types, on fear (Full Version)

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LaTigresse -> Questions for M and D types, on fear (8/13/2008 11:28:12 AM)
I was just reading a post in the sub/slave section asking whether or not they feared their dominant. Which made me wonder how the dominants felt about fear in their sub/slaves. Do you want them to fear you? Why yes or no? If so, all the time or just during intense edge play? How does fear factor in your relationship outside of the BDSM activities? Anything else you can think of on the subject......

DesFIP -> RE: Questions for M and D types, on fear (8/13/2008 11:30:28 AM)
He doesn't want me to fear him ever. But we don't do edge play or pain play, play for us is bondage and sex.

yourMissTress -> RE: Questions for M and D types, on fear (8/13/2008 11:31:14 AM)
Do I want them to fear me? Yes and no. I don't want them to fear me as a person, that doesn't really bode well for that "trusting relationship" thingy, now does it? I do want them to fear what I am capable of or likely to do to them, expect of them, or ask of them, because I am all about pushing and expanding limits.

NuevaVida -> RE: Questions for M and D types, on fear (8/13/2008 11:35:58 AM)
He never wanted me to fear him, the man. He didn't mind that I was often intimidated by him, though. As for "edge play," it was not him I feared; it was my own internal fears that he tapped into, and that was fine with him.

BadJohn -> RE: Questions for M and D types, on fear (8/13/2008 11:39:24 AM)
I love everything about fear. The look in the eyes, the way the flesh pulls away from me when I touch her even in the gentlest way, the sharp smell of fear sweat. The sweetest sound in the world is "Oh my god, not that again. I'll do anything, pleases." Then the wonderful reaction as she realizes that "anything encompasses more than she had expected. [evil laugh]

thetammyjo -> RE: Questions for M and D types, on fear (8/13/2008 11:42:50 AM)
I want a slave to trust me enough to let me do some of the edgy things I like and smart enough to know he better still be afraid because of what we are doing is risky. The minute either of us think this is just easy breezy, that's the day a mistake might happen that we can't recover from. Wariness, a touch of realistic fear, can be a good thing.

CallaFirestormBW -> RE: Questions for M and D types, on fear (8/13/2008 11:48:12 AM)
Hmmm.. I think a measure of intimidation, perhaps -- but no, I don't really want them to fear me. I do like that thrill of fear I see in their eyes when I pull out the really larger gauge needles or the cautery pen... Where they -know- without a doubt that it is going to -hurt-, and they don't want to let me down by running away, but their butt is trying to run without them, and it's all they can do to stay sitting in the chair--but if you -ask- them if they want to stop, the answer is almost always 'please,don't stop'. CFB

batshalom -> RE: Questions for M and D types, on fear (8/13/2008 12:26:23 PM)
~slow smile~ my Sir is one scarily intense mother fucker, and I mean that in both a good and a bad way. He is a very intimidating man, not just to me but to colleagues, servers, and most of the general public. I have found that the way to combat his outward and inner beast is to be a nightmare in my own right, to square my shoulders and show him that he leads a being of equal (and scarily intense) greatness. I love his scariness. I love that it makes me feel like I have to step up to the plate and show no fear. In doing so, I cease to view his intensity and scariness as anything but sexy and desirable.

NuevaVida -> RE: Questions for M and D types, on fear (8/13/2008 12:44:30 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: batshalom ~slow smile~ my Sir is one scarily intense mother fucker, and I mean that in both a good and a bad way. He is a very intimidating man, not just to me but to colleagues, servers, and most of the general public. I have found that the way to combat his outward and inner beast is to be a nightmare in my own right, to square my shoulders and show him that he leads a being of equal (and scarily intense) greatness. I love his scariness. I love that it makes me feel like I have to step up to the plate and show no fear. In doing so, I cease to view his intensity and scariness as anything but sexy and desirable. God, batshalom, that's awesome!

Maxwell67 -> RE: Questions for M and D types, on fear (8/13/2008 12:56:58 PM)
I am not going to say I do not find fear exciting. I do. It is a sexy rush of power, but I do not want Mine to fear me. I want her to trust me, while I take her into places she is afraid of. Those sessions are much like that scene in The Abyss, when the rat learned to breathe that oxygenated liquid. I want to push her under and hold her there and keep her focused until she realizes she is not going to drown, but can actually live in that space and be ok.

NuevaVida -> RE: Questions for M and D types, on fear (8/13/2008 12:59:30 PM)
That was perfectly put, Maxwell, and has been my experience with fear (on the receiving end).

LaTigresse -> RE: Questions for M and D types, on fear (8/13/2008 1:02:36 PM)
I just want to thank everyone for their thoughts. I am still mulling it all over in my head. I love the cool thrill of instilling fear, but to have someone I care about, afraid of me all the time or serve/submit to me based upon fear.....not so much so.

CreativeDominant -> RE: Questions for M and D types, on fear (8/13/2008 1:04:37 PM)
I do not want my girl to fear me, the man. Be a bit intimidated by what I think, by what I feel, by what I am fully capable of doing and will and know that what I say I will do, I will then do my utmost to accomplish. Be fearful of some of the play I enjoy and mindful of the fact that I will tap into her fears and use them to help her grow while also satisfying the sadist in me and the masochist in her. But I want her to have "the balls" to face up to all that is in me as a man and as a dominant...as batshalom noted so well...and want to submit to that and all that comes with it, including the occurrence of fear, and meet it with a smile...no matter how small it may be.

Lockit -> RE: Questions for M and D types, on fear (8/13/2008 2:05:17 PM)
I don't like fear whatsoever. Sooner or later fear can become a lot of things that diminish trust. Having said that, I do like when his eyes go big at something or that gulp. But that is typically something in play and not me and it is for a moment and no more and typically a laugh follows. I want him to dread disappointing me, but never fear me or his place in my life.

Kana -> RE: Questions for M and D types, on fear (8/13/2008 2:12:04 PM)
Its funny, I was talking a bit ago about just this with a submissive I never want her to fear me nothing positive can come respect-certainly obey-of course but fear thats no way to control someone fear is the way of the weak To play on it, as in a scene thats one thing that can be incredible But for her to walk around with fear inside that would kill me Intimidate-yes awe-yes worship-yes but fear, thats not my game and I play real hard. The one thing I do think that is somewhat controversial that does involve fear is that I believe that at some level a dominant has to have the capacity to walk away from the submissive. Its the "We do this my way or there is the door." mentality. Its the ultimate form of control. Its not something that needs to be said or used as a threat, but the reality of it needs to be understood by both parties. Just my 2 cents worth

DarkVictory -> RE: Questions for M and D types, on fear (8/13/2008 2:20:17 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LaTigresse I was just reading a post in the sub/slave section asking whether or not they feared their dominant. Which made me wonder how the dominants felt about fear in their sub/slaves. Do you want them to fear you? Why yes or no? If so, all the time or just during intense edge play? How does fear factor in your relationship outside of the BDSM activities? Anything else you can think of on the subject...... I want her to love me, to respect me, and yes, to fear me. I want my women to know my charming side, my witty and playful side, and to know that they can relax with me, let their guard down with me, and cuddle up with me. BUT - I also want, all the time, in a small corner of their minds, for them to be aware that I am a scary fuck, and that I can be evil in a heartbeat. I want them to obey and serve out of love and desire, to gag for it, to pant for it, and to know that I'm far more scary, nasty, and evil than they ever want to let out of the cage. In an edgy scene, I want her fear to be so palpable, so real, so present that I can feed off of it like nectar. I want her to know in her guts, in her cunt, in her soul, that I will and am going to do things to her that she has no say over and that will make her piss herself in fear.... and that I will still be there for her when she's coming down from all that.... there to hold her, assist her, and calm her down, nourish her... and make sure I get my fucking blowjob.

softness -> RE: Questions for M and D types, on fear (8/13/2008 2:22:33 PM)
reads and laughs Wouldn't be a happy day in Paradise without head now would it Daddy!

ExSteelAgain -> RE: Questions for M and D types, on fear (8/13/2008 2:27:14 PM)
I don’t want her to fear me unless it is in the context of play. Then I want her to think I’m the KKK and the Crips all rolled into one. When I have a cane in my hand, she best not make fun of my taste (non-existent) in music. It would be like going to Cuba and making fun of Castro’s combat uniform. Some things you just don’t do.

Maxwell67 -> RE: Questions for M and D types, on fear (8/13/2008 3:03:02 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DarkVictory ... and that I will still be there for her when she's coming down from all that.... there to hold her, assist her, and calm her down, nourish her... and make sure I get my fucking blowjob. quote: ORIGINAL: softness reads and laughs Wouldn't be a happy day in Paradise without head now would it Daddy! I thought Mine was the only one who really understood this. No, it might be a happy day, but it would not be Paradise without the blowjob. After what I put her through, I need her to know I still trust her with my cock... and give her the opportunity for some harsh vengeance also... that kind of vulnerability is the "checks and balances" part of our relationship. Hey, it is a damn fine rationalization for getting my dick sucked.[:D]

StrongSpirit -> RE: Questions for M and D types, on fear (8/13/2008 3:23:53 PM)
Machiavelli Question: Is it better to be feared or loved? My Answer: It is better to be respected. (OK, so I cheated by rejecting the false dichotomy.) Fear is the belief, however illogical that something may harm you. I fear an uncontrolled wild fire and run away. Respect is the belief, however illogical, that someone could harm you but won't. I respect a campfire and keep in properly banked. I want a sub's respect. I want them to know that I have the power to hurt them, but to believe that I won't. Why? Because I don't respect someone that would play with someone they did not believe would not hurt them. (Note, by harm I mean non-consentual harm.)

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