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Do You tell Your best Freind or not - 7/29/2008 7:08:43 AM   
Sirrea


Posts: 4
Joined: 5/22/2008
Status: offline 		My best friend is head over heel for this Dom She has meet on CM, although He will disappear on her for weeks on end.With no reasons to as why,or any word at all from His end. Their suppose be real time she is planning on moving Out of the USA to be with Him. Maybe just me, I don't know but i get very bad vibes from this one Dom.

Now the big kicker and my reason for asking anyone's thought on this,is the Dom that's suppose be so devoted to Her has contracted me though CM. He has no ideal that I'm the same person that my friend introduce to Him over MSN. And has hit on me though CM, the question is this do I tell Her? or do I answer Him back play it out finding out want His intention is? What He is leading Her to believe is that He has stopped looking and in fact wants Her to Marry Him. My friend has been hurt so many times and now it seems that I've been pulled right into the middle of this. Which I don't like at all I rather be straight up and inform Him but yet if He is playing Her, this be the best way to find out.I have ask Her many times if this is a poly relationship, which I know Her She is not good at sharing Her Owner so I found it just a little funny She agree to go into a poly relationship. And according to Her He is just looking for One sub/slave no more.


< Message edited by Sirrea -- 7/29/2008 7:12:13 AM >
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RE: Do You tell Your best Freind or not - 7/29/2008 7:15:06 AM   
OldBastardly1


Posts: 651
Joined: 7/22/2006
From: Atlanta, GA
Status: offline 		Is your friend an adult? Are you responsible for protecting her from herself silly mistakes, and learning in the process?

On the other hand, yes....I think that you need to let her know that the guy "hit on you". Forward her the email he sent to you. Let her decide if it is an issue. That way you have remained loyal to your friend without interfering in her life too much. Do not play a game with him, trying to build evidence against him....unless she asks you to. You might even offer to do that when you send her the email, but that would be her call, not yours.

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RE: Do You tell Your best Freind or not - 7/29/2008 7:16:41 AM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline 		What did he write?  You say he has contacted you, but then go on to say - or at least indicate - that he has not done anything or said anything about his intentions.  For all we/you know, he is just writing because of *insertwhatevereasonhere*.  You are the one second guessing him and unless you have any good and definate reasons that his intentions are less than ethical, then you may be causing problems where there are none.  If you play him along, you will be just as bad as him.  You can answer him honestly and not string him along and see what occurs, or you do not answer him back at all.  But second guessing him or stringing him along as a test.  Blergh, not good.
 
the.dark.

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RE: Do You tell Your best Freind or not - 7/29/2008 7:22:08 AM   
Dnomyar


Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		I was going to say that this was a no brainer but I had to LMAO seeing as there appears that no brains are being used here.

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RE: Do You tell Your best Freind or not - 7/29/2008 7:28:38 AM   
batshalom


Posts: 1990
Joined: 9/17/2007
Status: offline 		If he wasn't a Dom, and this had nothing to do with D/s, would you tell her?

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RE: Do You tell Your best Freind or not - 7/29/2008 8:07:58 AM   
windchymes


Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline 		If your friend has been hurt so many times, as you say, but yet keeps going back for more, could be she actually enjoys the drama. 

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RE: Do You tell Your best Freind or not - 7/29/2008 10:22:17 AM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		If she doesn't have a clue when he takes off and makes no contact for weeks at a time and is willing to move to another country for him... I doubt there is anything you can do to save her ass.  She is sticking it right out there.  She isn't even in her own best interest; how can she see that someone else might not be as well?  If she is this blinded, do you really think she is going to see if you talk to her about this?  After all, he could just be looking for that extra slave, she might have a struggle accepting, but has.  She just may resent you for trying to take her blinders off. 

Then... he did say he was no longer looking.  But only you know what the email said and only you know your friend.  I would want my friend to tell me, but then I am not accepting a man who takes off for weeks at a time, so I don't know what her response would be.  Only you can determine that, as you know more.  One thing for sure... I would be finding self help books or encouraging some wise advice from a professional to her.


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RE: Do You tell Your best Freind or not - 7/29/2008 10:28:42 AM   
Dnomyar


Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		Reality check. You just can't up and move to another country. It is called Imigration Laws. More than likely it is the reason that he can't come here.

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RE: Do You tell Your best Freind or not - 7/29/2008 10:51:40 AM   
SteelofUtah


Posts: 5307
Joined: 10/2/2007
From: St George Utah
Status: offline 		Do you rip the wings off of flys and watch them suffer Op?

If not then you know exactly what you need to do.

Steel

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RE: Do You tell Your best Freind or not - 7/29/2008 11:08:31 AM   
Dnomyar


Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		Steel the heck with flies. Im going to send you all of these dammed japanese beetles.

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RE: Do You tell Your best Freind or not - 7/29/2008 1:41:52 PM   
Sirrea


Posts: 4
Joined: 5/22/2008
Status: offline 		Thanks Everyone, I appreciate the advice a lot....Just when do I tell Her since She found out today the cancer they thought would stay in remission has came bad. I mean she could really use the support of this Dom right now. And the question of Her going out of the USA I guess She already started the progress.

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RE: Do You tell Your best Freind or not - 7/29/2008 2:09:49 PM   
SteelofUtah


Posts: 5307
Joined: 10/2/2007
From: St George Utah
Status: offline 		Tell her now. Just call her and tell her. I would say

"I have something to tell you it isn't to change your mind it is because I think you should know before you make a decission."

Then tell her about the CM and the Contact he has made and tell her you are willing to be there when she confronts him if that is what she wants to do.

And finally be prepared for her to be mad... and mad at you. Anger is not usually a rational thing so be ready for it and also be prepared for her to not talk to you for awhile because even the most rational person I know doesn't like to be played the fool and will deny it before they accept it.

I would also contact the Dom and inform him who you are and that you have contacted said sub and informed her of all your conversations.

And in the future, playing the sidlines is a dangerous thing to do, If you had told this Dom who you were from the beginning you would not be in the middle of this, sure he might have found a new girl to cheat on your friend with but at least you would not be the one in the middle with a secret that isn't worth keeping.

Just my opinion mind you .,.... do what you want.

Steel

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Just Steel
Resident Therapeutic Metallurgist
The Steel Warm-Up © ™
For the Uber Posters
Thanks for the Grammatical support : ) ~ Term

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RE: Do You tell Your best Freind or not - 7/29/2008 2:09:50 PM   
Daes


Posts: 246
Joined: 4/20/2007
From: Diamond Bar, SoCal
Status: offline 		Take snapshots on your comp of the emails, warn your friend, and stop her from making a HUGE mistake. If she doesnt believe you, show her the proof. The sooner the better. She needs a wake up call.

She may hate you for it, who knows. But if you care for her and youre her friend, it is your obligation to inform her what is going on. She deserves to know that he is a manipulating bastard, and in time she will be grateful that you told her.

If the situation was reversed, you would want your friend to tell you.

She is going to RUIN her life if you Let her do it.


< Message edited by Daes -- 7/29/2008 2:12:05 PM >

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RE: Do You tell Your best Freind or not - 7/29/2008 2:28:16 PM   
sambamanslilgirl


Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline 		this is what i would do - tell my best friend about the dominant in question and also copy/paste his messages to you for her to read. then i would advise her to think twice about jumping across pond (or wherever he lives) to marry someone of questionable character.  also i  would ignore and block this guy on all fronts - he's simply bad news. 

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RE: Do You tell Your best Freind or not - 7/29/2008 2:31:12 PM   
natasha66


Posts: 321
Joined: 10/14/2006
From: NJ
Status: offline 		You need to let her know what this twerp is up to.  PERIOD.

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"If you bother me again I shall visit you in the small hours of the night and put a bat up your nightdress".
~Basil Fawlty

Collared June 4th, 2008
Love is giving him the power to destroy you, but trusting him not to.



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RE: Do You tell Your best Freind or not - 7/29/2008 3:03:17 PM   
JoePNY707


Posts: 293
Joined: 6/4/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sambamanslilgirl

this is what i would do - tell my best friend about the dominant in question and also copy/paste his messages to you for her to read. then i would advise her to think twice about jumping across pond (or wherever he lives) to marry someone of questionable character. also i would ignore and block this guy on all fronts - he's simply bad news.


Excellent advice! Ordinarily, I would say don't interfere, but since she is VERY sick and she is planning on moving out of the USA to be with him, I WOULD tell her.

Samba's method is perfect--that way, your friend can read the facts for herself.

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RE: Do You tell Your best Freind or not - 7/29/2008 3:18:29 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Ask her if she would want someone to tell her if her dom hit on one of her friends. If yes, then forward her the email. If not, let it go.

She knows better and keeps going back for more. Presumably she's getting something from this. Ask her what it might be.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


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RE: Do You tell Your best Freind or not - 7/29/2008 4:21:39 PM   
Prinsexx


Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Sirrea

My best friend is head over heel for this Dom She has meet on CM, although He will disappear on her for weeks on end.With no reasons to as why,or any word at all from His end. Their suppose be real time she is planning on moving Out of the USA to be with Him. Maybe just me, I don't know but i get very bad vibes from this one Dom.

Now the big kicker and my reason for asking anyone's thought on this,is the Dom that's suppose be so devoted to Her has contracted me though CM. He has no ideal that I'm the same person that my friend introduce to Him over MSN. And has hit on me though CM, the question is this do I tell Her? or do I answer Him back play it out finding out want His intention is? What He is leading Her to believe is that He has stopped looking and in fact wants Her to Marry Him. My friend has been hurt so many times and now it seems that I've been pulled right into the middle of this. Which I don't like at all I rather be straight up and inform Him but yet if He is playing Her, this be the best way to find out.I have ask Her many times if this is a poly relationship, which I know Her She is not good at sharing Her Owner so I found it just a little funny She agree to go into a poly relationship. And according to Her He is just looking for One sub/slave no more.


In this life there is nothing more precious (other than a child) than a true friendship. this si one thing i have definitely learned across the years.
Those whom i consider to be good friends do whatever they can to support me, to help, to listen and yes to protect me from harm or perceived har. My friends offer unconditional love if you want to call it that. Friendships stand the test of time whereas children leave home and bdsm relationships come and go....some remain for a long time and according to contract. The love and connection is intense and not necessarily limited to only bdsm innature and can include sexual partner, marriage and friendshipas i have detailed above.
Bt generally speaking it is friendship weaving itself in and out of other forms of relationshipwhich i value most.
What would YOU like your friend to do for yu were she to be in receipt of the same information you have? In other words if your so-called sincere Dom had hit on her? Would you not want to be told? In my personal opinion i think i would and to be told in as objective a way as possible. Forward his email to you onto your friend after gently talking the situation through with her.
This is the best advise i think i can give. It also allows your friend to make an informed decision as to what to do.


_____________________________

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RE: Do You tell Your best Freind or not - 7/29/2008 5:02:03 PM   
StrangerThan


Posts: 1515
Joined: 4/25/2008
Status: offline 		If he's coming across as committed and monogamous but slipping around the edges for more, he's lying. It's that simple.

And if someone is lying to me, and a friend of mine knows, they'll either tell me or not be a friend much longer. That too, is simple.

All this BS about what someone really intends is just that, bs. The only people capable of making those kinds of decisions and the only people to whom it really matters are those involved. You are involved because she is your best friend. Tell her. What she does with the information is her decision.

< Message edited by StrangerThan -- 7/29/2008 5:03:51 PM >

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RE: Do You tell Your best Freind or not - 7/30/2008 4:34:15 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		More importantly is that you ask her what she proposes to do for health insurance if she leaves the country with a pre-existing condition, where she won't be covered under a national health insurance for some period of time.

She's ill, and needing serious treatment. She's likely to not have the energy to move or to deal with his drama anymore. He's likely to vanish when she's lost all her hair and is vomiting.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


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