Stole my fantasy and gave me a limit.

Stole my fantasy and gave me a limit. (Full Version)

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missturbation -> Stole my fantasy and gave me a limit. (8/5/2008 10:22:30 AM)
So saturday night i'm in the land of nod when someone switches my bedroom light off. I hate to sleep alone in the dark. The sound of the switch disturbs me and i roll over to look. I thought it was my bar man who lives with me going downstairs to do the cleaning but the legs i saw weren't his. He always wears shorts to clean and this person had trackies and white trainers on. My bar man also does not own white trainers. I am frozen to the spot, someone i don't know is stood in my bedroom doorway. I pretend to still be asleep and he after what seems like an eternity moves away from my doorway. I hear his creeping footsteps going down to my bar mans room and opening his door, then silence. I dare not move still, dare not try to call the police. He then closes said door and comes back along the landing. He goes down the stairs, thank god i think, hes going. I listen to him rattling around downstairs still not daring to do anything. The floors are bare wood so noisy and everything can be heard between floors, so a call is still out of the question. However im thinking he'll help himself to a few spirit bottles (i run a pub), and leave by the fire exit. No such luck he comes back upstairs. He stands again in my doorway. Eventually i think i have to do something, so i sit up and say 'what are you doing?' Turns out it is one of the local youngish lads and he reckons i locked him in the pub when i closed up 5 hours earlier at midnight. The rest of the tale is really aside from the point but for those curious to know, he was in that day but left at 6.30pm and spent his evening at another local pub. He then went to take shit loads of drugs at a friends house, leaving at 4.45am. That is when he must have decided to break into my pub / home. I escorted him of my premises as i saw it to be the best thing to do, to play along with i'd locked him in. As soon as he left we scoured the building to find out how he had got in and called the police. They are doing their best to find him but he seems to have disappeared. All he got away with was ten cigarettes that were on my bed and half a san miguel lager. That however is not the point, he scared the living shit out of me and for a second, however dramatic it seems, i thought he was going to kill or rape me! How does this relate to BDSM? Well i had a fantasy about someone breaking in and raping me. Rape play as from now is a hard limit for me. I know this may be only temporary but still! So it got me to thinking, as much to take my mind of how terrified i still am as anything, if others out there have limits that are caused by real life traumatic events? All my 'limits', i don't really have them as such, but i do have things i dislike have been pretty much just phobia or don't fancy / don't like doing stuff so far. Apart from canes which was caused by a miss hit, but i do still 'play' with canes anyway. Really i think i just need to hear i'm not alone in this.

GreedyTop -> RE: Stole my fantasy and gave me a limit. (8/5/2008 10:36:38 AM)
jeezus, Misst.... hugs

LadyHibiscus -> RE: Stole my fantasy and gave me a limit. (8/5/2008 10:42:22 AM)
Whoa! That is seriously scary. Hope you are okay now! HUGS!!

missturbation -> RE: Stole my fantasy and gave me a limit. (8/5/2008 10:47:34 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: GreedyTop jeezus, Misst.... hugs quote: Whoa! That is seriously scary. Hope you are okay now! HUGS!! I'm ok, well i'm not. I'm angry one minute, scared the next. But thank you xx.

Aileen1968 -> RE: Stole my fantasy and gave me a limit. (8/5/2008 10:48:34 AM)
He's lucky that he didn't try to steal your shoes.

azropedntied -> RE: Stole my fantasy and gave me a limit. (8/5/2008 10:51:27 AM)
He is lucky he did that in your house and lived , many homes would have plugged him full of bullets . Sorry you went through that and yes it does sound scary , though the whole rape fantasy abduction exchange would prob be more enjoyable with a trusted person VS a creepy stranger that steals your stuff .I too hope you ok now .. No your not alone in your fantasy though i think its a somewhat controled one like i said VS a random violent act . be well and lock no double lock those doors and windows buy a rabid badger or somethin ..

softness -> RE: Stole my fantasy and gave me a limit. (8/5/2008 10:54:55 AM)
growls ... was not happy at all about this hun ... remmeber I am just here ... and I have a city full of thugs who can stand guard for you if needed .. most of them are even house trained I totally get what you're saying .. and think it is perfectly understandable. I have a similar one. Carrying your Owners brand ,... His mark ... on your body for you, and maybe the world to see. Hot right ... really hot. Scary .. yes ... painfull no doubt, but the thought of a mark to carry with you forever reminding you of that moment .. of that dynamic .... seriously wonderful. Until some cunt decides that if you're leaving him he wants you to have reminders and stubs out a goood number of malboro lights across your body .. knowing how easily you scar ... and laughs as he does it. Most are only visible to people who get highly coughs intimate with me, but one is visible everytime I wear a lowcut top .. I can see the most vivid one even as i type this ... on my left breast, for all the world to see, and seek an explanation on. Any joy or excitement I used to have about carrying a Master's brand are over now. I will still have one no doubt, but out of a desire to please my Owner ...not out of excitement at being marked as one man's property ... that fantasy got stolen from me .. just like yours was fuckers

softness -> RE: Stole my fantasy and gave me a limit. (8/5/2008 10:56:17 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Aileen1968 He's lucky that he didn't try to steal your shoes. even a doped up smack head isn't going to be that stupid

azropedntied -> RE: Stole my fantasy and gave me a limit. (8/5/2008 10:58:29 AM)
Thats normal and ok to feel , and its good your speaking out on it too , your space was violated , I dont know the laws in your country regarding what you can have for personal security but perhaps something can be bought like pepper spray , or a bat or something . Maybe a dog , camera , and get the police involved . Get out of the house today and distract yourself a bit , even if its just to go for a walk . :) be well quote: ORIGINAL: missturbation I'm ok, well i'm not. I'm angry one minute, scared the next. But thank you xx.

missturbation -> RE: Stole my fantasy and gave me a limit. (8/5/2008 10:58:41 AM)
quote: No your not alone in your fantasy though i think its a somewhat controled one like i said VS a random violent act . be well and lock no double lock those doors and windows buy a rabid badger or somethin .. I meant alone in having a fantasy ruined and alone in having limits placed by an event. Sorry if i was unclear. quote: though the whole rape fantasy abduction exchange would prob be more enjoyable with a trusted person VS a creepy stranger that steals your stuff .I too hope you ok now .. I'm sure you are right but right now i wouldn't even consider attempting such a scene. quote: He's lucky that he didn't try to steal your shoes. Lol. My shoes never crossed my mind to be honest. My bar man, his girlfriend, myself and my old dog however, i was terrified for.

thishereboi -> RE: Stole my fantasy and gave me a limit. (8/5/2008 11:02:49 AM)
Wow, I am glad your ok, well as ok as you can be after that, it is creepy.

azropedntied -> RE: Stole my fantasy and gave me a limit. (8/5/2008 11:04:39 AM)
well no doubt your not alone in a wrecked fantasy either .. and No your correct no attempts should be made , Time does heal . I would still get some distraction for yourself today , maybe a walk and some ice cream . hugs

missturbation -> RE: Stole my fantasy and gave me a limit. (8/5/2008 11:05:37 AM)
quote: Until some cunt decides that if you're leaving him he wants you to have reminders and stubs out a goood number of malboro lights across your body .. knowing how easily you scar ... and laughs as he does it. Most are only visible to people who get highly coughs intimate with me, but one is visible everytime I wear a lowcut top .. I can see the most vivid one even as i type this ... on my left breast, for all the world to see, and seek an explanation on. I should have remembered i wasn't alone in this as i knew your experience. Sorry hun. I think sometimes though we speak of these things in such a matter of fact way that we don't always realise the effects these things had on people at the time or after. quote: Any joy or excitement I used to have about carrying a Master's brand are over now. I will still have one no doubt, but out of a desire to please my Owner ...not out of excitement at being marked as one man's property ... that fantasy got stolen from me .. just like yours was Hopefully one day i'll be able to participate in rape play and enjoy it, or be brave enough like you (huge hugs) to participate for my Sirs enjoyment.

softness -> RE: Stole my fantasy and gave me a limit. (8/5/2008 11:10:07 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: missturbation quote: Until some cunt decides that if you're leaving him he wants you to have reminders and stubs out a goood number of malboro lights across your body .. knowing how easily you scar ... and laughs as he does it. Most are only visible to people who get highly coughs intimate with me, but one is visible everytime I wear a lowcut top .. I can see the most vivid one even as i type this ... on my left breast, for all the world to see, and seek an explanation on. I should have remembered i wasn't alone in this as i knew your experience. Sorry hun. I think sometimes though we speak of these things in such a matter of fact way that we don't always realise the effects these things had on people at the time or after. quote: Any joy or excitement I used to have about carrying a Master's brand are over now. I will still have one no doubt, but out of a desire to please my Owner ...not out of excitement at being marked as one man's property ... that fantasy got stolen from me .. just like yours was Hopefully one day i'll be able to participate in rape play and enjoy it, or be brave enough like you (huge hugs) to participate for my Sirs enjoyment. its why we're here for eachother babe soft and missturbation .... for life .... not just for eel play

missturbation -> RE: Stole my fantasy and gave me a limit. (8/5/2008 11:18:58 AM)
quote: its why we're here for eachother babe soft and missturbation .... for life .... not just for eel play Very very true [:D]

quickened -> RE: Stole my fantasy and gave me a limit. (8/5/2008 11:19:50 AM)
quote: i thought he was going to kill or rape me! missturbation (i'm quickened by the way, yes nice to meet you too), the difference between the reality and the fantasy is with rape fantasy we come away replete and intact. It's a fantasy. Most of us have no real or actual desire to be killed or have actual critical damage done. I'm so so sorry you've expereinced the trauma of your privacy and your fantasy world being invaded that way. I've always had the good ol rape fantasy, which is nothing like the reality of someone with rotten teeth and a mojor drug habit intruding real life. I'm sending my emotional support your way, which is the equivalent of a puff of outdrawn breath on a cool evening, but its all i've got!

Missokyst -> RE: Stole my fantasy and gave me a limit. (8/5/2008 12:55:36 PM)
Wow... that is seriously scary. It would definitely take rape play off the board for me for a long time. There are events in my life which ended any chance of enjoyment. I could never engage in bi-sexuality, for instance. Who knows, had things been different, I might have grown up desiring women instead of feeling repelled. But that was taken early on in my life when my personality was being formed. Your experience is a scary, but maybe because you are older and have experienced some extremes you might be able to recover some balance on this. If it comes at all, it will take a lot of time and a partner you can trust. If it never comes back for you, then at least you know there is a limit you don't want to cross. Good luck to you. And for safetys sake, have you considered keeping a bat or a cattle prod under your bed? Kyst

softness -> RE: Stole my fantasy and gave me a limit. (8/5/2008 1:10:21 PM)
something tells me a cattle prod under this girls bed .. would be as a personal sex aid ... rather than protection winks I have been suggesting she keeps a rabid soft under her bed!

MzMia -> RE: Stole my fantasy and gave me a limit. (8/5/2008 1:19:46 PM)
Oh Mist I am so glad you are okay. As someone who has escaped similar situations, early in life. I can understand it NOT being a fantasy. I am seriously glad that you were not physically harmed.

Daes -> RE: Stole my fantasy and gave me a limit. (8/5/2008 1:19:49 PM)
Oh yes. Met someone here on collarme, nice guy, new to the lifestyle but generally nice to talk to and very friendly. He's also a big guy and strong as hell. I've been hanging out with him for about a month and we're laying in his bed watching a movie, I think it was 300 but Im not sure. He puts his arm around me, and the first thought in my head is that he's cuddling with me, so I just smile and keep watching the movie. His arm moves upward under my throat and is gradually adding pressure. Not a lot, just a little, generally harmless - but eventually it presses back against my gullet, making me uncomfortable and I put my hand on his arm. I squeezed his arm and pushed it, I was getting frustrated at this point and thought it was enough of a gesture to get him to get him to loosen his grip. Instead it tightened, a Lot. I tried to tell him to stop and found my voice wouldn't come out louder than a whisper of a gasp - whether it was from fear or surprise I dont know, but I couldnt breathe. He doesn't let go and I couldn't breathe, so I start panicking. I claw at his arms, twisting my body, and trying to kick him, but he's still not letting go, I'm trying to scream and I can't, and I can feel the tube in my throat pressed back. By this time I'm thinking he's going to kill me and my family didn't know where I was, and I was going to become some kind of statistic. He lets me go. I'm gasping for air, crying now cause Im still scared shitless, trembling, still freaking out and wondering if I should attempt to get to my purse and call the police but it seems a silly idea with him laying right next to me. He looks at me like he's concerned. Genuinely concerned and asks me "What's wrong?" I don't know What the hell was going through his head during this whole thing, but he must be both Incredibly stupid & unaware of his own strength. He seemed Confused that I was so upset. Anyways, I left, didn't see him again, though he did call and say he wanted to see me not seeming to understand how upset I was, though he would apologize often. Anyways, that's why choking is a hard limit with me. There's no "pushing limits" with this one.

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