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RE: Losing Faith in Humanity... - 7/27/2008 5:01:30 PM   
Vendaval


Posts: 10297
Joined: 1/15/2005
Status: offline 		Hello Rhi,
 
I think it is time for the "tough love" approach with this youngster.  His mother is not someone who adds to your life, only takes away. You have done everything possible and need to get on with the rebuilding at your home, minus all these problems and aggravation.


quote:

ORIGINAL: hizgeorgiapeach
If I basically do the same thing again - let it slide, putting conditions on things continuing - all he ultimately Learns from it is that if he whines enough, the consequences of his actions won't ever actually come to pass.  This time was basically the "last chance" - because he's been given several already, and screwed up consistantly every single time, regardless of how often I told him "ok, new rules on how things are gonna work" or "You know how to contact me, but you have to straight up" or "Hey, it would cost you X to learn this elsewhere."   For both his sake (in the long run) and my OWN - I have to stick to my guns this time and cut him off at the kneecaps, despite his youth.


_____________________________

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So in this gray haze we'll be meating again, and on that
great day, I will tease you all the same."
"WOLF MOON", OCTOBER RUST, TYPE O NEGATIVE


http://KinkMeet.co.uk

(in reply to hizgeorgiapeach)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Losing Faith in Humanity... - 7/27/2008 5:06:22 PM   
hizgeorgiapeach


Posts: 1672
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: bipolarber

But they could take you to small claims court. The upper limit on these cases vary, somewhere between CA's $25,000, and MI's $3500, tops. Neither side can bring a lawyer, you have to represent yourself, and if the person being sued doesn't show, the court can find for the prosecution up to three times the damages asked for...

There's no harm in making sure your documentation on this incident is in order...

Of course, the other thing you could do, is file a theft report....

Just sayin'...


Since the Monetary value of what he tried to take was under $5 - it wouldn't get very far in court.  I don't intend to stiff him for the work he did, and I got back (in the car) the item he took.  Between the fact that I got it back in the car taking him home, and it's low value, filing a police report seems more than a bit drastic.  Around here, even a small claims judge would likely find any suit filed by them about this to be frivilous - and some of 'em are mean enough to slap a contempt charge on the person doing the filing of such, just to teach them not to waste the court's time!
 
What gets to me about it is not the monetary value - it was trivial.  What gets to me about it is that he's growing up in a family that apparantly finds it perfectly acceptable behavior to steal - and to compound it backstab a "friend" by stealing from them specifically.  In the long run, I don't think he even sees what he did - going into my bedroom - my personal private sanctuary - my Space - and taking something - ANYTHING - that didn't belong to him without asking if it was ok.  He didn't ask whether it was ok to be in there for any reason other than while they were putting the door in it's hole to go out onto the deck, and didn't ask whether he could have what was laying there out in the open on my dresser.  To me - just me, personally - it wouldn't have mattered whether it was a 25 cent pack of gum, or a $2500 painting, or a $5 dollar book - it is no different than shoplifting - all of it is theft because you (generic) didn't ask and someone else was expected to pay.

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Rhi
Light travels faster than sound, which is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
Essential Scentsations

(in reply to bipolarber)
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RE: Losing Faith in Humanity... - 7/28/2008 1:45:51 AM   
cpK69


Posts: 1593
Joined: 5/9/2008
Status: offline
I find the title of the thread ironically fitting.
 
People who do things out of the “goodness of their heart” don’t keep score. Even if they did, points would not be added or deducted for other players actions.
 
How much does it cost for good help in construction and landscaping these days?

(in reply to hizgeorgiapeach)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Losing Faith in Humanity... - 7/28/2008 3:07:08 AM   
Rule


Posts: 10479
Joined: 12/5/2005
Status: offline 		I would let it go. Cuss him, you already did, but let it go.

(in reply to hizgeorgiapeach)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Losing Faith in Humanity... - 7/28/2008 5:09:32 AM   
FirmhandKY


Posts: 8948
Joined: 9/21/2004
Status: offline 		The first and neccessary requirement needed to help someone is ... their own desire to change.

He doesn't have it.  He's not going to get it at his age, until and unless he hits "bottom" and decides to change.

Any help until then is just a waste.

I think you've gone way above and beyond already.  I wouldn't even waste any time in trying to "explain" anything to him or his mother.  All they hear is "la la la la la", while thinking how to use  you again.

It's sad, to see potential go to waste, but we don't have the ability to actually change or teach or help someone if they aren't receptive.

Firm


_____________________________

Some people are just idiots.

(in reply to hizgeorgiapeach)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Losing Faith in Humanity... - 7/28/2008 6:18:49 AM   
hizgeorgiapeach


Posts: 1672
Status: offline 		Very good point, Firm.
 
It is sad, and for the most part what I feel now that the immediate Anger has worn off is Pity.  I pity the kid for the fact that he's so ready and willing to thtrow away friendship and place himself into a position to wind up in jail in short order down the road.
 
Then again, in the past I've always reserved my Pity for those who are so far beneath contempt that that's all they deserve....

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Rhi
Light travels faster than sound, which is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
Essential Scentsations

(in reply to FirmhandKY)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Losing Faith in Humanity... - 7/28/2008 6:44:34 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

they slept in my home, ate well at my expense (steak and pizza for dinner on the two nights, and whatever they wanted fast food wise for lunchs), had their soda and such provided for them at my expense, enjoyed my cable (neither of them has cable or satelite at home) - and got paid for the work done as well.  Personally, I feel feeding them and providing entertainment during breaks (in the form of the XBox and Cable) and providing what they wanted in the way of sodas, gatoraide, etc to drink - with None of it being out of what they were getting paid - shoulda been met with some gratitude.  And on top of everything else, I sent the 17 yr old home with nearly $100 in food for the freezer, since his  mom doesn't make a lot of money.
 
Instead of gratitude from the 17 year old, I found that he had attempted to rip me off.  Nothing major - nothing big - nothing really Worth anything - except the principal involved.  I guess I shouldn't have been surprised - since his mother has attempted to steal from me in the past.



Appreciate you were referring to personal experience and a personal problem; however, you could have been describing the majority of the recipients of 'good intent' social engineering, economic redistribution programs.

You provided help and a path to self sufficiency. In the meantime you assisted with living expenses, housing, food. But in the end it wasn't enough, and they still wanted more; stealing rationalized by a society (in this case the mom) who believed that the only equitable situation would be that they had the same things you do. If not stealing them from you was reasonable.

Losing faith in humanity? You describe the faith and expectation I have in humanity. I'm never disappointed when I witness or hear about similar situations. I have faith that this is the generation spawned by rewarding failure and setting the bar for low expectations. Instead of the exception, you've described 'humanity';  as it exists in the US today. 

< Message edited by Mercnbeth -- 7/28/2008 7:05:42 AM >

(in reply to hizgeorgiapeach)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Losing Faith in Humanity... - 7/28/2008 7:02:13 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		Thank you Merc. That is the way my brain was heading on this.

The boy has been raised with a mindset that has already been espressed over and over again with his mother. I would be shocked if it had turned out differently. With people like these (some call them vampires, I tend to call them WF's) you have to set very VERY rigid boundaries and expectations. Give no second chances and certainly no third. The old saying "If you give an inch they will take a mile." describes this sort perfectly.

Human beings are very predictable.


_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Losing Faith in Humanity... - 7/28/2008 8:27:14 AM   
MissSCD


Posts: 1185
Joined: 3/10/2007
Status: offline 		The only thing I can say about this is never do business with your friends and family.  It never works out.
I won't do business with my church friends either.  They are the worst ones to do business with.
Don't give up on your nephew, but don't allow him any financial recoures until he is 30.
 
Regard, MissSCD

(in reply to hizgeorgiapeach)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Losing Faith in Humanity... - 7/28/2008 8:29:14 AM   
celticlord2112


Posts: 5732
Status: offline
quote:

But if he has no avenue whatsoever to turn to to get away from what his mom teaches him, he'll truly have nowhere.

Some species were meant to die off.  He bites the hand that feeds--what follows is all on him.


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Profile   Post #: 30
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