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MstrsMaya -> Natural Dominance (7/23/2008 1:54:08 PM)

I do not know if this has been asked before but I am curious as hell. I am an upfront and boldly honest person. If you read my profile on CM there is not a question of why I am here or what I am about. I am finding most people I encounter are about the "kink". True Dominance and true submission seem to be a rare anomoly. I also find, even with my "newbieness" to the lifestyle in the real of life I possess something that scares people to death. I am a true Dominant Woman, I have expectations, I am consistant and I do not need a whip in my hand to get my natural nature across.

Now the question is this....is this common for people who truly "are" a certain aspect of the BDSM lifestyle, do they find that if they are truly top or bottom in the natural sence they throw people, or is it just me?

Maya



cantilena -> RE: Natural Dominance (7/23/2008 2:10:47 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MstrsMaya

I do not know if this has been asked before but I am curious as hell.

...snipped...



If you are that curious, I advise searching on the terms "True Dominance".

That should get you started, anyway.  If your eyes don't bleed by midnight, you might want to search "True Submission" or "Natural".

Good luck.





SteelofUtah -> RE: Natural Dominance (7/23/2008 2:20:59 PM)

**Containing my Snide remarks and attempting to offer positive advice**

The word TRUE gets used a LOT here. Be careful how you use it because regardless of your abilities you can easily be branded as a TWUE Anything and that is equal to a Death Sentence for anything other than Wanking Interists and Guys asking of you will Cam with them.

Look you are new here and you are new to the board. If you want to stay here and enjoy yourself here perhaps use the Search Feature a little as the question you asked is nearly as common as What is the difference between a sub and a slave and you happened to do so in a way that said "Hey world, look how important I think I am that I scare everyone to death"

And try to avoid the word TRUE or NATURAL or stories that explain that you were trained in the antient school of Dominance under a house which was the ground work for all the Marquis work it just ends poorly.

I am speaking from experince here so do as you want just know the back lash that can insue.

Steel



Diphon -> RE: Natural Dominance (7/23/2008 2:25:41 PM)

I tend to believe that all human behavior is learned. people aren't individually by nature, one way or the other. we're trained by our surroundings. you can take a puppy and teach it to be aggressive or to be docile. Humans are no differant.
it's just a matter of how well trained and adjusted the individual. 



softness -> RE: Natural Dominance (7/23/2008 2:39:45 PM)

turn to page 57 of the BDSM manual ... everything will be explained there



Missokyst -> RE: Natural Dominance (7/23/2008 3:01:59 PM)

Ever heard of bait?  I am constantly amazed by all the dominants that expect true subs are going to drop from the trees, when in sight of dominants.  No, I dont think most people are about the kink although many are.  I do think that it takes at least something to get them in the store to check out what you are offering. 
Kyst
quote:

ORIGINAL: MstrsMaya
. I am finding most people I encounter are about the "kink".



JoePNY707 -> RE: Natural Dominance (7/23/2008 3:12:25 PM)

Maya, I'd be very leery of using the word 'true' in this context....the range of experience and viewpoints is vast, and each is as valid as anyone elses....



StormsSlave -> RE: Natural Dominance (7/23/2008 3:44:28 PM)

OP-you sound sincere, which may be why you haven't gotten the verbal spanking other believers of the "one twue way" usually get when flexing their superiority muscles.

Everyone is here for their own reasons. Am I here for the kink? You bet your sweet ass I am. Digging the kink is the fun. Since I'm happily under My Lord, I'm not looking for my one "twue" dom, and I've learned buckets about the kink from the residents here. There we were just doing what felt good. Who knew there were all these titles and rules and communities?

Here's a piece of unsolicited advice. Relax. Drop your definitions of what people ought to be, and try to enjoy what they are.

Oh, and the other thing, no, subly is not how I am in the world. I'm a natural leader, strong, outspoken, and quite blunt. Subly is how I am with My Lord and only My Lord. Crap, if I was subly in the world, we'd never get anything done.



RCdc -> RE: Natural Dominance (7/23/2008 3:45:22 PM)

I believe that I do understand why you think the way you do, but also that - as you have stated -  you are pretty new to it all, and that your perception does show this.  Try not to begin by seperating people.
 
the.dark.



AquaticSub -> RE: Natural Dominance (7/23/2008 3:53:21 PM)

Good tidbit about the BDSM community to remember: No matter who you are, no matter who you've trained with, no matter how many toys you have and actually can use, no matter how long you've served or been in a relationship, no matter how many books you read or rules you follow/enforce... There is a group of people who think you are a horrible, lying fake without a bit "true" or "realness" about you.

The labels "true" and "real" tend to be meaningless to me. If I were you, I'd seriously reconsider what those labels mean to me. You may be having a hard time finding the types of dominants and submissives that appeal to you, but that doesn't mean they aren't "true".



MstrsMaya -> RE: Natural Dominance (7/23/2008 3:54:56 PM)

Thank you all for your sound advice. Seems I remeber saying I was new.....I was not trying to act superior. Seperate into groups or whatever else I seem to be accused of doing here. I am sorry I posed the question, it certainly was not taken the way I meant it to be delivered. As opposed to trying to clarify my question I think I will go back to reading and stay off the forums.

I do appreciate being shown the door even as I simply cracked it, kudos to those who felt the need to slam it in my face and jump on the judge me wagon. -

Maya



MsHonor -> RE: Natural Dominance (7/23/2008 4:06:30 PM)

Yeah... I guess we all knew the use of the word "True" would bring out the fireworks.  Really, I have to agree that it's probably your tone that has prevented anyone from firing any real rockets yet.

See... "True" implies that somewhere, there's a "False".  We all know there is a false. Plenty of "falses" right here on this site, and most any club meeting you might go to.  But we don't admit it.  It's much more politic to pretend that all ideas and philosophies are equally valid.  But, even if you bend to that particular polite fantasy, the fact remains that some people are just wankers.

It's a matter of nuance... What you mean when you say "true".  Yes, I find a lot of people are in it for the kink... That's not any less "true", it's just not the whole of "my thing"... Not even the largest part of it.

In my profile, I say I'm "Naturally Dominant", because I didn't have to make any special effort to learn it or persuade myself of it or "put on" the role... It's just who I am.  I'm also careful to point out that there's not one thing wrong with anyone else seeking anything else that they and some theoretical partner find enjoyable about this big, messy, variegated, complex WIITWD thing.

I felt I needed some way to inform potential submissives and slaves that it's not a game, an act, an intentionally learned behavior, a part time gig, or a hobby for me, but just how I am... So, "natural" is what I chose as my best choice.

I'd say, just make it as clear as you can in your profile who and what you are... You'll still have to weed out good and bad matches like everyone else, but it should help.


quote:

ORIGINAL: Diphon

I tend to believe that all human behavior is learned. people aren't individually by nature, one way or the other. we're trained by our surroundings. you can take a puppy and teach it to be aggressive or to be docile. Humans are no differant.
it's just a matter of how well trained and adjusted the individual. 


The debate on nature -vs- nurture goes on and on and on, of course... but I think your "nurture only" position is pretty easily shown as too narrow... To take the puppy example... Add a wolf pup to the mix.  Although genetically nearly identical to what we used to call Canis Lupus Familiaris, before we had the genetic mojo to see that it just ain't so, you just won't ever end up with a domesticaed dog when starting from a pure wolf pup, no matter what nurture you use.

Also, of course, it's very likely that the "nurture" part that makes a "naturally dominant personality" comes so early that it may as well be nature... I find myself endlessly curious about just how small a variable set, and just how early can effect these changes in behaviour, but short of some pretty unreasonably extensive experimentation, I doubt we'll have the answers any time soon.



RCdc -> RE: Natural Dominance (7/23/2008 4:08:37 PM)

Honestly Maya, dont let a few negative reactions stop you from posting.  That way, you aren't controlling your own life are you?  
 
Lordy, I have posted things that have been shot down before.  Not everyone agrees and how boring it would be if we did.  But the sign of a wise person, is learning.  You might learn that those that disagree with you are wrong. You might learn they are right.  Either way, its learning.
 
Being new is not an excuse - I know that sounds harsh.  You asked a genuine question - Now for me, you could never dominate me(not that you may want to).  No one but Darcy can.  But that doesn't make you less dominant or less true to who you are.  Doesn't make you fake or wannabe or less real.  Now whether you exude dominance is different to being able to utilise it over someone.  And if they aren't open to you, they just aren't.  But that doesn't make them less natural, just as it doesn't mean you are less natural for not being able to control them (if that makes any sense).
 
the.dark.
 
(edit for my damn typos)



SteelofUtah -> RE: Natural Dominance (7/23/2008 4:15:32 PM)

Now don't go and scurry off, try to better expand on your question. Get to the Meat and Potatoes of the question.

I could have jumped your ass the exact same way I got my ass jumped when I did the EXACT same thing you did. Consider it a right of passage, one thing you will find is that CollarMe is not a sweet and kind place there are lots of people just waiting for you to say something that they can run with untill they are just short of calling you Hitler. (Inside Joke)

I think more than anything if you have a question that seperates people ask the question and leave out your personal opinion I find that works very well when I am about to ask a question that some people take offense to.

Natural is a relative term, Natural was a good place to start until you went to TRUE, which has been point out implies that someone else then must be False and if that is the case who gets to decide who is what?

If you let some of the Hard Cases decide well then even I don't qualify as a True Dominant because of the way I allow my house to run, then again there are others who see my views as also Nazi-istic.

Drop the lables and get to the Meat and Potatoes of what you want to know. Because we all have adressed the TRUE portion however I will admit I don't quite know what your point about Kink and True Dominant and True Submissive was all about anyway. Try Filling us in.

Steel



ResidentSadist -> RE: Natural Dominance (7/23/2008 4:21:06 PM)

I see this is your first post.  It will take a while to get used to these forums but it is really worth the effort.  Somewhere between the “true” lifestyle factions and the wishy washy kinsters that can’t even define the difference between a submissive and a slave to the strange debates started by submissives that have been “ordered” to top their foot worshipping diaper clad Masters, you’ll find an interesting and intelligent group of people hanging out somewhere in the happy medium.  Welcome to the boards!

As to your OP, are you talking leather heart vs leather kink?

The amount of people in the lifestyle with a leather heart verses those with a leather kink is supposed to be vastly disproportionate.  Whenever you subdivide a group, you end up with any one of the pieces now being a member of a minority instead of taking the larger view and just being part of the simple majority that is in the leather lifestyle.  I believe this is what ‘dark’ was advising that you don’t do… don’t separate yourself or your self image from what it is that binds us altogether.

And do not think that your brand or style of dominance is more or less valid or valuable than anyone elses.  I sell my romantic leather heart and and sensual sadism all the time in my posts but I try not to do it to the exclusion of everyone else’s perspective.  Instead, I look at the lifestyle as the one large precious jem and when I speak about my particular style I am very clear that I am talking about one of the facets that compose the whole. The



MstrsMaya -> RE: Natural Dominance (7/23/2008 4:25:02 PM)

dark-

I do appreciate your last post. To be honest it is not the critisicm that bothers me as much as the mindset of some people, instead of guide we attack. Instead of offering an opinion we sit in judgement. We all spend so much time in our daily lives side stepping these "potholes" that honestly I am not in the mood to do it here as well.

I have been in BDSM forums for almost 7 years online now, either watching or wading. From Gor to general and I always find one common thread. People who love to spew negativity and judgement. So far, in MY experience people ask for one thing and when they get it freak the hell out. I did not mean "real or true" as it was the only way. I did not presume to say every sub should feel My Dominance. Hell I am neither that nieve or egomynical. I guess I am more overwhelmed by all the subtle nuiances.

Natural, fake, plastic, whatever the proper vernacular.

I am who I am, new, old and or indiffrent. I am an Honest, open, caring individual who will never mislead, take advantage of or negativly and unjustly judge someone for having a question no matter how bad they phrase it. I do not enjoy having it done to me and so I am not "running away" I am just choosing to take my questions back to individuals as I have in the past who are more interested in helping me traverse this new world I have entered as opposed to getting slugged in the ego. My choice, no others. I wish you all well but I know when to call it a night.....

So night.

Maya



DesFIP -> RE: Natural Dominance (7/23/2008 4:32:47 PM)

I haven't read any attacks, only people telling you that using the word "true" as you do gets a lot of scorn. You were actually treated a lot more gently than the males who do this usually get.

If you want to ask questions, you must be open to being told that you're wrong.

I don't know what you're doing that makes people turn tail and run. Are you demanding their paychecks, the title to their cars, their firstborn or what? Give more facts and we can offer better advise. You haven't given any facts other than that you have no experience but you believe yourself to be 'the real thing' and you scare people away. The way you presented yourself appears to be boasting or swaggering. Remember there is no nonverbal cues in a text based medium, all we know is what you wrote.

And now I have a desire for a coke. Damn!



leadership527 -> RE: Natural Dominance (7/23/2008 4:34:19 PM)

*smiles*  Get some rest.  Have some coffee in the morning.  I do believe there must be some sort of right of passage about your first few posts on these boards.  I got smacked down pretty thoroughly also.  One thing to remember.  This isn't a function of BDSM.  People, by and large, are generally assholes on discussion boards anywhere on the internet.  Anonymity does not do good things for most people.



RCdc -> RE: Natural Dominance (7/23/2008 4:39:13 PM)

It is a loss you decide to leave - other people read these threads too who dont participate or who don't have such confidence.  You write well and are pretty coherent with your thoughts and I believe people could have a good conversation with you from the little you have written sofar.  Judgement isn't necessarily a bad thing - but yes it can suck when people try to force things onto others.  And yes, you get the smart arse comments but like anything, you sift through the good and discard the rest.  But there will always be people willing to try and answer the question.  I tried - maybe you misinterpreted my intent.  If that is correct, then I am open to expound on it more.
 
But if you decide to leave, then your decision and I send my regards.
 
the.dark.



RCdc -> RE: Natural Dominance (7/23/2008 4:46:36 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527
People, by and large, are generally assholes on discussion boards anywhere on the internet.  Anonymity does not do good things for most people.


Now see I would disagree with this.  Online communication can suck.  No face, no visual clues.  What can be determined as being an asshole by one person, is straight talking by another.
Personally, I never see people as assholes.  That is far too negative a term for me.  I enjoy seeing the good in people... if all you perceive is assholes, all you ever get delivered is bad smells.
 
the.dark.




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