Fair questions! (Full Version)

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onething -> Fair questions! (7/24/2008 7:06:00 AM)

 Are there  fair questions?  Like if you are so great, why are you looking now.   Why do you have  down I am actively seeking Dommiant men  when you are only looking for friends.  I guess what I am getting at is. That many times I question someone's  ad ! When I  write and ASK them about it, they go off. They are saying onething yet mean something else. So I ask them why.



Lynnxz -> RE: Fair questions! (7/24/2008 7:08:17 AM)

People ask me that all the time...

"WHY ARE YOU ON THIS SITE IF YOU WONT LET ME STICK IT IN YOUR ASS?!!!!"

Deal with it. I don't want anything out of CM than the forums. Wee!



christine1 -> RE: Fair questions! (7/24/2008 7:09:49 AM)

well, you can ask whatever you want, nobody has to like your question or answer you.  maybe it has something to do with your approach. [;)]



pissdoll -> RE: Fair questions! (7/24/2008 7:14:37 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: onething

Like if you are so great, why are you looking now.  



gee, i just can't imagine why everyone isn't as sweet as pie responding to that question!




Leatherist -> RE: Fair questions! (7/24/2008 7:20:00 AM)

Send a letter to yourself asking the same things. I bet it will piss you off too. [:D]



LadyLynx -> RE: Fair questions! (7/24/2008 7:29:10 AM)

Maybe that person likes having Dominant men as friends. Or maybe they just didn't want to be bothered changing their profile.



CallaFirestormBW -> RE: Fair questions! (7/24/2008 7:34:48 AM)

Perhaps an improved attitude would go a long way to getting a more... useful response.

If I were going to ask the same questions you're asking, here's how I'd ask:

I see that you have a lot of experience. Do you currently have a Domina, and, if you do, may I ask why you are seeking a new Domina? Would I be a replacement,  have your circumstances with your current Domina changed, or are you a poly household seeking new dominant-aligning members?

I noticed that your profile says that you are actively seeking Dominant Females, and that you are only seeking friends. May I assume that you are seeking out my friendship, and if that is the case, what in particular caused you to write me (if they haven't already said -- lots of times they'll mention one of my posts on here as an 'icebreaker')? (I will probably also note that I don't participate in cyber or online collarings, so that wouldn't be something that my 'friendship' could include, since I get a lot of requests for that veiled in a number of ways.)

It isn't the questions you ask -- it is how politely and with how much dignity you ask them. Being rude typically garners no more information and results in rudeness in return.

Also, there are plenty of reasons that a person who is a skilled participant might be seeking. They may be poly, or they may have lost their partner to one or another circumstance, or they may only 'do their thing' with casual scene partners, rather than as a relationship (or may have a relationship -and- have casual scene partners). The fact that a person is talented and looking is a -bonus-, not a reason for particular accusation.

As far as people seeking "friendship" and yet specifying their foil might simply be because they don't want to feel -forced- to accept people pushing for a relationship, but they still hope to find some compatible people to enjoy their fetishes with and, perhaps, hope that one or more of those friendships might result in a longer, deeper relationship... OR they may be in a relationship and may be looking for friends that their top or bottom partner can enjoy -- perhaps to balance out a 'friendship pool' that is heavily weighted in -their- direction.

Calla Firestorm




RedMagic1 -> RE: Fair questions! (7/24/2008 7:47:38 AM)

Timing matters.  I wouldn't include such questuions in my first email.  I absolutely get that kind of information before meeting in person, though.  Why did her last relationship end?  Is she still friends with her ex?  Has she ever had a romantic relationship with man who didn't end up a stalker?  This says a lot about her ability to make choices, and her maturity level.



Owner4SexSlave -> RE: Fair questions! (7/24/2008 7:49:57 AM)

Have you considered they just might be all that great, however their last partner sucked ass, or perhaps people simply grow apart and other lists of reasons.

There are often many different reasons behind many things, take your time get to know them and vice versa.



faerytattoodgirl -> RE: Fair questions! (7/24/2008 7:56:22 AM)

quote:

Like if you are so great, why are you looking now.


im too damn hot looking so people think im taken already...





SimplyMichael -> RE: Fair questions! (7/24/2008 7:56:45 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: onething

Are there  fair questions?  Like if you are so great, why are you looking now.   Why do you have  down I am actively seeking Dominant men  when you are only looking for friends.  I guess what I am getting at is. That many times I question some one's  ad ! When I  write and ASK them about it, they go off. They are saying one thing yet mean something else. So I ask them why.


While asking "what makes you think you are so hot" vs "I would love to hear about your experience" is an important distinction, I am SO glad someone is asking those questions.  Submissives AND dominants so rarely ask those sorts of questions and if more did the posts here would be a lot more positive asking how to improve something good rather than complaining about how some one's last partner sucked ass.

If someone has a long history of failed relationships, isn't friends with a single ex partner, one has to wonder why.  If someone is supposedly this big Kahuna in the local scene, "gee can I have the website of one of the loca groups to ask about you" isn't out of line.

If someone gets all defensive and assuming you asked a question politely, that too should make you wonder about them.



subtee -> RE: Fair questions! (7/24/2008 8:02:49 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1
[Snip]
Has she ever had a romantic relationship with man who didn't end up a stalker? 


That's an interesting question...what would her answer tell you?



LadyHibiscus -> RE: Fair questions! (7/24/2008 8:06:35 AM)

I am not friends with a single ex partner, Michael.  That is not to say that I wouldn't be cordial with them (except one) should we ever meet up again, but we are not friends. 



RedMagic1 -> RE: Fair questions! (7/24/2008 8:12:27 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: subtee

quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1
[Snip]
Has she ever had a romantic relationship with man who didn't end up a stalker? 


That's an interesting question...what would her answer tell you?

There's two possibilities.  Either she has lousy taste in men (so why is she talking to me?  hmmmmm[:o]) or any guy who calls it off with her is placed into the Evil Evilosity Brigade.  Bottom line: it would tell me, "Watch out for this chick."

And, just to be clear, I would never ask that question in those words.  But it's a thing I pay attention to.



LadyHibiscus -> RE: Fair questions! (7/24/2008 8:14:59 AM)

Whew!!  Thank goodness I only had one stalker!  [:D] 



Dnomyar -> RE: Fair questions! (7/24/2008 9:30:28 AM)

lynnxy Im still waiting for the answer to that question. LH I can't stalk you unless you give me an address. subtee don't be nosey. christine you know I have no approach. Op I ask questions to. Look where it gets me.  



Allondra -> RE: Fair questions! (7/24/2008 9:30:40 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: onething

I guess what I am getting at is. That many times I question someone's  ad ! When I  write and ASK them about it, they go off. They are saying onething yet mean something else. So I ask them why.


I have my own question: why, when my profile clearly indicates that I am not looking for someone, do I get so many emails asking me what I'm looking for, or offering me something that I haven't said I was interested in?  Hmmm??  I guess people are questioning what I have in my profile.  They assume that I'm saying one thing, yet mean something else.  So what?  I set them straight, and life goes on.

What am I not getting about your original post?  What are you really asking?  Are you pissed because people don't want you questioning what they say in their profile? Or because you caught them putting something in their profile that's not true?  Or?  What's your point?








PrincessEllie -> RE: Fair questions! (7/24/2008 10:20:12 AM)

Me too Lynnxz. Oh my God, if I had a dollar for every time I had someone tell me that being on collarme meant I had to be their bitch, I could buy myself a new corset.

Thing is, you can ask questions, and people might not answer. Just because they are actively searching, doesn't mean they are interested in you.



eyesopened -> RE: Fair questions! (7/24/2008 10:34:07 AM)

In my opinion, a fair question is one that seeks knowledge with an genuine desire to learn.  A rhetorical question that assumes an answer, or a question laced with venom is of course a question but in my opinion isn't a fair question.

An example of a question that I thought was not fair was one I recieved several months ago:  "Hah!  If you already have a Master, why do you still have a profile on a bdsm singles' website?"  (the only profile i have anywhere is here on CM)  When I tried to respond that CM isn't just for singles, it wasn't surprising to see that he had already blocked me. NOT fair.



pettingdragons -> RE: Fair questions! (7/24/2008 11:52:08 AM)

[sm=threadhijack.gif]

***oh oh oh girl has one!****[sm=hyper.gif]

Why  if one think of ones slave as property also sometimes referred to as meat, does that make them a meat and potatos person? if so what are the potatos?






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