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dreamerdreaming -> RE: Short bits of Wisdom (8/17/2008 3:15:05 AM)
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Feel your way. Have confidence in your abilities, and do what feels right.
Laugh with your sub- not just at him. HAVE FUN!
Don't take yourself too seriously, and don't try to be something you're not. In other words don't be fake. Just be yourself.
You will not always be right and neither will your sub, and both of you will make mistakes. Nobody's perfect. So be quick to apologize and show him that you've learned from your mistakes, and be just as quick to forgive and move on when he makes mistakes.
LISTEN to your boy, and pay attention to his needs and desires. Pay attention to his dreams. Everyone should be afforded maximum opportunity for self- realization.
Life is short. If someone's not right for you, don't waste their time. Let them know how you feel.
Pretty much all of the above is vanilla stuff too, so here's something I learned specifically from my slave:
Your sub will be in a very vulnerable position in comparison to you, so he may need extra time to build trust. You both must advance each other some trust to begin with in order to earn the rest, but it may be more difficult and scary for him to do this, due to the prospect of extreme physical vulnerability to you which he will face.
So:
BE PATIENT with him. Give him time. And give him plenty of reassurances. Make sure he feels comfortable expressing his fears, and asking for reassurances.
This is especially true when moving from online to realtime. The mistake I made was taking it personally. Don't do that. Its not about you and your level of experience, its about him and his fears and insecurities. He needs to be comfortable enough with you in person, to begin to feel safe and secure. Take time.
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