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detached - 8/5/2008 4:04:43 AM

lally3

Posts: 595
Joined: 3/4/2008
Status: offline

im sure its a natural process - but im feeling semi-detached from this 'seeking' malarky and i was wondering if anyone else gets like it.

i met a terrific guy on sunday who wants to take things further, i am chatting to some really great people - but i cant get that 'connection' feeling going - worse than that, i just feel switched off.

i suppose i need to know that these periods of hiatus occur to other people and how you deal with it.

thanks. x

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even doves have pride (Prince)

Post #: 1

RE: detached - 8/5/2008 5:03:11 AM

wisteriaV

Posts: 438
Joined: 3/17/2005
Status: offline

I read your profile. Your attractive, articulate based on your typing. You joined up in March of this year and its now very early August. Aside from suggesting you give it time, then maybe your trying too hard in the process. I wasonl here about a year before I connected with the man I call Master now..and then it was almost 6 months after that before I got his total attention...happy seeking!

_____________________________

Every story has two sides , much like a coin and neither one is totally perfect.
If it doesn't float your boat, then don't get in the water~!

(in reply to lally3)

Post #: 2

RE: detached - 8/5/2008 5:19:49 AM

Owner4SexSlave

Posts: 1311
Joined: 4/4/2007
Status: offline

It's perfectly natural to feel semi-detached considering all the heartbreakers, wankers and games players and those you encounter online that just ain't right.

There are some really great people on this website as well, I totally have to agree with you there.

I tend to have a bit of a Gatekeeper that's not quick to drop the gates down. If that makes sense to you.

Feels like a lot of chasing ass and chatting for nothing at times. I've come to value some of the friendships I have made online from here.

Just hang in there, sooner or later you will meet somebody who will trip your trigger fully and completely, Hell it might even sneak up on you when you least expect it.

(in reply to lally3)

Post #: 3

RE: detached - 8/5/2008 5:57:13 AM

myotherself

Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lally3

im sure its a natural process - but im feeling semi-detached from this 'seeking' malarky and i was wondering if anyone else gets like it.

i met a terrific guy on sunday who wants to take things further, i am chatting to some really great people - but i cant get that 'connection' feeling going - worse than that, i just feel switched off.

i suppose i need to know that these periods of hiatus occur to other people and how you deal with it.

thanks. x

I know exactly what you mean - I'm going through the same thing myself right now. Having spent the last few months wasting time with someone who just wanted a warm body to fill in the time between subs, and a wannaDom who had no clue at all about the level of responsibility that comes with demanding submission, I'm now back on the treadmill.

What I do is go with the flow. I'm meeting someone today, and who knows? If it works it works, if not...no problem. I'm also getting much more involved in local munches and taking the time to get to know the great people I've met so far.

When the time is right, you'll meet the right one. Just stay relaxed, don't try too hard and try to enjoy the experience of meeting new people. If you want to take a break from meeting people, then do it! There's no rush - you have all the time in the world to meet your Master.

Mo x

_____________________________

There's nowt so queer as folk

(in reply to lally3)

Post #: 4

RE: detached - 8/5/2008 5:59:58 AM

ShiftedJewel

Posts: 2492
Joined: 12/2/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lally3

im sure its a natural process - but im feeling semi-detached from this 'seeking' malarky and i was wondering if anyone else gets like it.

i met a terrific guy on sunday who wants to take things further, i am chatting to some really great people - but i cant get that 'connection' feeling going - worse than that, i just feel switched off.

i suppose i need to know that these periods of hiatus occur to other people and how you deal with it.

thanks. x

Absolutely, it natural. That's why I sometimes wish that there was an option other then "actively seeking"... something like, "sort of seeking" or "seeking but it's not that big a deal right now"... lol Or just "inactively seeking".

Don't worry, your "connection" feeling isn't broken, it's just snoozing right now.

Jewel

_____________________________

Don't ask, trust me, you won't like the answer... no one ever does.

(in reply to lally3)

Post #: 5

RE: detached - 8/5/2008 6:45:08 AM

persephonee

Posts: 5089
Joined: 12/15/2007
Status: offline

lally... we havent met yet...so hello.
i dont even think i AM searching anymore...im just floating in my status quo and enjoying the fact that i have found my niche. i think that what will happen will happen whether i sit at the window and wait expectantly or if i just skip along the path and sing to myself....my wolf will creep up on me. Best to be kept unaware.
i fimly believe that my new partner is out there meandering toward me and i him learning what we need to know before we meet.....

peace,
perse

_____________________________

You be the Captain; i'll be no one.

And You can carry me away....if You want to. ~Kasey Chambers

E*Whore, extraordinaire....

Nothing is exactly as it seems~Nor, is it otherwise.

(in reply to lally3)

Post #: 6

RE: detached - 8/5/2008 6:49:11 AM

ChicagoAmy

Posts: 55
Joined: 6/28/2008
Status: offline

I think it's much better to be detached and take things slow than to get attached to quickly. If you mean sexually, I go through periods where I am completely uninterested in sex for a month or two (sometimes longer) and than with out notice I pop back into my normal out of control sex drive. I think that's pretty normal.

(in reply to persephonee)

Post #: 7

RE: detached - 8/5/2008 6:49:55 AM

sweetpeasmiles

Posts: 19
Joined: 4/25/2008
Status: offline

switched off... on hold... put on pause...

all of the above occurs at times... just gotta ride the waves as you get them....

*smiles*

(in reply to persephonee)

Post #: 8

RE: detached - 8/5/2008 7:20:37 AM

DomDolf

Posts: 363
Joined: 7/11/2008
Status: offline

This happens with dominants also. I think it's important to not be too anxious but just as important not to become so out of it that you let something good go by unnoticed.

Dolf

(in reply to sweetpeasmiles)

Post #: 9

RE: detached - 8/5/2008 9:16:29 AM

Missokyst

Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline

Have you considered that the terrific guy you met on Sunday may be terrific.. but not for you? Usually I give it a few dates to determine if I am attracted. For some, there is an initial attraction based on chemistry. I have found that now and then but overall it did not lead to success. Mostly I date them first to see if their personality strikes a chord in me that demands I know more. I have had some good relationships that started out slowly and developed a slow burn. The thing about those guys was that they gave me time to know them before pressuring for more. I probably would have passed on them if they wanted things too soon.

How did your terrific guy make his approach? Did he talk about taking things further, sensually.. or taking things further as getting to know you better?
Kyst

(in reply to lally3)

Post #: 10

RE: detached - 8/5/2008 10:46:19 AM

badlilthang

Posts: 357
Joined: 6/22/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Owner4SexSlave

Just hang in there, sooner or later you will meet somebody who will trip your trigger fully and completely, Hell it might even sneak up on you when you least expect it.

Just like i felt a few months ago. i got the weirdest mails - varied from men wanting me to be chained in the basement and fed once a week to me working 12-15 hours a day, keep the house in ship shape state, sign all my belongings/money/fortune over to him - and oh...yes..serve all his friends..nods nods..i was ready to say f*ck it - and delete my profile - but still -
it was a few diamonds in between all the pieces of coal, though - that kept me believe that there had to be good people around also...and it was. Just a few lines from a very nice man - saying that good, trustworthy dominants existed out there - and He was right. i still can not believe my luck - He became my Master. *s*. i was not even looking at the time - just reading the boards - checking mails and exchanged words with the few i liked to talk to. So yes...feeling detached is not at all strange - a lot of frogs out there - and hard to find the prince with so many silvertongued devils out there...s...

_____________________________

.Forgiveness is the fragrance a flower leaves in the air after being crushed underfoot.

(in reply to Owner4SexSlave)

Post #: 11

RE: detached - 8/5/2008 1:04:03 PM

lally3

Posts: 595
Joined: 3/4/2008
Status: offline

thanks guys, really!, youve made me smile. was feeling really low today. i spose i was afraid i was switching off completely, little by little. when a great guy wants more and all you can think is - i cant - you have to start wondering whats going on.

i feel spent, but its just come out of the blue, from nowhere, i honestly cant get my head around whats happening to me.

its good to know its something that occurs.

kyst - he wants to go further at my speed. there was a brief moment in the car park when we said goodbye when a little window opened and i felt the dynamic that would be there if i let it. it felt good. maybe im just not used to the slow burn guys. maybe i should run with it some more but dammit theres a fog in my head that wont lift thats telling me 'no' and i cant shift it, it doesnt make sense and its not telling me why.

do others get that fog?

great as he is, maybe my trigger just isnt tripping

< Message edited by lally3 -- 8/5/2008 1:06:13 PM >

_____________________________

even doves have pride (Prince)

(in reply to badlilthang)

Post #: 12

RE: detached - 8/5/2008 1:42:36 PM

Missokyst

Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline

The best relationship I have ever had began slowly. I was in that burned out phase where seeking was just a PITA. I had decided that I could just run my group and help people find what they needed and that was all. My ex and I met as friends. We started slowly, lunch, dinner, nightly chats, calls. That went on for a few months until I couldn't see a day that he wouldnt be in my life. The attraction I felt for him was not immediate, there was some but it wasn't the blinding flash of desire. He was a good buddy and nothing more until one day I looked up and BLAMMO.. I was a fish whose head slammed against the boat as he reeled me in.
So if your guy is nice and his style is different, go with it. It may ignite, it may not. But it won't be an oppotunity that you lost because you closed your mind to it.
Kyst

quote:

ORIGINAL: lally3

kyst - he wants to go further at my speed. there was a brief moment in the car park when we said goodbye when a little window opened and i felt the dynamic that would be there if i let it. it felt good. maybe im just not used to the slow burn guys.

(in reply to lally3)

Post #: 13

RE: detached - 8/5/2008 2:00:35 PM

lally3

Posts: 595
Joined: 3/4/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst

. But it won't be an oppotunity that you lost because you closed your mind to it.
Kyst

quote:

darn if you havent hit one of my mottos for life right there! cross roads come along and it isnt always clear which path to take, but an opportunity is an opportunity and they are the things that come along to challenge and change you.

k.. ill live with the fog and see if it lifts. xx

_____________________________

even doves have pride (Prince)

(in reply to Missokyst)

Post #: 14

RE: detached - 8/5/2008 4:53:50 PM

laura2161

Posts: 254
Joined: 3/8/2008
From: Duluth, GA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lally3

do others get that fog?

Yes. And try as you might it just wont fade; That's when you just need to let it leave on its own.

It'll happen lally, and when it does you will KNOW it. Until then, just ride the wave and listen to your instincts.

_____________________________

'I am not infantile, You StinkyButt Poophead!'

(in reply to lally3)

Post #: 15

RE: detached - 8/5/2008 4:59:09 PM

lally3

Posts: 595
Joined: 3/4/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: laura2161

quote:

ORIGINAL: lally3

do others get that fog?

Yes. And try as you might it just wont fade; That's when you just need to let it leave on its own.

It'll happen lally, and when it does you will KNOW it. Until then, just ride the wave and listen to your instincts.

hey hunnybun, how you doing!

so you get the fog too - i know its there for a reason, but im damned if i know what that reason is..

hugs xx

_____________________________

even doves have pride (Prince)

(in reply to laura2161)

Post #: 16

RE: detached - 8/5/2008 7:59:36 PM

bipolarber

Posts: 2792
Joined: 9/25/2004
Status: offline

A couple of observations:

1) it's high summer. Temperatures are running hot, and it drains you, both physically, and emotionally.

2) I think it's not only natural to feel disconnected during your search, but healthy to feel that way. If you aren't feeling paniced and desperate to hook up with someone, chances are you won't be tempted to make mistakes in the selection process. (It's like the old truisim, "Don't go grocerey shopping when hungry.")

3) Take the time to know the people you've been chatting with. There really is no hurry. Used the "downtime" well... get some checkups, take care of those bills you've been putting off... spend some time at the gym.... enjoy the summer!

4) This will eventually wear off... with luck, you'll next be feeling "jaded"...

5) and perhaps follow that with "burnout"... LOL

(in reply to lally3)

Post #: 17

RE: detached - 8/5/2008 8:12:52 PM

Prinsexx

Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lally3

im sure its a natural process - but im feeling semi-detached from this 'seeking' malarky and i was wondering if anyone else gets like it.

i met a terrific guy on sunday who wants to take things further, i am chatting to some really great people - but i cant get that 'connection' feeling going - worse than that, i just feel switched off.

i suppose i need to know that these periods of hiatus occur to other people and how you deal with it.

thanks. x

have sent mail
Prin

_____________________________

Owner of asterion

Metawhore.... the sound of a metaphore when gagged
Free woman
Resident thread finisher
To my stalker:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LN2lP_7J7GI&feature=fvwrel

(in reply to lally3)

Post #: 18

RE: detached - 8/5/2008 8:29:28 PM

laura2161

Posts: 254
Joined: 3/8/2008
From: Duluth, GA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lally3

quote:

ORIGINAL: laura2161

quote:

ORIGINAL: lally3

do others get that fog?

Yes. And try as you might it just wont fade; That's when you just need to let it leave on its own.

It'll happen lally, and when it does you will KNOW it. Until then, just ride the wave and listen to your instincts.

hey hunnybun, how you doing!

so you get the fog too - i know its there for a reason, but im damned if i know what that reason is..

hugs xx

I'm hanging in there :-) It's been a hectic and trying last few weeks. I'll email you on the other side to fill you in.

Yea, I get the fog too. Not very often but when I do it can last for months, sometimes for over a year. I've come to realize it's my mind's way of letting me know I wasn't ready for anything serious, or for that matter ready for anything at all. I spent quite a few years single by choice, and then when I was ready to start 'looking' again I forgot how hard the dating scene can be.

Just take it slow..If it's going to happen then it will. If it seems forced or if it seems its taking too much energy then it most likely shouldnt be happening.

I'll talk with you soon.

Hugs,

_____________________________

'I am not infantile, You StinkyButt Poophead!'

(in reply to lally3)

Post #: 19

RE: detached - 8/5/2008 9:24:16 PM

Leatherist

Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline

My heart has other priorities for the moment.

_____________________________

My shop is currently segueing into production mode.

I'm not taking custom orders.

(in reply to lally3)

Post #: 20

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